Today, my daughter and I were driving home when our truck broke... - FML

By embarrassedmom - 31/8/2013 23:48 - United States

Today, my daughter and I were driving home when our truck broke down. A police officer stopped and offered to let me and my two year old sit in his car for the A/C. When we got in, I sat her on my lap, and she pulled down my tank top and screamed "Boobies!" right in front of the officer. FML

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Understandable

Everyone's an expert

Long story short

By Stress - 24/2/2010 00:56 - United States

Today, I was feeling really stressed so I bought some nice stress relieving lotion. When I got home, I took it out of the bag and accidentally dropped it (not realizing it was made of glass). The bottle shattered into pieces and I even cut my finger on one piece. So much for relieving stress. FML

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By BadBribe - 24/6/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

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By geeshock1987 - 15/4/2013 05:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I just remembered that I changed my Gmail display name to "Rice Ball" out of privacy-paranoia a while back. I've been using this same email to apply to several professional jobs. FML

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By Unknown - 9/2/2010 05:50 - United States

Today, in art class, I tried to attract my crush's attention by slowly sitting down in front of him. Too bad I missed the chair and fell onto the floor. FML

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By lonethong15 - 8/8/2014 22:53 - United States - Dallas

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes to do things the old-fashioned way, and that he wouldn't propose to me without my father's blessing. My dad died 3 years ago, and he knows it. FML

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By oboy - 1/3/2010 05:13 - United States

Today, after ten minutes of squishing my boobs together for my boyfriend, trying to get him to stare, he glanced at them then blankly said "I've seen better tits on my mom, so baby just stop that" and smiled. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/6/2018 14:30 - United States - Huron

Misogynistic and insensitive. Great.

Today, I told my boyfriend how my mom passed away when I was 11 after crashing her car into a tree at night. He muttered, "Women drivers." FML

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By How - 18/4/2018 01:30

Today, I received a letter from my apartment complex saying I have an unauthorized tenant living with me. I must provide proof they don't live with me in the next 72 hours or I get kicked out. Nobody lives with me, and I don't know how to prove it. FML

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By --- - 6/7/2015 20:52 - Canada - Toronto

Today, during family therapy the therapist asked if I believe I'm a good parent/husband. When I said yes my two sons, my daughter and even my wife very passionately disagreed. FML

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By mariokarter - 28/8/2009 04:41 - United Kingdom

Today, on the train on the way to my mother's house, I was playing Mariokart with my son. He got a 'bomb' item, and yelled quite loudly, "I have a bomb!". Panic ensued. We got thrown off the train at the next stop. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, my cousin told me that the stop signs outlined with a white line were optional. Later, a cop pulled me over, when I asked why he said, "You ran that stop sign back there." I explained what my cousin had told me and he looked at me funny and replied, "All stop signs have a white outline." FML

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By Username - 23/12/2010 10:50

Today, I asked a girl I liked what she was doing tomorrow night. She replied, "Cleaning, so nothing really." I then asked her out to dinner. She declined. FML

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By frozenpoo - 21/1/2015 02:05 - United States

Today, while trying to take a crap, I shut the bathroom door. A minute later, my 3 year old daughter knocked and said "Mommy, do you wanna build a snowman?" She kept singing the song until I was finally done. FML

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By RatFailure - 11/1/2012 05:23 - United States

Today, I looked into my sink's garbage disposal for the first time since I moved in two months ago. Apparently, the putrid smell was not the food I've been throwing down it, but instead, a now what appears to be mutilated litter of rats. FML

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By Andrea Trevor - 7/8/2018 15:00

Still counts!

Today, I finally did the splits for the first time in my life! Unfortunately, it happened when I stepped in wet dog poop on my kitchen floor. One foot slipped forward in it, and I fell right on top of it. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 21:31 - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, let's just say it's not always a good idea to storm into your mum's bedroom after hearing several loud slaps accompanied by yelps. What sounds like domestic violence might just be your mum and step-dad's foreplay. For Christ's sake, I need brain bleach. FML

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By Kitkat - 2/5/2020 14:00

Experts, schmexperts

Today, my mom took medical advice from her friend over mine. Her friend sells cheese and I'm a pharmacist. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/11/2014 18:50 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 5 years. She bitched me out for not getting the ring she had been "hinting" me to get, and angrily left. FML

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By prian - 8/3/2010 12:08 - Canada

