Animals: Today, after a few weeks of smuggling a baby caterpillar into...

By goodbyefriend - United States - Worcester

Today, after a few weeks of smuggling a baby caterpillar into work every day just to make sure it ate and stayed alive long enough to turn into a butterfly, it finally did. Before it could fly free, a bird turned it into a snack. FML

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Animals

Understandable

Our House

Pay up, dude

By Tragics - Canada

Today, my date sent me a text saying "I'm sorry we're running late, we will be there shortly." I replied asking what she meant by "we". She said her parents, who were coming along to chaperone. I laughed about two 27 year olds having chaperones, until she walked in with her parents. FML

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By grandson of a p.o.s. - United States - Somers

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's will. I didn't expect to receive anything, since his side of the family had always ostracized me for being born out of wedlock. I did get something: $3,500, on the binding condition that I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy. FML

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By Subliminal message - Switzerland

Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML

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By thathurt500x - 26/6/2020 20:08

You rang?

Today, my boyfriend's tooth got caught on my nipple ring and ripped it out. FML

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1778

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By panickygrl - United States

Today, I had a panic attack. Not on a crowded train, or an airplane, or in school, or any of the expected places. It was in my yoga class, which my therapist recommended for me, while I was in a dead-body position. FML

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By qwerty

Today, I found out my little sister took a picture of me taking a shit and showed it to her friends. FML

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By Dante178 - United States

Today, I went to court to file a small claim and found myself at the end of a huge line. The moment I got to the front of the line, the fire alarm went off and we all had to leave the building. The moment I got outside, the alarm stopped and everybody rushed back in. I'm at the back of the line. FML

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By picklebug - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML

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By poop - United States

Today, I woke up at my grandparents house since my mom was out of town, still half asleep i went to brush my teeth. Mid brush my mouth started getting numb I looked again at the tooth paste I used..turns out it was my grandpa's anti-itch anal cream. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I realised that I've been working in an all-male environment for too long when my supervisor walked into the canteen visibly scratching his balls, and this seemed like a completely normal occurrence. FML

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By ouch - United States - Sioux City

Today, I found out that my lover and boyfriend of over 5 years has me listed in his contacts as "Vagina". FML

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By Rob - United States

Today, I got chased, threatened and assaulted by a cab driver because I wouldn't take the credit card receipt. FML

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25937

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By Hotmama - United States

Today, I was nice to my son's friend. He's 27 and needs to get a life. Now he won't stop texting me and flirting. I will have to escort him back, not just to the "friend zone", but to the "I'm twice your age and your friend's mom zone". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pleasantville

Today, I was given a call home, a 3-day-suspension, and a week of detention in school for a "serious violation of the code of conduct." Said violation? Jogging in the middle of the hall. FML

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By Rafiki - United States

Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML

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By ShittyWalls - United States - Moorestown

Today, the guy in the dorm room next to me was playing very loud metal music. I went next door and kindly asked him to turn it off. He did, so I went back to my room to go back to sleep. It turns out he was using the music to drown out his girlfriend's very loud moans. FML

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43654

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, the motorway I usually use was closed off due to a major car accident. With no way off the freeway, my trip took three times longer than usual. I lost control of my bladder mid-way. FML

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29286

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By FeedMe - United States

Today, my mother went shopping. She bought three boxes of Popsicles and a giant stuffed dog. She did not buy dinner or toilet paper. I've eaten nothing but cereal and popcorn for three days now. FML

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By he's not the one going to hell - Australia

Today, some assface hacked my recently deceased friend's Facebook account. The person changed my friend's location to "Hell", then posted a status saying how hot the weather was, and replied "I wish :'(" to someone who'd said my friend was in a better place now. FML

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By Miss Spasticator - United States - Vancouver

Today, I tagged along with some friends to a party in the woods. Halfway into the night, a party-goer's boyfriend got extremely drunk and violent, causing the others to panic and drive away in the two cars we pooled in. My best friend and I had to run all the way back home on foot. FML

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By Anonymous - Reserved

Today, it's my 21st birthday. My parents' gift was a case of non-alcoholic beer, to "prepare" me for when I "turn 21." My parents can't even remember how old I am. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Alings?s

Today, the paternity test came back. It's like I suspected all along; my "son" is actually my half-brother. FML

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By Stef

Today, as I was about to go to bed, the lid came off a brand new bottle of laundry detergent and it toppled down my carpeted basement steps. 3 hours, 2 dozen microfiber cloths, and a bucket of water later and my steps are still full of suds. I went to bed at 3 am and my 10 week old was up at 4 am. FML

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By oh. - United States

Proof of love

Today, I flew cross-country to see my girlfriend of three years. Once I got there, she broke up with me. I was supposed to be staying for a month and now I have nowhere to go. FML

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By and somehow you have a master's degree

Good excuse.

