By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Not funny

Today, while having lunch with my grandparents, my grandpa's eyes glazed over, his head fell and he slumped in his chair. I started panicking and almost cried, thinking he was dead. Then he laughed and said "Just kidding. I'm fine." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26973

You deserved it

2670

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Serious times

The smell detective is on the case

Mr Sensitivity

By Dom

Today, I proposed to the girl I have known for a while, since our Dads have worked together for 40 years. After I rang my Dad to tell him the good news, he told me that there was a position open at work, which had belonged to her Dad. My Dad had to fire him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1846

You deserved it

109

Favorite

By j1hill33 - United States

Today, my dad told my little brother that Tokyo is in China. This is the same guy that yells at me every time I get a "B" on a report card. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35000

You deserved it

2348

Favorite

By monogamous - Australia

Today, I met my husband's other wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61281

You deserved it

4769

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Today, at an MA meeting, I ran into the cop who'd pulled me over and given me a ticket for marijuana possession. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6419

You deserved it

1288

Favorite

By BrandonDrapeau - United States - Sparta

Today, I told my son about wet dreams, what they are and how they are normal. Afterwards, he exclaimed, "It's kinda like when I beat off, except I'm asleep! Awesome!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

25581

You deserved it

3565

Favorite

By baby shak - United States

Today, I was planning to start my fitness regime and lose weight, using the bike that had been lying unused in my garden for the past six months. Tonight, the bike was stolen from my garden. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25688

You deserved it

6257

Favorite

By Anonymous - Ghana

Today, I learned that because of my new medication, I can either avoid getting malaria, or have a male yeast infection. I'm stuck in Africa for the next two months, and have to sit down to pee because I don't want to irritate my penis by touching it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45519

You deserved it

3486

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that scorpions can apparently hold their breath for hours, and that doing so makes them angry. I found this out when I removed a scorpion from the bottom of my pool and found that it was not entirely drowned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28538

You deserved it

2627

Favorite

By Anonymous

Kids, eh?

Today, I was with my four year-old daughter when we met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman I know. My daughter looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1465

You deserved it

142

Favorite

By ohtheirony

Today, I scratched my car with a bottle of scratch remover deeply enough that the scratch remover couldn't remove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2507

You deserved it

571

Favorite

By Gamergirl137 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend and we passed the shop where my ex works at. My boyfriend slapped my ass right as my ex came out. It was so sudden that I started choking on a fry and dropped soda all over myself. My ex kept laughing all while my boyfriend kept apologizing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24400

You deserved it

2568

Favorite

By Dumbass - 12/3/2020 05:00 - Netherlands

Waiting for Godot

Today, I'm still waiting for my ex, who yesterday afternoon told me that he'd be here within the hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1180

You deserved it

427

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, my Christian boyfriend of six months broke up with me. I had told him when we started dating that I was an atheist, and he just now decided to look up what it is. He gave me a bible. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76702

You deserved it

17770

Favorite

By nothingdoes - United States

Today, my dad asked me for a word that rhymes with vagina. He was filling out an anniversary card for my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33814

You deserved it

2972

Favorite

By Mandoune - Finland

Today, I dropped my keys in the drain. Thankfully, my new flat mate generously offered his help to reach the keys via flower pot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24269

You deserved it

4555

Favorite

By Confession - Belgium

Get the message

Today, I've been begging my boyfriend to get us a dog for months now. This morning, I noticed he'd bought some toilet paper with dogs printed on it. I asked him if it was a sign. He replied, "Yeah, one you can stick up your ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12262

You deserved it

3832

Favorite

By Brittany - United States

Today, I typed an essay on my friend's computer, so she forwarded it to me in a email and she made the subject "here bitch" as a joke. I then went to email the essay to my teacher. I forwarded it thinking nothing of it only to realize that I didn't change the subject name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23027

You deserved it

56398

Favorite

By lifeguard down - United States

Today, while at work I tripped and fell in the pool while moving a waste basket. I nearly drowned and had to be saved. I don't know which is worse the fact that I nearly drowned or the fact that I'm a lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30628

You deserved it

13260

Favorite

By ph2222 - United States - Toledo

Today, my boyfriend and I were at his parents' house when things started getting hot. Out of respect, we stopped and just cuddled, making us able to hear his parents banging. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31091

You deserved it

3606

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while lifeguarding, I slipped and fell from my chair and onto the cement. Embarrassed and actually quite hurt, I tried to climb back up to the chair, but it tipped. I fell half onto the cement half into the pool, just before the chair landed on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60498

You deserved it

6050

Favorite

By teapotrevolt - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, while laughing at a jogger that fell down while running, I choked on my French fries. They had to give me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15476

You deserved it

54024

Favorite

By ElizaWy

Today, I celebrated my fifteen-week anniversary. No, not a relationship anniversary. A migraine anniversary. It won't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12561

You deserved it

826

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Oceanside

Today, my husband's ex-girlfriend is getting a restraining order on him. Turns out, for the past 2 years of our marriage, he has been trying to contact her and ditching work to stalk her. To top it all off, he told me not to come to court with him because he doesn't want her to see he downgraded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30524

