By yarhyun1 - 19/08/2012 16:00 - United States

Today, I realized just how messed up my life is, thanks to all the scare stories my wife sees on Dr Phil. She's now convinced that I'll start beating her someday. She's started taking martial arts classes, and threatens to use her skills every time I get even slightly frustrated with her. FML
I agree, your life sucks 30 309
You deserved it 2 537

Same thing different taste

Top comments

A relationship is built on trust. You definitely need to address this issue with her.


A relationship is built on trust. You definitely need to address this issue with her.

momolee 4

I wouldn't trust someone who doesn't trust me. I suggest you wear a something to protect you member just in case. You might piss her off in that time of the month then she might decide to use what she practiced.

50 - So what should OP wear? Chain mail? Hockey goalie equipment? Maybe he could also carry some nunchuks.

OP: Your wife is an idiot. You should unplug her from the TV so that she'll stop being constantly exposed to a media-fantasy world where everyone is out to get her.

The sad irony is that she went crazy thinking OP could be abusive, and now she seems to be getting abusive with him. :(

OHai15 12

And Dr.Phil was supposed to "help" and "repair" relationships......

#115, Ooops. May explain why he "retired" and gave up his licence to practice psychology. His show is "entertainment," not therapy.

I'm with 1. You need to have a serious talk with your wife because this relationship is doomed.

You're a man. She is a women. Martial arts or not you shouldn't be afraid of her.

She shouldn't be afraid of him. Maybe he has been doing stuff to legitimately worry her. There are alarming statistics about men hitting women. She shouldn't through it in his face all the time but he should do something to put her at ease.

MerrikBarbarian 9

161- and you apparently know jack all about martial arts. Size and gender make no difference. I've watched and 85lb grandpa throw a 260lb linebacker using martial arts. I'm trained in assorted forms myself and have dropped two attackers- both 6 foot men, against 5 foot female me. So yeah... Respect what combat training can do and stop being sexist.

nannywan22 8

The only "b" word you should be calling any woman is "beautiful". But yes. It seems she has gone a bit crazy.

RAWRitsangell 4

Yes, Bitches love being called beautiful. ;)

kitkat2014 6

Yes, bitches love being called beautiful ;)

kitkat2014 6

HA! Sorry 18!! We posted that at the same time xD

missyj0 12

some women are bitches, get over it.

Thats actually kinda cool that 19 and 20 posted the exact same thing at the exact same time (with the exception of a period)

20 missed her period? You know what that means? :O

#9 youre probably a fake ass bitch too

Apparently Dr. Phil can also ruin a good marriage too.

That ironic moment when you bring up a story to Dr. Phil about how his show is fueling his next episode...

Take classes with her, stay one class ahead and you will be able to beat her up, don't worry '-)

Men should never ever beat up a woman, man.

I agree, unless she is about to kick the shit out of you. If it self defense, anyone is fair game.

Mikeskinner 7

**** that, if a woman hits me with no probable cause, three times I will retaliate.

lexi365 20

#36, Martial arts is generally self defense though.

isn't there some sort of rule that you're not allowed to use the arts unless you're in a serious situation and you've warned them at least three times? I'm sure I heard that somewhere... plus, she can just take simple self defense classes, martial arts sometimes take a long time to grasp.

obviously not saying op will hurt her, he should take some too, she sounds like she might lash out sometime!

DontClickOnMe 28

97 - Yes, but that rule only applies if you are a black belt.

ah right, that might take a while for ops wife... thanks for clearing it up :)

How about no one of EITHER GENDER should beat their spouse? It's wrong either way.

97: Legally? No, there is no such thing as the claim 'my hands are legally lethal weapons, man!' 101: A black belt? In which style? Most styles of karate the black belt can be gained in a year - nothing major. Also most styles don't use a coloured belt system in any case. All in all, where do you guys get your information about martial arts from? :/

I don't know about you guys but if a someone tries to attack me I'm not going to inform him of my biggest advantage. If there's one thing I've learned doing karate, it's that you stay alert and take every advantage. This bullshit about saying "I do karate" is throwing one of your advantages away, willingly. 113 - Are you sure about the black belt in a year thing? From what I've seen most people are only beginning to get the hang of it in a year, never mind being at black belt standard.

I don't know if the whole "only in self defense" thing is generic for martial arts. I bet different areas of origin have different codes they follow. As someone already pointed out, they've learned to take every advantage they can get. In ninjitsu, I believe surprise is everything, including getting your opponent without any warning. However, there are some forms (can't remember the name) that rely solely on being self defensive moves, the one I'm thinking of is where they will take a punch, lunge, or kick, grab the limb, and use your force and momentum, redirect it, and land you flat on your ass.

