By protoplasm stole my seat - 26/01/2013 01:24 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML
I agree, your life sucks 49 437
You deserved it 2 798

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Just be happy he didn't eat you

I'd call him an obese asshole and tell him to get the hell out of the seat. What a jerk.


He is probably due soon also the prick. He really waddled? Sometimes no good deed goes unpunished. He was a rude to your thoughtful action.

No good deed goes unpunished! No act of charity goes un-resented! Sorry... Don't mind me...

Wicked ftw :)

I also now have a pretty good mental image of him "oozing into the seat," haha

My mental image is a less hefty Jabba the hut, with a English top hat, and a well groomed handlebar.

I hope somebody else offered the pregnant lady a seat.

You should have said excuse me sir this woman is carrying a baby in her stomach unlike you who are only carrying Twinkies

Twinkies, may they rest in peace XD^^

153- They're not going to stop making them completely.

They already stopped...

You know you can make them yourself, too.

What a L...ooozer

101 -- I like the image of Pizza the Hutt. It's certainly more vivid.

101 - If he is too fat and lazy to endure the horror of standing for ten minutes, I highly doubt he takes the initiative to groom a handlebar or put on a top hat.

Ugh, fat pathetic disgusting people like this who complain about consequences from a completely preventable and reversible lifestyle make me sick.

I'd call him an obese asshole and tell him to get the hell out of the seat. What a jerk.

I think a good option would be if the man fell through the bus seat.

Or we could scare the man off the seat by poking him with a celery stick.

..Or the pregnant lady could fake going into labor.

I feel bad for that woman, I would have offered my seat also!

First he waddled.. Then he oozed!! I love it !! Ya shoulda peed on him...

If I was the pregnant girl I'd just sit on top of him! Who knows, maybe he's comfier than a bed.

It is not worth risking the stench he must carry though....

I hate when a fat piece of shit does something like that. Should've rolled his tubby ass off the bus

yeah, even if one guy is a jerk, if no one else offered their seat up, we're looking at a near bus load of jerks (factoring in others requiring or deserving seats)

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I would have lured him off the seat with a cheeseburger.

#172 - It would be pretty hard to knee his balls under all that fat slobs of goo shit

Just be happy he didn't eat you

Your comment made my day.

"Lay off me I'm STARVING!"

"Everything is edible even I'm edible."

If you're quoting Johnny Depp in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory he actually says "eatable" "But that, my dear children, is called cannibalism..and is in fact frowned upon in most societies."

Must be a recent development

125- oops...


... Be glad he didn't sit on you!

You did the right thing! That guy is just a pig

The guy probably also ate a couple of whole pigs before he got on the bus.

Run away cupcake! Before he eats you too!

Cupcakes are tasty. ...but you should usually stop at one.

25- every time you comment with humor your profile picture just makes it funnier lol

Oh by the way, that was meant for #141

Wow, that's just a dick move. You should still feel good, you gave up your spot for a pregnant woman OP. He'll die of a heart attack soon anyway.

Ok, he's an asshole, but sounding glad that he will probably die soon is a bit harsh don't you think?

Nothing is sacred on the Internet.

Once a fat guy wriggled past me to take the last seat on the bus, even though I was an 11-year-old with the flu. He's probably dead now too.

Fat guys can wriggle? I can see him sort of absorbing you and then shooting you out the other side but wriggle, No

If I was the pregnant lady, I'd probably punch the guy in the face.

And then blame it on hormones.

Hormones - those little fuckers that men want to beat the shit out of and women love to use as scape goats.

She's fucking pregnant.

I know when I was pregnant, hormones got the best of me once.

15 cuz we all know men are completely void of hormones

69, I know this is very off topic, but you do know you have side boob showing in your pic, right?.... Js. :p

What he needs is a P90X workout.

NickaPLZ 26

Or a few rounds from an actual P90 to the face.

A good ol' barbed wire wrapped baseball bat to the shins and face. Though I like your other options.

How about a hug? He could just be going through a really tough time right now, with the recent bankruptcy of Hostess, his company is now in the gutter and he has to sit on the bus with all the nasties.

nah what they all need is a car.

I'd suggest a good punch to the gut, but it may not reach past his icy exterior. Even if it does, there are the many layers of blubber to consider.

Yeah, coz violence always solves any problem. Would you happen to be an American?

Yes, because violence only occurs in America.

I hit the wrong button :(. I meant to thumb you up :(.

89, violence solves problems faster.

It also creates new ones. I prefer to only use violence as a last resort. Non-violent methods are much more effective, in my opinion- that way, only the asshole will look like an asshole, and you won't stoop to his level.

201, It'll take month to change asshole's opinion/behavior, and it'll take a minute to knock him down. I'm not going to live forever, so I'm not going to waste my time on explaining things to people that are not worth it to begin with. Asshole does not deserve non-violent solution.

That is when you throw away the nice card and tell him to move his fat ass or you'll beat it.

Aw come on guys show the man some sympathy! A few more seconds of walking and his knees would probably break!

Just take a needle and it will sure deflate him.

That's a low blow!