Animals: Today, I packed my bags and left for the airport. When I passed...

By tal - France

Today, I packed my bags and left for the airport. When I passed through security, the X-ray scanner discovered that my cat had also come along for the ride. FML

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Animals

Commando

Kids

Compassionate dad, huh?

By Ugh

Today, I had my last assessment for my university degree in the form of an interview at 11am. Without doing this interview, I can't graduate. The interviewer was a no show. FML

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By silencio - Canada - Ch?teauguay

Not a real doctor

Today, my mom watched a Dr. Phil episode. She's now hysterical because she assumes me and my friends are involved in sex parties. All because a man on the TV said so. FML

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By Insensitive - Australia

Today, I sent a get well card to my friend. it wasn't until after I got home from posting it did I realise that the stamps I put on the envelope had the phrase "Let's Get Active" on them with drawings of people playing sports. My friend is in a wheelchair. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my mother-in-law yelled from across the house for me to come quickly. She sounded frantic, so I rushed and asked what was wrong. She said, "Nothing." and that she just wanted to remind me that she hates my guts. She'll be living here with me and my wife for the next two months. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, for the first time in my life, my dad said he was proud of me. It meant a lot to me, and I started tearing up. Noticing my emotion, he looked at me pityingly, said "Aaaaand it's gone." and walked out of the room. FML

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By Anonymous

The Dilbert Principle

Today, I had to attend an interview in order to keep my job, despite exceeding all of my targets for over a year. My supervisor has not reached a single target at all in the same time, yet his job is safe and not under review. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - Mannheim

Today, my car is still in the shop, so I asked my psycho brother to drive me to the mall. He sped up to nearly 20km over the speed limit, so I shouted for him to stop before he got us both killed. He hit the brakes in the middle of an intersection, and wouldn't move again until I got out. FML

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By Dogless - United States

Today, over a year on from my parents telling me my dog had died, I went to the shelter to volunteer, and saw my old dog. FML

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By baconistasty27 - United States - San Diego

Today, I spent my afternoon rummaging through old jeans and other pants, due to being broke and needing cash for ramen. FML

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By Luke - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered how my ex-girlfriend exacted her revenge. Every item of clothing I own now has sequins. FML

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By GuessImWalking

Today, I found out I will be without a car for two weeks because my mother volunteered to let my grandparents use mine while theirs is being repaired. They've been in 4 accidents over the last year. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Binghamton

Today, I egged my cheating ex’s car. Actually, I should clarify; I egged my cheating ex’s sister’s car, thinking it was his. She gave me a black eye and knocked out two of my teeth while my ex laughed his ass off. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2020 00:02 - Greece - Thessaloniki

On the beat

Today, in my orchestra, I was one of the 2 instruments that starts first. The conductor raised his hands, but while I was waiting for the preparatory beats, I blinked. When I opened my eyes, the conductor had already started. I started late, in front of a thousand people. The conductor is still angry with me. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I heard my dad complaining that he won't be able to go to a concert, because it's happening on my birthday. This is the first time he's even acknowledged my birthday in over ten years. FML

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By nosleep - Australia

Today, in the middle of the night, my fiancé started yelling gibberish in his sleep. When I tried to wake him, he punched me square in the face. FML

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By Anonymous

Not so special

Today, the guy I've been dating and sleeping with told me he is also dating another woman, but that they only kiss. I was under the impression we were exclusive for two months now, since I told him if we slept together that it would be. FML

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By petmosch

Today, I came up with the idea of pranking my girlfriend by telling her that I knew she was cheating on me. She then apologized. FML

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6164

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By eaa145 - United States

Today, for my two-year anniversary I got my girlfriend a very expensive diamond necklace. She got me male enhancement pills. FML

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158050

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By Prego my ego - France

Today, I had my first date with this guy I really like, who came to pick me up. Once I got into his car, my uncle comes out of the house and yells "Remember, pregnant girls aren't allowed to drink." FML

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By Annie - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was lying on a couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML

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By phonesmuggler - United States

Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML

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By disgruntled

Today, my boss is writing me up for not signing a report before I left work. He refused to print the report that day, and I don't have access to the printers. FML

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23224

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By a genius - United States

Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML

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By dust - Japan

Today, I found out that due to the fact that I got divorced, the insurance for my car is going up. A year after she took everything, she is still costing me money. FML

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By sorehead - Canada

Today, I was walking down the street hand in hand with my girlfriend. I couldn't help but stare at a gorgeous girl as she bent down to pick something up. It was such a great sight, I didn't notice the metal telephone pole directly in my path. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2021 20:59 - United States - Pittsburgh

Our house, in the middle of our street

Today, I realized I could say nothing in my home without being interrupted, talked over, or the subject derailed into a 30 minutes monologue by my housemates. And they wonder why I'm so quiet all the time… FML

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By not a shitty situation so fuck you - United States - San Francisco

Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML

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By Stiny - United States

Today, I got kneed in the stomach by a sixth grader. I couldn't breathe. I have a black belt in Taekwondo. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2021 08:01

Sophie's choice

Today, after months and months of putting up with bleeding, I have made the connection that, if I orgasm, I will bleed the following day for days at a time, regardless of whether or not I should be on my period. FML

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By Joanna

Today, during sex I said my side dick's name instead of my boyfriend. He isn't speaking to me now. FML

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By jj159 - United States

Today, I found out that the money my husband and I gave to my son for university courses, has instead been spent on pole dancing lessons. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML

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By :-O

Today, I came home from work early only to find my naked roommate in the living room with his ass in the air. Apparently, he was doing an experiment to see if you can launch a ball of tissue paper into the air by placing it on your bare anus and farting. FML

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By WhatADickens

The early bird gets the worm!

Today, after working on my novel for two years, I found out that another book has recently been published with an almost identical plot. I was going to submit it to a publisher in two days. FML

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By takingthebus - United States

Today, my boyfriend got pulled over and arrested for driving with a suspended license. Instead of getting my car impounded, his friend thought he'd do me a favor and drive it back to me. He doesn't know how to drive stick and blew my engine. My boyfriend is in jail and I no longer have a car. FML

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By NoorFML - United States

Today, I woke up and saw that my alarm clock had fallen on the floor. It read 9:05 am. I panicked because I was late for work. As I frantically got ready, I went to pick my alarm clock up to place it back on my nightstand when I realized it was upside down. The actual time was 5:06. FML

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By Powerfool - United States

Today, I saw the blueprints for my family's new house. My room is half the size of the room next to it. The room next to it is my step mom's walk-in closet. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I told my parents that I was going to hang out with some friends. My dad guffawed and said, "Ooh, look at Mary, pretending she has a social life." Thanks, Dad. FML

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By badsister - United States

Today, I made a batch of "special" brownies for a party I was going to tonight. I wrapped them up and put them on the counter with a note that said DO NOT EAT. Later on I came home from some errands to find a tray of half eaten brownies and my ten year old sister passed out on the couch. FML

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By nobodylovesme - United States - Northridge

Today, it was my wedding day. Three people showed up. My mom, my dad, and the priest. FML

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Top comments

By magicdust95 | 31

#7460799 - Friday 26 May 2017 20:48

Did you try to smuggle your cat in? ?
I'm sorry OP. I hope you were able to catch your flight

By shannon2348 | 14

#7875200 - Saturday 18 January 2020 18:16

I'm not really understanding how you could not see your cat as you closed the bag. Or hear it as I'm sure once you moved the bag the cat would have reacted. ydi

COMMENTS

By magicdust95 | 31

#7460799 - Friday 26 May 2017 20:48

Did you try to smuggle your cat in? ?
I'm sorry OP. I hope you were able to catch your flight

By shannon2348 | 14

#7875200 - Saturday 18 January 2020 18:16

I'm not really understanding how you could not see your cat as you closed the bag. Or hear it as I'm sure once you moved the bag the cat would have reacted. ydi