That is the lamest rule ever. If I hit a guy, even once, I would expect to be hit back. Not this "3 is the magic number" bullshit.

leilaostara 1

The while point in the FML was that he didn't want to beat her up...

113, a pro boxer for example can be held more accountable for his actions if he assaulted an individual because the court likely would rule his hands lethal weapons.

Thank you 134. If a guy hit a girl once, no one would think twice about her fighting back. It should be the same both ways. Women are equals in today's society and should be held to the same standards. Hitting someone any number of times is wrong no matter your age or gender.

153 understood me, that's what I've heard anyway. I don't do any martial arts (obviously) and I'd heard that from someone who does tae kwon do.

Op needs to pick up Muay Thai. Everyone needs a shin to the head every now and then?

I didn't mean she'd have to wait until he'd hit her three times, or anyone hit her three times. I meant if she was being followed and it was clear they were going to attack if she has a martial arts skill that gives her extreme advantage I thought they had to warn them. that's what I'd heard. I completely agree if a woman or a man hits the other both have to right to defend themselves.

180 - I don't know if it's a law or not but frankly, I don't care. If I'm sure someone is about to attack me I'm not going to tell them I do karate. That would be like getting a fantastic hand in a game of poker and deciding to show that hand to the whole table.

It would be wise to take classes yourself if she decides to hurt you.

I'm Rex, founder of the Rex Kwan Do self-defense system! After one week with me in my dojo, you'll be prepared to defend yourself with the STRENGTH of a grizzly, the reflexes of a PUMA, and the wisdom of a man.


25, Napoleon Dynamite is the best movie in existance.

Soon OP and his wife will be so highly trained that it'll be like Mr and Mrs Smith

It takes many years and a TON of dedication to become truely effective with martial arts. more often then most it gives people a false sense of security and they'll likely hurt themselves before they hurt someone else. And if she's in tae kwon do then u def. Don't have to worry OP, its a joke anywa

43, definitely a movie that was far above expectations

This will certainly get bad votes, but martial arts classes are almost as fake as pro wrestling. They pose no challenge and push no limits, and they rarely ar more than a few hours a week. There's a reason why ninjas devoted their entire lives to fighting...

perdix 29

It takes many years of learning to use martial arts to really be effective. Therefore, you need to start beating her right away, while you have the chance!

Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you the guy that gets mad whenever someone compliments one of perdix's comments?

KiddNYC1O 20

Lol. Yes but I can't even remember the last time I did. Come to think of it, it's pure disagreement not anger. I've done so in the past when he was plexico and I've also grown past it. And if you're referring to the "kiss-ass" comments, that's just banter.

Oh okay. I wasn't trying to be a bitch about it. I was only pointing it out in good fun. I like to amuse myself.:P plexico days? Damn you have been on FML awhile. ^.^

KiddNYC1O 20

Yeah, you just put me on blast lol. But it's okay. Yes, I'm an old fart on here =P.

RK1558 6

Very good advice I see here as OP will either be in jail or divorced. Either way the orignal problem is solved.

leilaostara 1

Please don't thumb me down for this, but I really don't like perdix.

Hiimhaileypotter 52

Dr. Phil pisses me off. I really can't honestly say why, I just can't watch his show.

tcook912 9

It's because he's a pompous asshole.

Psych101 9

Weird... that's the second time today I've seen two people post the almost the exact same comment at the same time. Either great minds think alike, or... Shit. Someone's controlling our brains. Everybody, tinfoil hats on now!

Call it the "Dr. Phil effect." Maybe just reading about the show's effects is mind-bending. Arrrghhhh... gotta get out of this!

iseyixes 18

Might want to take some classes also just in case so you can defend yourself without hurting her.

iseyixes 18

73- to be correct, air bending would be the equivalent to what I'm talking about. :)

KVKdragon 26

The real life martial art for airbending is ba gua or baguazhang :)

kitkat2014 6

I'd take it easy OP! One wrong move and you may lose your member ;)

I tried replying to this earlier with EXACTLY that question. Dr. Phil ranks up there with another tv "Dr." Dr. Oz, turning women into hypochondriacs since Oprah had her show.

140- Haha yes it's starting too. Except for Big Brother. No one messes with my Big Brother. 141- True, and they always repeat the same crap over and over. I wonder why they get so many views.