All the FMLs

This is OP. I would just like to say that, it wasn't the fact that I didn't get the tip that she promised that made me sad. It was the fact that, I had the cost of her meal, deducted from my cheque that made me sad..

By Mike Polk - 03/10/2011 12:37 - United States

Today, there was a guy following me, so to avoid him, I crouched down and basically waddled behind a wall to get past him. Sure enough, first thing I see when I get around the corner, while still waddling, was an unhappy midget couple staring right at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 209

You deserved it 5 950

By smsmall - 03/10/2011 12:08 - United States

Today, I finally admitted that I have to consider buying a nose hair trimmer. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 386

You deserved it 4 197

Neighborhood watch

By TheAnnoyedNeighbor - 03/10/2011 06:08 - United States

Today, I came back home to find that my house had been robbed, one week after my neighbors. I was walking around my neighborhood to see if anything was suspicious, and discovered that my neighbors had put up a sign, reading: "Rob the neighbors, THEY don't have a security system." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 615

You deserved it 3 294

By Ramis182 - 03/10/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 788

You deserved it 6 033

By NotRussian - 03/10/2011 04:15 - United States

Today, I had a blind date with a really cute guy. Just when I was about to invite him back to my place for a nightcap, he took out a catalog of Russian mail-order brides and asked for my help in picking out the best one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 029

You deserved it 3 453

By Anonymous - 03/10/2011 03:29 - United States

Today, while working in a jail, I had to tell an inmate arrested for domestic violence that no, he could not use his phone call to call me at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 095

You deserved it 2 288

Peacocking PUA syndrome

By hardtoignore - 03/10/2011 01:34 - United States

Today, after reading about seduction techniques, I wore shades and a brightly colored shirt to a club to attract female attention. However, the sunglasses rendered me almost blind, and I tripped over a step, crashed into tables, and thanks to the shirt, everyone saw it happen in glorious technicolor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 243

You deserved it 45 805

By bastard magnet - 02/10/2011 22:14 - United States

Today, I came home crying after my boyfriend dumped me for another girl. My dad told me to come tell him what was wrong. I sat down and let it all out, after which he looked up from his book, into my eyes, and gave me his loving advice: "Just cry about it and move on to another bastard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 116

You deserved it 7 965

By scared - 02/10/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, I went on a date at a restaurant with a guy. When he promised I wouldn't have to pay the bill, I didn't think he meant we'd be dining and dashing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 489

You deserved it 3 450

By Anonymous - 02/10/2011 20:35 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, my boss went to the single-stall bathroom on our floor. The next thing I know, I'm on suspension pending review because some asshole left an upper-decker in the toilet. Since I'm the office prankster, all suspicion is now on me. I've been framed by my own colleagues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 949

You deserved it 14 890

By TraumatizedMother - 02/10/2011 07:27 - United States

Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 878

You deserved it 10 333

By Emmy - 02/10/2011 06:36 - United States

Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 402

You deserved it 3 367

By katt_is_here - 02/10/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I was at my job in the Halloween store. I had to tell someone, "Please stop hitting the Bieber wig with that pimp cane." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 805

You deserved it 4 155

katt_is_here tells us more.

katt_is_here 24

Monday 3 October 2011 6:02

Clarification time I guess. The wig was still in the bag as it was at the store. The pimp cane was another item sold at the store. I chose brevity in the FML for impact. No pun intended. I should add that I was dressed as zombie Amy Winehouse at the time so I had a horrible beehive wig on. It was a very interesting evening.

By Kelly - 02/10/2011 04:53 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a young boy. I accidentally let a few words slip when I dropped something. He won't stop dropping the F bomb and his mother is coming to get him in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 212

You deserved it 38 258