How do you know how old he is

Techically however old you are you are still growing up

#45. Glad ur not my parent

I think the point here is that it's contradictory. It's one thing to check the history and be strict about it. But it's a completely different thing to say you won't do it and then do it anyways.

Changing the internet speed would affect everyone in the house. Including you. Changing the password wouldn't affect him if he's using a wired connection and if he's already logged into the router.

I'm actually shocked at you people right now, siding completely with the child and not even considering age or anything. I get everyone is extremely sensitive about privacy these days what with surveillance and all, but really? Everyone has their privacy invaded at a young age by parents. I think there's a range of acceptable privacy invasion growing up, obviously at a decreasing amount as you grow. Eventually parents get the hint to stop, and the child can then appreciate real privacy. Parents are supposed to make sure you're growing up ok, I wouldn't trust leaving my kid in complete privacy at too young an age because you have to be careful about what information they are gathering in their head. It's better to snoop to make sure your kid is growing up at least somewhat ok, instead of finding out as a surprise that your kid was plotting to kill a bunch of people, after someone gets hurt. Or that your kid thinks it's ok to use the word ****. This is why we have d-bags, because no one stops them from being created growing up, because parents don't know anything about their kid. Kids these days feel entitled to everything and people are oversensitive to too many subjects. I was mad when my privacy was invaded as a kid, but it also taught me what I should and shouldn't be doing because I knew how my parents would react to it. And hopefully as you grow you gain self awareness and develop a good sense of morals and principles for yourself to be a decent human being. Having all the privacy you want in today's world is a recipe for disaster with how influential kids are.

All of these overprotective parents saying that searching like this is justified need to ******* educate themselves. It has been proven on multiple occasions and shown many times that if you restrict your kid too much and are in their privacy too much telling them not to do anything, guess what will happen: they will want to do exactly what you're telling them not to do. And where there's a will, there's a way. You're making them more likely to actually do the opposite of what you want.

I'm on both sides of this debate. I had friends growing up who have very relaxed parents, and while I thought they were cool parents, they frequently were doing things that my parents would have killed me for doing. I have very strict parents, I would even say unreasonably so. I frequently have to submit to random drug tests and all of my passwords must be known by them so that they may conduct random searches. this has resulted in me keeping my nose clean, but whenever there's something that isn't something I dont want them to know about I make sure to take necessary precautions to make sure it remains private. In conclusion a parents job is parent, not to be a friend. On the other hand strict parents create sneaky children, or arguably worse they create kids who can't take care of themselves later on. it's a thin line in the middle, you can both be a parent and also have children who trust you and won't hide things from you, you just need to parent the right way.

ummm #125 HOW OLD ARE YOU?

#72, pornography is bad when it's abused. And with that logic anything is bad when it's abused. Hell, I could get too addicted to reading FMLs and that's bad too. When used correctly, however, pornography is a great tool to relax and get rid of any sexual frustration. A good example of when pornography can be a good tool was an FML that appeared a little while ago, where the OP had a wife who had an illness preventing them from having a sexual relationship.

If the kid was looking at pornography let me tell you a little story. My 6 year old niece was forced to give oral sex to her 12 year old step brother. He said himself he got the idea from ****. She is scarred for life. Also in the states the parents can get charged for allowing someone under 18 to see ****, dont know how it is in aus.

#141, noticed I said if **** is "abused". Big difference. My friends parents watch **** and they've been together for 30 years.

Also, sorry to comment twice in a row, but #141, the story with the 12 year old seems like **** isn't the problem rather communication with his parents on why consent is important seems to be the issue here.

I have seen you comment this more then once. Let me tell you about my childhood. My parents never asked to know my passwords to things, never read my texts or notes, or looked over my shoulder at every little thing I did. Guess what? I turned out fine. I made good grades, I hardly ever got in trouble and kept my nose clean. Just because you are a parent doesn't mean you have to be overbearing. Space is good. It allows them to make mistakes and to learn from them.

