By 3hoursleftofwork - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes Today, the magic of witnessing a sheep giving birth was ruined for me when I slipped and fell in the puddle of birth fluids. FML I agree, your life sucks 28668 You deserved it 5323 138 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Chelstable Today, I woke up with the worst headache of my life. I didn't get it from drinking, but rather from puking 6 times off the side of a fishing boat. Fishing was the one thing my husband wanted to do while on vacation, even though I'm 3 months pregnant and have a bad stomach. FML I agree, your life sucks 14611 You deserved it 1471 38 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 4/10/2020 14:01 Bye bye love Today, according to my emotionally distant boyfriend, stopping by a whorehouse on his way home several nights a week for a quick blowjob isn’t cheating, because it involves cash and no intimacy afterwards. Dumped his ass real quick. FML I agree, your life sucks 1674 You deserved it 155 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Levi2411 - 6/1/2021 11:01 Work is hell Today, I had to do the job of 3 to 4 people. Spending the first half in the bakery by myself, I then had to run over to the deli and cook everything for the day while helping lines of customers. Why? Because 8 people are on Covid leave. Instead of shutting down the department, welcome to hell. FML I agree, your life sucks 951 You deserved it 1182 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By blanknameisblank - United States - Fayetteville Today, I broke my nose trying to pop a zit. FML I agree, your life sucks 48593 You deserved it 22046 130 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ohwell - United States - Arlington Today, I handed in my 2 weeks notice, since I have to leave for college soon. My boss told me it was fine, then cut all my remaining shifts. FML I agree, your life sucks 14373 You deserved it 1268 43 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia Today, after much thought and serious consideration, I nervously admitted to my boyfriend that I'm bisexual. The first thing that he said in response was: "Want a threesome?" FML I agree, your life sucks 20445 You deserved it 40769 205 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne Today, I discovered that my wife actually encourages my three year-old son to sleep in our bed, as a buffer against any romantic advances. FML I agree, your life sucks 37616 You deserved it 3610 110 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By iheartvodka - United States Today, I had a police officer come to my house because I've been reported missing. My friends online decided to call the police because I haven't signed in for 6 days. FML I agree, your life sucks 37574 You deserved it 6676 122 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By beya - Canada Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML I agree, your life sucks 93846 You deserved it 5843 237 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lion2294 - United States - Laingsburg Today, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't stop looking at my phone while working. I work in the back room, and there is no clock in there. I look at my phone to check the time. That way I know how long I have left in that hellhole. FML I agree, your life sucks 31093 You deserved it 7190 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Benjamin - United States Today, a coworker thought it would be funny to put a tack on my chair. When I sat down, it went directly into my butt. When I sprang up, I hit my head on a lamp. I then hit my head on my desk on the way down. FML I agree, your life sucks 35702 You deserved it 3028 142 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sara1990 - Australia Today, I went on a double date with my bestfriend. At the end of the night, her boyfriend gave her a long kiss, and texted her 5 minutes after we left to say he missed her already. My boyfriend picked his nose, then gave me a fist bump as a goodbye. FML I agree, your life sucks 39110 You deserved it 6953 223 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bestbfever Today, my drunk boyfriend called me by my best friend's name in bed. FML I agree, your life sucks 4731 You deserved it 390 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Noname - United States Today, I