Miscellaneous: Today, my friend insisted I wear her brand new hoodie for the...

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 70

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 37

27/12/2015 02:07

Today, my friend insisted I wear her brand new hoodie for the day. When I gave it back after a few hours, she said she just needed it stretched and couldn't find someone fatter to stretch it for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 128

You deserved it 2 171

Miscellaneous

You tried

Mama's boy

Noise annoys

14/02/2019 15:34

Today, my stomach growled so loud in class that a boy sitting next to me thought his phone had vibrated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 307

You deserved it 2 259

27/11/2009 09:20

Today, I was opening up to my close friend about my low self esteem. To make me feel better, he told me that he gets a boner whenever he walks behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 196

You deserved it 7 575

27/07/2009 18:22

Today, my brother decided it would be funny to squirt disappearing ink on my wedding dress right before I walked down the aisle. It didn't disappear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 719

You deserved it 3 356

26/09/2018 13:30

Today, I spent 30 minutes listening to my crush complain about a stalker that's been sending her flowers and love poems almost every week. It's me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 783

You deserved it 4 245

02/06/2010 23:00

Today, my grandmother bought a Shakeweight, an exercise tool which, basically, simulates a hand-job to tone arm fat. I get to watch my Grandmother do this motion for 6 minutes every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 495

You deserved it 5 169

03/01/2013 11:43

Today, I paused the movie my girlfriend and I were watching and told her, for the first time, that I loved her. Her response was to stare at me silently for a few seconds before unpausing the film. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 197

You deserved it 7 017

Classic narcissist

By Vanessa - 28/04/2021 13:59

Today, my mother-in-law had a bitch fit because I had a miscarriage and my husband and I are having a difficult time. It’s her birthday and she said I should, “stop being an attention-hogging drama queen” and that, “shit happens, get over it” She doesn’t see what's wrong with her statements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 105

Superanty Man

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 03:30

Today, I met my father-in-law for the first time. He went on a big rant how men are superior intellects and women contribute nothing to society. Ironic, as it took me, a woman, 30 seconds to notice it's biologically impossible for him to be my husband's father. After 33 years, both he and my husband haven't figured it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 628

You deserved it 197

28/10/2009 07:19

Today, I was in my car studying on the campus parking lot. It was cold outside so I had the windows up. I had a severe upset stomach and was privately drowning in my own flatulence. Moments later, my crush knocks on the window to ask me something. I had to roll the windows down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 840

You deserved it 6 837

30/10/2009 14:23

Today, my mother sent my birthday present to me four days late. It was a handy keychain blood alcohol detector so I can make sure I'm sober before I drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 786

You deserved it 7 650

22/12/2014 15:04

Today, I decorated my boyfriend's house for Christmas as a surprise, just in time for him and his family to come home. Also just in time for him to tell me he's Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 697

You deserved it 13 295

08/07/2011 04:20

Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 093

You deserved it 3 489

03/01/2014 21:04

Today, I woke up to every window in my house packed with snow. It was so bad that I thought I'd been snowed-in, and I started freaking out. It took two hours and multiple phone calls before I found out that my neighbor had taken our prank war too seriously and staged the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 140

You deserved it 13 396

14/11/2009 07:27

Today, my band played for our school. We were cheered for and everything. Being the lead singer I tried to look cool and push the mic away and pull it back by pushing down the bottom of the stand with my foot. It hit my face and I bled like crazy but I kept singing. No one clapped at the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 099

You deserved it 38 875

22/05/2019 04:00

Today, my father told me I was becoming violent because of the video games I play. I was playing Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 652

You deserved it 192

13/02/2011 22:32

Today, I was busily having fun with my girlfriend, when suddenly the bedroom door opened and a man walked in, picked me up, and threw me outside the apartment. I was naked and didn't even know she was into men, much less had a husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 439

You deserved it 9 512

Jesus is my social media manager

By Anonymous - 22/08/2021 11:46

Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to convert to Christianity. Not because she has a strong relation with God, but because she wants to post Facebook statuses about Him and "get a lot of likes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 882

