Intimacy: Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my... - FML

By je_regrette_tout - France - Livry-gargan

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24140

You deserved it

66015

Tweet

Share

Proactive

And today, on Dr Phil…

They're everywhere

By Ahsan - Pakistan - Multan

Today, I was late for a meeting. The meeting hall door was made of glass, and it said pull, but in my rush, I pushed the door so hard that it shattered into small pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1374

You deserved it

742

Tweet

Share

By *sneeze*

Today, it's my wife's birthday. Since I had work, I gave her $200 to spend on herself and left. When I came back with dinner and the movie she wanted, I found her with a dog. She is very attached to him because the shelter was going to put him down. I love him, but I'm allergic to dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3009

You deserved it

442

Tweet

Share

By Gottabekidding - United States - Ashland

Today, my workplace instituted a policy in which employees must stop and write down what they are doing every fifteen minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14634

You deserved it

839

Tweet

Share

By Two wrecks one car - United States - New Braunfels

Today, a woman pulled out in front me and I couldn't avoid hitting her. When we pulled off on the side of the road to inspect the damage, she backed into me. My car is only a month old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3026

You deserved it

141

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I couldn't get to work because I couldn't find my car keys. It turns out, my mother took them and put them "somewhere safe." She can't remember where they are. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29013

You deserved it

2536

Tweet

Share

By jackson - United States

Today, I was woken up by my sister and her husband pretending to make moaning sounds in the room next to mine. I began to make moaning sounds as well to fight back. It turns out the "moaning" was actually their dogs snoring down stairs. Breakfast was awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12094

You deserved it

38849

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Asshats everywhere

Today, while driving to work, an idiot pulled out of a junction without looking and wiped me out. I'm now in hospital with two broken legs, looking at employment pages because I didn't give work "enough notice" about my absence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5245

You deserved it

234

Tweet

Share

By ethawesome1125 - United States - Round Rock

Today, I found a $20 bill on the ground, so I decided to pick it up. It was actually attached to a string and was meant to be a prank by some kids. They failed miserably, so I took the money. They ran up to me and punched me in the balls for taking their cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38378

You deserved it

7460

Tweet

Share

By soawkward - Canada

Today, I passed out in the shower with my boyfriend. He just left me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32925

You deserved it

5123

Tweet

Share

By feelthesting - Mexico - Aguascalientes

Today, I found out that my "mosquito bite" was in fact a jellyfish sting I got in Mexico, which has caused me to break out into horrendous hives in the airport waiting for the flight home. It's okay though, the plane is only delayed for 7 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25520

You deserved it

1832

Tweet

Share

By Heinz - Canada - Mississauga

Today, the highlight of my day was that I could afford name-brand ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26082

You deserved it

2814

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of 3 years a few months ago, my boys convinced me to go out with the cute girl I had been talking to on Tinder. However, she wasn't cute, or a girl. He robbed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27795

You deserved it

5356

Tweet

Share

By Lola - France

Today, as I was pressed for time, I opened some canned food for dinner. When my children were served, they said, "Mmm, this is best meal you've ever cooked for us!" I cook healthy, balanced meals every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26471

You deserved it

8328

Tweet

Share

By dammit - United States

Today, my nap was cut short by three bricks flying through my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30240

You deserved it

2395

Tweet

Share

By lulumars - United States

Today, I finally confronted my mom about how I felt about her three divorces. She then explained that she went through the divorces because I failed to keep the house clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27708

You deserved it

2612

Tweet

Share

By gali-ma - Australia

Today, I posted a photo on Facebook of me at a club with some friends. The first comment it got was "Just got a stiffy. 10/10." Thanks for that, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32404

You deserved it

3591

Tweet

Share

By crushed - Australia

Today, the job search agency that I use asked me to stop sending in my resume, as no one had hired me in three years, and that the situation was unlikely to change. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29353

You deserved it

3788

Tweet

Share

By Username

Today, I was driving along when the car in front of me ran over an animal. I only realised this when a chunk of flesh and blood landed on my windscreen. I put my wipers on to get rid of it but instead it got stuck underneath the wipers and smeared all over the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34762

You deserved it

6694

Tweet

Share

By Mel - United States

Today, I thought I'd finally make a step towards getting over my ex-fiancé by flirting with a cute waiter. I left him a note on the bill. He comes back, says "which one of you is [name]?" and leans down close to me to say, "Thanks for your note, but your card was declined." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52764