was walking down the street when I passed a construction site. All of the workers started making a fuss and whistling, etc. Naturally, I got very flustered. I stood still for a second and faced them. One yelled for me to move because I was in the way of a girl at a stop light. FML I agree, your life sucks 64837 You deserved it 14190 49 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Ireland - Dublin Today, I decided not to wear any makeup. I got told 13 times at work that I looked ill. FML I agree, your life sucks 28641 You deserved it 6741 209 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By skiergal98 Today, I found out why I haven't been getting my bank statements for the past couple of months. My parents have been hiding them from me, because they've been stealing from it. FML I agree, your life sucks 2092 You deserved it 131 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Dora - Canada Today, I won 10,555 dollars on scratch cards! My sister got me to do a happy dance and filmed it. The video is on facebook and the tickets were fake. FML I agree, your life sucks 37140 You deserved it 7953 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 10/4/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom - Banchory Alexa, play "Get The Message" by Electronic Today, it became apparent that telling your crush you like them isn't worth a response. I mean after all it's not like I'm sitting here not thinking about them and hoping for something to happen. No no, a simple "No thanks" is too much hard work for some. FML I agree, your life sucks 667 You deserved it 303 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lalalalalala - United States Today, I was excited to have a window seat on my three hour flight to New York. When I got to my row, I noticed the screaming newborn occupying the seat in front of me, and a pair of toddlers behind me. I then looked to my seat to find I have no window. FML I agree, your life sucks 35713 You deserved it 3713 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Minneapolis Today, at the swimming pool, I thought it'd be funny to sneak up on my 5-year-old daughter underwater and surprise her. I grabbed her by the sides, and she shrieked. A moment later, a brown cloud erupted from her swimsuit. Cue screaming and a mass panic from the other kids. FML I agree, your life sucks 24012 You deserved it 12434 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 6/2/2021 02:01 Stalker vibes Today, my ex-girlfriend got some new piercings and decided to show me. They are the exact same piercings that the girl I'm currently seeing has. I'm starting to think she's still keeping tabs on me. FML I agree, your life sucks 797 You deserved it 139 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By gotmilk? - United States - Pompano Beach Today, my dad was telling me some childhood stories. He mentioned I once started sucking on a cow's udder when I was 2, and I asked why didn't he stop me. His response: "You were an accident and I wasn't good at the parenting thing". FML I agree, your life sucks 26523 You deserved it 1827 51 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By busybee - United States Today, I went to the zoo with a guy I like, when we were there we saw a swarm of bees. I told him that if I got stung he would have to watch me because my dad is deathly allergic to bees and I have never been stung. Jokingly, he nudged me into the bush and said "let's see". We did. I'm allergic. FML I agree, your life sucks 65586 You deserved it 5811 142 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By poorcollegestudent - Canada Today, I went to my university bookstore and tried to use my debit card to pay, but got the "Insufficient Funds" notification. I was buying a single postage stamp, which costs 57 cents. FML I agree, your life sucks 31127 You deserved it 9617 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Erie Today, after being a germaphobe for almost ten years and refusing to go out to restaurants because of it, I finally had the courage to face my fear, and went to dinner with my family. After three bites into my salad, I found a dead bug in it. FML I agree, your life sucks 33060 You deserved it 3388 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By EMT_Koulianos - United States Today, I was performing CPR on a woman on her floor while her internal defibrillator