Today, my faculty mentor for my senior capstone project wasn't at my presentation for the entire department faculty. I assumed his wife or kids were sick, but that piece of shit told me himself that he was at home watching the new season of Stranger Things. FML

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By choup - Australia

Today, I went to have a drink with my friend. On the way I withdrew 20 bucks and when I arrived at the bar I realised I had taken my credit card but not the banknote. FML

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By soon to be unemployed - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, my boss let me know that I'm being laid off, via a text message that ended in "lmao". FML

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By jballer - United States

Today, I was driving home at night, and got into an accident. Someone had left a toilet in the middle of the road. I hit it. The toilet's fine, but my car now has a toilet-shaped dent in the front. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss told me I was fired 3 weeks ago because there was no money to pay me, meaning that I worked the last three weeks for free. FML

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By weirdedout - United States

Today, while sitting at a red light, my mother asks "Do you have any intimacy questions?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Stony Brook

Today, I went to the university pool. There was this cute lifeguard there, and every time I got out of the water I saw her looking at me so I walked up to her and asked if everything was okay. She told me she thought I was going to drown. FML

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By ooh cat - United States - Inglewood

Today, after weeks of sorting, inspecting, and waiting, my high school's yearbooks were distributed. I'd searched carefully for photo errors and was proud to say there were none. That is, until someone told me that a boy on the last page was flipping the camera the bird. FML

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By darlingditz - United States

Today, I was babysitting for a new family. While the father was telling me about bed times and how to reach him, their dog started humping my leg. As I tried to discreetly push the dog away, his paw got caught in the pocket of my huge sweatpants, pulling them down. I was wearing a thong. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a parent came into my class and told one of my 6 year old students that their grandma died. Then the parent left. The kid started crying from the news, which then got all the other students crying. I spent the rest of the day comforting a class of kids crying over someone else's grandma. FML

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By toobad - United States

Today, I went to a bar with some buddies, and after trying to pick up a few girls, one of my friends got a number. When I heard the number I said 'Sorry man, that's definitely the rejection hotline number'. So many girls have given me that number, I memorized it. FML

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By srsly_what - United Kingdom

Today, a little girl wandered into the glass-cleaning area of the pub I work at. It's a dangerous place for a little kid, so I took her hand and asked where her mum was. The kid starts screaming and the mother appears in the doorway shouting "GET AWAY FROM MY BABY!" FML

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By simpleasjam - United Kingdom - Worcester Park

Today, I screamed at a taxi driver to not run over a hedgehog. He got a fright and ended up pulling over. I hopped out and ran to the middle of the road to pick up the hedgehog and leave him on the grass by the path. As I got closer and went to pick up said hedgehog, I realised it was a pinecone. FML

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By S. - Estonia

Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML

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By not picking up - Slovenia - Zelimlje

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML

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By rivercitybarf - United States

Today, I found out that worms in apples aren't something that you just see in cartoons. FML

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Top comments

By theslimshadylp | 6

#4845616 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:07

The circle of life.

By asoptavlo14 | 6

#4845620 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:07

Shit happens, and technically the butterfly will "fly away, " just in the bird's stomach.

COMMENTS

By theslimshadylp | 6

#4845616 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:07

The circle of life.

whosindahouse | 9

#4845678 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:13

And death.

andiewithlove | 21

#4845760 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:22

*Holds up lion cub*

FMLKitten | 15

#4845840 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:39

The first bit is definitely right, Noor!

cartooncharacter | 9

#4845978 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 1:20

thgiL | 9

#4846095 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 2:03

That songs translates in English to "look there I see a lion, yes it's a lion!" lol but damn it sounds good

SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#4846228 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 2:37

Scar! Brother? Help me!

Scar: lolnope *le push*

EMOTIONAL TRUAMA!

FMLKitten | 15

#4846291 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 2:59

Pft, and yet people still wonder why I don't trust my brother.

jacsoccerdude3 | 10

#4846372 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 3:39

Well now you can start raising the bird.

Lexi_princess | 3

#4846866 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 6:46

Well all that matters is that you cared for it and not squished on the side of the road.

firegirl1993 | 21

#4847075 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 8:24

I think you forgot a part.
The circle of life... Is a bitch.
I mean, everyone's gotta eat right? But it's pretty traumatizing to be watching a cute little animal only to watch a bigger one rip it apart.

TourettesGuyFTW | 25

#4847957 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 15:42

Chipmunk - that is a ragecomic that needs making. Get on it!!

nado13579 | 12

#4849935 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 22:56

You gotta sing that part!

