Animals: Today, after a few weeks of smuggling a baby caterpillar into...

By goodbyefriend - United States - Worcester

Today, after a few weeks of smuggling a baby caterpillar into work every day just to make sure it ate and stayed alive long enough to turn into a butterfly, it finally did. Before it could fly free, a bird turned it into a snack. FML

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Animals

People are people

Better off out

Go vegan

By Missy - United States

Today, I told my mom I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready. Her reply? "Well, you can't stay a virgin forever." FML

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42054

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By post-loss

Today, in my excitement to make some new cards for the postcard exchange I take part in, I apparently spilled my bottle of glue directly into the bag that contains my entire postcard collection. I didn't notice until several hours later. FML

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3577

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By - France

Today, when I saw a big box that looked like a playstation, I got really excited and my parents were there and everything looked like it really was something big, so I start to open the wrapper and surprise... it was a lamp. FML

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By Stung - United States

Today, I found out that bees like to make hives in odd places, like in your vintage car's trunk. I also found out that they don't like it when you break their hive in half when you open the trunk to get out a spare tire. FML

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By Scholar - United States

Today, my professor spent the entire class showing us how to make paper airplanes. I pay over 40 grand a year for college. FML

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By Michelle Jade

#worthit

Today, I'm lying in a hospital bed with two broken leg bones, a reattached tendon, and four screws holding my leg together. Why? Because I wanted chocolate milk and some asshat didn't see me walking across the road. FML

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By Headless - Denmark - Lyngby

Today, for our anniversary, I had made a small treasure hunt for my boyfriend, tying roses with notes of poetry to lampposts across campus to lead him to where we would have a romantic dinner. He couldn't find it because people had stolen the roses, or simply ripped them to pieces and thrown them away. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, at work, after a visit to the bathroom, the lock broke in my hand and the door was jammed. I called the janitor on my cellphone and told him about the situation. He told me to fill out a complaint and leave it in his post box. He then hung up. FML

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By emkaycutie - United States

Today, I was giving a lecture to my class I heard a phone go off. Aggravated and exhausted, I asked everyone to turn their phones off. Then the phone rang again. I lost my shit and spent the next half hour calling my students a bunch of "technology whores". Then I realized the phone was mine. FML

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By Stephanie - United States

Another fine mess

Today, I bought my wedding dress and sat it on the bed while I went to buy matching shoes. When I came home, I saw my soon to be husband on the bed sitting next to my wedding dress. Turns out he spilt Coca-Cola on the dress and was trying to get it out with carpet cleanser. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I, a man in his 40s, had to be taken to the hospital because I was laughing so hard at an old Disney movie that my diaphragm went into spasms. I stopped breathing and passed out for a few minutes and my son had to call an ambulance. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my friend was extremely constipated when he used my toilet. I'm now having to go buy a new toothbrush, because he used mine to dig out his shit. FML

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2092

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By Hotdogwater

Today, my neighbour put in a noise complaint against me for being loud at midnight. I was having a coughing fit and couldn't breath. FML

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5587

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329

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By Cass - Australia

Today, I got the feeling that my phone smelt of cigarettes and B.O. I smelt it, realised that it was my hands that smelt, then got confused and thought maybe it was my nose piercing that smelt. I then realised my psychology class was watching me trying to smell my own nose. FML

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By Bill Harrison - United States

Today, I had a completely normal work day. Other than the fact that my boss dressed up like the lead singer from KISS and hit us with a foam sword at random. My boss is 49. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of six months dumped me for his girlfriend on Grand Theft Auto because he was "tired of having to please two women at once." FML

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34490

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By NewFiancee - United States

Today, I went out for dinner with my parents where they asked me if I was still dating my boyfriend so I answered no. They quickly responded by saying, "Oh so you finally got rid of that douchebag? It's not like he was getting anywhere in life anyways." I answered no because he's my fiancé now. FML

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50160

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I work as a cashier, and Iike always I asked the customer paying credit to sign the "sheet" of paper. I recieved a dirty look from one woman who apparently talked to the manager about me, saying I had asked her to sign the "shitty" paper. I have now been warned for "derogatory language." FML

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By burn - United States

Today, my kids decided putting laxatives in my coffee would loosen me up and calm my nerves. I have a 3 hour long meeting soon. FML

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By 12MONTHLEASE - United States

Today, my new upstairs neighbors moved in. Within ten minutes of getting in the door they were screaming and arguing about everything, practically handing out death threats to each other. I then heard them having even louder makeup sex for about three hours afterwards. FML

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By healthfreak - United States - Marietta

Today, my daughter's teacher called me, very concerned, because my child told the whole class she's not virgin anymore. The word is "vegan", honey. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend yelled at me. Apparently I'm not the "classy girl" he thought I was, and he's not comfortable "doing such vile things in public." I had tried to hold his hand. FML

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By damnitsam

Today, while making lunch, I passed out. After waking up in the hospital, my brother yelled at me for leaving the freezer open. FML

