Kids: Today, I was playing hide and seek with my eight year old cousin....

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 347

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 126

23/09/2009 10:23

Today, I was playing hide and seek with my eight year old cousin. For the past two turns, he had been hiding in the bathroom. I saw the bathroom lights on, yet again, and opened the door with a triumphant "AHA!" It was my Grandma, taking a smelly dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 380

You deserved it 38 039

Kids

This Charming Man

It's not unusual

Management

Start your Monday with a Song!

By inappropes - 08/07/2019 14:00

Today, I came into work early to clean equipment, with my headphones on, singing to myself. I lost track of time, and wound up with the entire office watching me belt tunes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 736

30/06/2009 14:45

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend throwing my birth control box at me and shouting that I was a slut for cheating on him since we never had sex. I attempted to explain the birth control was for a condition I have that causes my period to be non-existent. He didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 106

You deserved it 7 311

19/02/2013 07:55

Today, I met my mother's deeply religious fiancé for the first time. His response upon seeing me was to look me square in the eye and say, "You'll need to take out that nose stud or I'm afraid you'll not be welcome in our home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 591

You deserved it 4 553

23/06/2014 13:56

Today, I drove 12 hours with 6 screaming little girls. They were arguing about things that should've been in the Lego movie. They watched it 4 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 877

You deserved it 5 274

09/09/2012 06:15

Today, I tripped over my dog and landed on my face while trying to prove to my father that I can walk and chew gum at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 278

You deserved it 25 957

04/03/2014 13:37

Today, I taught my 12-year-old brothers that showering cannot be used as a substitute for deodorant, and that they should use both. One of them was almost in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 475

You deserved it 4 670

22/05/2009 12:09

Today, while interviewing for a job I had to read over the physical requirements for the job. Later on she asked me how flexible I was. Trying to keep a straight face, I told her I was more flexible while I was playing sports but could work on it if I need to. She was talking about work hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 416

You deserved it 48 023

20/02/2014 21:20

Today, I saw a photo on my mother-in-law's Facebook, proudly showing off the horrible job she'd done of painting her car. I sarcastically commented that I wouldn't inflict that on my worst enemy's ride. An hour later, she came by and emptied a bucket of paint over my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 365

You deserved it 52 830

28/11/2009 05:06

Today, I went shopping with some friends. We were tired from walking around the mall all night, so we decided to sit and relax at a table. I was about to close my eyes when I got smacked on the forehead by an orange falling from the second floor of the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 253

You deserved it 3 888

02/07/2019 04:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that she wants to marry me and have my children. I’m 15. We've been dating for 3 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 110

You deserved it 218

01/06/2017 18:00

Today, I'm a youth worker. I drove 7 hours to visit a teenage girl I have been working with, and who recently moved. Due to roadworks, it took me 2 hours longer than expected. When I arrived, she told me to fuck off and closed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 090

You deserved it 530

Heavy load

By w…… - 28/04/2021 23:01

Today, I was getting ready for work. When I stepped back, my ankle rolled and my fat ass landed on it with my foot sideways under me. Now I’m in a boot for 6 weeks and have 6 weeks of physical therapy ahead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 133

12/02/2015 16:50

Today, my boyfriend threw a fit because I "still" live with my mother at age 30. I bought her an apartment in my building and hired a live-in nurse because she is senile and permanently bedridden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 222

You deserved it 2 523

15/09/2011 04:42

Today, my husband told me the only reason we're still together is because he can't afford to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 035

You deserved it 3 167

01/02/2009 10:43

Today, my roommate has gone home for the weekend. She forgot to turn her alarm clock off. Her door is locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 990

You deserved it 1 827

07/10/2017 06:00

Today, my husband and I had a HUGE fight, but we had amazing make up sex so I figured it was over. When I woke up, I realized my mistake. I was tied to the four bed posts completely naked and a sign was taped on the ceiling. "Repairman coming in an hour. Gave him a key. Have all your clothes. Have fun." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 811

You deserved it 849

03/02/2014 21:29

Today, my boyfriend gave me a teddy bear. I thought it was a sweet thing to do, until I saw him open a slit in its back while visiting later in the day and removing a bag of weed. He gave me a teddy bear just so he could smuggle drugs past my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 299

You deserved it 6 666

08/08/2009 07:02

Today, I was working in the box office. A group came in for tickets but wanted to pay individually. One paid $40 for a $25 ticket. Laughing, I reached for the calculator while saying, "I went to public school, so I can't do math." They didn't laugh. They were all teachers in public schools. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 009

You deserved it 55 144

Unloveable

By Blah - 10/10/2019 06:01

Today, it was my second day of house-sitting. I was so out of my mind from not seeing people that I invited a bunch of friends over for dinner. I said I would pay for pizza and we could all hang out in the house. Even with an unsupervised house and free food, no one showed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 868

You deserved it 374

20/08/2009 14:51

Today, my husband and I were in bed, and just as I was about to finish he screamed, "Oh shit! It's 4:15, my strawberries are gonna whither!!!!" and then jumped off me and went to check on his farm on FarmVille. An imaginary farm, on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 730

You deserved it 8 027

Sweet Sixteen

By Anonymous - 17/09/2021 13:59

Today, it's my 16th birthday. My parents forgot about it, and planned a weekend out of town. I was alone on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 69