It's the ciiiiirclee of liiiiiiiiiiiifffffeee!!!!! :D

By asoptavlo14 | 6

#4845620 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:07

Shit happens, and technically the butterfly will "fly away, " just in the bird's stomach.

gc327072 | 29

#4845967 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 1:18

OP needs to get a life.....

Welshite | 39

#4845989 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 1:21

#50: Just because a person decides to save an animal or even an insect does not mean s/he does not have a life. It means they are caring and able to tackle the responsibility of taking care of a helpless being.

djgoreo | 12

#4846117 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 2:09

52: I like your point, but insects are a part of the Animal kingdom :)

Welshite | 39

#4846241 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 2:40

Thanks. Biology is not my strong suit.

Legendoflaw | 4

#4846469 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 4:13

If it was an animal I would agree... But it was just a bug.

lyskiss | 10

#4846624 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 5:08

True definition of that "butterfly in your stomach" feeling.

NuTrees | 9

#4846827 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 6:33

52- Smh. 50 had it right. OP 'smuggled' a caterpillar into work everyday... Op needs a human companion.

By ositoakaluis | 16

#4845622 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:07

At least it turned it a butterfly

FMLKitten | 15

#4845736 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:19

*into

...I had too.

FMLKitten | 15

#4845790 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:28

*to

Oh the irony.

zandalee | 19

#4846365 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 3:39

It could have turned into a huge mutant man eating monster!! Be grateful it didn't.
P.S Get a dog.

bjf10 | 22

#4846834 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 6:34

Or a moth!

zandalee | 19

#4846862 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 6:42

And dandruff is tasteless

TourettesGuyFTW | 25

#4848882 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 21:11

"I believe I can fly..." *GULP*

By C0leTRain01 | 5

#4845628 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:07

Umm.. Is this really an "FML moment" ?

spicy095 | 1

#4845934 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 1:10

What does comment moderated mean?

By drewnewton | 0

#4845630 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:07

just nature taking it's course

By StrangeDuckling | 9

#4845638 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:08

Awww!!

That's like your Baby!!!
(Getting eaten by BirdMan!!!)

I feel sorry for your "adopted child"...

soulebelius | 17

#4845993 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 1:22

Cash Money?

Lexi_princess | 3

#4847246 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 9:16

Your free Adopted Baby

By dasgaytaco | 1

#4845652 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:09

It's a caterpillar...I'm sure your mourning process won't be too long or stressful.... Good luck with future insect pets.

By Len_Kagamine | 8

#4845676 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:13

This is more like an FTBL (F the Butterfly's Life)... of course I still feel sorry for you OP

DerpyDerper | 7

#4846284 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 2:55

Yea! Poor butterfly. :(
Off topic, but I love your icon & the list of anime you watch.

4everblackjack | 10

#4847105 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 8:36

Wait, is that Niel from TeenTop? Heh finding a Kpoper on FML is rare ^-^

By westcoastkp | 13

#4845687 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:14

I didn't know birds ate butterflies. :/

dominic1221 | 6

#4845697 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:15

Middle school drop-out? :/

FMLKitten | 15

#4845715 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:17

Butterflies don't have those amazing wing decorations just because they look pretty....

westcoastkp | 13

#4845768 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:24

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

FMLKitten | 15

#4845799 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:30

That doesn't mean they DON'T eat butterflies. Just because it isn't common doesn't mean it never happens.

DomDomxoxo | 16

#4845805 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:30

Some eat rabbits. Some eat worms, some eat seeds, do I have to go on? Different birds eat different things.

N3766 | 20

#4845881 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:56

#10 Storks mostly eat everything (you are included in its menu).

westcoastkp | 13

#4846226 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 2:37

okay but that also doesn't mean you all attack someone who isn't educated on birds. sheesh.

ajeyness | 10

#4846357 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 3:35

You don't have to be educated on birds. You just have to have attended elementary school

copy125 | 0

#4850542 - Thursday 23 August 2012 3:32

It's just common sense.... If it's small and a bug, a bird will probably eat it....

By daps29 | 11

#4845700 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:15

That actually sucks a true sad moment

DomDomxoxo | 16

#4845738 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 0:19

You forgot two periods in your comment. Without them, your comment makes no sense.

StrangeDuckling | 9

#4845905 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 1:05

Who gives a fuck?

You obviously knew what he meant...!

Psych101 | 9

#4846111 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 2:08

17- No, no. He was clearly trying to say OP's situation sucks "a true sad moment."

Obviously code for penis.

daps29 | 11

#4846352 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 3:34

lol