Miscellaneous: Today, I came back from break to find that my roommate had been...

05/01/2015 06:27 - United States - Milpitas

Today, I came back from break to find that my roommate had been shitting in the bathtub for the entire 2 weeks I had been gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 455

You deserved it 3 119

Miscellaneous

The smell detective is on the case

Dementia or hate? You decide

Vulture

10/02/2015 14:51 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, a cute girl was telling me about her weird fetishes. I jokingly said, "Remind me never to have sex with you". She replied, "Don't worry, I have standards". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 423

You deserved it 20 791

13/08/2013 20:19 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, my mom asked me, once again, if my girlfriend of almost a year is just a cover up for being gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 980

You deserved it 4 256

12/12/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into trouble with his mother for me still being at their house at 1:00 am. I'm 24, he's 22 and we really were studying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 787

You deserved it 4 908

28/04/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, I was at soccer practice. The ground's keeper just aerated the field, and my teammates and I decided to throw the cylindrical clumps of dirt at each other. I got hit in the face with one. It wasn't dirt. It was a clump of wet dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 316

You deserved it 13 490

11/09/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, I went to interview with potential new roommates at a cooperative living house. I decided to bake cookies for everyone, and while touring the house, I forgot about the cookies and set off a small oven fire. All this after professing how responsible I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 970

You deserved it 14 176

27/09/2009 04:30 - Canada

Today, I got an email from my University informing me that I was invited to an exclusive dinner for 25 people. As I continued to read through the email, I discovered that I wasn't lucky or special, but that the dinner was for financially unstable students. They think I'm a charity case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 663

You deserved it 4 459

20/08/2011 23:02 - United States

Today, my brother told the family that if you pull on the dog's back foot then she always obeys. I later found my mom tugging on the dog's foot whispering "jump off a cliff" repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 045

You deserved it 2 548

30/07/2019 20:00

Today, my husband put up one of those sticky fly trap strips behind our toilet. I was tired and didn't notice it in the dark bathroom. I leaned back and it stuck in my hair. I didn't notice the dead flies in my hair until I went to buy lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 664

You deserved it 217

Sewer monster

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 14:02

Today, I realized my morbidly obese sibling's favorite bathroom to use is whichever one is closest to me during the day. Three floors of living space and the monster wants to drop a nuke where the odors are certain to waft to my nose three times a day. Every. Single. Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 281

24/07/2014 21:54 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I woke up from a nap to find my little brother playing some games on my phone. A few hours later I come to find he had deleted all 500 pictures from my trip to Europe last month. He needed more space to download the games. Mom says he's too young to understand what he did wrong. He's 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 587

You deserved it 5 491

Sounds like a catch

By Theresa - 26/10/2020 13:55

Today, my ex called and said he still loved me. I said I’d move across the country to be with him. Then he said we could live in his dad’s house, so I can protect him from his sister’s best friend, who gave him chlamydia. At the end of call, he said he’s seeing someone and he likes her because she buys him gifts and food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 351

22/01/2013 04:08 - United States - Springfield

Today, I had to drag my grandmother out of a store because she went up to a black family and started apologizing for slavery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 592

You deserved it 3 096

Just a question

By Anonymous - 14/12/2019 14:00

Today while I was about to go into the shower, my mom walked in on me while I was naked. She looked down and asked me if I was cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 997

You deserved it 237

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 21/05/2021 02:01 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, I realized it is my life goal to get kicked out of a fast-food restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 732

17/05/2012 04:35 - United States

Today, I went to the hair salon. When I got home, my three-year-old daughter told me I looked like Dora the Explorer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 098

You deserved it 5 875

15/08/2012 16:46 - United States - Buffalo

Today, it finally clicked in my mind how desperately lonely I am, when I shaved one of my legs just to find out what a woman's leg feels like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 000

You deserved it 8 879

19/12/2015 05:01 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, my constant constipation has become a running joke in my family; I heard my mom tell my dad that if he wants to keep his Christmas presents safe, he should ask me to eat them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 919

You deserved it 1 691

09/09/2013 01:42 - United States

Today, I tried to get my golden retriever to stand in front of our church for a very short time to illustrate the point of a sermon. When I brought my dog up, he mounted the pastor's leg and began humping him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 131

You deserved it 9 651

14/06/2009 20:39 - United States

Today, I had to water my entire garden. After an exhausting hour of watering hundreds of plants, I turned off the hose and started to feel good about the grueling job. That is, until it started pouring rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 759

You deserved it 14 275

12/06/2012 18:28 - United States - Smithtown

Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 823

You deserved it 4 451

03/06/2012 20:27 - United States

Today, I was operating on a young girl, when she began to awaken during the surgery. We quickly put her back under, of course, but now I'm terrified that she'll remember my profuse cursing and get me in the shit with my curmudgeonly killjoy of a boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 905

