All the FMLs

By radiating - 09/03/2012 04:53

Today, my hay-fever started. I'm five months pregnant, and every time I cough, sneeze or blow my nose I either fart or wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 803

You deserved it 3 222

By babymine - 09/03/2012 04:45 - United States

Today, I was boarding a plane and a woman's bag started to fall. In the spur of the moment I thrust my arm up to catch it. I didn't catch the bag, but I did catch her boob. I had to sit next to her for the rest of the flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 081

You deserved it 2 970

By gabbykinz13 - 08/03/2012 21:48 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 057

You deserved it 57 262

By hungry - 08/03/2012 19:15 - Canada

Today, I'm participating in a 30 hour awareness-raising event on famine in Africa. I'm supposed to hand out leaflets to people from my booth. My school decided to hand out a literal crate-load of free cupcakes right in front of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 508

You deserved it 3 212

By hairy - 08/03/2012 14:30 - Serbia

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. Apparently, my nose hair scares him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 552

You deserved it 13 824

By Anon - 08/03/2012 11:53 - United States

Today, I was called an assortment of names and was almost followed home by a crazy bitch. Why? Because I stated that it was unsanitary for her to bring her dog to a grocery store. She clearly disagreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 725

You deserved it 7 579

Rock on!

By wtf - 08/03/2012 09:03 - United States

Today, I was jamming out and playing some air guitar. I somehow managed to knee myself directly in my left eye socket. I now have a hideously swollen face and a black eye. When people ask me what happened, I'll be hesitant to tell the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 854

You deserved it 24 539

By thatchick3333 - 08/03/2012 07:13 - United States

Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 501

You deserved it 6 978

By Honey Badger - 08/03/2012 05:47 - United States

Today, I was at a meeting. One of the other members decided to share that their cat had passed away recently. I got an uncontrollable nervous laugh, started crying because I was laughing so hard, and left the room while everyone watched in horror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 761

You deserved it 23 123

By Kayla_Zee_Ninja - 08/03/2012 04:06 - United States

Today, I was debating if I actually do talk to myself. I was having this conversation with myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 086

You deserved it 7 597

Kayla_Zee_Ninja tells us more.

Kayla_Zee_Ninja 8

Thursday 8 March 2012 15:13

Honest: I talk to myself every ******* way there is, accents, in corners, movie theaters, school, friends house, sometimes I make scenarios and yeah... But honest: every argument I'm in I never win! XD

By Janitor - 08/03/2012 01:08 - United States

Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He gave me a cupcake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 351

You deserved it 3 891

By Hungrytoothbrush - 07/03/2012 22:07 - United States

Today, I spat up blood and had horrible chest pain. My mom still made me go to school, claiming she needed to take the cat to the vet instead of taking me to the doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 232

You deserved it 2 423

By sad face - 07/03/2012 19:25 - Canada

Today, my history teacher confiscated my iPhone. She dropped it on the way back to her desk, and I now have a shattered iPhone screen to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 543

You deserved it 32 059

What?

By Anonymous - 07/03/2012 18:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I went with my friends to see a movie. I handed my student card over to the cashier as proof I was old enough to see it, and he started laughing hysterically at my picture. Then he called over a colleague, who also started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 101

You deserved it 3 024

By Me - 07/03/2012 18:24 - United States

Today, I had to use the restroom while at work. I had the choice of the stall with a broken lock, or the stall with a huge crack in the partition wall. Not two minutes after I sat down, I noticed someone peeking in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 534

You deserved it 2 611

By whatawaste - 07/03/2012 16:25 - United States

Today, I went to the dorm showers to use the facilities. As I was getting in the shower, I slipped and landed face first into a puddle. It wasn't water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 179

You deserved it 2 370

chaoticxxxmess tells us more.

chaoticxxxmess 3

Wednesday 7 March 2012 21:10

I was holding on to my towel and I landed on the side my face.

By Jake - 07/03/2012 11:14 - United States

Today, my mom told me that Walmart had called and I had an interview at 9:30. I went to Walmart. They told me they didn't have any interviews set up. I went back home and listened to the voice-mail on her cellphone. It was the Subway in Walmart. I've been looking for a job for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 173

You deserved it 5 386

By DjeePee - 07/03/2012 10:28 - Belgium

Today, my boyfriend decided to piss in the shower while I was standing next to him. I did not mind, until I realised the water flows away incredibly slowly. I had to stand in his piss while the shower filled itself with the sweet odor of fresh urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 587

You deserved it 6 424

DjeePee tells us more.

DjeePee 24

Wednesday 7 March 2012 17:43

A lot of things, I suppose. I don't mind whether he's pissing near me or not, as long as I don't have to watch his piss reaching my feet when it's too late to run away, it's alright.

By Anonymous - 07/03/2012 06:46 - United States

Today, at work, we had an extremely rude customer who started cussing at us, and my coworker started cussing back. I jumped on the register to quickly bring down the line, and apologized to everyone for the scene. A secret shopper was in the line and claimed that I was rude. I got written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 934

You deserved it 2 482