You deserved it 3 830

29/07/2013 00:18

Today, I found out that my girlfriend hasn't really been "researching" for work on the Internet; she's actually been tweeting the same pathetic plea to a guy from One Direction asking him to "follow" her. She's 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 384

You deserved it 5 077

22/01/2011 05:29

Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 697

You deserved it 6 782

13/04/2009 02:49

Today, I was working as a lifeguard. A woman began to have a seizure. Nervous, I went into shock and walked into a tree, knocking myself out. Post seizure, the woman stood up and walked away. Later, I woke up in the hospital. The ambulance had arrived to take her, but ended up taking me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 380

You deserved it 19 463

18/07/2010 14:18

Today, I was practising the violin in my apartment. A man knocked on the door and introduced himself with a smile, saying he wanted to know my "schedule." I replied, "I'm pretty busy but maybe we could get a drink sometime." To which he replied, "No, I just want to know when you'll stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 961

You deserved it 20 101

15/04/2014 12:08

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 272

You deserved it 5 258

25/06/2016 20:03

Today, I was taking a hike through the Appalachians. I lost my balance in a steep area, and grabbed for a root along the trail above me. It turned to not be a root, but a large, angry snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 425

You deserved it 929

Heavy sleeper

By unlucky - 27/09/2020 10:49

Today, I had a migraine. I decided to wear earplugs to block out sound while I slept. I don't usually wear them because they hurt my ears like nobody's business. The one day I wear earplugs, I get robbed. In the middle of the day. Through my own bedroom window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 326

You deserved it 119

12/03/2011 21:11

Today, I was at Aéropostale with some friends when I noticed a woman glaring at me. When we got to the checkout, the woman still had her eyes on me, so I asked why she was staring. She snapped, "If you had kept your legs closed, you wouldn't be pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 512

You deserved it 6 131

25/09/2011 04:23

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's totally convinced I'm gay. When I tried explaining that I can't be if I'm attracted to her, she took it as me thinking she's mannish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 267

You deserved it 3 635

16/11/2010 06:34

Today, I came home sick. After a while I received a text message. I thought it was a sweet 'how are you baby?' from my boyfriend. It wasn't. He sent: 'Hey, I'm going to work now. Please do not disturb. Thank you!' FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 013

You deserved it 5 969

19/07/2014 23:39

Today, while doing some spring cleaning, I found the remains of my goldfish, which I was sure my cat ate last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 552

You deserved it 6 462

30/03/2012 05:37

Today, I saw my 22-year-old boyfriend blow his nose into his hand, then wipe his snot on our couch. There was a box of tissues directly in front of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 380

You deserved it 3 509

Subjective

By whyyyyy - 17/05/2020 23:00

Today, after months of dating, I finally saw my boyfriend naked. Turns out he has a micropenis. I assured him that I like him for who he was and that we could explore other things. He said no, because oral and sex toys are "immoral." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 924

You deserved it 296

16/02/2011 01:13

Today, I received a call from the police about a car accident that I was a witness to. As the only witness who stopped to help, I was remembered by the other cars involved. They're blaming me for the accident. The cops want to talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 818

You deserved it 2 757

30/09/2011 15:12

Today, my roommate was packing up her kitchen stuff as she prepared to move out. Apparently that includes the majority of things I bought last week to replace all of her stuff she is taking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 323

You deserved it 2 988

05/04/2012 05:11

Today, during my first man-to-man conversation with my girlfriend's father, he decided to mention the details of lion mating patterns he'd once witnessed. After a lengthy description of the lion's barbed penis, he said, "It also made me feel better about myself that I could last longer than a lion." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 210

You deserved it 2 710

04/08/2009 22:12

Today, I was on my couch when my landlord walked in. He asked what I was doing there. I responded with the same question. Apparently my roommate forgot to call me and tell me that our lease ended three days ago. I am now standing in the parking lot with all my belongings, and it is raining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 230

You deserved it 6 967

She definitely won though.

