Lonesome Tonight
Today, the only constant person in my life is the guy that smokes outside my apartment building. FML
Today, the only constant person in my life is the guy that smokes outside my apartment building. FML
Today, my brother's best friend spent the night and was changing with the door partially open. He's super hot and as I was watching him change, he sneezed. Forgetting he didn't know I was watching him, I said bless you. He called me a freak, slammed the door in my face and told my parents. FML
Today, I was debating weed legalization in drug awareness. I was thoroughly unleashing arguments: how marijuana turns normal citizens into criminals, how the government spends billions to enforce drug laws, when I lost my train of thought. My teacher grinned saying, "My point exactly." FML
katzperiod tells us more.
Ok, my turn on my own post. My slip up came because it is very hard for me to organize my thoughts when I don't write them down and also because of frequent personal use. This is all besides the point of the debate though. I oppose the marijuana laws for both my own selfish reasons and from an economic-minded libertarian approach. It is written in the Declaration of Independence that all men are entitled to their own pursuit of happiness. From a public health point, marijuana does not physically harm anyone. Hard drugs should remain illegal because they will lead you to decay and death. Marijuana does not cause lung cancer or any other type of cancer. Zero people in the history of mankind have died directly from weed use. It is impossible to overdose and the worst that can happen is lethargy and fatigue. It can and has been used to treat over 120 diseases or symptoms of other medication. This country spends 12 billion dollars fighting pot with no results. If marijuana were legalized and taxed, then it would produce 6-7 billion dollars in revenue. That means almost 20 billion dollars would be gained every year that marijuana is legalized and taxed, money that can be spent on education, health care, environmental reform, defense, anything. Currently there is a huge overpopulation problem in prisons. 40% of all arrests are because of drug laws. Again as an American, I want to support legitimate American businesses and my government with my weed money. The people bringing weed into this country are international gangs that also deal in cocaine, heroin, prostitution, slavery, and arms deals. I do not enjoy supporting those causes for what I consider should be my personal freedom. To legalize pot would also create millions of jobs. Limited hemp research has proven that it would reduce dependence on foreign oil through hemp products and biodiesel made from hemp. Hemp is biodegradable and plastic can be synthesized from hemp fibers. Hemp seeds contain more protein than soy beans and could lower malnutrition if only it was legal to include it in aid packets sent to Third World countries. There is no slippery slope after you legalize pot. To say that fully automatic weapons could be legalized once pot is is absolutely absurd. Jake, the only reason weed is grouped with illegal drugs is because the government decided to place that label on it. Other drugs do physical and emotional harm through addiction. In response to #54, a good reason all those chemicals are present in weed smoke is because there has been no scientific approach to removing them, and most weed is smoked without a filter. Tobacco has been cultivated in America for 400 years and science has been around for 150 of those, the tobacco companies have billions of dollars to spend funding both research on how to make it safer and to fund anti-pot studies. I say enough propaganda. Listen patiently to what others say and accept it only if they can prove it with facts. All that I have stated above can be proven with facts. Jake, could it be that pot makes your family lazy because they don't want to be arrested outside? For someone who posts that you don't want people to cram opinions down other people's throats, you certainly like to cram your own down ours. In the last one I just read you were using mostly all caps.
