All the FMLs

By avoid the sour cream - 30/12/2012 06:14 - United States

Today, I'm sharing a hotel room with co-workers on a business trip. The walls are paper-thin, you could hear a pin drop, and I'm trying to make my explosive diarrhea as close to silent as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 716

You deserved it 2 845

By Wtf is wrong with her - 30/12/2012 05:20 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had to watch my drunk girlfriend yell at a cat for not having periods. The worst part is that she was at a pet store. The pet store at which I work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 930

You deserved it 3 761

Thanks a bunch

By nose hurts - 30/12/2012 01:01 - United States - Richmond

Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 666

You deserved it 3 501

By melas303 - 30/12/2012 00:22 - United States

Today, I came home to find a pregnancy test in my trashcan. I live alone with my boyfriend and I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 916

You deserved it 2 848

By single once again - 29/12/2012 23:54 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend if he was cheating on me. He replied, "Nah, all the chicks in this town are fuck-ugly." and stared at me until I left the room. Good to know that's his only reason for staying faithful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 407

You deserved it 7 677

By Anonymous - 29/12/2012 23:17 - United States

Today, I checked my sister's diary, because I was worried about her recent angry and withdrawn behavior. She caught me in the act, and my mom, whom I've caught blatantly snooping through my stuff multiple times now, grounded me for my "disgusting" violation of my sister's privacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 106

You deserved it 37 200

By killme - 29/12/2012 22:33 - United States - Lewiston

Today, I was at church, when my mom's phone went off during the sermon. As if that wasn't humiliating enough for me, her ring tone was set to the Bed Intruder song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 803

You deserved it 4 100

By awkward. - 29/12/2012 15:50 - United Kingdom - Rickmansworth

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the cinema. Or rather, she went with her other boyfriend, and I happened to see them there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 340

You deserved it 3 190

By Amathiel - 29/12/2012 15:23 - Norway - Flor?

Today, I had a proper look at myself in the mirror. I have recently lost 5 lbs. Turns out that it mainly shows on my boob. Not boobs. Boob. Right one only. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 181

You deserved it 3 190

Amathiel tells us more.

Amathiel 17

Saturday 29 December 2012 21:59

Additional info from OP here: Yes, I have a BF who has commented on it, but with humor. He's nicknamed them Bert and Ernie because of the size difference now. Yes, I know it's a common thing, but it still isn't cool to walk around with half a boob on one side ;)

By gassy - 29/12/2012 09:32 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I auditioned for a role in ballet. My stomach was in pain and as I ran to be lifted into the air by my partner, I let out a huge fart. The auditorium was dead silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 518

You deserved it 4 641

By Anonymous - 29/12/2012 08:25 - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, at the hospital I work at, I had to deliver my best friend's baby. I later found out that my ex boyfriend was the father. Normally this wouldn't faze me, but it did because we broke up last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 773

You deserved it 3 124

By ShadowReaper101 - 29/12/2012 07:41 - United States - Lake Forest

Today, I was walking in the park, when a kid ran up and hit me in the stomach. He said, "Don't get mad, get glad!" and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 123

You deserved it 3 973

ShadowReaper101 tells us more.

ShadowReaper101 14

Monday 31 December 2012 21:07

Hi, OP here. First, I can't just hit a kid, even if he punched me. And second, his Dad wasn't in sight. So I couldn't have really done anything.

By nosleep - 29/12/2012 07:33 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend read online that oversleeping has been linked to strokes later in life. He's now taken it upon himself to protect me by making sure that I have as minimal sleep as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 085

You deserved it 3 240

By almostkilledmyself - 29/12/2012 07:30 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I realized something: when other people are drunk, they dance around and make out with people. When I'm drunk, I apparently think it's a great idea to chew on electrical cords. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 235

You deserved it 32 332

By Anonymous - 29/12/2012 01:23 - Canada - Calgary

Today, after spending a lot of money on photo shoots to build up my portfolio, I finally got an offer from a modelling agency. I ran outside to tell my parents, only for my brother to hurl an iced snowball straight into my face. I now have a huge gash over my cheek and nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 071

You deserved it 4 429

Panic on the streets

By ELparano - 29/12/2012 01:21 - Canada

Today, I was driving without my seatbelt on, when I noticed a police car approaching. I panicked and desperately fumbled around for my seatbelt, only for them to pass by with just a funny look. Then it hit me that I was riding my motorcycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 558

You deserved it 49 653

Remember planking?

