Love: Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single"... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 1

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 708

23/09/2009 01:10

Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 257

You deserved it 8 019

Good kid

Bullshit excuse

What a cult

13/09/2011 17:07

Today, after being cut out of the car, on the way to hospital in the ambulance, we were involved in another accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 560

You deserved it 2 372

12/09/2009 18:35

Today, I was on the job as an ambulance driver, I got a call about a man who claimed he'd had a heart attack. When I got to the house, it turned out the man was fine. I did however manage to hit a dog on the way there in fear of the man dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 329

You deserved it 5 450

28/02/2012 02:12

Spicy

Today, I found out my wife cheated on me with a guy from her work three times, two months before I proposed to her. She decided to tell me three months into our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 553

You deserved it 2 633

06/02/2014 06:57

Today, my boyfriend admitted to subtly encouraging me to do stupid things because he finds my "bimbo moments" hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 957

You deserved it 8 221

22/11/2013 20:51

Today, my father took revenge on me for bankrupting him in a game of Monopoly. His revenge consisted of having a truckload of sand dumped in my driveway while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 223

You deserved it 3 642

23/07/2017 05:00

Spicy

Today, I went camping. The night was calm and quiet, so we went to our separate tents to sleep. I closed my eyes, listening to the distant waves and my father playing porn in the tent beside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 007

You deserved it 442

Great timing

By letdown - 19/07/2020 14:01

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with a coworker I’d been flirting with for nearly 2 and half years. The sex lasted less than 2 and a half minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 464

You deserved it 657

06/03/2009 22:20

Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity filled. As she's drilling into my tooth, I feel the drill slip, and then she quickly stuffs gauze into my mouth. She nervously laughs and says to me "Wow! You must really be numb!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 170 079

You deserved it 7 483

Nutter on the bus

By Kevin - 18/03/2021 21:30

Today, some guy at the bus stop screamed at me because the bus was coming and I wasn’t wearing my mask. I was standing 25 feet from the stop finishing a smoke and there was no one around me. When I sat down on the bus, with my mask on, he stared me down the whole ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 152

23/05/2014 16:00

Today, an old lady fell in the street, and I rushed to help her. As I tried to help her to her feet, she started screaming, "She pushed me! She pushed me!" I froze up in shock, and ended up being chased by some guy who thought I'd attacked her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 732

You deserved it 3 099

29/01/2012 19:55

Spicy

Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship with a female is the one I have with my cat. Even then, she ignores me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 443

You deserved it 5 753

10/02/2009 05:58

Today, I greeted a mom and a little girl at the place where I work. The little girl looks at me, looks back at her mom, and says, "Mommy, I hate people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 570

You deserved it 2 795

04/11/2010 23:54

Today, my 5 year old son and I went out. As I was looking in the window display of a shop, I turned around to witness my son pooping in an open manhole on the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 695

You deserved it 9 546

16/07/2015 22:47

Today, it's got to the point where my parents have to force me to plan social outings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 798

You deserved it 5 591

24/09/2009 21:24

Today, while on my first day off in 2 years, I decided to play online poker. I won over $3,000. While filling out my information to get the money the power went out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 952

You deserved it 4 701

18/04/2014 22:07

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad at a tennis game. I could tell he despised me from the start, but it only got worse when I played him. He smashed the ball at me and I went to hit it, but I missed and fell over, tearing my arm up on the gravel. He had a smirk on his face for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 354

You deserved it 4 215

22/02/2019 20:00

Today, just like everyday, I opened my med box, took out a blister pack and took one of the pills before putting the pack back in the box. Today, not like everyday, I had diarrhea. Turns out one of the packs was laxatives put in my med box by my boyfriend because they looked the same as my meds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 966

You deserved it 283

29/01/2015 17:01

Today, my parents continue comparing me to my "perfect" friend. He smokes dope, is a compulsive thief, and has gone to juvie numerous times. I'm passing school with flying colors and have never been in any trouble with the law. Apparently I should be more like him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 910