Speaking as a child who had their privacy heavily violated - my father read my text messages and refuse to let me delete my inbox without checking them first, opened my mail, read my emails, read my MSN conversations, read letters that I got in general, checked the insides of books, called and turned up to friends houses unannounced. It was a complete invasion of privacy, and I felt I was abused psychologically as a result. I now have major trust issues, and actually chose to be deviant against my dad, just so that I can get some normality. Whereas with my mother, everything was open, I felt I had a free reign to experiment, and yet I came to her openly for advice and support when I needed it. As a parent, I choose a mixture of both. To check on my son under the radar once in awhile, and only intervene when it's absolute necessary. He hasn't disappointed me yet, and has never told me a lie that I know of. I don't control my son's behaviour, I hope that raising him with a strong foundation will guide him down the right path. If he falls short, I'm there to pick up the pieces, and he knows that. That's what good parenting is

And the fact that this has clearly already been a fight with the OP and their kid implies that aside from the entry which called them out there wasn't anything there to be upset about. Proving that either the kid is being accused of doing something inappropriate unfairly or they're old/smart enough to delete the browser history. If it's the latter that kind of proves they have enough knowledge about privacy and computer function to be safe exploring on the internet.

As a child of absent parents who have let me do whatever I want and bailed me out of all of my problems I look at my friends with stricter parents with envy. Sure freedom is nice, but having parents who care "a little too much" isn't a bad thing either. My life has been such a roller coaster. I feel as if my parents were more involved in my life I would have had far fewer issues to overcome. I'm not blaming them for everything. I'm an adult... However, to this day my dad barely cares what I'm doing with my life. I spend his money willy nilly, struggle through college, and he's none the wiser of anything that occurs in my life. I'm more of a chore than his kid. I'm not going to be an obscenely strict parent, but I'll definitely want to know what's going on in my future kid's lives. If a parent wants to snoop around from time to time, that's their right. You just have to find a balance and be open. But OP has been dishonest with with their kid, which isn't good.

Tldr

look it's about balance, looking at the morels of the family you set rules and limits within reason, changing with the age and maturity of the child. It is up to the parents to enforce the rules and yes its up to the child to follow or push against those rules. By setting limits you allow your child to discover who they are within a safe environment. As they grow up, they will also grow out - meaning they will push against the confines of their previously set rules when they feel safe enough to do so. If a parent makes the rules too tight or too rigid there will be issues and the child will not grow correctly. The same thing will happen if they are to lose. Again its about balance. I however do believe that when I child does branch out, if they are smart enough to get away with it, they deserved to do it. This is obviously not universal, but in the realm of teenage rebellion, it covers most of the normal actions as most kids rebel in uniform and predictable ways. OP did the right thing checking on the child, however honesty is so very important and that is where OP messed up.

#45, if you did that and your kids grows up to tell somebody down a well to put the lotion on the skin, or else it gets the hose again, we will know who to blame

you can check ur childs history just for safety reasons but u are being a dick if u punish them for anything at all

He didn't need to swear at her. Great way to treat a mom.

Just realized it was a guy. Also: reading through the comments I can see what you all mean but still....

Restricting is one thing; knowing is another. There are some sites that are forbidden in my house, and my kids know it (they don't know WHICH sites, except by exploration, thank you.) But they can search for whatever they want... and they know I'll know, and talk to them about it. They know what my house believes, and why. If they agree, that's great. If they don't, well, they're their own people - when they pay for their own internet, they can do whatever they want with it.

#137, I might be the one to whom you're referring - and **** isn't "an answer" for frustration in a marriage. To me, it's not "an answer" at all, but YMMV. To me, **** is a way of "safely" using someone for sexual gratification, even if it's only "in your mind," except what's "in your mind" has power; if I start thinking of some lass on a screen sexually, then I'm cheating on my wife, even if it's only "in my mind," and what's in my head is going to be what's real, eventually. I'd rather stay faithful, in heart *and* mind, physically, emotionally, and intellectually. My kids know that I disapprove of ****, and why.

I salute you! #72 The immature bastards can also commence another down vote. But then I doubt they have children and understand the responsibility of raising a child and protecting them from physical and mental and emotional harm. In my house I'm the guardian, you have to come through me first, virtually or physically.

