Miscellaneous: Today, my friend insisted I wear her brand new hoodie for the...

By Anonymous - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my friend insisted I wear her brand new hoodie for the day. When I gave it back after a few hours, she said she just needed it stretched and couldn't find someone fatter to stretch it for her. FML

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Miscellaneous

Rock, hard place

Monetize your shit life

Some winners…

By asdfjkl - United States

Today, I had a long, meaningful telephone conversation. After hanging up, I realized I hadn't had such a great conversation in a long time. Who was it with? The Dell Customer Support guy. FML

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38134

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By Anonymous

Today, my dog got out and ran off at 8 p.m., so I had 11 friends and family looking in the freezing cold night for it until 11:30 p.m. Turns out, the dog was locked in the garage the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1007

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1210

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By Zoo

Today, I went to therapy. Previously, I had been given the task to write a list of things I hate about myself so my doctor could see what we needed to work on. I gave her the list, and she simply said, "Wow, I've never had someone give me such a long list." I had 55 items on the list. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1728

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258

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By syco - United Kingdom

Today, the girl I like was panicking because her car broke down, so I offered her a lift to wherever she needed to be. I drove her to her boyfriend's house. She asked me to drive her home in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34182

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my little brother was playing with my cat, getting it to chase a laser pointer. He thought it would be funny to shine the laser pointer over my nuts. FML

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31120

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By StairwayToEvan92

Today, I ran over my third skunk in over 16 days. I should probably return my driver's license to the DMV. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1170

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423

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By espylone - France

Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37030

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Catfished!

Today, I found out my husband has been "cheating" on me with some girl from Russia that he has to pay for regularly. This explains why he never has any money, he's actually dumb enough to be scammed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1954

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185

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By Anonymous - India

Today, I saw an old homeless man who had just fallen down due to his drinking. Everyone laughed at him, but I felt bad, so I went to help him up. My reward? A quick punch in the face, landing me in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31831

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By Anonymous - United States - Akron

Today, my mom got drunk and started crying, ranting about all the things she could have done in life if I hadn't been born. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had guests over for a Christmas party. One of them wore new blue jeans and managed to get large dye stains on three different walls. They won't come off. Guess who has to paint his living room again. FML

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6887

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By hushed - Canada - Leduc

Everyone's A Critic

Today, I was hushed in a theatre during a play. I would normally appreciate a discreet silencing in the audience, but I was saying my lines. FML

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3785

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was locked out of my house. As I was about to knock on the window to ask my girlfriend to let me in, I saw her on the sofa, digging a huge booger out of her nose and eating it. FML

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36232

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By shittysongs - United States - Bothell

Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML

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32820

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By Anonymous

Still alive?

Today, after finally having the guts to confess to a guy I have liked for a year now and him saying he also likes me and then asking me out, I went out of my way and traveled 4 hours to meet him. He didn't show up and never apologized. I never heard anything from him. FML

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2493

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274

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By A. - United States

Today, out of all the cars in the parking lot, mine got struck by lightning. FML

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42198

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3577

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend whom I'm crazy about broke up with me out of the blue. After pleading with her unsuccessfully, I called my mom for comfort and advice. She informed me that my dog had died. FML

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45561

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3151

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By Bear

Today, while picking up my 14-year-old sister, a friend of hers asked if I was her mother. I'm only 17. FML

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4642

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366

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, during dinner, my family had a discussion about the color of poop. FML

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31605

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4687

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By Terrible Boss - United States

Stability

Today, I fired all 12 of my employees, purely out of anger and frustration. Realizing my mistake when I'd calmed down, I called each employee and apologized, asking if they'd come back. Only one said yes. The mailroom clerk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

370

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6220

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By mr. machine - United States

Today, my 19-year-old daughter got a haircut. When I asked her if she tipped the hairdresser, she looked at me in horror and asked, "You’re supposed to tip hairdressers?" FML

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1267

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614

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By dummy - United States

Today, while babysitting a five year old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML

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15514

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By scaredtosleep - United Kingdom

Today, the weird receptionist at the hotel I'm staying at asked me if I needed an extra blanket because I "looked cold in my sleep last night". FML

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67719

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By noway - France - Cholet

Today, my French wife chose the name of our unborn baby girl. She wants to call her Fanny and won't change her mind. FML

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47817

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By Stumble - United States

Today, my 6-year-old cousin came to my door, demanding canned food. I asked him what for, and he said, "Dad said I needed them for a school project." I said all right, and he started raiding my pantry. I was left with only green beans. He stole all my Spaghetti O's. FML

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12282

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out while skiing that my dad likes to call me Pimple because I have a pink coat and white helmet. He has tried to squeeze me. FML

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26593

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By MrsKSB - United States

Today, my boss was watching taser pranks online, when he said he was going to "get me". We often take turns playing pranks on each other, and I was the last to prank him. Now I'm terrified to move or turn my back on anything other than a wall at work. FML

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23257

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By Anonymous - Ireland

I heard that

Today, I organised a romantic day trip for me and my boyfriend to some tropical gardens. I packed lunch and paid for the tickets. He decided to bring a friend, who doesn't speak English. The only thing that he said that I understood was that, "Your girlfriend eats a lot." FML

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32168

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me the reason he can't keep an erection while we have sex is that I'm not attractive enough. FML

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32715

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4688

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By Single - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He also decided the best way to end our relationship was to kill me and our virtual child on The Sims 3 by setting us on fire. FML