kept firing, making her whole body jump. When it fired, her hand went straight up into my nuts. FML I agree, your life sucks 55023 You deserved it 4074 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anne - United States Today, I returned home from college for the first time in a month. I went to my bedroom and found a nice gift bag on my dresser. Thinking it was a Valentine's gift, I opened it. My dog's ashes were in a tin inside. This is how I found out my dog died since I was away. FML I agree, your life sucks 51312 You deserved it 2356 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I tripped and fell going up the stairs, not once, but twice at work as I was leading customers through our building. I actually got bruises. FML I agree, your life sucks 1344 You deserved it 251 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Dallas Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML I agree, your life sucks 44170 You deserved it 7725 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nottelling7012 - Australia Today, my girlfriend of six months broke up with me because of 'creative differences', as she put it. The real reason is that we couldn't decide which cupboard the plates should have gone in. FML I agree, your life sucks 26945 You deserved it 4390 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kendal - Canada Today, I was baking cookies. I stared at them for 15 minutes and finally asked my dad, "Why are these taking so long?" He looked up at the oven and replied, "It might help if you turn the oven on." FML I agree, your life sucks 11149 You deserved it 49702 286 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Southampton Today, a couple asked me to donate my eggs so they could start a family. When I refused, I was called heartless by my ex-husband and the woman he cheated on me with for over two years. FML I agree, your life sucks 39813 You deserved it 2382 110 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Sweden Today, my family is going to the USA for Christmas after being lucky and getting their tickets re-booked. My ticket was canceled due to the snow, and will not be re-booked. Merry Christmas to me, myself and a bottle of wine. FML I agree, your life sucks 31032 You deserved it 2740 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By saynotochrispine - United States Today, my boyfriend told me that we would be living out one of his fantasies. When I showed up, ready to go, he began playing the theme song to Star Trek and asked me to call him Mr. Spock. FML I agree, your life sucks 48125 You deserved it 7882 198 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fucking mafia or what?? - United States - Marysville Today, I opened the door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML I agree, your life sucks 35891 You deserved it 3432 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By magicman - United States Today, while riding my bike on the sidewalk, I came across a ladder. To avoid bad luck, I swerved around it into the street. I got hit by a car. FML I agree, your life sucks 14120 You deserved it 31321 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By umyuck - United States - Norfolk Today, I noticed my shower drain wasn't draining well. I cleaned it out, thinking it was just a rat's nest of hair. Wrong. It was an actual dead rat. FML I agree, your life sucks 32411 You deserved it 2507 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Chester Today, I'm so broke after paying my bills, that I resorted to eating plain garlic butter from the pizzeria down the street for lunch. The worst part: to get the butter, I stormed in and angrily complained, saying they forgot to give it to me. I never even ordered a pizza. FML I agree, your life sucks 40837 You deserved it 9702 160 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mommyopps - United States - Madison Lake Today, I'm beginning to regret explaining death to my 3-year-old son. We were at the supermarket when he looked at an elderly woman and loudly told her "You're gonna die soon!" FML I agree, your life sucks 21830 You deserved it 3542 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Pepe - France Today, my girlfriend said to me, "You know, you only have to wash 3 times a week to be clean." FML I agree, your life sucks 33451 You deserved it 7794 115 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By leprechaun23 | 15 #4229442 - Thursday 29 March 2012 0:19 Slip n slide? Send a private message 144 7 Reply
