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The all-time greatest FMLs

By good_gravy - 20/02/2012 19:39 - United States

Today, my dog threw up on my bed while I was sleeping. I lost an hour of the day washing the vomit out with a rag, and my garbage disposal jammed on whatever otherworldly things my dog ate the day before. I had to dig it out by hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 239

You deserved it 3 641

By me - 14/01/2012 01:38 - United States

Today, I met my son for the first time since I had to put him up for adoption over two decades ago. I wanted to make amends and get to know him. Instead, all I got to know was how well he can throw a punch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 239

You deserved it 57 139

By Anonymous - 24/02/2016 16:39 - France - Issy-les-moulineaux

Today, I had a heart attack. At the hospital, the doctor compared my heart to a stressed out 60 year-old's heart. I'm 17 and I don't even have a job yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 239

You deserved it 1 949

By Anonymous - 27/12/2015 02:07 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my friend insisted I wear her brand new hoodie for the day. When I gave it back after a few hours, she said she just needed it stretched and couldn't find someone fatter to stretch it for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 239

You deserved it 2 204

By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 19:48 - United States

Today, I woke up next to my boyfriend. He gazed at me, stroked my cheek, and said, "Christ, you really need something for this acne." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 238

You deserved it 2 538

Feet issues

By fet - 23/08/2012 14:30 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I had to shave my feet in order to wear ballet flats. I'm not a hobbit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 236

You deserved it 3 471

By Ryan - 28/08/2011 20:10 - United States

Today, after a long discussion, my dad still doesn't understand how evolution works, and thinks it's a myth that was debunked a long time ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 234

You deserved it 8 176

By awkwardencounters - 12/11/2013 11:18 - United States - Belleville

Today, at the gym, I realized the guy who has been staring at me for the past 3 days is the same guy I promised to text back 5 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 233

You deserved it 49 339

By Daryll - 22/01/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, I met a girl who had a deeper voice than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 233

You deserved it 4 416

By YouBossturd - 10/11/2015 15:17 - United States - Washington

Today, I found out that my immediate supervisor had modified my phone in the priority order at our call center. As a result, any calls that came in during the night shift would be routed to my phone first, so that he can play games on his phone uninterrupted. It's been a whole year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 231

You deserved it 1 789

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 05:10

Today, I finally got a promotion at work. Today I also found out that no matter how long I work, no matter how much effort and unpaid overtime I put in for 6 years, my coworkers will be convinced I only got promoted because I'm the CFO's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 231

You deserved it 2 651

By Anonymous - 24/09/2013 07:23 - United States - Lincoln

Today, I asked my dad why he only has pictures of me from when I was a little kid. Without skipping a beat, he said, "I only keep pictures from when I liked you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 229

You deserved it 2 379

Touch grass

By TheDarth - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Bedford

Today, it's got to the point where my parents have to force me to plan social outings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 229

You deserved it 5 822

By NotABeatenWoman - 09/11/2015 00:36 - United States - Charleston

Today, I found out everyone in my neighborhood thinks that I'm a beaten woman due to the reoccurring ambulances in front of my house at night. My kid just chokes on everything, and they don't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 228

You deserved it 2 381

By Carowl - 05/08/2015 02:33

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like cuddling in bed because he hates rebreathing his own carbon dioxide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 228

You deserved it 2 919

By Anonymous - 25/10/2012 20:13 - United States

Today, I was fired for actively seeking employment with another company. Because of having just been fired, the other company will no longer give me the time of day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 226

You deserved it 4 581

RIP

By anonya - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Madera

Today, I made the mistake of telling my dentist that my dog died. She spent the next half-hour talking about her pets and how they died. I ended up crying in her dentist's chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 224

You deserved it 3 181

Same joke, different year

By joleezad5 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Nixa

Today, while watching the Olympics, my father found it completely necessary to make a farting sound every single time an athlete jumps or bends over. This will be a very long few weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 223

You deserved it 2 476

By je_regrette_tout - 09/03/2013 18:50 - France - Livry-gargan

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 222

You deserved it 66 287

By Anonymous - 10/01/2012 03:14 - United States

Today, my dad decided that he wanted to start a collection of sporks. They're filling up our car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 221

You deserved it 2 425

By canadiansun - 26/02/2010 18:37 - United States

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my dad. He met him after my boyfriend ran his truck into a tree, and my dad had to pick us up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 221

You deserved it 4 059

By Anonymous - 16/12/2011 14:25 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's thinking I had a UTI. Turns out I have an STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 216

You deserved it 40 121

Useful and used

By maxiflouf - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, someone I used to know got in touch with me, after I hadn't heard from him in years. He insisted that we met up as soon as possible, and wanted me to go to his house that afternoon. I spent the afternoon repairing his computer. Since then, no news. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 216

You deserved it 3 081

Life experiences

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized that the only things I gained from my Masters programs are more debt and the knowledge that you can use a semicolon in a list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 214

You deserved it 5 602

By Brunofk7 - 21/11/2015 00:59 - Peru - Lima

Today, I made a multiple choice exam so my friend could practice and get a good grade on his real exam. While I was helping him finish it, the teacher saw it, thought we were cheating and failed us both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 213

You deserved it 2 754

Boozehound

By KamiAzaaaaaa - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out my credit card was maxed out to the penny, all thanks to purchases made on an online wine store. Apparently my mother was thirsty enough to steal from her own son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 212

You deserved it 1 632

By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 05:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to fresh coffee, pancakes, and the sight of my dad digging a grave in the backyard for my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 212

You deserved it 1 310

Sadly discontinued

By Anonymous - 05/10/2013 08:17 - United States

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I got to the frozen foods, I saw some Lean Pockets, which I haven't had in forever, so I bought a couple of boxes. Around lunch time, I was hungry and thought I could have some, until I realized why I stopped buying them: I don't have a microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 210

You deserved it 41 011

Thin blue line

By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 05:07 - United States - San Diego

Today, I called the cops on my elderly neighbor for blaring loud war music yet again. They chatted and laughed with him on his lawn for a good half hour. As they left, he slapped the female officer's ass, only for her to just giggle about it. After they drove off, he fired up his music again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 210

You deserved it 2 660

Funny guy

By kinkyapparently - 22/10/2015 14:47 - United States - San Juan Capistrano

Today, my husband broke his toe after tripping over one of our dog's toys. Instead of telling the doctors what actually happened, he said it was "sex related". I had to sit there, beet red with embarrassment, getting weird looks while he giggled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 210

You deserved it 2 521

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The Top

Today, I started my job as a driving instructor. My first client showed up piss drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 230

You deserved it 4 246

Today, at the café I work at, I was yelled at by a woman because the drinks and food she ordered were "taking too long". Before I had the chance to get a word in, she stormed out and said she would never come back. I didn't get the chance to inform her that she hadn't ordered yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 003

You deserved it 3 558

Today, my relatively new car locked down, with my keys inside of it, while it was still running. In a panic because it was getting dark and I was already low on fuel, I called a locksmith. He showed up and told me he needed to see some ID before unlocking the car. My ID was in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 116

Today, I sprained my ankle trying to prove that I can walk in high heels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 711

You deserved it 26 231

Today, a patient, who is normally pretty chill, was being quite difficult for my workmates. They were whinging about him and I defended him, he's normally a sweet guy so something must be upsetting him. I went to chat with him, he punched me and called a useless a**hole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 128

Today, it's my birthday. I got just three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office, to sing me a happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414 156

You deserved it 21 920