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Add a comment - Reply to : #
I actually kind of agree with #1. It may be OP's fault, depending on the circumstances. Like did OP talk to his son before, on the phone or some other form of contact before meeting him? Or did he just show up out of the blue? I mean... if I was adopted and hadn't made peace with it and my birth parent(s) showed up out of the blue, I'd be unsettled. I wouldn't use violence, but who knows what your son grew up with, OP? Give him some time.
You're right #1. It is OP's fault. It is OP's fault that he gave his son up for his adoption. It is OP's fault that his son probably grew up in a better life with more possibilities and options than he could have provided. It is OP's fault his son probably has a better life because OP was able to look at, and understand, his own situation, and realize it was not good enough to raise a child in. I blame you OP, for helping your son when you realized what was best for him.
194: Sometimes adoption isn't always the best course of action. Many kids do not get adopted and pass through hundreds of foster homes, affecting how they grow up tremendously. Some of the adopted ones are sexually abused or beaten. Granted not all are like that but a lot are. You do not know how the adoption affected the child therefore you cannot say he was helping him. For all you know, he had a stable environment for him but did not want to care for it.
196, you cite that some children who are adopted are abused, more often than not children who are adopted are not abused because the parents have tried so desperately to have children unsuccessfully. People tens to treat the things that were hard to attain better, children included. Yes, some monsters are able to adopt and treat the child improperly, however, THOUSANDS of children who live with their birth parents who are sexually molested and physically abused.
207: I'm not saying all adopted children get abused. I know a lot don't, but we do not know the full story and whether or not the kid had a rough life. Therefore, we cannot assume the adoption was the best thing for him. For all we know he could have been that percentage of adopted children to get abused or neglected.
What the hell you dumbfuucks. He clearly said over 2 decades ago but youre just fuucking thinking he PUT HIM UP FOR ADOPTION WHEN HE WAS FUCKING BORN. but that might not be the case. Tch. Cause the son punched him, he prolly was angry that he left him and he prolly had a memory of him being his dad. You guys who gave me thumbs down are all fucking retarded.
It sickens me to see people judge so quick without actually knowing the circumstances. As stated, he probably had to and it IS better than an abortion from an accident or not being to bring up the baby due to things like no money etc. Furthermore, I understand the whole concept of it being his fault that he hadn't called his son or not but have you guys thought that it also might not have been possible? OP might not have been able to have any contact. You guys all have great points nonetheless... I'm just trying to see it from a more positive spectrum... or at least as much as a 15yo can understand. (:
Well i would be sad to have been ditched by my family, especially without knowing why, simply because id rather live in poverty than without my birth mom but id genuingly appreciate the hardship she went through to give me the best life she thought :3 it can go both ways, maybe OPs mom was young or maybe she didnt believe in abortions, either way, im sure your parents were trying to do what they thought was best weither you agree or not :)
171- it could have been a closed adoption if that's what the adoptive parents chose so the biological parents wouldn't be able to contact them until after they turn 18. It would also mean that neither of them would have any contact information about each other and in some cases it can take years to track down a person. So they may not have been able to or allowed to contact them any sooner
35: Abortion isn't always bad. Yes, it isn't entirely good, but if I got pregnant at 16 I wouldn't want the mental trauma of going through a teenage pregnancy and ruining my life at a young age. Also, in some cases where carrying the baby is harmful to the mother's health, abortion is okay there. You may also have to think that maybe they can't afford to carry the baby and keep both the mother and child healthy. Yes, some people have abortions when they can easily give the child a good life and it won't hurt them, but sometimes, the person could actually need the abortion for their own health.
Sometimes putting them up for adoption IS because they care. Maybe OP realized they couldn't give him a quality life and would be better cared for by a couple that wants to have a child to love but physically can't. It can be an agonizing and heartbreaking decision for a parent to decide to give their child up for adoption. Nobody knows what OP went through when that decision was made but OP. So don't judge others.
40, It's a quality of life thing for me. If I was pregnant with a child I knew I wouldn't be able to care for, I would definitely put it up for adoption BECAUSE I love it and know it deserves the best life possible even if I'm not going to be there. EDIT: 57 said it better.
i was adopted because my birth parents were on Welfare and couldnt provide for me. i have had such a good life compared to my half sister who was dirt poor and never traveled anywhere.. i live in California, ive traveled the world, money was never a big issue and i am super happy! i am glad i was adopted it has nothing to do with the fact they didnt want me, they wanted me to have a better life than they could give me... and they did :)
Also with this being posted by the father, he may not have had a say in the adoption, here in Canada at least, if the mother chooses adoption the father has to meet the qualifications as an adoptive parent. The only time he gets parental rights is if child welfare is about to take the child and the mother willingly surrenders the child to him.
They dont always give the info. There are different circumstances for different agencies. Sometimes the info in the birth parents is restricted, sometimes the info on the child is restricted, sometimes it's all in the open, it all really depends and varies in different situations.
5- *sigh* the overused bro that you ended your sentence with compelled me and made it quite necessary to thumb down your comment And to answer your question for op, no, men don't hug other men, handshake - yes, pat on the back - yes, half-embrace midst shaking hands and patting on the back - yes, hug - no, these go into effect once the child is no longer a child Op - fyl I'd expect resentment, maybe yelling, and other things along those lines, but not a punch. Guess after 20 years he hasn't found a way to redirect and focus his anger towards something else. Hopefully you didn't just pop up out of nowhere though and made contact gradually, otherwise it could be a ydi
166- apparently my tone mocking the outdated views of the manly macho man as well as my sarcasm did not show through, I thought for sure no one would take the upper half of what I said seriously, although tbh the constant appearance of bro and other idiotic social followings/behaviors are quite tiring I apologize for not being enough of a sarcastic douche to match the fame of boners or other unmentionables I will retire now (ps that means I'm good with the hugs and all)
I can definitely see how he came to feel this way, but it in no way means you deserved to be punched. Sometimes, you just don't have another option. Hopefully he will realize this soon enough to get to know you.
Well said shroomsonacid. OPs biological mother probably was left without a choice. Maybe she was a teenager whose parents didn't give her the option. Either way a punch in the face was not necessary. I hope your son can get past his pain and give you a chance at being a part of his life.
i feel bad im sorry. u had ur reason to give him up. he doesnt understand that mayb u were poor or werent a good person at the time. he should b greatful that u didnt keep him in those conditions. he should b happy u came bac