Health: Today, I dropped my Xanax. It wasn't until after I washed it... - FML

By CatLitterLover - United States

Today, I dropped my Xanax. It wasn't until after I washed it down with some water that I realized it was still on the floor and I had actually swallowed a pebble of cat litter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33150

You deserved it

15588

Tweet

Share

There's no helping some people

Insurance fraud

Smelly cat, smelly cat…

By moo...

Today, I was on a date with this guy I just met and we went to a fancy restaurant. Halfway through the meal, there was an awkward silence, and he decided to end it by saying "You know, you chew like a cow." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45400

You deserved it

13166

Tweet

Share

By child of a crazed women - United States - Halethorpe

Today, it is my birthday. Since my parents are in the middle of a divorce, my mom thought it was perfectly reasonable to burn the gifts my dad got for me in the fireplace. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57091

You deserved it

2925

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that just because the actual part of the pan that does touch the stove isn't hot doesn't mean that the handle won't give you third degree burns, a broken nose from passing out from the pain, and an expensive trip to the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23427

You deserved it

6865

Tweet

Share

By anon - United States - Poquoson

Today, the power went out at school. If it's out for more than twenty minutes, standard procedure is to let us go home. They came back on almost nineteen minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30181

You deserved it

3778

Tweet

Share

By Screwed - United States

Today, I went to see my guidance counselor. I was supposed to hear from my college about a scholarship by October 3rd. I was worried since it was already the 2nd so I went to talk to her. She never turned in my nomination. Goodbye $80,000 scholarship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53885

You deserved it

3125

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my boss told me I wasn't getting the promotion I'd been angling for. I was so pissed off, I ranted to a coworker about it over lunch. Turns out my boss was just testing how I dealt with rejection before making his final decision. He overheard my rant and me calling him a Nazi bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15153

You deserved it

37123

Tweet

Share

By Torbey - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my younger brother complained yet again of soreness in his wrist. Frustrated with his constant whining, my mother turned to him and snapped, 'Well, what have you been using it for all this time then!?' The awkward silence of realisation for them both won't go away anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14460

You deserved it

1261

Tweet

Share

By superjstorm - Philippines

Today, I went to the mall and couldn't find a parking spot. After circling around for 20 minutes, I finally saw a shaded spot in the uncovered parking lot area under a tree. It turns out, I parked under a coconut tree. I could tell from the coconut planted into my hood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33828

You deserved it

9662

Tweet

Share

By acnegirl - United States

Today, I was romantically cuddling with my boyfriend. He looked deep into my eyes, stared lovingly at me, and said, "I never noticed, but you have the most adorable freckles on your face..." Blushing, I tilted my head to the side. He then said, "Oh, never mind, those are just your blackheads." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51649

You deserved it

7123

Tweet

Share

By leanne - 16/12/2020 17:58 - United States - Denver

Seasons greetings to you too

Today, I said hi to my coworker and she immediately yelled, "Get your gross unwashed hands out of my face!" I wash my hands compulsively and they were nowhere near her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

801

You deserved it

67

Tweet

Share

By Crotch_Rocket_Rider - United States

Today, when approaching a stop light on my motorcycle, I went to extend my left leg as usual to balance when stopped. Apparently my shoelace loop got wrapped around the shift lever and "tied" my shoe to the bike. It's hard to look cool when you fall over for no apparent reason at a stoplight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37596

You deserved it

7697

Tweet

Share

By fuckoffandfuckoffagainyoucunt - United Kingdom - Sittingbourne

Today, I was at the gym, when a pretty overweight guy started staring and eventually taunting me. Let me tell you, lines such as "Lay off the cake, fatty!" and "I can see your gut hanging out your ass, for fuck's sake!" don't exactly boost one's self-confidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27511

You deserved it

2753

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, after much thought and serious consideration, I nervously admitted to my boyfriend that I'm bisexual. The first thing that he said in response was: "Want a threesome?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

20444

You deserved it

40769

Tweet

Share

By Jessika - United Kingdom

Today, I finished a ballet class with a group of seven-and-unders. Afterwards, a new student's mother came up to me and thanked me, saying she was glad that her daughter had a "role model with a, ahem, fuller figure" and "not to worry about my weight." I have never thought I was fat before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48253

You deserved it

3846

Tweet

Share

By PollingLow - United States - Decatur

Today, I ran for editor-in-chief of a magazine. I spent hours working on my speech, and offered a bunch of new ideas to increase readership. My opponent just said that she, "loved the organization". I lost by a 4-1 margin. My opponent later announced her plans for next year. They were all of my ideas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32614

You deserved it

2351

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Chicago

Today, my neighbor - whose first words to me when I moved onto the block were "I don't like your face" - called the cops and claimed I'd been exposing myself in public. His lowlife buddy backed him up on his lie. I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up in deep trouble thanks to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22167

You deserved it

1278

Tweet

Share

By raebelle - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went shooting. While I was showing him how to properly hold and adjust a rifle, he accidentally pulled the trigger. The gun kicked back and hit me in the face, breaking my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36556

