Geek: Today, I found out how hard a lemon is to the nuts when being... - FML

By neverhavingkids - 21/01/2011 02:24 - United States

Today, I found out how hard a lemon is to the nuts when being hurled by an angry girlfriend for losing at Wii Sports. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 477

You deserved it 5 044

Good kid

Sounds lovely

Mystery woman

By Michael - 25/10/2011 15:00 - Australia

Today, while taking pills for a headache, I threw my head back to help get the pills down, and in the process, whacked it against the brick windowsill behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 863

You deserved it 15 577

Getting wet, but not in the good way

By Boyufd - 28/06/2020 02:02

Today, it's been the fourth day in the row my pregnant girlfriend peed the bed. It's also the fourth day I have to clean it since she's too embarrassed to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 403

You deserved it 367

By Anonymous - 13/02/2010 08:47 - United States

Today, my brother's home for his annual visit, lectures my parents once about their eating habits. They promptly throw away all of their junk food. I'm there every Sunday, and have been telling them to eat healthier for medical reasons. They never listen. He's in sales, and I'm in med school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 886

You deserved it 3 063

By norestforthewicked - 02/03/2016 20:41 - United States

Today, I had to use a sick day from the school I teach at. While I was off, another teacher called me mid delirium, because my students were borderline rioting over the work I left for them. I'd asked them to read a book and edit the one-page essay they've had two weeks to work on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 268

You deserved it 1 699

By thank u usa - 13/12/2013 22:20 - Germany

Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 980

You deserved it 3 547

By Alex - 05/02/2016 22:55 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, my fiancée woke up from a nightmare where I cheated on her. She has so far successfully gotten into my personal and work e-mails, and all my social media. I'm not sure if I'm worse at picking a wife or at picking passwords. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 021

You deserved it 2 952

By Anonymous - 19/05/2013 20:33 - United States

Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 607

You deserved it 6 372

By only my life - 22/04/2014 22:21 - United States - Concord

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he was moaning a lot. My ego was quickly crushed, though, when I found out they were moans of pain due to a foot cramp. We had to stop so I could rub his foot better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 723

You deserved it 6 706

By Anonymous - 11/05/2010 15:04 - Netherlands

Today, an old lady asked me the way to the shopping mall. The shopping mall was not too far away, but I could see that the lady could barely walk so I offered to drive her there. She smacked my car's door into a pole while getting in my car. She didn't even notice that she'd done something wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 701

You deserved it 5 690

By nostamp - 10/07/2009 06:20 - United States

Today, I rushed to the post office to mail an important document for the study abroad program that I'd applied for, which was due in a few days. Just as the envelope slipped out of my hand and into the mail box, I caught a glimpse of the upper right corner where there was supposed to be a stamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 272

You deserved it 39 166

By anonymous - 25/05/2011 14:33 - Singapore

Today, I inexplicably claimed ownership of someone else's fart in the subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 318

You deserved it 36 923

Right in the cussy

By Anonymous - 01/04/2009 10:07 - Australia

Today, at work, the police were looking over video footage of an incident earlier in the day where a car had slammed hard into another one in the carpark. My manager came into the kitchen and asked if I wanted to come see it to for a laugh. The car that got hit was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 440

You deserved it 3 229

By NotInMiddleSchool - 20/11/2009 17:24 - United States

Today, as I was yelled at by a middle school teacher in front of 30 6th graders for breaking the rule of "no cell phones in school." Luckily, I escaped being sent to the office after explaining I'm a 21 year old college student doing student teaching observations, not a middle schooler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 394

You deserved it 5 077

Grossed out

By Anonymous - 10/11/2018 14:00

Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 678

You deserved it 310

By Anonymous - 11/12/2013 22:25 - Luxembourg

Today, my mother told her friends that I work as a call girl. I'm a call center agent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 239

You deserved it 3 231

By lastinclass - 13/07/2016 21:28 - Canada - Vancouver

Today at camp, we were choosing teams for capture the flag. It's embarrassing to be chosen last, but today I learnt it's even more embarrassing to not be chosen at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 137

You deserved it 1 038

By Sad.To.Be.Me. - 13/01/2012 23:56 - United States

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a World of Warcraft commercial came on. He turned to me and said, "Yeah, I'd choose the Horde over you any day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 482