You deserved it

8044

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Wrong end of the stick

Today, while teaching my kindergarten class, I had a feeling I was starting my period again. A boy in the class asked me what a period was. Stressing over my own, I briefly told him it's a woman's time of the month when they have mood swings. He was asking about the dot at the end of a sentence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48496

You deserved it

39459

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met my roommate for the first time. I walked in the door to see him in full Roman gladiator gear, screaming at the computer because he lost 18 knights. He also told me he wakes up every 3 hours to make sure his army is still intact. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41239

You deserved it

3502

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/3/2021 05:00 - Germany - Ebersbach

Wake up bark

Today, my mom taught her dog not to jump onto her bed without "asking". The dog figured that barking would be a good way to ask, and mostly feels the need to do that around 4 a.m. My room is right next to my mom’s, and I already have trouble sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

803

You deserved it

54

Tweet

Share

By help meeeee - 14/3/2021 17:01

Abalaschabalamanama

Today, and ever since we watched a documentary about televangelists scamming people, my boyfriend randomly imitates them speaking "in tongues" because he knows it freaks me out. He's really good at it as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

703

You deserved it

139

Tweet

Share

By FastTurtle9 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I've tried literally every possible brand of antiperspirant deodorant available to me in my area. I went to the bathroom to discover I'd pitted out my favorite shirt. It's mild weather, I have done nothing active, and I'm not stressed. My body just loves to make me sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11595

You deserved it

1319

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

It's the new thing!

Today, I fell asleep while at an outside birthday party in the sun for a five-year-old. That five-year-old put an animal cracker on my forehead. I now have a rhino-shaped tan line. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1327

You deserved it

973

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. Not for cheating or for flirting, but because I wear tighty whities. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34149

You deserved it

22777

Tweet

Share

By leahkasscar - United States

Today, I kissed my 3.5 GPA goodbye because my English teacher was too caught up planning her parrot's birthday party to put in the credit I deserve for three different essays I completed for her class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5153

You deserved it

357

Tweet

Share

By Flabbergasted - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has been having an affair with another woman. He works with me and the woman also works in the same company. She is also married and is now 6 months pregnant. They are throwing a baby shower for her on Monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38644

You deserved it

2234

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friends staged an intervention. I'm not on drugs, I'm not an alcoholic, and I own my own house. My car is paid for and my job pays well. Apparently, I need an intervention because my life is not where they want it to be, which involves me being married with children. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41219

You deserved it

3559

Tweet

Share

By Matt - United States

Today, I was late for the bus. I chased after it for 3 blocks until I realized that the bus driver was laughing at me trying to catch her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34310

You deserved it

8516

Tweet

Share

By trailertrashyanditsucks - United States - Porter

Drunk mom

Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47880

You deserved it

3790

Tweet

Share

By Adam - United States

Today, I woke up to go pee and my cat followed me into the bathroom as usual. Then, in a not so usual fashion, she tried to jump from the sink to the top of the toilet, missed, and fell into the bowl while I was peeing. I'm scratched in a bad place, I have urine to clean up off the bathroom floor, and a traumatized cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37250

You deserved it

5149

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Concord

Today, I fell off the top of my bunk bed in my sleep onto a running fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13091

You deserved it

1551

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my friend's house. We were looking at her dad's guns, and I was explaining gun safety and how you should never put your finger on the trigger. I then shot a hole in the floor of her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7344

You deserved it

44749

Tweet

Share

By

Not really a good idea

Today, I decide to let my boyfriend introduce food into our sex life, then a few days after we used melted chocolate I got a UTI. I’ve never had a UTI before in my life so I’m blaming him for the fact it feels like I’m peeing needles dipped in acid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

905

You deserved it

2243

Tweet

Share

By Lonesome - United States - Bossier City

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54319

You deserved it

13034

Tweet

Share

By thanksmom - United States

Today, I was released from hospital after being in a car accident. I used the phone book to call people I know to get a ride home, as my wallet and cellphone were still in the wrecked car. I had called my mom to come get me, but her response was "I don't feel like it." I live with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38784

You deserved it

2974

Tweet

Share

By spoton

Today, I sliced my finger on the register drawer. Not wanting to freak out my customer, I stuck my hand in my pocket and finished giving them change. Now I look like I period-bled through the front of my pants. Only 10 hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5709

