Today, my mum sat me down for a serious talk about not being...

By cat co-parent - Australia

Today, my mum sat me down for a serious talk about not being home enough - not because she misses me, but because the family cat needs more stability in her life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31515

You deserved it

2730

Favorite

Animals

Family values

Lobbied

Get me away from here, I'm dying

By seriously? - United States - Manassas

Today, I discovered that my dad still doesn't consider my career as an app developer a "real job". FML

I agree, your life sucks

43251

You deserved it

7709

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to give a joint presentation at college. My partner was so high, she couldn't even pronounce her own name properly in her introduction. I'm pretty sure her antics are going to get us both failed hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21871

You deserved it

1614

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my new anxiety medicine fully entered my system. It makes me shit my brains out. I can either fart and risk shitting my pants every time or I can be too anxious to even enter a public place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2127

You deserved it

201

Favorite

By "Audrey Harmon"

Today, my sister tackled me by the leg in a game of frisbee. I now know the unique sensation of a knee dislocating. It is not a beautiful one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4313

You deserved it

256

Favorite

By jimmy_poison - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, my date bumped into her ex-husband, who decided to join us for the rest of the dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37100

You deserved it

2909

Favorite

By pdub523 - United States - Longview

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML

I agree, your life sucks

37073

You deserved it

3788

Favorite

By StretchNuts - United States

Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22315

You deserved it

4763

Favorite

By ThisBlows - United States

Today, I caught my wife slipping penis enlargement pills into my coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51136

You deserved it

8786

Favorite

By Sam

Today, I went to my first ultrasound appointment. The daughter I was hoping for is actually going to be boy triplets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4107

You deserved it

1210

Favorite

By Robert - United States - North Pole

Today, my high school speech therapist introduced me to the other autistic kid in school without fully informing either of us. We got into a fist fight because we each thought the other guy was imitating us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4815

You deserved it

611

Favorite

By cat

Today, I thought I was seeing double. My neighbours got a new dog, which is exactly the same as the other one, except that it hates me twice as much. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1444

You deserved it

107

Favorite

By The Corner Of Death - United States - Spring

Today, my dog died. In the same kitchen corner that two of my other dogs have died. I have a "Corner Of Death" in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

649

You deserved it

Favorite

By John

Today, I offered to drive my girlfriend's grandpa to the doctor. I thus learned my girlfriend's grandfather has a colostomy bag when it burst all over the inside of my truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37556

You deserved it

3210

Favorite

By heartless - United States

Today, my mom told me she can't wait for me to turn eighteen so she can turn my room into a place for her to display all her antique glass dolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25455

You deserved it

2493

Favorite

By not getting laid - United States - San Antonio

Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24026

You deserved it

90572

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/10/2020 23:01 - United States

Thanks for the support!

Today, I told my mom that I struggle with depression. She then told me that she thinks that I always seem to suck the life out of a room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1084

You deserved it

Favorite

By darthinvader - United States

Today, I took some new allergy medicine I had never tried before, and I didn't bother reading the side effects. I then went to school. It was almost an hour before dismissal when I had felt a warm feeling on my legs. One of the side effects to my new medicine was bladder control problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21952

You deserved it

27584

Favorite

By Bex

Today, I got back home after traveling in internet-scarce areas. The first thing I did when I got a solid connection was withdraw from a study abroad program I couldn't afford. Later I found the email telling me that I had been offered an all-expenses-paid scholarship. Too bad I'm not going now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6933

You deserved it

1926

Favorite

By helpme - United States - Brockton

Today, I got a new chair at work. After spending 3 hours putting it together, I was called into my boss's office and let go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44459

You deserved it

5692

Favorite

By Aussie mate - 24/9/2020 08:01 - Australia

Sorry, dude

Today, I got up and started getting ready for work. As I entered the bathroom, I noticed a moth in the shower. Feeling generous, I caught the moth in a cup and took it to the front porch. I released the moth and watched it fly away… into a giant spider and its web. FML

I agree, your life sucks

900

You deserved it

173

Favorite

By u_n0_mE - United States

Today, I am finally dating the girl I have liked on and off for the past year. In the school play. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34328

You deserved it

5246

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was rejected for a dream photography job that involves travelling all over the world, because according to the interviewer, half the photos in my nature portfolio were "blatantly photoshopped." I guess reality isn't realistic enough for some people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29600

You deserved it

1878

Favorite

By Retarded - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I was asked to dumb myself down so the people I was training could comprehend what I was saying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40675

You deserved it

6963

Favorite

By happy bday - Canada

Today, is my 21st birthday. My friends took me to a bar to celebrate, knowing I don't drink. I am now in charge of driving my friends home after they had an awesome night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28897

You deserved it

9361

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50094

You deserved it

7841

Favorite

By First World Problems - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Afterwards, my parents thought it would be a great idea to have my favourite meal. I got to watch them enjoy it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24351

You deserved it

1751

Favorite

By doglove - 23/3/2020 04:43

Hey, it's the Christmas card dude!