You deserved it 11 385

30/04/2013 16:00 - Spain - Madrid

Today, I called a taxi after a night of partying. When it arrived, I realised I had no cash, so I told the driver I'd quickly grab some from an ATM. He made me leave my phone with him as collateral in case I was pulling a prank. He drove off the moment I turned my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 506

You deserved it 15 024

10/07/2015 19:54 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, my phone kept beeping, so I put it on silent and went back to sleep. When I woke up later, I found the guy I went on a date with last night had sent dozens of messages. The first was "Good morning! :)" and the last was "Answer me u fuckin cunt!!!!" I think I'm staying single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 050

You deserved it 3 156

24/09/2015 06:31 - United States - Bronx

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 350

You deserved it 3 050

07/10/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, I was eating ice cream and struggling to chew a particularly hard chunk of chocolate. After finally breaking it into pieces, I spat it out because it tasted terrible. Then I discovered that I was missing my temporary crown. Now I have no upper molar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 047

You deserved it 6 375

26/11/2017 15:00

Today, I got a big math test back. Good news: I can connect abstract ideas beyond what was taught. Bad news: I can’t do simple math, such as 30/-5. I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 957

You deserved it 805

05/01/2018 09:00 - United States

Today, I discovered that my obese 57-year-old mother’s flat-out refusal to close the door when she uses the bathroom doesn’t change even when I have friends over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 636

You deserved it 442

25/11/2014 20:15 - United States

Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 849

You deserved it 3 107

13/09/2012 05:19 - United States - San Marcos

Today, at work, I was talking to a Scottish woman when my coworker and I both told her we were also Scottish. To this she replied, "We Scottish people get around." I then said, "Tell me about it, I'm one of four siblings from my dad, he definitely gets around." She was talking about travel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 732

You deserved it 24 101

Thanks, but no thanks

By Anonymous - 29/09/2019 02:01

Today, I got fired from the community service I was doing out of kindness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 411

You deserved it 271

07/09/2013 11:26 - United States - North Easton

Today, my sister-in-law pooped with the bathroom door open until my husband had to tell her to close it, then she came out with unwashed hands and started rooting through the cookies. This isn't even the most unhygienic thing she's done today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 731

You deserved it 3 575

22/09/2011 10:31 - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 289

You deserved it 5 408

3spooky5me

By Anonymous - 10/09/2018 13:00

Today, I stayed the night at a friend's house for the first time. I went to get water from the kitchen when I saw a cat staring at me. I looked back and it ran off. I told my friend about it. He doesn’t have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 527

You deserved it 217

17/10/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I left work at 11pm. It was cold and dark, and I was anxious to get home, so I cut across some soccer fields to get to my car. About halfway across, the sprinklers came on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 352

You deserved it 8 811

02/07/2013 05:24 - United States - Garden Grove

Today, I tried acid for the first time while camping with my best friend. A drunk driver smashed into my car, leaving it totaled. I had to explain the situation to a cop all while thinking my car was bleeding green ooze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 244

You deserved it 68 869

15/09/2011 07:42 - United States

Today, I went out on my back patio at night to skinny dip. I live on the intracoastal, and as I was walking towards my pool, the police were doing a random search. From a boat with a spotlight. At least their whistles told me they liked the birthday suit I had on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 854

You deserved it 9 318

17/05/2010 04:10 - United States

Today, while I was driving, I saw my driving instructor from high school walking on the sidewalk. As I waved to him, I rear-ended the car in front of me. Guess I really showed him how much I learned from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 910

You deserved it 31 666

10/06/2016 21:29 - United States - Westfield

Today, I went to my father's house to get my dog, since I had left it with him while I was on a business trip. When I got there, my dad said the dog pooped on the floor a few days ago, and so he took him to the pound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 021

You deserved it 982

27/09/2010 13:17 - Australia

Today, I was playing with my dog, teasing her, to cheer myself up after being dumped by my girlfriend. My dog bit me hard and I had to go to hospital. The dog has to be put down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 693

You deserved it 10 941

10/03/2017 08:00 - United States - Voorheesville

Today, my son's obsession with memes hit a new low when he got suspended from school for running into other students yelling, "Allahu akbar." He's 15 and doesn't understand why he got in trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 454

You deserved it 856

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Top comments

meggieeeee92 27

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Monday 5 January 2015 17:31

I would request a new roommate. That is disgusting. Who does that?

shinikageWolf 15

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Monday 5 January 2015 17:32

God forbid they move their ass a bit and shit in the toilet like a normal human being.

meggieeeee92 27

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Monday 5 January 2015 17:31

I would request a new roommate. That is disgusting. Who does that?

