By me - 14/01/2012 01:38 - United States

Today, I met my son for the first time since I had to put him up for adoption over two decades ago. I wanted to make amends and get to know him. Instead, all I got to know was how well he can throw a punch. FML
I agree, your life sucks 24 147
You deserved it 56 943

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Top comments

Talk about a soap opera in the making.

You're right, he should've left him in a dumpster.

Comments

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

You're right, he should've left him in a dumpster.

How so? Do you know the circumstances?

Or just do the Harry Potter thing.

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Falcon punch!

I actually kind of agree with #1. It may be OP's fault, depending on the circumstances. Like did OP talk to his son before, on the phone or some other form of contact before meeting him? Or did he just show up out of the blue? I mean... if I was adopted and hadn't made peace with it and my birth parent(s) showed up out of the blue, I'd be unsettled. I wouldn't use violence, but who knows what your son grew up with, OP? Give him some time.

#1 Do you notice how it says "had to"?

Ah, well. At least I can take pride in the act that I articulated myself better than #1, buried or not. Or I could just wallow in shame.

Technically it IS OP's fault... Without OP, he wouldn't have a kid...

Wonder how old the son is...

Couldn't have said it better myself!

131- if he put him up fir adoption over two decades ago, he's probably over 20 years old. Smh

Who cares what the circumstances were, I'm sure every single one of you would have at least some resent/hostility to the parent if it were you!!

You did the right thing looking for him, but you should have met him earlier, two decades is kinda late, but it's never too late!

i have none and i was adopted at birth... i thanked my birth mom for giving me an amazing life...

131 - 2 decades ago... Take a wild guess... (yes it says over but it'll be around there)

You're right #1. It is OP's fault. It is OP's fault that he gave his son up for his adoption. It is OP's fault that his son probably grew up in a better life with more possibilities and options than he could have provided. It is OP's fault his son probably has a better life because OP was able to look at, and understand, his own situation, and realize it was not good enough to raise a child in. I blame you OP, for helping your son when you realized what was best for him.

194: Sometimes adoption isn't always the best course of action. Many kids do not get adopted and pass through hundreds of foster homes, affecting how they grow up tremendously. Some of the adopted ones are sexually abused or beaten. Granted not all are like that but a lot are. You do not know how the adoption affected the child therefore you cannot say he was helping him. For all you know, he had a stable environment for him but did not want to care for it.

131- Can't tell if you're trolling or bad at details.

196, you cite that some children who are adopted are abused, more often than not children who are adopted are not abused because the parents have tried so desperately to have children unsuccessfully. People tens to treat the things that were hard to attain better, children included. Yes, some monsters are able to adopt and treat the child improperly, however, THOUSANDS of children who live with their birth parents who are sexually molested and physically abused.

It's no their fault. If they couldn't support the child they did the best they could do. Don't judge before you understand the whole story.

... Read the fml. Two decades ago

24 stroking

185 = Dr. ReState. Somebody didn't read all the comments ^^

what, die horribly and leave your kid with crappy people. then have him fight the guy who killed you even though hes the worst killer ever?

i agree woth # 1

207: I'm not saying all adopted children get abused. I know a lot don't, but we do not know the full story and whether or not the kid had a rough life. Therefore, we cannot assume the adoption was the best thing for him. For all we know he could have been that percentage of adopted children to get abused or neglected.

45 - I think I spot a Flea on your picture.

I just noticed that when saying that I can articulate myself, I left off the f in "fact". Can I blame that on my smartphone's autocorrect or do I have to wallow in shame for that, too?

You must wallow in shame. :)

What the hell you dumbfuucks. He clearly said over 2 decades ago but youre just fuucking thinking he PUT HIM UP FOR ADOPTION WHEN HE WAS FUCKING BORN. but that might not be the case. Tch. Cause the son punched him, he prolly was angry that he left him and he prolly had a memory of him being his dad. You guys who gave me thumbs down are all fucking retarded.

I know hes over 20. But how much over 20? Thats wha..fuck it nvm. You probably still dont understand.

205 youre fuucking bad at details.

Oh...i see my mistake....sorry for blowing up and i take what i said in previous comments back....god i feel stupid =3= I apologize. Forgive me.

i agree. u didnt want him, now he doesnt want you

disagree. hes lived his life without his real parent just for the parent to walk back in?? no. just no.

No, that's not true, he could have done it for the kid. To help him, to make sure the son could get everything he deserves and more.

