Today, I tried to fix my laptop charger by fiddling around with...

By Anonymous - 1/12/2010 08:35 - United States

Today, I tried to fix my laptop charger by fiddling around with it using metal tweezers. Not only did I forget to unplug the cord and shocked myself, I also ended up breaking the charger completely. FML

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Geek

Proactive

This is us

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

By scorned_jacketless_lady - 26/8/2013 04:52 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after spending the weekend together, my ex turned nasty. I finally had the balls to tell him what a cruel asshole I think he is and really hit him where it hurts. I felt very empowered and strong. That is, until I realized I left my favourite and rather expensive jacket in his apartment. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2015 02:50 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I went to get a haircut. Who shows up not 5 minutes later to also get a haircut? My obnoxious, bully of a boss. She started chatting with me across the salon the entire time. There was no way to get out of the conversation. FML

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By Cheyenne - 11/7/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, I found out I'm the only one in my family to wash their hands after they use the bathroom. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2015 17:02

Today, my parents made me quit a school team that I absolutely loved, because women "aren't supposed to play sports." and were worried that if I stayed on the team, I'd develop a manly physique. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 21:48 - United States - Round Lake

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for knowing more about Batman than he does. He's only seen some of the movies, and as a kid my dad owned a comic book store. He still doesn't see why I should know more, because I'm a girl, and "girls aren't supposed to know about super heroes." FML

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By iluvjenknee - 22/1/2010 06:26 - United States

Today, at work I was ringing up some tampons for a woman, and I try to interact with the shoppers as much as possible. I was trying to think of something witty or funny to say but drew a blank, so I decided just to say "have a nice night." What I actually said was "have a nice flow". FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2019 06:43

Today, my husband was finally moving out. I picked up his enormous duffle bag full of clothes to help get him out faster, and I threw out my back. I now can't move. I can't even wipe my own ass. FML

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By xpxp2002 - 27/5/2009 09:48 - United States

Today, I dreamed that I met this beautiful girl at a restaurant and we ended up having lunch together. Everything was going perfect until the end when I tried to get her number and she wouldn't give it to me. I can't even get a girl in my dreams. FML

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By voyagevoyage - 9/4/2014 22:38 - France - Les Montils

Today, I told my neighbor that I was going to Réunion Island on vacation in a few months. She said that she'd always wanted to go there. As a light-hearted joke, I said she should come with me. She's now booked a plane ticket. FML

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By ge fu yo twa - 25/6/2018 20:30

Today, after house sitting for my future father-in-law and managing to keep things spotless for 3 weeks, a pipe burst. It flooded the place and shorted out a plug socket, causing a fire that ruined the front room. He gets home in 3 hours. I'm screwed. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2015 18:12 - Australia

Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML

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By now my watch begins - 31/7/2017 04:00 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for sneezing too many times during Game of Thrones. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2016 11:13 - United Kingdom - London

Today, an attention seeking weirdo who thinks she's my friend asked me who was going to be the maid of honour at my wedding. Knowing what she was really asking, I said I just want a small, non-fancy wedding with no bridesmaids. She broke down into a sobbing mess in front of me. FML

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By macguy - 20/10/2016 14:25 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, I got mugged. For my Big Mac. What the fuck? FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2010 23:24 - United States

Today, I found out that if my son and daughter in law are mad at me, they do it on my furniture. So far, they've done it on the table, my bed, and all the living room couches. FML

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By daydreamer - 29/7/2012 05:12 - United States - Wilton

Today, I began to daydream about going on a diet and losing some weight. As I did so, I unknowingly reached for a giant bag of chips and ate the whole thing. Now, I have stopped daydreaming and am sitting alone and depressed. And I'm all out of chips. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2019 02:02

Capitalism 101

Today, a massive septic tank that takes waste from 11 factories exploded. The wind is blowing directly towards us. Even with closed windows, no amount of perfume helps. There's no escape. People have puked. We've still got 4 hours of production and management doesn't care about the workers outside. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 04:32 - United States

Today, I decided to sleep in for 5 extra minutes. Those 5 extra minutes became 55 minutes, which, coincidentally, was roughly the length of the midterm I missed. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/2/2013 16:14 - United States

Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML

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By jumpy - 3/1/2010 23:59 - United States

Today, I put cucumber slices on my eyes to help me relax. I found this very calming till I woke up to ants trying to eat my eyes out. FML

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By balloonface - 18/2/2016 07:48 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I finally treated myself and bought my first moisturizer. The woman at Sephora promised it would "retexturize my face." If by "retexturize" she meant, "make it feel like a rubber balloon," then she was right on the money. FML

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By goodtiming - 20/5/2010 16:58 - Canada

Today, I finally got a job interview, and I thought it went amazing. They were supposed to call me today or tomorrow with the news. Today is also the day that my phone company decided to cut my phone off. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/4/2012 07:24 - United States - Everett

Today, I actually used Febreze as a substitute for deodorant. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/6/2009 22:24 - United States

Today, I brought a friend who I have loved for years out to a nice restaurant for dinner. I ordered an expensive bottle of wine, and poured each of us a glass. As I was about to tell her I loved her, she raised her glass for a toast and said "A toast to friendship!" FML

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By Spiderchick - 26/9/2019 12:00 - Germany

Hmmmm, breakfast

Today, I found out that the stories about how you swallow insects and spiders in your sleep are true, as I woke up to a funny taste in my mouth and the remains of a spider stuck to my braces. FML

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By somebody - 8/6/2012 23:13 - United States - Lexington Park

Today, when I was laying in my bed, I looked on the opposite side and saw a spider the size of my palm staring at me. And if that wasn't bad, I found out it hops. I still can't find it. FML

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By thatwasembarrassing - 4/9/2018 15:00

Today, at a dinner I'd been planning for months with my fiancé to talk to our families about the wedding for the first time, he told me he didn't want to get married. I cried in front of both of our families and a dozen of strangers. FML

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By Username - 20/8/2011 09:20 - United States

Today, the girl of my dreams that I've been dating for months called me. Apparently she's been having recurring nightmares of me cheating on her. She dumped me "just in case." FML

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By TabbiNicole - 15/7/2011 11:38 - United States

Today, I had a woman accuse me of trying to steal her husband over the phone, just because I called and asked for him. I'm an interviewer. FML

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By badluckbrian - 12/6/2019 04:15

Today, I lost my job. This was a surprise, as my performance hasn’t ever been an issue. My boss couldn’t look me in the eye while it happened, and the HR representative cut me off when I tried to ask why, informing me that they would only answer benefit-related questions. FML

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By itsplashedeverywhere - 27/10/2015 18:59 - United States - Boulder

Today, I was unfortunate enough to discover what happens when you vomit mid-drink at a water fountain. FML

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By Pixie - 15/2/2017 03:00 - United States - Mckenna

Today, I was asked if the reason I didn't like the new male massage therapist was because I was no longer the most muscular person in the spa. I'm a 5'4 woman and I don't work out. FML

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By ven980 - 1/6/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, I had to blow up an air mattress using only my lungs. After nearly passing out from lack of oxygen, I realized there was a hole in it. FML

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By rippedoff - 4/3/2010 14:09 - Australia

Today, I found out that the man who sold me my car 6 months ago lied about it being "recently serviced" and "in excellent condition". It actually hasn't been serviced in years, and fixing all its problems is going to cost me $900 more than what I paid for the car. FML

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By GeeLoftus - 31/1/2016 19:32 - United States - Secaucus

Today, I've been calling my pet snake "Mr. Snake" for two years now. I decided to look up the name, and boy do I regret it. It turns out Mr. Snake is a porn site. I've named my snake after porn and have been introducing him to family with that name for two years. FML

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By lollipopp56 - 26/3/2009 06:09 - Canada

Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie. When I went to answer the door he was standing there with a shocked expression, his friends parked in the driveway had the same expression as well. He came to break up with me. He told me after we had sex. FML

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By anonymous - 1/10/2016 09:00 - Australia - Tennyson

Today, I was with my boyfriend. He got up, shut the blinds and turned around to say, "I don't usually shut the blinds, but no one can see this." Assuming we were going to have sex, I took my pants off. He asked me what I was doing, then sat down to eat an entire tub of ice cream. FML

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By Larry - 31/1/2009 18:20 - United States

Today, I am sick with a cold and I go to the most important interview of my life. A giant glob of wet snot comes out of my nose when I am expressing my desire to join their team. FML

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By Greenpuppy416 - 4/7/2020 05:02

Bad date #3764

Today, I had a date at a formal restaurant I'm well known at. My date showed up two and a half hours late with a jogging suit on, and then got mad at me for ordering, eating, and paying without him. FML

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By fmylovelife - 27/6/2011 23:45 - United States

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with roses. She surprised me by getting back together with her ex. FML

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Top comments

By kawigurl | 0

#1779342 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 16:03

dumbass ydi hope it jolted something in ur brain that awakens the common sense area...

