All the FMLs

The problem isn't really organizing my time. Ideally I would like to get to sleep right when I get home and wake up in the early afternoon, but usually I fall asleep in the afternoon and wake up just a bit before I need to go to work again. Speaking of, I should be asleep right now.

Who else does this?

By Ashamed - 20/04/2012 07:34 - United States - Somerville

Today, I blurted out something like "humdidumdum erm lalala" in public, attracting mystified stares. The thing is, I do this every time I remember something embarrassing I've said or done in the past, in an attempt to erase it out of my consciousness. So it happens a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 420

You deserved it 10 479

Help me, doofus!

By rabbitoncocaine - 20/04/2012 06:41 - Germany - Unterbreizbach

Today, I locked my car. I put the key in my bag when suddenly my car began to roll backwards. I tried to get the key out of my bag but couldn't find it, and with the other hand I tried to stop the car. The worst thing was that some dumbass was watching me and didn't help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 493

You deserved it 21 857

By Anonymous - 20/04/2012 01:26 - United States

Today, I offered my phone number to the guy I've been flirting back and forth with all week. He said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 774

You deserved it 4 046

By WTF? - 20/04/2012 00:12 - United States

Today, I found myself humming a Skrillex ditty all day. I'm beginning to wonder if I've had some sort of stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 992

You deserved it 5 936

By caaarl - 19/04/2012 19:46 - United Kingdom - Hemel Hempstead

Today, while looking through my wedding photos, I realised my wife had done a duck face in every single one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 061

You deserved it 6 547

By noooo!!! - 19/04/2012 18:45 - United States

Today, I made my brother go to the grocery store to get some frozen pizzas. Ten minutes after he left, the power cut out. Still no power. Still hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 492

You deserved it 3 987

By amber - 19/04/2012 18:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my boyfriend gave me acne cream for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 757

You deserved it 4 785

By Anonymous - 19/04/2012 14:14 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I had a conversation about how Victoria Beckham ate fruit salad for her birthday, as if it was an important subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 466

You deserved it 24 886

By Burp - 19/04/2012 12:37 - United States

Today, I traveled by plane for the first time. Once in the air, I was absolutely terrorized by the whole experience. Luckily, they had free booze on board, so I necked some to steady my nerves. Unfortunately, the vodka mixed with air turbulence made me spurt some vomit into my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 480

You deserved it 25 019

By Anonymous - 19/04/2012 04:46 - United States - Sparks

Today, I finally asked some friends to read the beginning of a novel that I'd been slaving away at. One of them said it was the literary equivalent of aquarium gravel. Another asked if I'd been sniffing boot polish while writing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 901

You deserved it 4 664

By What? - 19/04/2012 01:15 - United States - Needham

Today, I overheard a conversation between coworkers, during which my name was mentioned, then, "and then I followed her around for a bit, but she didn’t do it again." Everyone laughed. I've no idea what I did that was so funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 195

You deserved it 2 220

By mitchell904 - 18/04/2012 23:51 - United Kingdom - Newport

Today, I was issued with a £60 fine for being parked in a supermarket car-park for more than 3 hours. I work there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 356

You deserved it 2 480

mitchell904 tells us more.

mitchell904 0

Thursday 19 April 2012 10:53

I will definitely be fighting it! There's no way I'll pay it. The reason I got the fine is because the car park management is outsourced to another company, and they've just switched to an automated system which identifies the registration number of the cars when entering and leaving. Whilst I have a little permit sticker on my windscreen - which has been fine for the past 2 years - the system doesn't see it. Needless to say I'll be going in to speak to someone today... And walking.

By amazed - 18/04/2012 23:08 - United States - Frisco

Today, some Juggalos mocked me for the way I was dressed. Juggalos giving sartorial advice, really? FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 394

You deserved it 3 866