Today, I saw my cat attacking a suitcase under my bed for apparently...

By MozillaHostile - 9/10/2015 18:54 - Canada

Today, I saw my cat attacking a suitcase under my bed for apparently no reason. I laughed and picked it up to show him that there was nothing there, only to find a huge wasp hiding under it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

22804

You deserved it

2653

Favorite

Animals

Mr Sensitivity

That'll be Kevin in accounting

The end of the road

By Anonymous - 28/10/2009 08:03 - United States

Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39055

You deserved it

7897

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/12/2011 21:49 - Australia

Today, my cat vomited violently. I can smell it but I can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34262

You deserved it

3410

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/7/2009 18:59 - Norway

Today, I had two minutes to get to the bus stop which usually takes me eight minutes. I had to catch that bus to be at work at the hospital in time. I was in such a hurry, I didn't have the time to tie my shoe laces. I ran with untied shoe laces. I did end up in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38459

You deserved it

14861

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/9/2012 04:37 - United States - Northridge

No kinkshaming here

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34940

You deserved it

5736

Favorite

By Fag_Hag - 6/2/2009 01:30 - United States

Today, while my 4 year old nephew was hugging me, he stepped back and declared, "Auntie, my Pee-do is hard, but it will go away." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37261

You deserved it

3290

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/6/2010 10:36 - United States

Today, it was my co-worker's birthday but she told me not to mention it. Feeling bad for her, I went out to buy her a card, a present, and even a small cake. It turns out that there was actually a party during our lunch break, and I was the only one in our office not invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40893

You deserved it

3546

Favorite

By orgasmsareoverratedanyway - 25/9/2012 17:42 - Norway - Myre

Today, I realized just how clingy my boyfriend is, when he pulled out in the middle of sex, lay down and hugged me, and said in his "adorable" voice that he didn't really want to have sex, but cuddle. I wouldn't mind if it didn't happen so often. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34761

You deserved it

5222

Favorite

By { o } - 22/3/2015 17:41 - United States - Miami

Today, an old man approached me at work. I smiled and asked, "Hi, can I help you"? He looked at me for a few seconds before replying, "Fuck me, you need to lose some weight!" and then wandering off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30448

You deserved it

3693

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/5/2015 07:28 - United States - Plainview

Today, while driving home from work, I saw my boyfriend mugging a woman on the sidewalk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35834

You deserved it

3292

Favorite

By TCRII - 8/7/2019 12:00 - United States - Springfield

Today, it's the first day of our honeymoon. My bride just informed me that she invited her ex-husband to come, so he can spend time with the kids. He will be here in 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2450

You deserved it

236

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/12/2012 21:28 - United States

Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27385

You deserved it

3110

Favorite

By Cogibbt - 3/8/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, my mom found out that paper is made from trees. She read it on a garbage truck. I then had to explain to her how it's made. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1442

You deserved it

112

Favorite

By Marie - 27/7/2010 07:46 - Canada

Today, I was walking towards a group of guys playing basketball, who stopped and stared at me while saying, "Daaaamn..." As I passed them, one of them said, "She looked hotter from a distance." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37149

You deserved it

5125

Favorite

By kaleighf - 28/4/2016 01:46 - United States - Hollywood

Today, a new girl showed up at my school and everyone really seems to be intrigued about her. I've been told at least five times today that she is the hotter version of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13986

You deserved it

1145

Favorite

By lonerboner - 3/10/2012 13:47 - United States

Today, I went on a date to the movies with this guy I kinda like. When he was driving me home, he asked me to be his girlfriend; I said I couldn’t because it was really bad timing. He kicked me out of the car, called me an asshole, and made me walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17975

You deserved it

37088

Favorite

By notaman - 11/2/2016 18:12 - United States - Marion

Today, I found out my insurance company denied my claim because they had me marked down as "male" and yet also pregnant. I now have to prove to them that I'm actually a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22370

You deserved it

1367

Favorite

By lifesuck - 19/9/2010 14:11 - United States

Today, while at a local river, I had been pulled underwater by a very fast and strong current. While fighting for my life, I had let go of my sandals so I could pull myself up. After explaining to my mom what had happened to me, her response was "YOU LOST YOUR SANDALS!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

33439

You deserved it

3742

Favorite

By Van - 20/12/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I was at work at Hollywood Video. A guy came in and left without renting anything. Minutes later, I find human feces between the "Kids" and "Comedy" aisles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35418

You deserved it

2284

Favorite

By pogodrake - 24/1/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I got a call from the girl I'd really like to date to meet up for drinks. Excited, I walked out my front door, slipped on a patch of ice, and dislocated my shoulder. She won't go out on a date with me now because I "ditched her". FML

I agree, your life sucks

30604

You deserved it

2812

Favorite

By DirtyCharmed - 1/11/2011 06:29 - United States

Today, I'm very ill. My throat and glands are so swollen that whenever I fall asleep, I relax too much and cut off my own air. The doctor said it's a viral infection and there's nothing they can give me, so I can choose between trying to kill myself by sleeping or staying awake for the next few days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38576

You deserved it

2617

Favorite

By jamalinho - 11/5/2011 17:51 - Bangladesh

Today, I worked 12 long hours cooped up in my office. Before leaving, my boss asked me whether I'll ever take my job seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35644

You deserved it

3391

Favorite

By Akestarr - 2/12/2013 13:28 - United States - Georgetown

Today, I found out that my dad paid for my sister's friend's airplane ticket so she could attend my sister's wedding. I would have been there myself, but I couldn't afford the airplane ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56229