You deserved it 4 437

By Anonymous - 29/06/2010 17:09 - United States

Today, after suggesting to my daughter for a while that she should try out for a cheerleading team to become more confident, she went to tryouts. She didn't make the team and she's spent the last six hours in her room crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 635

You deserved it 45 146

Caine

By dogless - 04/12/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, I found my pitbull after three weeks of frantic searching. When we returned home, I put out food and water for him. I went to get him and found him in my room, wagging his tail at me. He'd peed on my comforter, freshly folded clothes, and new 60-dollar winter coat. Welcome home, Caine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 155

You deserved it 6 619

By NotASpiderMan - 11/10/2015 04:10 - United States - Seattle

Today, as I was changing my sheets, I found a huge spider under my pillow. My 10 year old sister had to get rid of it for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 575

You deserved it 5 992

By Anonymous - 28/06/2015 15:00 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I noticed a rash of insect bites on the backs of my thighs and buttocks. Upon further investigation, it appears that the inside of the chair in my work cubicle is infested with bedbugs. I'm too paranoid to sit in any work chair now. There are 12 hours left in my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 216

You deserved it 1 852

By Anonymous - 19/06/2009 16:39 - United States

Today, I was walking to work and saw three guys sitting at a table outside. One of the guys looks at me and says to his friends, "That's the girl that works at the grocery store. She replaced the hot chick." The other two guys glared at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 807

You deserved it 3 517

By sly - 04/01/2009 03:55 - France

Today, I tried to cuddle Simon, my five year old son. He wriggled away and said: "If you need a teddy bear, go buy one! Or find another Simon!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 086

You deserved it 3 713

By Anonymous - 29/03/2018 15:00

Today, after three weeks in the hospital for a lung infection, I was released. On the way home, another car ran a red light and T-boned my car. Back to the hospital I go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 651

You deserved it 178

By LA - 17/02/2009 01:31 - United States

Today, at physical therapy, the girl next to me had a blue armband. I said, "Hey, sweet iPod". She said, "Actually, I have diabetes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 340

You deserved it 41 551

By :( - 14/06/2013 04:06 - United States - Parker

Today, I was at a swim meet, swimming as hard as I'd ever swum before. During the last lap I saw no one in the lanes next to me. Thinking I was first, I became extremely excited. When I came to the wall, I realized the reason no one else was around: They already finished the race. I was last. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 248

You deserved it 7 686

Heimlich

By Macdaddy - 05/12/2008 12:49 - France

Today, I attended my first meeting with my bosses. For lunch we went to a restaurant. I choked on a piece of meat and couldn't breathe anymore. I had to take that piece of meat out of my throat with my fingers, and then put it back on my plate all chewed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 962

You deserved it 3 442

By horn-y - 23/11/2010 18:23 - United States

Today, while my mom was out, I took the car out to CVS to get some food, even though I'm not legally allowed to drive. As soon as I got back in the car, my mom pulled up 2 parking spaces away from me. She didn't notice me bend down to hide... until I accidentally hit the horn in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 428

You deserved it 60 002

By sad - 08/01/2011 05:22 - United States

Today, I found out that the girl who my high school boyfriend cheated on me with is now the woman my husband is having an affair with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 267

You deserved it 4 151

By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 17:29 - United States

Today, my toilet broke. Yesterday, the shower filled up with sludge. I have ten people coming over for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 736

You deserved it 2 546

By superdriver - 07/02/2011 17:46 - Mexico

Today, I was driving with my parents while explaining that young people like myself are better drivers because we have better reflexes. My explanation was suddently interrupted with the sound of me crashing the car against a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 177

You deserved it 50 581

Pyrotechnics

By Homeless for the holidays - 13/12/2020 22:58 - United States - Farmington

Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 038

You deserved it 102

By Anonymous - 17/03/2015 21:11 - United States

Today, at 2:00 am, my neighbor discovered "What Does The Fox Say?" He loves it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 123

You deserved it 2 447

By kissrocks4 - 11/04/2012 07:04 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I got whiplash from sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 387