It sickens me to see people judge so quick without actually knowing the circumstances. As stated, he probably had to and it IS better than an abortion from an accident or not being to bring up the baby due to things like no money etc. Furthermore, I understand the whole concept of it being his fault that he hadn't called his son or not but have you guys thought that it also might not have been possible? OP might not have been able to have any contact. You guys all have great points nonetheless... I'm just trying to see it from a more positive spectrum... or at least as much as a 15yo can understand. (:

Me too. Without her I wouldn't be like I am today. I would be living in the worst living conditions in brazil.

Well i would be sad to have been ditched by my family, especially without knowing why, simply because id rather live in poverty than without my birth mom but id genuingly appreciate the hardship she went through to give me the best life she thought :3 it can go both ways, maybe OPs mom was young or maybe she didnt believe in abortions, either way, im sure your parents were trying to do what they thought was best weither you agree or not :)

For having a reason to put him for adoption? Like maybe... Not enough money to take care of him, and wanted his son to have a good life?!?!

For having a reason to put him for adoption? Like maybe... Not enough money to take care of him, and wanted his son to have a good life?!?!

171- it could have been a closed adoption if that's what the adoptive parents chose so the biological parents wouldn't be able to contact them until after they turn 18. It would also mean that neither of them would have any contact information about each other and in some cases it can take years to track down a person. So they may not have been able to or allowed to contact them any sooner

35: Abortion isn't always bad. Yes, it isn't entirely good, but if I got pregnant at 16 I wouldn't want the mental trauma of going through a teenage pregnancy and ruining my life at a young age. Also, in some cases where carrying the baby is harmful to the mother's health, abortion is okay there. You may also have to think that maybe they can't afford to carry the baby and keep both the mother and child healthy. Yes, some people have abortions when they can easily give the child a good life and it won't hurt them, but sometimes, the person could actually need the abortion for their own health.

Talk about a soap opera in the making.

You shouldve just left it and not met him instead of makung a. bigger impact than u already did in the first place

Did you want him to love you again? Cause that did not work out as you expected.

39- 1. I'm pretty sure the more time you leave the child you put up for adoption to stir in hatred of you, well... The more he hates you! 2. Makung a. impact? Seems legit

Dude youre cool u can make fun of typos just shows what a dumbass u are

64- how about pondering my first point before noticing my comment on your atrocious spelling. Just a thought

2- Next thing you know OP's son will find out he has a long lost evil twin, and someone will somehow slip into a coma.

As long as there is no time travel to find out his evil twin brother is his son. But what a twist that would be.

#162 that actually sounds like an interesing plot :)

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

It happened to a friend of mine.. It really hurt him and he didn't think they cared. If they did, why put him up for adoption in the first place?

Because of the possible circumstances, (teen pregnancy, unplanned career, prematurity) OP may have a lot of good reasons as to why he put the child for adoption. It may have benefitted the son much more at the moment.

40- maybe they couldn't afford support a newborn child? There are valid reasons

What if both the parents were only in school? Or they were both drug addicts? Or for some other reason could not support a kid? We don't know the circumstances that OP had to give up the child.

Sometimes putting them up for adoption IS because they care. Maybe OP realized they couldn't give him a quality life and would be better cared for by a couple that wants to have a child to love but physically can't. It can be an agonizing and heartbreaking decision for a parent to decide to give their child up for adoption. Nobody knows what OP went through when that decision was made but OP. So don't judge others.

40, It's a quality of life thing for me. If I was pregnant with a child I knew I wouldn't be able to care for, I would definitely put it up for adoption BECAUSE I love it and know it deserves the best life possible even if I'm not going to be there. EDIT: 57 said it better.

Well yes I know but two decades? Seems a little long. But all of your explanations are very true and I agree.

79- it's not always easy to track down a child you've put up for adoption and building up the courage to meet them has to be even harder.

Don't they not give them the info for something like that? I'm not familiar with adoption policies.

There are a couple kinds - one is a closed adoption where no info is disclosed. The other is an open adoption where everything is told to the biological parents.

Merci Mademoiselle!