Today, I was sitting in a library when a cute boy approached me, so I grabbed the nearest book. When he asked me what I was reading, I said I was revising for an English test. He laughed and pointed out that my book was in French. FML
Today, my parents finally invited my boyfriend over for dinner. Everything was going great until my mother asked him his profession. He stuffed his mouth full of lasagna, snorted, and then responded, "I clean shit for a living." FML
Today, I found out that when my mom says she's going to kick me in the head to wake me up for an important interview, she actually means it. FML
Today, I was bored. Some people would've called up friends to hang out. Not me. I had the sudden urge to make an entire Excel Spreadsheet on how much I've spent on iTunes, month-by-month. I'm not sure what's worse, that I got really into it, or that I've spent nearly $800.00 on iTunes. FML
Today, I was leading a wheelchair fundraiser to raise money to make public areas wheelchair accessible. I had several guest speakers, all of which were confined to wheelchairs. About ten minutes after the fundraiser was supposed to begin, I realized that the stage was wheelchair incompatible. FML
Today, I fell asleep in class during a boring economics lecture. I heard a whisper say, "Rise and shine, sleeping beauty." I thought it was my boyfriend, so I replied, "What time is it? When is this fucking class going to be over?" it wasn't my boyfriend talking. It was my professor. FML
Today, I tried dying my hair blonde. I put my hair in a bun and waited for it to dye. I guess I did something wrong, because my hair is now 4 different shades of blonde/orange, along with patches of my natural black hair. FML
Today, I found out that people know when you're screenshooting their snaps on Snapchat, by the guy I have a crush on, asking me why I keep doing it. FML
Today, there was a 4 year-old boy behind me on my flight. When I looked at him, he screamed playfully and hid. I decided to play tiger with him. While I was grinning like a tiger and trying to scratch him, he smashed a water bottle across my face. I now have a black eye. FML
Today, I made a Sim of myself and had her work out until she was completely fit, then got her a job and a husband. Meanwhile, I sat at my desk, fat, single, and jobless. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
Today, I went downstairs to get a drink and overheard my grandparents talking about me. They spent a good 15 minutes double-team attacking me for my failings as a human being, mainly me not being married with children yet. I'm barely 20. FML
Today, my cousin came over. I left my iPod on shuffle in the room we were in as I left to go to the bathroom. When I came back she was jamming out to "My Dick" by Mickey Avalon. She won't stop singing it and her mom is coming over to pick her up in an hour. She's 4. FML
Today, my parents got back from their weekend ski trip. I had a few parties over the weekend and had cleaned up absolutely EVERYTHING; beer cans, throw up, spilled drinks, etc. The only thing I forgot about was the condom someone left in my parents bed. FML
Today, I made fun of a girl singing passionately along to a song on her radio while in traffic next to me. She decided that her chocolate milkshake would make a good addition to my brand new seat covers. FML
Today, I gave my little brother my iPhone so he could play a game. I soon forgot about it, and when I got it back two hours later, there was pudding and a couple of big cracks in it. FML
Today, I was talking to my good friend's girlfriend. She mentioned being afraid of losing her job. Because she was still a teenager, I jokingly said, "Oh, like you're responsible for a whole family!" She is. FML
Today, I was given an entire week of detention for planking on my school desk. FML
Today, at my daughter's wedding celebration, I was doing a Michael Jackson act with a few buddies. It went well until I did the crotch-grab. I yanked my balls too hard and fell to the floor, writhing in agony in front of nearly 70 guests. FML
Today, I thought I heard someone shifting around in my house. I froze in fear and then I heard it again. I thought I was hearing things until I realized that it wasn't an intruder in my home. The shifting noise was my thighs rubbing together when I walked. FML
Today, I tried for 45 minutes to convince my psychiatrist to take me off my antidepressant. When he finally agreed to do so, I broke down into tears and sobbed uncontrollably for 10 minutes. Hello, increased prescription. FML
Today, being jobless and all, I tried calling my dad for a job after my many years of pride. He invited me to an interview to compete against 10 people, probably more qualified than I am. FML
Today, my family went and visited my nan. She ushered me in close and asked, "When are you going to knock it off with all this emo cockshite?" FML
Today, even though I made the point of tanning naked, I still got tan lines thanks to my fat rolls. FML
Today, my husband complained about my lack of sex drive. Gee, I wonder why, Mr. "Always comes first by humping for a whopping 30 seconds." FML
Today, I was on the toilet, when I noticed I could see my daughter dancing in the other room in the mirror, so I took a picture with my phone. After I uploaded it, people pointed out that I was visible in the picture, sitting on the toilet and smiling. FML
Today, I finally found my cellphone when I heard WHACKWHACKWHACK inside the washing machine. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!