You deserved it 3 151

By maximumpower - 15/03/2009 01:46 - United States

Today, I was eating at a restaurant in town, when this small boy starts looking at me. I simply smiled and went back to eating, only to hear out of the corner of my ear, "Daddy, why does that kids face look like that"? He said it so loud 3 tables next to us turned and looked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 061

You deserved it 3 504

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 14:24 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend because he's been working extra hard these last two months. I went to his house only to find him in bed with another girl. Standing there, with fifteen roses in my hands, all he could say was, "Thank you, can you put them in a vase?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 944

You deserved it 3 668

By ayye_its_nikki - 19/12/2012 05:07 - United States - Cedar Park

Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 483

You deserved it 21 303

By mathgenius - 08/10/2013 19:17 - Norway - Kolltveit

Today, I passed my math test with flying colors. My dad thought I had cheated, so he emailed the school and told them that I had. They lowered my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 587

You deserved it 3 698

By stk - 19/12/2016 12:56 - United States - Aurora

Today, I woke up at 3am to catch my flight back home, only to realize that my flight was pushed back 14 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 638

You deserved it 475

By CheapFamily - 09/04/2014 23:47 - United States

Today, I graduated from Basic Training. I was really looking forward to seeing my family after being away for almost three months. They decided not to come to graduation because they didn't want to spend the money to travel here. They live 30 minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 409

You deserved it 3 792

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

perdix 29

Send a private message

Friday 21 January 2011 13:56

If you let her have a Wiimote instead of making her play with a lemon, maybe she'd have a chance to win.

Send a private message

Friday 21 January 2011 9:26

she elemonated you!

Comments

Send a private message

Friday 21 January 2011 9:01

LOL!

Send a private message

Friday 21 January 2011 11:49

I'm sick of these lame bf/gf fml's...

Send a private message

Friday 21 January 2011 18:16

She is a sour loser.

Send a private message

Saturday 22 January 2011 3:47

YDI for having a Wii.lol

Send a private message

Sunday 6 October 2013 20:34

"Wii Sports, bringing families together is our policy!"

Send a private message

Friday 21 January 2011 9:02

be a gentlemen And let her win

Send a private message

Friday 21 January 2011 11:11

Isn't that a little boring? His family jewels are safe, true, but I would be so bored. Besides, he is not the one who has to change. I suggest that his girlfriend starts to behave herself a little more mature. You simply don't throw lemons to your boyfriend or anyone else. Auwch.

yetanotherginger 19

Send a private message

Friday 21 January 2011 12:12

Indeed! you throw limes

Send a private message

Friday 21 January 2011 12:52

27 win

LeashaJoy5595 28

Send a private message

Thursday 22 January 2015 21:05

Real women don't want to be patronized. If my boyfriend let me win in anything, I'd be pissed. If you are not as good at something as someone else is, then you try harder and keep practicing.

Send a private message

Friday 21 January 2011 9:04

Don't F with a gamer. O.o

RedPillSucks 31

Send a private message

Friday 21 January 2011 14:55

Don't F with a BAD gamer

Send a private message

Friday 21 January 2011 16:50

lol true!

Send a private message

Friday 21 January 2011 9:04

5th!!!!!!!!

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

Send a private message

Friday 21 January 2011 9:06

Looks like life served you up some lemons.

Send a private message

Friday 21 January 2011 9:08

That's okay. If you have sex, just be like "oh the condom broke and i think i came", pull out and be like JUST KIDDING. Lulz.

Send a private message

Friday 21 January 2011 12:18

it won't matter anyway... he ain't havin kids no more

maz255 10

Send a private message

Saturday 22 January 2011 10:48

win^

Send a private message

Friday 21 January 2011 9:11

lol I'd just let her win from now on.

illjusbedamned 0

Send a private message

Friday 21 January 2011 9:14

women are unusual creatures. next time let it win.

Send a private message

Saturday 22 January 2011 7:22

lmao at the "it"

Send a private message

Friday 21 January 2011 9:16

I agree, not many things warrant a shot to the nuts.

KiwiExchange 16

Send a private message

Friday 21 January 2011 9:21

(: make up sex ftw!

Send a private message

Saturday 22 January 2011 4:19

makeup backhand to the face :D

Send a private message

Monday 24 January 2011 4:51

You're fake.

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 January 2011 3:07

am not

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 98

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 231

You deserved it 92