You deserved it 2 373

02/01/2018 15:00

Today, a student's parent yelled at me because they had to pay for school equipment their son had stolen from my desk. Apparently, it's my fault because the item was just too tempting for him not to steal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 641

You deserved it 246

01/03/2009 18:37

Today, I was questioned about a request for a restraining order filed against me by an old woman. According to the report, she's seen me "walking near her house and waving at her" for the last two months. I've been her next-door neighbor for a year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 782

You deserved it 2 573

09/04/2009 22:11

Today, I told my ex boyfriend I lost 20 lbs because of the stress of the break up. His response was "you're welcome." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 349

You deserved it 27 768

10/05/2014 22:11

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by coming home early. He walked in on me sitting on the toilet, singing full volume to my cat as I took a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 322

You deserved it 13 667

18/06/2016 14:09

Spicy

Today, I got really horny during a 10 hour shift, so I snuck into a storage room and relieved myself. Then as I went to leave the room, I noticed the security camera above the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 001

You deserved it 25 160

15/05/2017 18:00

Today, I turned 21 and had a huge party because I could finally drink legally. Got arrested for public intoxication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 295

You deserved it 6 285

09/10/2009 22:11

Today, I asked a girl I like to homecoming. I brought her to my house beforehand for dinner with my family. My brother asked her whether we were just friends or dating, she shouts "Just friends!" and then starts flirting with him with me in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 299

You deserved it 3 812

08/01/2010 03:30

Today, I realised that I have fallen for the most amazing girl. She's good looking, has a great personality, she's funny and is a hit with all my friends but she doesn't seem to realise she has a body odor problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 801

You deserved it 6 155

22/10/2011 20:25

Today, I found out the hard way that everyone in my dorm knows I watch My Little Pony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 528

You deserved it 43 317

11/08/2019 06:00

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I felt something tickling my neck. Thinking it was him, I ignored it. Just when I was about to climax, I looked down to see a lizard on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 883

You deserved it 218

28/08/2009 18:30

Today, I was feeling sick and I farted so loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 666

You deserved it 6 881

29/03/2018 15:00

Today, after three weeks in the hospital for a lung infection, I was released. On the way home, another car ran a red light and T-boned my car. Back to the hospital I go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 648

You deserved it 178

01/07/2014 21:57

Today, my sister was upset because she felt like no one liked her. Without thinking, I replied, "It's okay. If I acted like you, people would probably hate me, too." This sounded sympathetic in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 975

You deserved it 24 056

25/11/2018 17:30

Today, I had a good day at work. I got all of my stuff done, I got to eat, and I got to clock out on time. It only became a bad day when I was told by my boss that today was my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 787

You deserved it 557

09/04/2009 09:16

Today, I was leaving a clothing store when the security guard stopped me and demanded that I surrender the clothing I was "trying to steal" by hiding it under my shirt. It turns out, he was just looking at my pot belly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 813

You deserved it 11 432

23/08/2015 03:13

Today, the nine year old girl I was babysitting got the hiccups, so I told her to drink some water upside down to cure them. She ended up vomiting on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 103

You deserved it 11 864

22/03/2009 02:38

Today, I went out for coffee with a guy I really like. We met up at the local café, and decided to sit at a counter in front of the window. We talked and flirted for a while. Then he kissed me, and while he was kissing me someone banged on the window. It was my parents. They didn't know I'm gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 685

You deserved it 35 584

27/11/2011 02:33

Today, I was arrested for breaking into a house. This is what happens when I lose my key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 813

You deserved it 4 549

18/09/2017 20:00

Today, I dropped my 6-month-old $3,500 guitar. Luckily, it had a one year warranty from the store so I drove back. It was shut down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 725

You deserved it 524

07/02/2010 18:58

Today, I found out that, if timed just right, the alarm function on my phone can be disabled by a text message. And my dad has an impeccable sense of timing. I was 20 minutes late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 950