You deserved it

832

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was robbed at work. The guy stole my cell phone, bag, and laptop. Because of the robbery, I had to close the store two and a half hours early. My boss decided to dock my hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29637

You deserved it

2514

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for refusing to stop talking to my female best friend. When I pointed out that my friend's a lesbian, she said, "How the hell does that change anything?" I have no idea why I'm not happy to be rid of that paranoid imbecile. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3352

You deserved it

415

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Cbizzlez | 10

#5398844 - Sunday 10 March 2013 2:27

"Hey can I get a glass of water"
"Sure, can I get you anything else?"
(Porn music starts to play)

By SixthSinEnvy | 39

#5398835 - Sunday 10 March 2013 2:25

Couldn't pay the bill, huh?

COMMENTS

By funnyguy2697 | 6

#5398817 - Sunday 10 March 2013 2:22

Thats kinda creepy if they're just some
stranger

Reply

natsaysheyyy | 16

#5398871 - Sunday 10 March 2013 2:35

Well, hopefully you at least used a condom!

Reply

OneNightStander | 6

#5398915 - Sunday 10 March 2013 2:51

That's awesome. I wish I was the technician!

Reply

joshiepo0 | 18

#5398925 - Sunday 10 March 2013 2:57

Welcome to most one night stands.

Reply

tialeanne | 19

#5398939 - Sunday 10 March 2013 3:09

Not any different than one night stands, except for the alcohol part!

Reply

gc327072 | 29

#5399060 - Sunday 10 March 2013 5:09

I can imagine that guy back at the depot!

"Ey bro, how was your day?"
"Uhh… good…"

Reply

sniken | 14

#5399277 - Sunday 10 March 2013 9:34

I'm guessing he'll return with a customer satisfaction survey!

Reply

gman90210 | 18

#5400426 - Monday 11 March 2013 4:10

Same thing you get at a club, bar, store or where ever. No difference

Reply

Dontbelikeme | 2

#5400514 - Monday 11 March 2013 5:18

Actually the "alcohol part" is the biggest part of a one night stand, you literally just let a stranger get paid to have sex with you lol you should just be an escort since you have no morals

Reply

Mortoli | 30

#5852219 - Saturday 8 February 2014 20:08

They gotta give that guy a raise I wonder if he messed something else up in hopes for a return lol

Reply

nemcali | 34

#6724294 - Sunday 18 December 2016 18:47

She fancied him and it was mutual so what's your problem you sanctimonious judgemental moron?

By HowAreYouToday | 34

#5398824 - Sunday 10 March 2013 2:24

I'm having a hard time trying to figure out why having tour router replaced *and* sex is a bad thing...

Reply

CareFace | 16

#5398929 - Sunday 10 March 2013 2:59

Hehehe a "hard" time...

Reply

ScaughtieHolden | 11

#5408863 - Sunday 17 March 2013 13:33

It's an FML because OP found out she is a who...has no self control.

Reply

girI | 20

#6074935 - Saturday 27 September 2014 3:29

Well, perhaps technicians, (like electricians and plumbers), get paid at an hourly rate, and depending on how long it took it could've made the bill more expensive?

By samcro3 | 8

#5398826 - Sunday 10 March 2013 2:24

Let your freak flag fly, girl!

Reply

beeferjay | 34

#6384450 - Tuesday 18 August 2015 9:10

ROLFKOPTER

By SixthSinEnvy | 39

#5398835 - Sunday 10 March 2013 2:25

Couldn't pay the bill, huh?

Reply

1PersonIsMyWorld | 22

#5398964 - Sunday 10 March 2013 3:31

Someone Loves Useless Touching

Reply

gc327072 | 29

#5399057 - Sunday 10 March 2013 5:04

The router wasn't putting out enough signal, so, yeah.

Reply

mmaflake | 19

#5399196 - Sunday 10 March 2013 7:49

Right

By SomeRandomGuy15 | 18

#5398836 - Sunday 10 March 2013 2:26

Well... That escalated quickly.

Reply

Starcatch77 | 20

#5398907 - Sunday 10 March 2013 2:47

How will she "never fully understand" how they had sex? I mean if she wasn't drunk then she must remember how it happened...

Reply

BellaBelle_fml | 23

#5398973 - Sunday 10 March 2013 3:44

No, she said, "…and for some reason I'll never fully understand…" She didn't understand the reason why it happened. Not how it happened.