Today, while playing poker, I lost a stack of money to somebody with the screen name "Poopface." FML

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By WhyMe? - 1/3/2011 13:24

Today, I told my boyfriend I was leaving him because he's cheating on me. He then told me he will die without me. When I said that I didn't care, he said 'OK. I'll kill myself!' and then held his breath in attempt to suffocate himself. I can't believe I dated this idiot. FML

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By wowawesome - 18/7/2019 16:00

Today, I got a second piercing in my ear. I needed help cleaning the back, so I asked my dad for help. I told him to careful, but right when I did, he tore the earring out with the cotton swab. Thanks, dad. FML

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By Username - 28/2/2011 05:44

Today, after we'd let an author rent out our cabin, we read in the book of poems he wrote while staying that he'd described how he enjoyed sitting on our table naked. The same table we often eat off. FML

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By whatjusthappened - 6/9/2013 00:46 - United States - Loveland

Today, I was asked by my neighbor to stop jogging in our neighborhood because he keeps catching his son whacking off while watching me. His son is 28 years old and still lives at home. I'm 18. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2016 14:52 - United States - Dallas

Today, I made the decision to lighten my hair from dark brown to blonde. I thought the stylist knew what she was doing, but I ended up with my hair fried off and orange. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/6/2020 20:02

Surprise strike

Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML

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By Phobic_fml - 28/6/2019 22:22

Today, I saw the engagement announcement for the girl I've been in love with for 10 years. FML

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By Noname - 24/2/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, my hard drive on my computer crashed with all of my files on it. I took it to my Dad, who is a computer analyst, to see if he could recover anything. The only thing that he could salvage was my illustrious collection of porn. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2013 11:56 - United States

Today, while visiting my grandparents, I used one of their blankets to keep warm. Later, I saw their dog getting busy with said blanket. When my grandparents saw my look of horror, they explained that he has "sexual relations" with the blanket every night. Thanks for telling me, guys. FML

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By Grossed out - 14/2/2009 21:37 - United States

Today, my mother was driving me and my friends to a wedding. My friends and I were talking about birth control, and then my mother chimes in, "Yeah, I used to use the sponge, but the spermicide would always burn your dad's penis." FML

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By struckbystarzz - 27/3/2015 13:12 - United States - Taunton

Today, my stomach started to hurt. When I got home, my parents had company over, which I had to rush past to use the bathroom. After being in the bathroom for about 3 minutes, my mother yells to me from the other room, in front of the guests, "Are you OK in there?" I'm 27. FML

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By projectfain - 22/5/2013 12:28 - United States - Akron

Today, I e-mailed the on-line instructor for my job, telling her that I had fallen behind in my work due to my grandmother's passing and the subsequent funeral arrangements, but that I would catch up this week. Her reply? "OK. Hope your grandmother gets better soon." FML

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By ANON - 13/8/2013 23:53 - United States - Sacramento

Today, while cleaning my ears with Q-tips, I came in my pants. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2011 07:42 - United States

Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML

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By Jake - 7/3/2012 11:14 - United States

Today, my mom told me that Walmart had called and I had an interview at 9:30. I went to Walmart. They told me they didn't have any interviews set up. I went back home and listened to the voice-mail on her cellphone. It was the Subway in Walmart. I've been looking for a job for 3 months. FML

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By WalkTheOtherWay - 1/2/2015 02:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was in a heated debate about climate change. I got so flustered that I forgot the word "volcano" and ended up calling them "exploding mountain things". End of the debate. Shame. FML

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By Nominome - 7/2/2010 00:31 - France

Today, I was in the check-out line when I noticed the guy behind me kept impatiently sighing. Thinking he was a jerk, I took as long as I could packaging my items. Turns out he left his oxygen tank in the car. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/5/2013 21:44 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, my neighbours' whiny emo of a daughter got dumped by her boyfriend. In her infinite wisdom, she's chosen to cope by playing on her recorder the worst rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" that I've ever heard. It's been going on all day. Now I know why he dumped this idiot. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2018 12:00

Today, I'm scared to leave my bedroom. During the night, what must have been a giant spider made a web 4 feet wide stretching from the lightbulb to the tv and then down to the desk corner. It's blocking my path to the door and I can't tell where the 8-legged bastard is hiding. FML

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By Erica - 9/12/2018 13:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, not only did I find out that my 13 year old daughter is pregnant, I found out that she did it on purpose ‘to prove that she’s responsible’. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2009 23:00 - United States