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42369

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By ug - Canada

Today, my crush took me out to lunch. When the waiter came for our orders he ordered onoin rings and looks at me and says, "I won't be kissing anyone tonight anyways." FML

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53643

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By scarred for life - Canada - Brampton

Today, as a pizza delivery guy, I was forced to see yet another naked 200 pound teenage girl with a serious case of body acne. They're starting to give me nightmares. FML

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32108

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By Lola987

Today, on my birthday, I tried to be a good girlfriend by making sure my boyfriend of 3 years alarms were set for work on his phone. Noticed he’s back to talking to his ex as the messenger bubble had her face in it.. He was asking for boob pictures...FML

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2599

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278

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By black hoodie - United States - Shrewsbury

Today, I went for a walk. When it started pouring, I ran under the nearest tree for protection. It didn't occur to me that it might look suspicious hiding under a stranger's tree in a black hoodie, until the cops showed up. FML

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44060

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By Anonymous - India - Ahmedabad

Today, I found out my best friend made a program to reply to my text messages with random sentences from a list. It took 15 minutes of texting before I finally noticed. FML

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41647

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got my first speeding ticket. Looking it over, I was surprised to see that the officer listed my height accurately despite never having seen me standing. I complimented his uncanny ability and asked if it was part of police training. He then informed me that he read it on my license. FML

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8019

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By unsurprised - United States

Today, I visited my friend in a nasty part of town. When I saw the shattered window of the car next to me, and the missing stereo, I moved my car to a safer location. Luckily, though, I have a common car, so the thieves were able to jimmy the lock and steal my stereo without making any noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25659

You deserved it

3203

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By Pooperscooper - France

Today, I learned when you're babysitting a 5 year old, and you hear the toilet flush and then the words "uh oh", it's already too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45572

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By dab1230 - United States - Binghamton

Today, I asked my mother if I could have my boyfriend sleep over for Valentine's day weekend. Her response? "If you're on your period he can. Unless he's into that. Then no." FML

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24689

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I flew home from college to see my parents. Later I found the expensive painting and hand-made necklace I mailed to my mom for mother's day while taking out the trash. FML

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62582

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Top comments

By WittyMoron | 22

#6494954 - Monday 28 December 2015 0:56

Bitch.

By ko051598 | 20

#6494977 - Monday 28 December 2015 1:04

That's a fucked up thing to say, she doesn't seem like a very good friend.

COMMENTS

By mattzawesome | 28

#6494944 - Monday 28 December 2015 0:53

Ex-friend I would assume.

MagnusDeus | 24

#6495567 - Monday 28 December 2015 16:45

Man, first comment out of the gate

By dBLIZZARD | 20

#6494945 - Monday 28 December 2015 0:53

Are you sure she's your friend?

By doumtabarnack | 12

#6494946 - Monday 28 December 2015 0:53

What an ass. You should smear it with shit.

I_own_a_dog | 11

#6494999 - Monday 28 December 2015 1:26

I don't know why this is down voted!?!

Mathalamus | 24

#6495013 - Monday 28 December 2015 1:36

Because it's utterly disgusting...

False_Stupidity | 41

#6495062 - Monday 28 December 2015 2:42

Disgusting? Yes.
Called for? Absofuckinglutely.

Edumcg | 24

#6495127 - Monday 28 December 2015 4:24

That escalated way too quickly.

crackajak | 15

#6495170 - Monday 28 December 2015 5:36

Who shit on the coats?!

crackajak | 15

#6495273 - Monday 28 December 2015 9:07

Thanks for the down votes,
It's a Dane cook reference, you petty imbeciles.

kbecks87 | 16

#6495433 - Monday 28 December 2015 13:27

Dane Cook sucks, your welcome.

By WittyMoron | 22

#6494954 - Monday 28 December 2015 0:56

Bitch.

Eyeslick | 33

#6495264 - Monday 28 December 2015 8:44

Short, sweet, and to the point....I like it.

By cwade71 | 17

#6494959 - Monday 28 December 2015 0:57

Look on the bright side... you don't need to spend a good 30-80 bucks to get a good hoodie when you have body heat!

By nickie_94 | 18

#6494963 - Monday 28 December 2015 0:58

Wow. Fat shaming at it's finest

may14th | 26

#6495027 - Monday 28 December 2015 1:55

As a fat person I will tell you that is NOT fat shaming.

kbecks87 | 16

#6495434 - Monday 28 December 2015 13:28

23, being fat doesn't mean you get to decide what is or isn't shaming for an entire community.

kirasant | 19

#6495591 - Monday 28 December 2015 17:37

Not sure if I'd classify it as fat-shaming (fat-using?), but it is a shitty thing to do. OP needs a new friend.

By janfleury | 19

#6494970 - Monday 28 December 2015 1:01

With friends like that......

MzZombicidal | 36

#6496036 - Tuesday 29 December 2015 5:54

who needs anemones!

By evank98 | 10

#6494972 - Monday 28 December 2015 1:02

Just hope it didn't work...

By Robert3Lee | 13

#6494973 - Monday 28 December 2015 1:02

That's really harsh! I'm so sorry OP

By ko051598 | 20

#6494977 - Monday 28 December 2015 1:04

That's a fucked up thing to say, she doesn't seem like a very good friend.

ali282h | 15

#6495153 - Monday 28 December 2015 5:02

Or even a good human being..