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5262

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By AppState - United States

Today, my dad had gotten a new cell phone. So I started to mess around with the cool features on his phone and stumbled upon some pictures he had taken. Next thing I know I'm looking at my mom going down on my dad. FML

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By Blah - United States

Today, I had to go to my son's school for career day, I explained what a banker does and then I asked if anyone had a question, one boy raised his hand and asked "When are all the cool parents gonna come?" FML

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By fmcsl - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Customers from Hell

Today, a customer got an additional discount, so his total came to $61. He said, "It says they're 3 for $66!” I tried to explain the discount, saying it’s cheaper, but he still insisted on paying $66. I couldn’t modify the price at my end. He left without buying anything. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was so excited to play the video game I just bought, I decided to read the manual in the game. I went over the seizure warning and thought to myself, who the hell gets a seizure from playing a video game? Apparently I do. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, I fell off my boyfriend's motorcycle. I had a few scrapes and bruises, and my boyfriend called for an ambulance as a precaution. The paramedics managed to drop me on my head. FML

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By valene5687 - United States - Gretna

Today, I was locked out of my house. With no other available option, I decided to try and ninja my way through a window. However, as it turns out, I would make a terrible ninja. I now have a sprained ankle and a broken window. FML

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By Amberizzle - United States

Today, it is my three-year-anniversary with my boyfriend. I asked if he had planned anything for us, and he said yes. My parents volunteered to watch our daughter, I got all excited, and apparently our "plans" are to watch a football game. What do I get to do? Make sandwiches. For him. FML

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By dedeanne08 - United States - Newark

Today, I received some new snow boots I had ordered online. When I opened the package there was only one boot in the box. FML

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8532

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By FML - Syrian Arab Republic

Today, my long-distance boyfriend came to visit. We went to a cafe where I managed to lock myself in the toilet, breaking the key. I then had to wait for them to break down the door. I came out to applause from everyone, who had been laughing at me for 25 minutes. FML

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By ThisGuy97 - United States

Today, I pulled a muscle. Not in any kind of sport or exercise, but while reaching for my computer mouse. FML

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By kitkat3308 - United States - Lees Summit

Today, after recently quitting a terrible job which made me miserable, I went to my first work meeting at my new job. I was excited to start fresh and meet my new coworkers. Instead, I met my boyfriend's extremely jealous ex-girlfriend. She didn't look excited to see me. FML

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31018

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By meggs2209 - United States

Today, Dell's tech support called to tell me that the laptop I sent to them was going to cost an extra $300 to fix, because of the shattered screen. When I mailed my laptop to them, the touchpad wasn't working. The screen was fine. FML

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By She totally did not cheat

Today, for our third anniversary, I gave my fiancée a necklace she always wanted. She gave me herpes. FML

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3177

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By perfecttiming - United States - San Jose

Today, my manager called me in to tell me I got the promotion I've been hoping for. He then said that since I didn't look excited about it he might have to rethink it. I was too busy concentrating on holding in diarrhea. FML

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58541

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By gypsy - Australia

Today, I hired a cleaner to clean my apartment so when my in-laws visited tonight, they wouldn't think I was lazy. I got home from work, the cleaner hadn't shown at all, and my in-laws had arrived early. My mother-in-law is now mopping the floors. FML

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By Cameron

Today, I went for dinner and bowling with a woman I met online. The Mexican food was great but my bowels started feeling it during our first game. I slipped on the bowling lane and the impact of my ass hitting the ground made me shit myself. FML

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By Kaite

Today, I was working at Subway when a middle-aged lady demanded that I give her a sandwich for free. When I refused, she took out a spray bottle of water and sprayed me in the face, like a cat. FML

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Top comments

By theslimshadylp | 6

#4845616 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:07

The circle of life.

By asoptavlo14 | 6

#4845620 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:07

Shit happens, and technically the butterfly will "fly away, " just in the bird's stomach.

COMMENTS

By theslimshadylp | 6

#4845616 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:07

The circle of life.

whosindahouse | 9

#4845678 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:13

And death.

andiewithlove | 21

#4845760 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:22

*Holds up lion cub*

FMLKitten | 15

#4845840 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:39

The first bit is definitely right, Noor!

cartooncharacter | 9

#4845978 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 1:20

thgiL | 9

#4846095 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 2:03

That songs translates in English to "look there I see a lion, yes it's a lion!" lol but damn it sounds good

SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#4846228 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 2:37

Scar! Brother? Help me!

Scar: lolnope *le push*

EMOTIONAL TRUAMA!

FMLKitten | 15

#4846291 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 2:59

Pft, and yet people still wonder why I don't trust my brother.

jacsoccerdude3 | 10

#4846372 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 3:39

Well now you can start raising the bird.