Leave some for the rest of us

By Fourth Wheel - 15/07/2021 11:01

Today, I met up with a couple I know, who wanted to introduce me to someone. I thought they were setting me up with her, but no. They were coming out as polyamorous, and she was their new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 114

Hidden talent

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 14:01

Today, my son brought home his Muslim girlfriend and I had to watch my husband almost physically restraining himself from making a racist comment, especially since she was wearing a headscarf. No, I was not aware he was this much of a racist when I married him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 498

You deserved it 249

Gamers gonna game

By Anonymous - 25/06/2021 02:01

Today, I had to delay the Father's Day dinner that I had to cook, so it wouldn't conflict with my wife and kids' gaming schedules. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 105

Dingdong

By SF49 - 16/01/2013 18:26

Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 798

You deserved it 3 738

22/12/2011 18:11

Today, my parents were coming to visit me at my brand new apartment. I made dinner and served them the cake my roomate had left for me in the fridge. Thirty minutes after they left, I was so baked that I couldn't think straight. I still don't know if my parents made it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 653

You deserved it 8 480

17/10/2018 22:00

Today, we didn't have much to do at work, so I struck up a conversation with a coworker I have a crush on - a girl with one arm. I wanted to tell her I thought she was pretty, but I ended up saying I thought she looked like a pirate queen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 766

You deserved it 1 255

22/07/2015 06:32

Today, I was reading a picture storybook to a kindergarten kid. She could pronounce more words than me, and corrected me. I'm about triple her age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 749

You deserved it 26 830

11/08/2010 06:50

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend due to our long distance relationship. She then agreed to date my best friend who lives in the same town as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 301

You deserved it 3 446

27/02/2010 00:39

Today, I found out that I spent a year helping my dad get back into shape, not for his own good health which was what I thought, but so that he could cheat on my mom with 5 other women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 928

You deserved it 2 405

Home invasion

By Brad - 05/07/2020 20:01

Today, I woke up and got out of my room to find two pit bulls viciously tearing up my couch. I have never owned a dog and I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 832

You deserved it 101

27/11/2012 05:06

Today, my step-mom restarted the computer because she thought she'd downloaded a virus that stopped her from being able to click on anything, erasing my 7-page paper in the process. It turns out it was just the batteries dying in our wireless mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 524

You deserved it 13 371

22/10/2010 15:03

Today, my boyfriend of three months told me that he had cheated on me two months ago with my best friend. I decided to give him a second chance. About twenty minutes later, he then broke up with me for not wanting to watch football. Apparently I don't care about his feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 725

You deserved it 12 964

04/06/2019 16:00

Today, after getting home from work late last night and feeling lazy, I'd put my leftover dinner in the microwave, spoon and all. I wake up to find one of the kids started the microwave and it blew up because of the metal spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 2 532

24/01/2010 18:30

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. We were driving to his hockey game and he was joking around about throwing my favorite hoodie out of his window. While swinging it around, my brand new iPhone flew out of the pocket and the window, getting run over by a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 366

You deserved it 7 732

31/01/2009 15:04

Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 320

You deserved it 66 619

28/01/2017 12:00

Today, I was feeling depressed, so I decided to go snowboarding with friends to cheer myself up. I fell on the first trail and broke my dominant wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 767

You deserved it 560

23/05/2015 03:25

Today, my neighbor's dog decided to knock over our trash cans, which were full of my bathroom trash. I had to pick up tampon and maxi pad wrappers from all over the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 358

You deserved it 2 544

24/03/2016 14:03

Today, I managed to have 17 different nosebleeds throughout the most important job interview of my life. I managed to bleed all over my own suit, my résumé, the carpet, and the corridor leading to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 601

You deserved it 1 531

05/12/2011 00:40

Today, I cleaned my toilet. I had forgotten it was white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 218

You deserved it 49 030

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Top comments

aback 4

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 17:43

Your cousin set you up.

randomdude1234 0

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 16:45

omg trauma.

Comments

randomdude1234 0

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 16:45

omg trauma.

pingpongpickle 8

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Monday 24 May 2010 1:30

omg why do grandmas always leave the door open?? mine does that too!!!

amerrah 4

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Thursday 3 June 2010 0:10

my grandma does it while we are in the shower. its disgusting.

Milly143 3

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Friday 29 April 2011 2:46

ugh so does mine x(

divaboots 8

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 16:46

owned xD

KyleSays1 0

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 22:46

trauma yuppp..!

juliasayshi 0

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Thursday 1 April 2010 22:36

ewww u will never b able to unsee that! didn't see that one comin did ya LOL

Intoxicunt 5

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 16:50

Couldn't you have knocked with a triumphant "AHA!"? Scrub your corneas.

HLLAND 0

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 16:53

- -.....FYL..i just read the last two words as "smile dump"..xD.FML

plexico 3

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 16:54

Now you know the source of the smelly dumps! Knowledge is power!

palleas_fml 0

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 16:57

an obvious ydi I guess. But, yeah, next time, knock anyway ^^

Dr_Jalepenos 0

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 3:32

well he got u, didn't he?

wellinever 5

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 17:05

Smelly dump? Is there another kind?

satanstoystore 0

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 17:32

omg. i didnt see that one coming. how unexpected. you know, this is exactly how most of the world works. i hope we blow ourselves up.

aback 4

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 17:43

Your cousin set you up.

plexico 3

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 17:52

Of course, if winning at hide-and-seek means watching your grandma take a smelly dump, then he takes the game WAY too seriously!