You deserved it 3 250

Pants on fire

By Anonymous - 29/09/2013 04:12

Today, I texted a cute picture of my boyfriend and me to my mom, who lives very far away. She replied saying that my Photoshop skills are great, but that I don't need to go so far to pretend that anyone would date me, and that there's no shame in being single at 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 131

You deserved it 3 263

02/11/2010 06:20

Today, I was cashier at work. The line came to a stop, but there was still people there. I kept saying next, but no one moved. I finally looked over the counter where there was a lady who had been standing there the whole time. She was a midget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 780

You deserved it 14 279

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Top comments

the88thpianoman 3

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 11:04

That should have been a brief and polite conversation in which you informed said pregnant wife of her husband's online infidelities. Of course, the wife's anger towards you is completely misplaced, as it is her husband she ought to be mad at.

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 10:51

Why are these people such idiots? Be mad at your goddamn partner for being a cheating bastard instead.

Comments

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 10:22

Tsk, tsk, trying to steal a pregnant womans man! Shame on you.

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 10:51

Why are these people such idiots? Be mad at your goddamn partner for being a cheating bastard instead.

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 11:28

She met the guy online. She probably doesn't know anything about him, except what he tells her. So if he says he's single, how is she to know that he's actually in a relationship and expecting a baby? It's the guy's fault for being a lying son of a bitch, not her fault for "stealing" a guy who conveniently forgot to tell her he's married. FYL for having been fooled by such a dick.

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 13:58

Internet dating always end up with someone sobbing.

kisseshugsdrugs 5

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Thursday 24 September 2009 0:31

i agree, she had no idea he was married, let alone expecting a child! i dont get these women (or men) who are mad at the other girl/guy their significant other is cheating on them with. GO KICK YOUR HUSBANDS ASS! the only time you should beat the bitch is when she knew you existed, otherwise get someone who respects you. fucking IDIOTS.

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 10:22

ydi

DarkPrince_fml 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 23:38

I wouldve went to her house and beaten her with a bat

caseyface0801 0

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 10:23

ydi for meeting random men online.

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Saturday 1 May 2010 13:56

Exactly. OP totally deserved this one.

killyourscene 0

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 10:27

I say duke it out!

rick_james_b17ch 0

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Thursday 24 September 2009 1:31

i don't think thats a good idea, that woman is pregnant, she now has the strength, and intelligence of a woman and a small child, not to mention an extra set of nails.

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 10:31

f her life not yours.

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 13:11

it is f HER life dumbfuck how the hell is she supposed to know the guy is a lying cheating asswipe?

SadinSherman 16

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Saturday 22 October 2011 0:23

Her life sucks but she doesn't have to deal with her husband cheating on her while she is pregnant

twistedluver101 2

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 10:38

fyl for being on a pregnan woman's bad side. ydi for meeting men online. oh and, f HIS life. cuz he's now on his preggo wife's bad side.

Chr0nicdreamz 0

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 10:41

rofl dumbass

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 10:46

fuck her life, that should affect you for no longer than a few moments.

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 10:48

ydi

the88thpianoman 3

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 11:04

That should have been a brief and polite conversation in which you informed said pregnant wife of her husband's online infidelities. Of course, the wife's anger towards you is completely misplaced, as it is her husband she ought to be mad at.

erincolleen82 0

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 12:21

Seriously... only one of the two people she could be pissed at is likely to take care of her. It makes sense for her to be mad at the other woman - she stands more of a chance of scaring her off and keeping her (cheating jerk of a) man nearby to take care of her and their baby.

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Wednesday 23 September 2009 21:32

If he's cheating now then he's probably going to end up leaving her and their child high and dry anyway.

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Sunday 3 July 2016 20:40

I don't know the details of this situation from the FML, but maybe the pregnant woman just wanted to scare away the other woman because she needed the man to help her take care of the baby. Otherwise, if the woman wasn't pregnant and still took it out on OP, that would be foolish.