By say dump him and i'll kill you - 29/12/2012 00:50 - United Kingdom - Soham

Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 767

You deserved it 4 114

By Anonymous - 28/12/2012 17:33 - United States

Today, while my girlfriend was playing a game on my phone, an unknown number sent me a nude picture and the words "Miss you, baby." This person's mistake just cost me a black eye, and probably my relationship too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 292

You deserved it 4 302

By Anonymous - 28/12/2012 15:14 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I woke up with an engagement ring on my left hand. The same one I refused last month. My boyfriend apparently waited for me to be drunk to propose again last night, and has already posted the pics on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 567

You deserved it 16 030

By Anon - 28/12/2012 08:14 - United States - Southbury

Today, I was racing my friends to the car for shotgun in the parking lot at night. I opened the passenger door of the car to find an old lady staring at me. It was the wrong car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 308

You deserved it 35 614

By UngratefulBrat - 28/12/2012 07:03 - United States - New York

Today, my 6-year-old nephew opened his Christmas gift. The first words out of his mouth were, "This is cheap." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 686

You deserved it 6 848

Please don't!

By Alone - 28/12/2012 05:24 - United States

Today, a girl mistook me for her boyfriend and broke up with me because I'm "a liar and a cheating bastard." I've never seen her in my life, but I'm so lonely that I tried to convince her to give me another chance and stay with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 537

You deserved it 8 938

By Anonymous - 28/12/2012 04:58 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my car was broken into. What was stolen? My daughter's $11 One Direction poster. What will it cost to fix my car? $1,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 041

You deserved it 4 124

By Anonymous - 28/12/2012 04:31 - United States

Today, my girlfriend donated most of my book collection because she got me a Kindle for Christmas. Some were signed, including my Harry Potters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 129

You deserved it 4 484

By wheresmysweater - 28/12/2012 03:49 - United States - Raleigh

Today, my trunk froze shut with my Christmas presents inside. Since it was still shut, I went to the store. When I came out, some ice had melted and the trunk had popped open. All of my gifts were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 850

You deserved it 5 351

Sucks to suck

By youfuckingdumbassmum - 27/12/2012 23:20 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I was texting my mother after my boyfriend broke off our relationship. She offered incredibly supportive replies such as "No, really?" and "Aww, that sucks." before apparently getting bored and claiming she had to go because her "text reception" was breaking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 724

You deserved it 4 899

By Anonymous - 27/12/2012 22:54 - Australia

Today, while trying to take my Christmas tree down, I learned that at some point during the last few weeks, it became home to a colony of green ants. I'm now covered in bites and terrified to go anywhere near it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 164

You deserved it 3 162

By DarkDisaster - 27/12/2012 10:16 - United States

Today, my cat had the greatest idea ever: hide inside our Christmas tree and attack anyone who walks past. It would have come as extremely funny to me if I hadn't been her first victim. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 282

You deserved it 8 234

By ashprove611 - 27/12/2012 09:47 - United States - Tonawanda

Today, after ranting to my boyfriend about how Pandora bracelets are pointless and cliched and that I'd never spend that kind of money on a tiny charm, he gave me my Christmas present. It was a Pandora bracelet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 536

You deserved it 57 497

ashprove611 tells us more.

ashprove611 7

Friday 28 December 2012 1:20

Hi, OP here...Ok it was a couple days before Christmas that I ranted about it, and he had already bought me the bracelet. But It's not an FML because I hated the bracelet, it's an FML because I felt so bad about it and had no idea he got me one. The bracelet ended up being beautiful and thoughtful and I love it. The beads he got were the exact ones I would have picked out myself.

By Ross R - 27/12/2012 08:52 - United States - Richland

Today, I decided to cover a coworker's closing shift because she felt sick. My boss even gave me a $10 gift card for doing it. I felt good about it, until I walked outside and found that my car had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 257

You deserved it 2 401