By perdix | 29

#1779792 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 17:17

Hopefully, your Darwin Award will come along with a cash prize so you can buy a new charger.

It won't be enough to buy you some common sense, though, but that might take you out of the running for bigger Darwin Awards. Sadly, the big money is only given out posthumously.

Comments

By memo619 | 0

#1779333 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 16:03

look on the brightside
you have a story to tell your kids now

mamamiaaa_fml | 12

#1779528 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 16:30

Well. Do it again until you fix it. Or get turned on.

Yes we can.

miraggg | 1

#1779922 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 17:51

dont think someone like that should be having kids

quite_bored | 9

#1780528 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 21:09

Only a woman would do this.

Zesty697 | 0

#1780560 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 21:25

this is a SHOCKING situation

eddieyes | 0

#1781828 - Thursday 2 December 2010 5:25

omg I love you guys funniest shit

GiddyXD | 0

#1782978 - Thursday 2 December 2010 12:19

YDI, safety first. And that's what she said to my own comment.

mopar309 | 2

#1786733 - Friday 3 December 2010 5:25

ummmm... derp?

By kawigurl | 0

#1779342 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 16:03

dumbass ydi hope it jolted something in ur brain that awakens the common sense area...

ColetteL | 4

#1779973 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 18:04

Lol...do it yourself shock therapy.

RedPillSucks | 31

#1780034 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 18:20

Follow it up with a "Do It Yourself Frontal Lobotomy"

hobojo11 | 0

#1795990 - Sunday 5 December 2010 8:27

duck tape duck tape fix all even my grammer

rainergeis | 0

#3496922 - Thursday 27 October 2011 5:08

Great idea. I'll use duct tape to cover my screen so I can never see that kind of grammar again!

By kayleigh_fail | 0

#1779345 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 16:03

A lesson learned.

tktom7 | 6

#1780575 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 21:34

agreed

By MizzErikaHart | 8

#1779349 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 16:04

how do u not check that sort of thing?

By SupKev | 0

#1779353 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 16:04

buy one on ebay, theyre like 7bucks.

By SympathyearAbs | 0

#1779357 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 16:05

Why would you mess with any computer part with metal? Common sense dictates that even if you don't shock yourself, you could still cause static in the area your working on. Static has enough of an electrical charge to fry just about any computer piece....

valalvax | 13

#1780101 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 18:39

it's a charger...... it has 120 running through it (though the side she was on was probably only 24 VDC or something)

ktbird | 0

#1780233 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 19:10

Static electricity from your body can be several thousand volts. The current is really low but the voltage is very high.

By Tiecho | 4

#1779400 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 16:10

when u tell ppl this, op, do you expect sympathy?

By BDTM | 0

#1779402 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 16:10

lol girls + technology = fail.

in many cases, not all.

ktbird | 0

#1780247 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 19:14

Your stereotype is the bigger fail.

BDTM | 0

#1780844 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 23:53

just because it's a stereotype doesn't make it false. I know way more girls that are hopeless with technology than guys, so my comment is off of past experiences.

CaptSkippy | 9

#1781335 - Thursday 2 December 2010 1:43

you've* iPod autocorrect sucks

By amerwin | 3

#1779411 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 16:11

That was destined to fail from the beginning. As retribution for your idiocy, I suggest you accept the shocker from a man with a
metal hand. That seems appropriate.

By briannak91 | 0

#1779455 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 16:17

your a bloody idiot! let me guess, you have done this before and that's why you just did it again, because you fried what was left of your brains last time!

countingstairs | 16

#5957302 - Tuesday 27 May 2014 6:59

you're*