By Suchagoonnn | 4 #4229511 - Thursday 29 March 2012 0:27 Theres magic in sheep giving birth? All this time i thought it was natural.. Send a private message 78 4 Reply
Reply Cad6 | 24 #4229463 - Thursday 29 March 2012 0:22 Eww? I slather myself in birth fluids on a daily basis. Send a private message 55 5 Reply
Reply xXxIracebethxXx | 14 #4229497 - Thursday 29 March 2012 0:24 #9 - Who doesn't? It's great for skin, especially if the fluids are free :D Send a private message 22 12 Reply
Reply Damn_Hippster | 11 #4229514 - Thursday 29 March 2012 0:27 I think that the birth fluids would only make the experience better. Send a private message 22 7 Reply
Reply jizzwold | 21 #4229538 - Thursday 29 March 2012 0:30 I use birth fluids as shampoo, cooking oil, lube, and tooth paste so I don't see the problem. Send a private message 23 15 Reply
Reply n_epic_fail | 14 #4229571 - Thursday 29 March 2012 0:35 19- sounds like you might have a birth fluid fetish... Nice to know I'm not alone. Send a private message 35 6 Reply
Reply Sniperkid07 | 6 #4229650 - Thursday 29 March 2012 0:47 That's what crazy b*stards over in Afghanistan do. Slurp on it, like it's good. Send a private message 2 22 Reply
Reply _Oblivion_ | 12 #4229671 - Thursday 29 March 2012 0:49 How close do you have to be to get a good view? Give the animal some space Send a private message 24 4 Reply
Reply CookieGirl4ever | 13 #4229688 - Thursday 29 March 2012 0:50 ...backs away slowly... v•.•" Send a private message 9 9 Reply
Reply TheBonzaiGirl | 0 #4229827 - Thursday 29 March 2012 1:16 I believe you mean ewe...... Send a private message 69 5 Reply
Reply Shafreeka | 8 #4230109 - Thursday 29 March 2012 2:29 53- I think everyone should have seen what you did there... Send a private message 17 8 Reply
Reply allard | 14 #4230310 - Thursday 29 March 2012 3:19 That's really Baaaaaaaaaaaaaahd luck.. Send a private message 14 5 Reply
Reply fluorescentadole_fml | 8 #4230413 - Thursday 29 March 2012 3:45 haha you beat me to it! Send a private message 6 7 Reply
Reply Jessic1 | 5 #4230422 - Thursday 29 March 2012 3:50 Yeah but if it is someone else's body fluids that is kind of gross! Send a private message 4 2 Reply
Reply jlev90 | 2 #4230451 - Thursday 29 March 2012 4:15 A female sheep is a ewe not eww Send a private message 5 17 Reply
Reply TheElderTROLLZ | 15 #4230548 - Thursday 29 March 2012 4:39 Imagine if it was shit... Send a private message 3 9 Reply
Reply Awsumuzzie | 12 #4230666 - Thursday 29 March 2012 5:17 How is 32 not moded yet? Darn his magic cloack of invisibility! Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Reply asherm | 15 #4230785 - Thursday 29 March 2012 5:45 I was thinking the same... Ewe! Send a private message 4 3 Reply
Reply betty_white | 12 #4231427 - Thursday 29 March 2012 9:05 so punny 53 so punny Send a private message 4 0 Reply
Reply jomo111 | 5 #4238628 - Saturday 31 March 2012 0:11 Maybe reading these fmls while currently being sick isn't agood idea... I'm gonna go through up now Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By leprechaun23 | 15 #4229442 - Thursday 29 March 2012 0:19 Slip n slide? Send a private message 144 7 Reply
Reply Cad6 | 24 #4229483 - Thursday 29 March 2012 0:24 Slip 'n' Slide + Water = Decent experience. Slip 'n' Slide + Birth fluids = Win. Send a private message 33 5 Reply
Reply lizzienemo | 6 #4229536 - Thursday 29 March 2012 0:30 If you're not the one sliding. LOL Send a private message 14 2 Reply
Reply bizarre_ftw | 21 #4229678 - Thursday 29 March 2012 0:50 It freaks me out how well your picture goes with your comment Send a private message 17 2 Reply
Reply Sniperkid07 | 6 #4229695 - Thursday 29 March 2012 0:52 I'm not sure what to think of your picture? Send a private message 5 12 Reply
Reply alexup24 | 13 #4230201 - Thursday 29 March 2012 2:54 I like chocolate milk. Send a private message 30 1 Reply
Reply nado13579 | 12 #4230442 - Thursday 29 March 2012 4:08 Cheese! :D Send a private message 12 2 Reply
Reply TheElderTROLLZ | 15 #4230559 - Thursday 29 March 2012 4:42 92 - Cheese! For everyone! - Sheogorath Send a private message 6 1 Reply
By xxtb0 | 0 #4229445 - Thursday 29 March 2012 0:19 that's all part of the experience though... Send a private message 21 28 Reply