Even though there are a bunch of valid reasons posted above, if the OP wanted to have a relationship with his kid he should've tried when he gave him up for adoption. Finding him and trying to start something when the guy is over 20 isn't fair

Sup son, remember me? I put you up for adoption because you were a very ugly baby. So please forgive me and move in with me so you can help me pay the bills.(I bet this is what op was thinking ATM)

i was adopted because my birth parents were on Welfare and couldnt provide for me. i have had such a good life compared to my half sister who was dirt poor and never traveled anywhere.. i live in California, ive traveled the world, money was never a big issue and i am super happy! i am glad i was adopted it has nothing to do with the fact they didnt want me, they wanted me to have a better life than they could give me... and they did :)

Also with this being posted by the father, he may not have had a say in the adoption, here in Canada at least, if the mother chooses adoption the father has to meet the qualifications as an adoptive parent. The only time he gets parental rights is if child welfare is about to take the child and the mother willingly surrenders the child to him.

Reminds me of Izzie Stevens from Grey's Anatomy...

You have no idea what you are talking about. Something tells me that you have been told to stop running your mouth, and shut up before. This would be another one of those times where you should be quiet.

Many adoptions are closed and parents and children cannot legally have contact until the child is 18.

Can an individual who put a child up for adoption ask to see that child decades down the line in the US. In the UK once the child is adopted the parent does not have a right to trace the child.

Its better to put the child up for adoption than getting an abortion...

You mean you don't like where you live in America? The US is a pretty huge and diverse place.

They dont always give the info. There are different circumstances for different agencies. Sometimes the info in the birth parents is restricted, sometimes the info on the child is restricted, sometimes it's all in the open, it all really depends and varies in different situations.

Another reason is just they couldn't care for you.

Actually it depends if it's open yes you are allowed to search for them or they you if they wished but id is closed you are not allowed to search for them or them search you.

Was it a Hawaiian punch?

Kind of... the lad styled the epic blow after the UFC Former Lightweight Champion BJ Penn.

Why does this guy deserve this? No one knows the kind of situation he was in at the time of the adoption. He wants to have a relationship with his son. That's respectable.

No, it was a falcon punch.

It was a fruit punch thrown to OP's face.. Now he's all wet

Were you expecting a hug, bro?

bro!! pretty sure i passed you in Mordor this morning

26-One does simply not walk into Mordor, bro.

Was it a Falcon Punch?

did you read 5's profile description?

5- *sigh* the overused bro that you ended your sentence with compelled me and made it quite necessary to thumb down your comment And to answer your question for op, no, men don't hug other men, handshake - yes, pat on the back - yes, half-embrace midst shaking hands and patting on the back - yes, hug - no, these go into effect once the child is no longer a child Op - fyl I'd expect resentment, maybe yelling, and other things along those lines, but not a punch. Guess after 20 years he hasn't found a way to redirect and focus his anger towards something else. Hopefully you didn't just pop up out of nowhere though and made contact gradually, otherwise it could be a ydi

Ummm ^ no I'm 18 I didn't see my father for 5 years so I think a hug would be alright, at any age.

166- apparently my tone mocking the outdated views of the manly macho man as well as my sarcasm did not show through, I thought for sure no one would take the upper half of what I said seriously, although tbh the constant appearance of bro and other idiotic social followings/behaviors are quite tiring I apologize for not being enough of a sarcastic douche to match the fame of boners or other unmentionables I will retire now (ps that means I'm good with the hugs and all)

You ruined a choice FML bro-ment when you decided to bro a gasket, 160. Hope you're happy, bro.

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Thank god. I was afraid you were lolling @ me for a sec.

I can definitely see how he came to feel this way, but it in no way means you deserved to be punched. Sometimes, you just don't have another option. Hopefully he will realize this soon enough to get to know you.

Well said shroomsonacid. OPs biological mother probably was left without a choice. Maybe she was a teenager whose parents didn't give her the option. Either way a punch in the face was not necessary. I hope your son can get past his pain and give you a chance at being a part of his life.

Everybody has a choice, teenager or not, and after two decades a punch in the face is light.

Well, you wanted to make amends. Is that a start?

I'm sure the sons fist and OPs face hit it off well!

Sounds like OP had a blast.

I bet their interaction made an impact on OP's life... Or face.

I feel your pain, OP.

i feel bad im sorry. u had ur reason to give him up. he doesnt understand that mayb u were poor or werent a good person at the time. he should b greatful that u didnt keep him in those conditions. he should b happy u came bac

Weren't a good person? That's a little harsh, I'd say.

I think he was trying to say a person who was in and out of jail or into drugs at the time.

This would be amazing if you spelt it right

Domestic violence is a crime

Only on tuesdays