Reply

dontpanic_fml | 32

#5399012 - Sunday 10 March 2013 4:24

Still, I'm with 30 in that I'm not sure what's not to understand. I mean...she was there. They wanted to have sex. They had sex.

Reply

NessieMonster188 | 17

#5399153 - Sunday 10 March 2013 6:56

30: Mind blowing sex can actually temporarily erase a woman's memory

Reply

mmaflake | 19

#5399269 - Sunday 10 March 2013 9:24

Give

Reply

nemcali | 34

#6724297 - Sunday 18 December 2016 18:49

She probably does not normally sleep with strangers and she does not understand why this time was different

By chelsearenaeee | 16

#5398837 - Sunday 10 March 2013 2:26

Slutty much?

Reply

pussystank | 18

#5399109 - Sunday 10 March 2013 6:02

I really fine this FML to be scary though. I really hope op doesn't get STDs but just in case she becomes positive there making Vaginal creams out of bee's venom *ouch lol* for stuff like that it maybe painful but its worth it.

Reply

evig_fml | 16

#5399128 - Sunday 10 March 2013 6:22

What?

Reply

ms_YoungMula | 8

#5399150 - Sunday 10 March 2013 6:52

Wtf did I just read ^^

Reply

TheGoldStandard | 6

#5399161 - Sunday 10 March 2013 7:03

Are you fucked lasy?

By SWC_Penguin | 17

#5398842 - Sunday 10 March 2013 2:26

I'm still not sure if the OP is complaining or bragging.

By Cbizzlez | 10

#5398844 - Sunday 10 March 2013 2:27

"Hey can I get a glass of water"
"Sure, can I get you anything else?"
(Porn music starts to play)

Reply

iskatepeople | 5

#5398935 - Sunday 10 March 2013 3:06

Haha, that's exactly how I imagined it

Reply

lowshadows | 21

#5398940 - Sunday 10 March 2013 3:10

I'm thinking "Careless Whisper" by George Michaels used in this scene.

Reply

firefighter925 | 18

#5398997 - Sunday 10 March 2013 4:13

damn im gonna start giving my girlfriend a glass of water and see where it goes lol

Reply

RAGE5119 | 9

#5399088 - Sunday 10 March 2013 5:45

She'll prob be like uhhhh....thanks...>.>

Reply

420Zombie | 17

#5399152 - Sunday 10 March 2013 6:55

here's some water.... why are your clothes still on?

Reply

mr_sarcastic416 | 29

#5399237 - Sunday 10 March 2013 8:46

bow chicka bow wow

Reply

SirBreaksalot | 9

#5399240 - Sunday 10 March 2013 8:48

I have a feeling that the technician will start asking for water at every house he visits...

By xiaodoggiie | 5

#5398846 - Sunday 10 March 2013 2:27

And to think it all started from a glass of plain water. Lol

Reply

TheNewGuy03 | 28

#5399029 - Sunday 10 March 2013 4:36

He's 2013's version of "the milkman." Technician Titty-Pleaser, at your service.

Reply

therealafroninga | 10

#5399121 - Sunday 10 March 2013 6:16

That's some high quality H2O.

Reply

notforbirds | 9

#5399122 - Sunday 10 March 2013 6:16

Plot twist: It wasn't plain water, it was date rape.

Reply

LeafsGuy92 | 10

#5399227 - Sunday 10 March 2013 8:31

It was definitely the ice cubes... Bringing it to a whole new temperate (;

Something had to cool of the heated situation!

Reply

soldier317 | 2

#5400100 - Sunday 10 March 2013 23:38

Was it water or Vodka? Lol

Reply

ThatOneDrummer | 8

#5400635 - Monday 11 March 2013 6:37

And that, kids, is the story of how I met your mother...

Reply

EssieWinter | 9

#6254545 - Tuesday 7 April 2015 1:33

I guess you could say he was thirsty, in every sense of the word.

By Pleonasm | 34

#5398850 - Sunday 10 March 2013 2:27

You just couldn't wait to have his data packets in you, could you?

Reply

Cbizzlez | 10

#5398898 - Sunday 10 March 2013 2:44

He offered an upgraded service plan, she couldn't refuse

Reply

therealafroninga | 10

#5399119 - Sunday 10 March 2013 6:14

Wrong place, see reply above.