Reply mjoyn98 | 1 #4229795 - Thursday 29 March 2012 1:09 Sounds like a b-a-a-a-a-a-a-d experience. See what I did there? Send a private message 29 4 Reply
Reply auzz1_pride | 9 #4229968 - Thursday 29 March 2012 1:40 NO I didn't, what did you do :O? Send a private message 12 17 Reply
Reply Cad6 | 24 #4230018 - Thursday 29 March 2012 1:53 ^Nothing don't worry about it. Send a private message 27 5 Reply
Reply ladyLALAA | 28 #4231595 - Thursday 29 March 2012 10:42 65, thanks for making Australia look bad. Of course you go to Gilhooleys! :-/ Send a private message 2 1 Reply
By Emoney1 | 3 #4229447 - Thursday 29 March 2012 0:20 Still counts! Send a private message 5 30 Reply
Reply CookieGirl4ever | 13 #4229699 - Thursday 29 March 2012 0:53 ...as what..? •~• Send a private message 36 1 Reply
Reply ShortNotice113 | 5 #4230682 - Thursday 29 March 2012 5:20 People need to stop making references to that song. Seriously. Send a private message 8 1 Reply
Reply Awes0meperson | 10 #4230736 - Thursday 29 March 2012 5:29 42 - doesn't matter, had sex. That's what he's referring to. From the song "I just had sex" by Lonely Islands Send a private message 6 2 Reply
Reply Emoney1 | 3 #4231816 - Thursday 29 March 2012 12:56 Thanks 113 Send a private message 1 3 Reply
By jillianmathers12 | 13 #4229449 - Thursday 29 March 2012 0:20 That's so gross! Hope that somebody offered you a hose to clean yourself up! Or if you are on a farm that is also a home, hope they offered a shower! Send a private message 16 29 Reply
Reply EduJav321 | 24 #4230987 - Thursday 29 March 2012 7:15 Im pretty sure the sherp is hers Send a private message 1 4 Reply
Reply EmilyJoSmyth | 4 #4234302 - Thursday 29 March 2012 22:50 Herp sherp Send a private message 7 0 Reply
By 94yhy | 8 #4229451 - Thursday 29 March 2012 0:20 There goes my lunch. Send a private message 16 9 Reply
Reply TheElderTROLLZ | 15 #4230562 - Thursday 29 March 2012 4:44 And here comes mine. Don't ask me why I said that, and don't judge me! I love drinking birth fluids! Send a private message 6 5 Reply
Reply alex1432 | 9 #4230883 - Thursday 29 March 2012 6:30 that was a great comment my friend Send a private message 1 3 Reply
By samrk96 | 0 #4229453 - Thursday 29 March 2012 0:20 now you and the lambs have a special connection. Send a private message 51 6 Reply
By lizzienemo | 6 #4229456 - Thursday 29 March 2012 0:21 "The magic of newborn witnessing..."? That makes no sense. Just sayin'. If OP just got rid of newborn, it would make sense. Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By stevenJB | 25 #4229468 - Thursday 29 March 2012 0:22 At least you were able to be a part of the birth?... 9 17 Reply
Reply instnt1nfction | 17 #4229933 - Thursday 29 March 2012 1:35 Technically OP was outside of the sheep, so she wasn't part of it Send a private message 17 4 Reply
By Suchagoonnn | 4 #4229511 - Thursday 29 March 2012 0:27 Theres magic in sheep giving birth? All this time i thought it was natural.. Send a private message 78 4 Reply
Reply Wheredidgrungego | 12 #4229628 - Thursday 29 March 2012 0:43 That pun was baaaaaaaaaad! I'm sure this experience was the strangest OP has ever haaaaaaaaaad. Send a private message 5 31 Reply
Reply angrymexican | 8 #4229784 - Thursday 29 March 2012 1:07 I didn't see a pun. Send a private message 25 0 Reply
Reply pokefan813 | 16 #4230235 - Thursday 29 March 2012 3:02 That's what they want you to think Send a private message 4 1 Reply
Reply rachrocks101 | 0 #4230509 - Thursday 29 March 2012 4:30 Actually, expelliarmus means to make someone drop their wand. Just thought i would be a know it all for a minute. Carry on. Send a private message 9 5 Reply
Reply Epsilonyx | 15 #4230983 - Thursday 29 March 2012 7:13 Expelliarmus basically means expel weapon. The lamb was clearly the weapon of the sheep's vagina. Send a private message 10 2 Reply
Reply j_cat187 | 19 #4231000 - Thursday 29 March 2012 7:22 #48 Seriously, your picture is fucking disturbing. Send a private message 4 1 Reply
Today, my roommate walked in on me going down on my girlfriend in our shared living area. She was embarrassed for about 20 seconds, then pushed my head... I agree, your life sucks 192 You deserved it 244 4 Comments
Today, I woke up naked in my best friend's roommate's bed. We had sex and I puked on the bed. My first sex in over a year and I don't remember a thing.... I agree, your life sucks 181 You deserved it 476 4 Comments