You deserved it

10737

Tweet

Share

By notahomewrecker - United States

Today, I got a call from the guy I'd been seeing for a few weeks. It was his wife calling to find out what was going on with us. He told me he was separated. He left his kids home alone to hook up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31779

You deserved it

4998

Tweet

Share

By ijustwannaplaymymusic - United States - Jackson

Today, I was practicing the piano. My brother told me that if I loved him, I would stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12092

You deserved it

1578

Tweet

Share

By strokingitasitype - Canada - Gander

Today, I cleaned my computer screen for the first time in ages. When I turned it on a few hours later, I spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to figure out why the brightness was suddenly so painfully high. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7600

You deserved it

27478

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Walsall

Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23126

You deserved it

3853

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/2/2021 02:01

Christine

Today, after waiting a week for an update on my car after the engine blew, all covered by warranty, I was informed that my car is under investigation for warranty fraud. This is its fourth engine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

809

You deserved it

82

Tweet

Share

By lily_marleen - United States

Today, we have a fruit fly infestation again because my roommate keeps buying fruit and letting it rot on the counter. Despite the moldy fruit being covered in flies, she insists it's my fault because I left an empty bottle of beer out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10056

You deserved it

686

Tweet

Share

By Jen1444 - United States - Rockaway Park

Ouch.

Today, I gave a financial presentation to my entire firm. After it was over, somebody accidentally copied me on a group text that said, "Her zipper was open the whole time. If we're so successful, why is our CFO wearing a urine-stained store-brand K-Mart panties?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

4648

You deserved it

935

Tweet

Share

By embarrassed4life - United States

Today, I was in a public restroom when the girl in the stall next to me started asking me how I was doing. Thinking it was weird but not wanting to be rude, I answered her questions. Halfway though our conversation she said: "Hold on, the girl in the stall next to me thinks I'm talking to her." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51064

You deserved it

15665

Tweet

Share

By Drim - Canada

Today, I learned that there is a limit to being thrifty. For example buying a pan from the dollar store is most likely going to cost a lot more than a few dollars. Especially when it melts all over your stove which you now have to replace. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13060

You deserved it

31788

Tweet

Share

By maggotsinmycarpet - United States

Today, I was cleaning my room when I found a nice surprise from my cat. While I was on vacation, she killed a mouse. By the time I found it, there were maggots crawling in my carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37415

You deserved it

5106

Tweet

Share

By LY2

Keep it in the family

Today, I found out why my boyfriend won't come over anymore. He and my brother apparently had a "thing" before we started dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1798

You deserved it

122

Tweet

Share

By Meg

Today, we moved 2,700 miles across the U.S. to better our lives, with job offers and home options lined up. All of them were given to other people or turned out to be scams. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2993

You deserved it

553

Tweet

Share

By LexMarie12

Help, I'm stranded!

Today, at work, it was so windy that it started taking the door off its hinges. The door now won't close all the way. I can't leave until someone comes to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4655

You deserved it

332

Tweet

Share

By JhKhS - United Kingdom

Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43453

You deserved it

9455

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/9/2020 11:01 - Hong Kong - Central District

Is that a pass then?

Today, I had a piano exam, for which I'd worked hard. I went in, and the examiner asked me to play some scales. I was so nervous, I played 3 octaves and then realised I'd ran out of space. I might have then said, "FUCK!" really loudly… and she heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

840

You deserved it

332

Tweet

Share

By Jack00412 - United States - Montague

Today, I walked outside to find my 3 year old daughter and her pet fish playing together on the swings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45195

You deserved it

5509

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/3/2021 05:01

Late bloomer

Today, I'm nearly 30 years-old, and not only am I still a virgin, I've never even had my first kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

809

You deserved it

127

Tweet

Share

By idiocy Trumps reason - United States - Mission

Today, a customer made a huge scene at work because all of our reading glasses are made in China, and apparently any "moral" person should be repulsed by that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13561

You deserved it

1220

Tweet

Share

By thompson773 - United States

Today, I was sick on an airplane. As we were taking off, I felt like I was ready to hurl. I was sitting in the window seat and was unable to get up in time to go to the bathroom so I was forced to grab the nearest container to puke in. It was a glass of juice belonging to the woman next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44253

You deserved it

9761

Tweet

Share

By lukey101 - 11/2/2021 14:01 - Australia

Most likely

Today, I had my half-year performance review. My boss arrived 15 minutes late, paid basically no attention to my presentation, and left 30 minutes early. I guess I’ll go fuck myself then. FML

I agree, your life sucks

842

You deserved it

68

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - Canada

Today, it took me 5 hours to paint my deck, only to have it ruined by the neighbor's cat running all over the undry paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30706

You deserved it

3415

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/5/2020 05:00

Water, water, everywhere

Today, I learned that taking a shower right before your house starts flooding is the human equivalent to washing your car right before it starts raining. Only much worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1372

You deserved it

132

Tweet

Share

By TractorUWG - United States

Today, I received a $100 bill in the mail as a late graduation present. I placed it on the table so I could go to the bathroom. I come back to find the table empty and my $100 bill missing. The fan blew the money on the floor and my 8 week old puppy ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40261

You deserved it

18070

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

No comments yet.

COMMENTS

No comments yet.