You deserved it

3638

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/8/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, my cat ran outside. As I ran around the side of my house to get her, I felt a gigantic spiderweb land on my face. I also felt a light thud on my eye and it started to tear up. I ran inside and looked in a mirror, the spider was in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61670

You deserved it

3448

Favorite

By Nanabanana1 - 7/2/2012 01:23 - United States

Today, I was dumped. My boyfriend was too afraid to break up with me, so he sent the girl he cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39908

You deserved it

2819

Favorite

By nearsighted-ut - 26/9/2019 02:00

Cool nickname

Today, I was watching TV when my older brother thought it would be funny to rip a bare-assed fart in my face before a shower. I looked up, only to see a brown blob on my glasses. My nickname is now "Shitfaced." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1819

You deserved it

108

Favorite

By wallets - 29/2/2012 07:47 - United States

Today, I told a customer that we don't do refunds. He responded by throwing his wallet at my face and accusing me of stealing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29916

You deserved it

2468

Favorite

By emonsteadman - 28/5/2012 14:05 - United States - Denton

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, I told a teenager to, "Walk please." He then threw his soda at me as he ran away. We aren't allowed off stand unless it's an emergency, so I baked in that soda for 30 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27072

You deserved it

3343

Favorite

By someone euthanize me - 16/1/2016 08:17

Today, I tested out my new paintball gun by firing a few rounds into some thick bushes. Nothing could've prepared me for the angry swarm of hornets whose nest I'd apparently shot. I'm in so much pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20782

You deserved it

7922

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/8/2012 06:00 - United States - Santa Fe

Today, it was my wedding day. When my soon-to-be-husband was saying his vows, he didn't say my name. He said his mother's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33711

You deserved it

2219

Favorite

By Brianna Weltmire - 8/4/2012 05:13 - United States - Denver

Today, my mom tagged me in a picture on Facebook. It's a very zoomed in picture of a zit that had just recently erupted on my face. The caption is "My baby's biggest zit yet!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

34748

You deserved it

2721

Favorite

By SeaBind - 16/11/2014 00:41 - United States - Saginaw

Today, a friend wanted to show me a game he bragged he was the best at. I beat his score on the first try, and now I have a black eye to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31716

You deserved it

3234

Favorite

By psychortiz - 3/6/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52321

You deserved it

16565

Favorite

By ice ice baby - 8/9/2019 07:00 - United States - Monterey Park

Two Scoops

Today, it'd been so long since I last had sex, I was jolted out of my sleep by a body shaking orgasm. I was sweaty and breathless, and it took me a moment to realize it had been a dream. It would've been great except the subject of my nocturnal ecstasy was Vanilla Ice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1607

You deserved it

260

Favorite

By cat_lady - 5/4/2020 17:00

Follow the yellow brown road

Today, I watched as my poor old cat dragged his ass across our living room carpet, leaving an equally long shit stain on our pristine carpet. My pleas for him to stop only made his diarrhea worse as he ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1396

You deserved it

277

Favorite

By Hit-and-Run - 13/12/2012 08:01 - Mexico - Ju?rez

Today, after an extensive talk with a relationship counselor, we concluded that I'm more likely to get run over by a car than be in a stable relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25880

You deserved it

3152

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/3/2020 18:00 - United Kingdom

Panic mode: activated

Today, I got out of bed and saw muddy footprints next to it. They were at least three sizes bigger than mine. I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2118

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/1/2011 21:10 - Lebanon

Today, I was having sex with my fiancé when he stopped and said, "Boy, what I wouldn't give for a burger right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31226

You deserved it

4956

Favorite

By mael - 25/11/2008 08:54 - France

Today, I was looking for a magazine in my mother's bedside cabinet and I came across some daft test about sex. Apparently, my mother likes anal, oral, and my dad's cock is bent. Nauseous. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44404

You deserved it

10337

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/8/2020 14:09

Get off my lawn!

Today, the police came to my house and arrested me. Why? The neighborhood kids thought it would be fun to hide behind my house and shoot at people with paintball guns. People saw it coming from my house and called the police. I was fired from work, due to missing it without notice. No excuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1894

You deserved it

Favorite

By loueb17 - 15/2/2009 05:57 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 5 year old boy. When I was on the phone with my mom, he called 911 and started to cry. When I got off the phone the police were at the door. It turns out that the "emergency" was that the VCR was not working. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34080

You deserved it

9662

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By kibster9 | 20

#6431520 - Saturday 10 October 2015 14:56

Cats always know...

By steelersfan501 | 17

#6431511 - Saturday 10 October 2015 14:53

I think your cat deserves a reward!!

COMMENTS

By steelersfan501 | 17

#6431511 - Saturday 10 October 2015 14:53

I think your cat deserves a reward!!

incoherentrmblr | 21

#6431584 - Saturday 10 October 2015 16:49

Deserves Cat Nip indeed...

By mattc1213 | 12

#6431512 - Saturday 10 October 2015 14:54

Oh my gosh! I am melissaphobic (phobia of bees) so I would have freaked out. FYL

Luxray24 | 13

#6431603 - Saturday 10 October 2015 17:41

Not a clue why your comment was down-voted.

askullnamedbilly | 33

#6431624 - Saturday 10 October 2015 18:04

I guess it is being downvoted because anyone would've freaked out at a surprise wasp, so it's pretty unnecessary to point out that a person with a phobia would've done so as well.