Today, I was looking through old childhood pictures for my father's funeral and I found one of our old Christmas cards. I looked at it and noticed in the background our two dogs enjoying very spirited sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1234

You deserved it

179

Favorite

By anonymous - France

Today, the Vuvuzela that my brother ordered online was delivered to our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63089

You deserved it

6044

Favorite

By Ohfknhell

It's a sign...

Today, I received a package from Amazon that was supposed to contain the book I needed for my open book final exam tonight. They must have mixed up my order, because the box contained a large pink dildo. I think the universe just told me to get fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4535

You deserved it

733

Favorite

By littlespoon - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27345

You deserved it

3535

Favorite

By Don't text and work - France

Today, at work I got told off by my manager for texting while working. Enraged by this, I trash talked her to the new girl at work. The new girl, a.k.a. my manager's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10121

You deserved it

68668

Favorite

By wahwah - United States

Today, I had to complete a project for my course in Italian. We had to write a little paragraph about a friend. I had to make one up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39079

You deserved it

6247

Favorite

By psh_idontbite - United States

Today, I was walking my dog around my neighborhood, when I saw this really cute boy. My dog then saw a squirrel and dragged me through mud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30623

You deserved it

3519

Favorite

By thoughthewasjoking - United States - Bessemer

Today, while walking to work, I saw a homeless guy with a funny "NEED MONEY 4 BOOZE" sign, so I gave him a few spare dollars for his humor. On my way back home, he was out cold on the sidewalk with several empty bottles beside him. Whoops. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21120

You deserved it

39939

Favorite

By BbyDelight - Canada

Today, it was my mom's birthday. I decided to get her a Willow Tree statue of a woman fairy holding a heart. After dinner, I presented my gift. My mother asked me how much it was. I replied, $30. She threw me a dirty look, shoved the present in my direction, and told me to return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54679

You deserved it

8599

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/9/2020 14:01

We could be heroes

Today, as an Ambulance Technician, I dealt with a man who had too much LSD. He urinated on my boot and spat on me multiple times, thinking he had dragons in his mouth. I put a mask on him and he took it off so "the dragons could escape." My wage is lower than if I were working in a supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1596

You deserved it

101

Favorite

By Lincoln - Australia

Today, I had to sit here for 8 hours copying and pasting thousands of product codes on a frigging spreadsheet. My job title is not data entry, I'm a graphic designer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23222

You deserved it

2781

Favorite

By NickC - Malaysia

Today, my girlfriend's parents wanted to cook dinner for me. After a whole day of cooking up a storm, her parents cooked an elaborate meal of roast lamb, pork chops and grilled chicken. Rejecting a meal is like spitting in ones face in Chinese culture. I'm vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38060

You deserved it

14911

Favorite

By mpsteve137 - United States - Acworth

Apologetic

Today, I realized I say "sorry" more than anything else during sex with my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29786

You deserved it

9732

Favorite

By sister sister - United States - Rhinebeck

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53720

You deserved it

19236

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Wolfparable | 22

#6161413 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:20

You stepping out on the cat? Were you seeing other cats all night again? You made a damn commitment!

By wheresmymary | 22

#6161412 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:20

Priorities.

COMMENTS

By wheresmymary | 22

#6161412 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:20

Priorities.

By Wolfparable | 22

#6161413 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:20

You stepping out on the cat? Were you seeing other cats all night again? You made a damn commitment!

Just_A_Tree | 20

#6161479 - Saturday 3 January 2015 8:06

I love both my cat and my side cat! Why must you make me choose? I'm a two cat guy! You can't hold me down!

By bombielol | 20

#6161422 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:22

take the cat everywhere you go(:

By thinblue32 | 15

#6161423 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:22

Why would you do that to the cat..

By devildog562 | 33

#6161428 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:24

Get her two more cats. It sounds like she needs a few more to live the stereotypical crazy cat lady.

By kirbs19 | 37

#6161434 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:25

Pets are considered family in some households so it's understandable

countryb_cth | 38

#6164865 - Tuesday 6 January 2015 19:58

No what the mom did is not understandable. You don't tell your child to stay at home for a cat. That's rediculous. I love my cat but I'm not going to become a hermit just for him.