Today, my son hit my husband's shop-vac while pulling into the garage too fast. He was grounded for 3 days. Later, while trying to demonstrate how to park safely, I hit my husband in his happy sacks with the mirror. FML

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Top comments

By flashback.miss | 28

#5652948 - Sunday 1 September 2013 8:34

awww, but that's how little kids are; full of curiosity and I'm sure the officer laughed and was understanding. this is cute in an awkward kind of way. save this memory to embarrass her later. XD

By nattynatters | 14

#5652955 - Sunday 1 September 2013 8:35

As embarrassing as that is I bet he's seen way worse. Have you ever seen Cops?

Comments

By flashback.miss | 28

#5652948 - Sunday 1 September 2013 8:34

awww, but that's how little kids are; full of curiosity and I'm sure the officer laughed and was understanding. this is cute in an awkward kind of way. save this memory to embarrass her later. XD

Reply

ohgeejosee | 19

#5652969 - Sunday 1 September 2013 8:38

I think it was probably more embarrassing for OP and shell probably not want it to be brought up again. Hehe

Reply

Shy_Anne | 10

#5652999 - Sunday 1 September 2013 8:53

Screaming "boobies" is north fun!!!

Reply

Justice_Beaver | 13

#5653392 - Sunday 1 September 2013 15:38

So much?

By StarWolf111 | 21

#5652950 - Sunday 1 September 2013 8:34

Oh, kids. Gotta love 'em

Reply

andrewturtle | 16

#5652985 - Sunday 1 September 2013 8:45

Yeah, it's great when they reveal their mum's boobies. Gotta love 'em

Reply

Soloman212 | 28

#5653370 - Sunday 1 September 2013 15:21

She probably just wanted a new daddy!

Reply

Debragga99 | 6

#5656082 - Tuesday 3 September 2013 2:47

Why is 43 getting disliked?

By nattynatters | 14

#5652955 - Sunday 1 September 2013 8:35

As embarrassing as that is I bet he's seen way worse. Have you ever seen Cops?

Reply

iLike2Teabag | 27

#5653078 - Sunday 1 September 2013 10:31

Wachoo gonna do, wachoo gonna do when they flash for you?

Reply

perdix | 29

#5653275 - Sunday 1 September 2013 13:41

#3, are you suggesting the OP has ugly boobies? If you're telling me that boobies are among the worst things cops see, I think I need to consider a career change. ;)

Reply

Fuji76 | 15

#5653894 - Sunday 1 September 2013 21:16

I guess they didn't see the episode of COPS with the truck driver in the leopard print thong swimsuit...I'd take boobies any day over that!

By roza043 | 14

#5652964 - Sunday 1 September 2013 8:38

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

jococo7787 | 3

#5653552 - Sunday 1 September 2013 17:36

Do i detect a note of sarcasm in that statement?

Reply

roza043 | 14

#5653811 - Sunday 1 September 2013 20:10

Actually no, I do really think that is cute, in a fun way. No sarcasm intended.

By Beepbeep7 | 14

#5652972 - Sunday 1 September 2013 8:39

No offense but your boobs are probably the least of his worries.

By christyxoxo | 8

#5652973 - Sunday 1 September 2013 8:40

As Bill Cosby would say, kids say the darnest things!

Reply

perdix | 29

#5653243 - Sunday 1 September 2013 13:04

#7, that's Art Linkletter.

You can't get away with shit when old farts troll the comments ;)

By Dre27 | 20

#5652977 - Sunday 1 September 2013 8:41

That's what the cop gets for being nice, good karma, and a lucky bastard if I say so myself

Reply

alycion | 38

#5653071 - Sunday 1 September 2013 10:25

Yup, she basically paid him back for the favor.

Reply

sisco2901 | 20

#5653242 - Sunday 1 September 2013 13:01

Her daughter obviously knows what good manners are. Be proud!

By Awahso | 25

#5652982 - Sunday 1 September 2013 8:43

Probably made the officer's week. During role call that story will be shared quite a bit

By jsilvafml | 4

#5652988 - Sunday 1 September 2013 8:47

I bet the officer was thinking the same thing

By Wiz_Of_Oz | 17

#5652991 - Sunday 1 September 2013 8:47

They don't call them the terrible 2s for nothing. With any luck this will be the full extent of her embarrassing you in public.