Cass_x 22

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Monday 5 January 2015 17:41

OP's roommate obviously

RadikulRam 16

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Monday 5 January 2015 18:24

Cats.

ohSNAPyall 26

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Monday 5 January 2015 18:27

Someone who should not be living in the dorms.

vikky538 28

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Monday 5 January 2015 18:53

or a new bathtub...

pandalover69 26

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Monday 5 January 2015 19:12

Why is #27 down voted, it's true. Trust me.

ArturoRamirez 16

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Monday 5 January 2015 19:17

I just realized, where did the roommate shower if the bathtub was full of crap?

jbombdighetty 11

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Monday 5 January 2015 19:27

the toilet

Arathis 19

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Monday 5 January 2015 22:09

What a shitty roommate.

BodyCountEndless 20

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Monday 5 January 2015 23:36

You can just let yourself out

shessohighh 10

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Monday 5 January 2015 23:38

I am really hoping OP meant to say "sitting" and got auto corrected. D:

jojimugo 20

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Monday 5 January 2015 23:49

#38 when someone is shitting in the bathtub I don't think showering is high on their list of things to do

PhoenixMartinez 29

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Tuesday 6 January 2015 1:45

#38 maybe they have a separate shower

Frammy007 7

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Tuesday 6 January 2015 3:19

Yes, in the real world you can get out of your lease simply by requesting your landlord kick them out and find you a new roommate!

lonerlarry123 12

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Tuesday 6 January 2015 23:48

clearly OPs roommate

Xkillz302 10

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Sunday 5 June 2016 21:17

serial killers , lunatics , social path, psychopaths

slimkelsey 17

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Monday 5 January 2015 17:32

That is completely freaking nasty.

Classy_Sassy_15 15

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Monday 5 January 2015 22:12

Yea that surely is a shitty situation!

angiemarie96 25

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Monday 5 January 2015 22:41

No kidding, hence their username...

EKDH 11

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Monday 5 January 2015 17:32

Wtf! That calls for a major intervention and new roommate. And a lot of gas masks

JustinJK 21

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Monday 5 January 2015 19:27

They might be in an apartment with a lease agreement. might not be able to just get a new roommate

patrickalamo 47

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Monday 5 January 2015 23:26

One of life's bleachable moments.

Lanker 17

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Tuesday 6 January 2015 0:05

#3 OP is also gonna need a new bathtub.

allieloo081 12

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Tuesday 6 January 2015 19:48

And about sixty gallons of bleach

shinikageWolf 15

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Monday 5 January 2015 17:32

God forbid they move their ass a bit and shit in the toilet like a normal human being.

man_in_black08 28

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Monday 5 January 2015 17:34

That is a violation in the room mate agreement!

Aquaman911 18

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Monday 5 January 2015 17:38

Bazinga!

Uuuuxc 7

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Tuesday 6 January 2015 1:49

that is a violation of a lot of things. Number one being common human decency

tazmanmike2013 17

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Monday 5 January 2015 17:34

Sounds like your roommate needs a little "wall to wall counseling" before you put them on the street.

The_Avatar 22

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Monday 5 January 2015 17:34

I threw up a little in my mouth... Fyl op

lazrguideddonut 3

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Monday 5 January 2015 21:11

Theres a button for that, mate.

LowExpectations 30

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Monday 5 January 2015 21:32

There's a button for throwing up in your mouth? Ew.

The_Avatar 22

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Tuesday 6 January 2015 4:38

Hahaha for some of these i totally feel there should be

thinblue32 15

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Monday 5 January 2015 17:34

Makes me wonder what happened to the toilet..

PhilSnake22 13

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Monday 5 January 2015 22:52

By the sounds of it, absolutely nothing at all.

Michael903 18

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Monday 5 January 2015 17:36

That is why I say, No roommates EVER!"

pandalover69 26

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Monday 5 January 2015 19:14

Most people don't have that luxury. Either your really lucky or you still live with your parents.

elcee1987 18

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Monday 5 January 2015 20:04

I'm with #9. I choose to skimp a bit and pay for my own apt now than have roommates ever again. Bitches be crazy.

NakedandAfraid 14

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Monday 5 January 2015 20:38

Downed for random, lone quotation mark.

magikarpsmurfs 19

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Monday 5 January 2015 17:37

That's a "shitty" situation..

badluckalex 23

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Monday 5 January 2015 19:41

so did you...

Flaming_Pandas 15

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Monday 5 January 2015 20:47

Wow good one man I just laughed my fucking ass off at that work of art. Keep up the great puns. -No one ever

theaaxis 27

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Tuesday 6 January 2015 5:00

OP did it themself this time! Pay a tad more attention ;)

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 16

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 432

Sewer monster

Sounds like a catch

Just a question

Weird flex, but OK

Thanks, but no thanks

3spooky5me

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