Lexi_princess | 3

#4846866 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 6:46

Well all that matters is that you cared for it and not squished on the side of the road.

firegirl1993 | 21

#4847075 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 8:24

I think you forgot a part.
The circle of life... Is a bitch.
I mean, everyone's gotta eat right? But it's pretty traumatizing to be watching a cute little animal only to watch a bigger one rip it apart.

TourettesGuyFTW | 25

#4847957 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 15:42

Chipmunk - that is a ragecomic that needs making. Get on it!!

nado13579 | 12

#4849935 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 22:56

You gotta sing that part!

It's the ciiiiirclee of liiiiiiiiiiiifffffeee!!!!! :D

By asoptavlo14 | 6

#4845620 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:07

Shit happens, and technically the butterfly will "fly away, " just in the bird's stomach.

gc327072 | 29

#4845967 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 1:18

OP needs to get a life.....

Welshite | 39

#4845989 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 1:21

#50: Just because a person decides to save an animal or even an insect does not mean s/he does not have a life. It means they are caring and able to tackle the responsibility of taking care of a helpless being.

djgoreo | 12

#4846117 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 2:09

52: I like your point, but insects are a part of the Animal kingdom :)

Welshite | 39

#4846241 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 2:40

Thanks. Biology is not my strong suit.

Legendoflaw | 4

#4846469 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 4:13

If it was an animal I would agree... But it was just a bug.

lyskiss | 10

#4846624 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 5:08

True definition of that "butterfly in your stomach" feeling.

NuTrees | 9

#4846827 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 6:33

52- Smh. 50 had it right. OP 'smuggled' a caterpillar into work everyday... Op needs a human companion.

By ositoakaluis | 16

#4845622 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:07

At least it turned it a butterfly

FMLKitten | 15

#4845736 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:19

*into

...I had too.

FMLKitten | 15

#4845790 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:28

*to

Oh the irony.

zandalee | 19

#4846365 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 3:39

It could have turned into a huge mutant man eating monster!! Be grateful it didn't.
P.S Get a dog.

bjf10 | 22

#4846834 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 6:34

Or a moth!

zandalee | 19

#4846862 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 6:42

And dandruff is tasteless

TourettesGuyFTW | 25

#4848882 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 21:11

"I believe I can fly..." *GULP*

By C0leTRain01 | 5

#4845628 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:07

Umm.. Is this really an "FML moment" ?

spicy095 | 1

#4845934 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 1:10

What does comment moderated mean?

By drewnewton | 0

#4845630 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:07

just nature taking it's course

By StrangeDuckling | 9

#4845638 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:08

Awww!!

That's like your Baby!!!
(Getting eaten by BirdMan!!!)

I feel sorry for your "adopted child"...

soulebelius | 17

#4845993 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 1:22

Cash Money?

Lexi_princess | 3

#4847246 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 9:16

Your free Adopted Baby

By dasgaytaco | 1

#4845652 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:09

It's a caterpillar...I'm sure your mourning process won't be too long or stressful.... Good luck with future insect pets.

By Len_Kagamine | 8

#4845676 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:13

This is more like an FTBL (F the Butterfly's Life)... of course I still feel sorry for you OP

DerpyDerper | 7

#4846284 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 2:55

Yea! Poor butterfly. :(
Off topic, but I love your icon & the list of anime you watch.

4everblackjack | 10

#4847105 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 8:36

Wait, is that Niel from TeenTop? Heh finding a Kpoper on FML is rare ^-^

By westcoastkp | 13

#4845687 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:14

I didn't know birds ate butterflies. :/

dominic1221 | 6

#4845697 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:15

Middle school drop-out? :/

FMLKitten | 15

#4845715 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:17

Butterflies don't have those amazing wing decorations just because they look pretty....

westcoastkp | 13

#4845768 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:24

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

FMLKitten | 15

#4845799 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:30

That doesn't mean they DON'T eat butterflies. Just because it isn't common doesn't mean it never happens.

DomDomxoxo | 16

#4845805 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:30

Some eat rabbits. Some eat worms, some eat seeds, do I have to go on? Different birds eat different things.

N3766 | 20

#4845881 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:56

#10 Storks mostly eat everything (you are included in its menu).

westcoastkp | 13

#4846226 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 2:37

okay but that also doesn't mean you all attack someone who isn't educated on birds. sheesh.

ajeyness | 10

#4846357 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 3:35

You don't have to be educated on birds. You just have to have attended elementary school

copy125 | 0

#4850542 - Thursday 23 August 2012 3:32

It's just common sense.... If it's small and a bug, a bird will probably eat it....

By daps29 | 11

#4845700 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:15

That actually sucks a true sad moment

DomDomxoxo | 16

#4845738 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:19

You forgot two periods in your comment. Without them, your comment makes no sense.

StrangeDuckling | 9

#4845905 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 1:05

Who gives a fuck?

You obviously knew what he meant...!

Psych101 | 9

#4846111 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 2:08

17- No, no. He was clearly trying to say OP's situation sucks "a true sad moment."

Obviously code for penis.

daps29 | 11

#4846352 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 3:34

lol