By Anonymous - 24/08/2018 15:00

Today, as part of our prank war, my girlfriend found a hairy tarantula picture and stuck it on the wall. I hadn't yet told her I'm arachnophobic, and when I saw it I passed out and hit my head hard enough to need an ambulance. She decided she's won the war and I don't get a say in the matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 553

You deserved it 756

12/01/2011 01:04

Today, my step-mom asked if I was having some eating issues. I admitted that maybe I've picked up some bad habits from friends and school. Now she won't stop bombarding me with self-help books and therapy websites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 614

You deserved it 23 147

19/07/2010 08:34

Today, my husband fell asleep for two hours at a dinner party. We were the hosts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 212

You deserved it 5 524

Workers rise up!

By Anonymous - 29/07/2021 08:01

Today, I found out that, despite working 4 part-time jobs, that I will not qualify for maternity leave by my due date with the mandatory 600 hours. I can't get full-time work and I'm 8 months pregnant now. This'll be fun! FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 135

14/03/2012 20:12

Today, I got my braces put on. This is the second time I've had them. The first time was after my cousin opened a car door in my face. This time a jock punched me in the mouth for saying that Reese's taste the same as Snickers peanut butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 983

You deserved it 6 896

15/03/2016 05:55

Today, I had to drive down to my parents' house. On they way down, I needed to fill up on gas but unfortunately I'd forgotten my wallet at home with all of my cash and credit cards. I then had to call triple A and explain to them in all seriousness how I ran out of gas at the gas station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 127

You deserved it 3 289

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Top comments

WittyMoron 22

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Monday 28 December 2015 0:56

Bitch.

ko051598 20

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Monday 28 December 2015 1:04

That's a fucked up thing to say, she doesn't seem like a very good friend.

Comments

mattzawesome 28

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Monday 28 December 2015 0:53

Ex-friend I would assume.

MagnusDeus 24

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Monday 28 December 2015 16:45

Man, first comment out of the gate

dBLIZZARD 20

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Monday 28 December 2015 0:53

Are you sure she's your friend?

doumtabarnack 12

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Monday 28 December 2015 0:53

What an ass. You should smear it with shit.

I_own_a_dog 11

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Monday 28 December 2015 1:26

I don't know why this is down voted!?!

Mathalamus 24

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Monday 28 December 2015 1:36

Because it's utterly disgusting...

False_Stupidity 41

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Monday 28 December 2015 2:42

Disgusting? Yes. Called for? Absofuckinglutely.

Edumcg 24

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Monday 28 December 2015 4:24

That escalated way too quickly.

crackajak 15

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Monday 28 December 2015 5:36

Who shit on the coats?!

crackajak 15

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Monday 28 December 2015 9:07

Thanks for the down votes, It's a Dane cook reference, you petty imbeciles.

kbecks87 16

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Monday 28 December 2015 13:27

Dane Cook sucks, your welcome.

WittyMoron 22

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Monday 28 December 2015 0:56

Bitch.

Eyeslick 33

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Monday 28 December 2015 8:44

Short, sweet, and to the point....I like it.

cwade71 17

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Monday 28 December 2015 0:57

Look on the bright side... you don't need to spend a good 30-80 bucks to get a good hoodie when you have body heat!

nickie_94 18

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Monday 28 December 2015 0:58

Wow. Fat shaming at it's finest

may14th 26

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Monday 28 December 2015 1:55

As a fat person I will tell you that is NOT fat shaming.

kbecks87 16

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Monday 28 December 2015 13:28

23, being fat doesn't mean you get to decide what is or isn't shaming for an entire community.

kirasant 19

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Monday 28 December 2015 17:37

Not sure if I'd classify it as fat-shaming (fat-using?), but it is a shitty thing to do. OP needs a new friend.

janfleury 19

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Monday 28 December 2015 1:01

With friends like that......

MzZombicidal 36

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Tuesday 29 December 2015 5:54

who needs anemones!

evank98 10

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Monday 28 December 2015 1:02

Just hope it didn't work...

Robert3Lee 13

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Monday 28 December 2015 1:02

That's really harsh! I'm so sorry OP

ko051598 20

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Monday 28 December 2015 1:04

That's a fucked up thing to say, she doesn't seem like a very good friend.

ali282h 15

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Monday 28 December 2015 5:02

Or even a good human being..