By Anonymous - United States - Modesto

Grief is weird

Today, my boyfriend's freshly-repainted car got keyed. He's literally more of an inconsolable wreck now than he was when his own mother passed away last year. When I tried hinting that he was overreacting, he told me to go to hell. FML
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  BubbleGrunge  |  18

I have to agree. Sometimes people mourn in odd ways; the mind is a funny thing. It might be easier for OPs boyfriends mind to "mourn" over a car than over the death of a loved one. Some people go years before dealing with their feelings and death.

  Enslaved  |  36

Sometimes people mourn in odd ways OR perhaps their own way. Personally, I don't want to bring a lot of attention to myself when I mourn the death of my love ones because it's about them not me.

Ex: after my second cousin passed away unexpectedly, I would hide in my room, play Bone Thugs-N-Harmony's "Crossroads" fall apart and cry my eyes out, wash my face and then appear normal. No one needs to know my pain.

  evilplatypus  |  38

38 and 52 are correct.

I had a similar experience to OP:

When I was young, my sister got very angry with me for crying when my favorite show got cancelled, but not when my grandmother died. When my favorite show got cancelled, it was painful to me. You cry when you're in pain, so I cried that the show was over.

When my grandmother passed, I had no idea what it was that I felt; I think it went beyond pain into the realm of shock/trauma. I had no idea how to cope so I simply didn't - I shut out what had happened.

It was nearly ten years later when I all of a sudden broke down crying because the pain had only then subsided to a level where I could allow myself to feel it.

  subiedude08  |  17

As a car guy myself I'd tell u to fuck off
Some guys take their car seriously and it's not cheep to paint a car and I bet you would be upset if it was your car or not
Don't comment unless u understand that persons point of view

  monnanon  |  13

exactly. it could br a delayed reactiob to his mother dying or he is still fragile from her death and overreacting to the car. it could aslo be that the car is an easier outlet for him.
i found that it was easier to cry over something trivial but when sonething bad happens like a death i get really angry and anti social. there is no right or wrong way to deal with it.

  queerdragon  |  20

When my grandfather passed, I didn't cry for almost six months. It took my dog breaking my favorite lamp for me to start crying. The lamp was given to me by my grandfather. It did not help when people told me "it is just a lamp."

What I needed was someone to just listen and let me get my emotions out.

So, instead of trivializing his emotions, sit down, shut up, and comfort him. I got the impression he does not break down into tears all the time. Just because you do not value the car does not mean someone else does not.

I would have told you to go to hell too. You need to be a bit more empathetic.

  hutch66  |  13

And some people react in different ways when a family member is lost. When my grandpa died I didn't cry, that doesn't mean I wasn't sad. It was just my way of coping.

  confusedAsFuck  |  34

I don't see him overreacting.. This FML lacks info like WHAT'S THE CAR. If someone keyed my rare Nismo 270R I would be more pissed off than anything else. My GF knows that and she respect it even if she doesn't agree with it.. However I didn't lose my mother so I don't know how I would react if something as terrible as that happens to me..

  MzZombicidal  |  36

People show their feelings in mysterious ways. OP shouldn't comment something like that when he's very clearly upset. I, myself, am an emotional person. I cried more about my boyfriend's grandmother passing away than he did. He's always been one to keep those feelings in. You should be there to support him through what's upsetting him. Even if you think it's silly.

  zandalee  |  19

Why? Are men supposed to be so tough that they aren't allowed to be upset?
First his Mum dies then some bastard keys his car? If this was a woman getting upset people would be so sympathetic...

  Palirose  |  22

I agree, 32. In all honesty I think He has every right to be upset because fixing that kind of thing isn't cheap either. People forget that it costs money for a new paint job. Plus because he just got done spending money to get it painted too.

  Serisent  |  26

First, his mom died last year. Second, I never said he wasn't allowed to be upset. I probably wouldn't have said anything about that. My response would be for the 'go to hell' bit.

  3mILY_maRy629  |  11

First, I'd never want to damage my boyfriend's car after he JUST got angry about his car being keyed. All that would do would cause him to get even more upset. Secondly, paint jobs don't come cheap. I'd become extremely livid if someone keyed my car right after I had it fixed. I'd probably say the same thing to someone who told me I was overreacting.

  MzZombicidal  |  36

First of all, a lot of people just don't get over their mother passing away in a single year. Second of all, he's clearly having a few problems in his life. I don't know him, or anything about him, but I'd assume he's more upset over bad things happening to people and things he cares about. OP should be more understanding, even if she doesn't agree with him crying over a car. Keying it again and leaving him would just be ANOTHER terrible thing to happen to him, and would be an even bigger over-reaction than him shedding some tears.

  Grayness_  |  26

I would've prolly tell my women to shut up. You do not make a men madder than he already is. You just leave him alone. Cars aren't cheap. Specially the paint, depending on how much the paint was itself.

  BellaBear90  |  27

Grayness I get your point, but the way you worded that makes you sound like a massive dick.

P.s. I'm female, if someone keyed my car I'd be massively pissed off. That's not a man thing... It's a car owner thing.

  spekledworf  |  18

I agree. I'm a chick and if someone messed with my car I'd fuck them up. I wash my baby every week and wax it monthly. I make sure it always looks mint. No one believes its 12 years old with 230,000 miles on it.

  Obey_StudBoii  |  23

I have to agree with #60 and #70. It doesn't matter if your a man or a woman. If someone keyed your car you'd be pist. Doesn't matter on the gender of the individual. What just cause your a man gives you the equal opportunity to sound like a dick??! Don't think so, cause this scenario could've happened to a woman. @Grayness is it? I'm going to say this although you've heard it, you're a jerk. End of story.

  lb0812  |  18

Maybe he needs a new girlfriend who isn't so insensitive when his car gets keyed. I'm a girl and I'd be livid if someone deliberately damaged my car. And if someone else had the audacity to tell me I was overreacting, they'd be on the same shit list as the vandal.

  mFUNdo21  |  17

#8 are you stupid? do you know what insensitive means? in this situation I'd say op was being insensitive. and for all we know it could have been a custom paint job.