Just to add, yes he shouldn't have lied and been straighten the child but he still has the responsibility to know what happens in his home. Otherwise he could be guilty by omission for something that child does whilst he is guardian.

so...you can't fantasise without making it a reality? scary.

It's not about whose paying the bill it's about saying you're not going to do something and then doing it.

# 55 Maybe you'd be able to spell if 45 was.

Even if you are logged in. Changing the password boots you off...

When did you start paying the internet bill? What was the laptop payment you made on the laptop your parents let you use?

Edit

I see we are making outrages assumptions without anything to back it up. Let me have a go. You are a 10-13 year old living with your mother and you think that because you live with your parents that everyone does. Maybe he/she is an adult. Maybe he has a job unlike you. Maybe he doesn't live with his parents. Maybe he buys his own stuff. Grow the hell up.

Parental controls are awful, let me tell you. The worst thing I ever did from ages 0-11 was because of how angry I was over the parental controls on my laptop. Here I was, just turned 11 a few weeks ago, got this nice laptop to play games or whatever on. I start using it for awhile, and these parental controls just get more and more annoying. At one point they block me from going on google. Not any specific search, Google as a whole. That kinda made me snap. I won't say exactly what I did, but I got punished pretty bad for it; although my dad was smart enough to take off the parental controls afterwards.

I bet you killed a man, 89.

I'm not sure having bought something for someone means you have a right to deny them any privacy. having kids doesn't mean you get to complain about how much they cost you and then use it to manipulate them for the rest of their lives...

I'd hate to be your kid oh my god

Apparently nobody wants to pay the bills either...

#48 Your missing the point, by about... 3 planets

And how do you know that the kid doesn't pay the bill? Maybe they do.

#48 This isn't about bills, this is about privacy. OP told their kid they weren't checking their internet history and OP was lying. What does any of that have to do with bills?

My comment was meant towards #48. I'm not sure why it's getting down voted..

Invading privacy in this way only teaches the kid to be sneaky. If this kid is doing anything dodgy it's a fair bet he's probably using privacy mode for it and his normal browser history is therefore useless. Rather than invading his privacy (and then lying about it) he should simply talk to his child.

Really? My step nephew got to do whatever he wanted on the computer. That led to him sexually assaulting my niece. Pretty sure thats about the worst thing that can happen. Not in MY household no thank you.

While that's terrible 143, I'm fairly certain that if he went as far as to sexually assault your niece, he probably had other problems besides simply having unmonitored internet access.

So if I paid for your bills I could look into your life and everything in it?

#143 My brother and I had tons of parental controls on our computer growing up and he molested me for 10 years. The internet doesn't turn kids into sexual predators. Parental controls are not a substitute for parenting.

If someone commits a crime, you cannot use the excuse that "they saw it on the internet"

The internet didn't make your step nephew a rapist. He did that all by himself. Put the blame on the perpetrator where it belongs.

That's how I got it :)

That and if didn't do anything wrong in the first place then there's no reason to keep checking his browser history. It's important to parent and keep track on your teens but if you keep suffocating them it makes matters worse. I mean come on, my internet and video game addiction happened because my parents wouldn't let me ******* go anywhere 90% of the time

u*

You okay bud?

Oh please, grow up. "Sticks and stones", and all that. Remember, that language was used only where no one would see it if OP had been telling the truth about not snooping in the browser history. If you ask me, the kid is smart and intentionally used language that he thought might be offensive enough to provoke a reaction and thereby get the parent to admit to snooping and lying about it.

read this and couldn't help but think back to Breaking Bad

it's the only way I even know about it

No. Parental controls are awful.

Well it depends, if you have young kids (9 for instance) and you're worried they'll end up in the wrong type of websites by mistake ... In this FML, I think the kid is more like 16 and his dad/mom (don't remember which one) just can't accept not to control everything

My parents used to have parental controls on my laptop. I figured out the password and ended up doing whatever I wanted anyway. Parental controls don't work.

True, it screws everything up.