You deserved it

2202

Favorite

By Spinster - United States - Brush

Today, I asked my boyfriend of 3 years what he thought about marriage in the future. "Who knows? We might meet other people soon." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26112

You deserved it

2402

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Hialeah

Today, my friend was complaining about about her new boyfriend. Playing around, I told her that he sounded a lot like my ex. He is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28581

You deserved it

2322

Favorite

By Mothertucker

Today, I came across one of the pitfalls of having open discussions with my 15-year-old son when he asked me how to shave his pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3611

You deserved it

655

Favorite

By superman_not - United Kingdom

Today, I had to play the role of superman in a production on stage. They had to stuff my underwear because my 'thing' wasn't big enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

79744

You deserved it

7333

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I woke up and found a turd casually sitting in the bathroom sink. Just 9 more months left on this lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12375

You deserved it

797

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my friend was extremely constipated when he used my toilet. I'm now having to go buy a new toothbrush, because he used mine to dig out his shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2080

You deserved it

139

Favorite

By kermudgen - United States

Today, I was directing a video shoot of a big Christmas show with 750 people attending. After the first half of the show recorded; during intermission, I accidentally deleted the show as people were signing up to buy the DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25090

You deserved it

16874

Favorite

By Anonymous

Sexless in Seattle

Today, it's become clear I might have married the only man on the planet who doesn't care about sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1858

You deserved it

442

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/10/2020 19:58

The art of seduction

Today, I took a bath and dressed in a skimpy lingerie. I sat on the couch for an hour and a half before giving up and putting on my boyfriend's old t shirt. It was then that he decided to comment. On the t shirt I was wearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1286

You deserved it

192

Favorite

By gassy - United States - Aubrey

Today, I woke up after sleeping with my boyfriend for the first time. I rolled over and smiled at him, and the first thing he said was, "You farted. A lot." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34635

You deserved it

6692

Favorite

By DHarman - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63500

You deserved it

4044

Favorite

By jackzz - Vietnam - Hanoi

Today, at the restaurant I work at, my own mom refused to give a tip and complained to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34839

You deserved it

3558

Favorite

By Married Life 101

Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2360

You deserved it

187

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Dallas

Today, my boss asked me if he could pay me in gum. Thinking he was playing around, I agreed. He wasn't playing around. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25927

You deserved it

9828

Favorite

By yayme. - United States - Bismarck

Today, I found out that the weird guy that lives next door is my biological father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64150

You deserved it

4004

Favorite

By thatsillegal - United States

Today, I found out that my assistant is now my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31417

You deserved it

3067

Favorite

By Pouya - United States

Today, it was my first day as a promoted manager. I got fired for being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11734

You deserved it

42738

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By gosh_mate | 30

#6431381 - Saturday 10 October 2015 8:28

Hahaha that would be terrifying but at least he has a sense of humour.

By JewKnowIt | 19

#6431378 - Saturday 10 October 2015 8:27

Thad drop dead hilarious!...I'll let myself out

COMMENTS

By JewKnowIt | 19

#6431378 - Saturday 10 October 2015 8:27

Thad drop dead hilarious!...I'll let myself out

Yastafari | 16

#6431452 - Saturday 10 October 2015 10:37

Lmao I agree I find that hilarious af ...but maybe I just have a twisted sense of humor lol...your grandpa is awesome OP!

Hunter_the_Ninja | 22

#6431784 - Saturday 10 October 2015 21:36

Why is this an FML? It's just a funny joke.

By gosh_mate | 30

#6431381 - Saturday 10 October 2015 8:28

Hahaha that would be terrifying but at least he has a sense of humour.

By armyant98 | 15

#6431385 - Saturday 10 October 2015 8:30

I would've found this hilarious. Be happy your grandpa still has a good sense of humor.

By Richard6036 | 13

#6431396 - Saturday 10 October 2015 8:37

Wow that's kind of scary has he ever heard the saying don't cry Wolf you may think he's joking the next time when it's serious

By Thatissarcastic | 17

#6431397 - Saturday 10 October 2015 8:38

Future plans to mess with my grandkids.

By LostInTheZone11 | 28

#6431399 - Saturday 10 October 2015 8:39

Nice to see he still has an awesome sense of humor.

By Pinkgal123 | 24

#6431406 - Saturday 10 October 2015 9:00

Oh god, I'm not sure how I would've reacted to that. Awesome sense of humour he's got for his age, though.

By dafluckster | 6

#6431410 - Saturday 10 October 2015 9:08

As a nurse working LTC for a while now, I can appreciate the dark humor, especially as it relates to the elderly lol. Sounds like a fun grandpa to have around!

By WOTAN1488 | 24

#6431413 - Saturday 10 October 2015 9:11

LOL!

By hannah_dl | 11

#6431419 - Saturday 10 October 2015 9:20

Definitely a FML but hilarious. I wish my grandpa was so cool xD