Transportation: Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my dad. He met him after... - FML

By canadiansun - 26/02/2010 18:37 - United States

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my dad. He met him after my boyfriend ran his truck into a tree, and my dad had to pick us up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 143

You deserved it 4 037

Batman

Dysfunctional

Stalker vibes

Time for the dentist

By Ethan - 07/04/2021 20:30 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I got home to my son holding his brother down with one foot on his chest and both hands on a pair of pliers, trying to pull out his infected tooth, looking like some sort of redneck, hillbilly comedy sketch. I half expected to hear sound effects in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 158

By digressions - 29/12/2011 19:01 - Canada

Today, I tore a muscle in my back. At the hospital, I was prescribed some pain medication. My husband got me settled at home, with everything I needed within reach, and left for work. As I picked up the bottle to take the first pill, I knocked it on the floor. It rolled under the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 454

You deserved it 3 922

Rekt

By Shaun - 16/06/2009 02:13 - United States

Today, I rode my bike to work. While biking on the road, I gave a hand signal for turning left. A car passing the opposite way veered towards me and attempted to give me a high five. I now have cuts all over my body and my bike is in two pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 258

You deserved it 6 141

By funnyguyNOT - 05/04/2009 21:39 - United States

Today, a car was waiting for me to cross the street so I thought it would be funny to slowly limp across the street. When I got to the end, I jumped as high as I could to show I was faking. Turns out I tripped and hit my head hard on the sidewalk. That car took me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 269

You deserved it 284 709

By imaloser - 06/07/2009 23:27 - Canada

Today, I thought my boyfriend of 6 years was going to propose to me. We're highschool sweethearts and he was my first. Just when he was looking into my eyes he says, " I've been seeing someone else for 2 years and I'm choosing her over you... it was a tough decision". FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 271

You deserved it 4 275

By Anonymous - 16/05/2011 22:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. He said he would have done it two weeks ago but he needed someone to drive him around while his car was getting repaired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 207

You deserved it 4 418

By Anonymous - 19/08/2014 21:54 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 898

You deserved it 11 774

By Anonymous - 25/10/2012 19:43 - United States - Nutley

Today, trying to be nice, I asked my little sister how school was. She burst into a temper tantrum and screamed at me to fuck off. She's eight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 555

You deserved it 2 537

By awkward. - 17/07/2009 05:02 - United States

Today, I found out that my new boss at my job is the same guy that I turned down repeatedly last night at the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 848

You deserved it 4 605

By Ihatemyjob - 24/04/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, my boss told me that he didn’t want to promote me because my, “scores were too good.” He then told me that I would be getting twice as much work to do than my coworkers, without a raise. I work minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 365

You deserved it 166

By Anonymous - 18/07/2019 20:00

Today, my father, who I haven't spoken to in over 12 years, contacted me. He just wanted to let me know that I should get tested for a rare neurological disease. The only thing the man has given to me since my conception is potentially a death certificate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 890

You deserved it 105

By Anonymous - 16/03/2013 18:55 - United States - Escondido

Today, I have the flu. I had to wash the dishes, cook dinner, take out the trash, and take care of the laundry, all while my wife sat around watching TV, because she was "too tired". I work 8 hours a day. She's a college student. She doesn't see what's so unfair about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 305

You deserved it 8 194

By guest - 18/11/2011 05:54 - Canada

Today, I moved into a lovely basement suite. Unfortunately, the 12 year old upstairs plays violin. She also plays baritone. She said she alternates each day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 918

You deserved it 3 064

By lucky? - 19/09/2017 01:30

Today, some wisenheimer hacked my Facebook account and posted that I just won the Powerball. I now currently have 284 "friend" requests and 142 tags as "family". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 842

You deserved it 298

By Anonymous - 06/09/2017 07:00 - United States - Eugene

Today, while showing off the sharpness of my new katana, I missed my target and hit my shoe. The strike cut into the second toe of my right foot, which then had to be amputated. Demonstration successful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 790

You deserved it 4 897

By Anonymous - 27/08/2012 07:29 - United States - Brockton

Today, I got a flat tire. The spare was also flat, so I had no other choice but to walk home. I got to my house and realized I'd left the front door key and garage clicker in my car 5 miles away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 394

You deserved it 10 176

By sucker - 06/01/2011 03:55 - Canada

Today, my cheating ex-boyfriend was offered the job we both interviewed for. I helped him with his cover letter before I found out about the affair. I've been unemployed for almost two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 874

You deserved it 4 212

By number2 - 18/10/2011 01:14 - United States

Today, while sitting on the toilet, my phone pocket dialed my boss's cell. He was in the next stall. He answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 359

You deserved it 3 995

By Anonymous - 15/08/2016 17:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I found myself sneaking into my apartment to avoid the old lady that lives next to me. Funny enough, I moved into my own apartment because I was tired of sneaking into it to avoid my mom who lived with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 282

You deserved it 1 742

By Jay - 02/08/2010 17:23 - United States

Today, I discovered our AOL billing information. Turns out we've been paying for dial-up via automatic bill paying that we thought we cancelled in 2000. $1,800 later, we called to cancel. Customer service congratulated us on being loyal members for over 13 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 634

You deserved it 30 799

By lawdy - 21/05/2017 20:00

Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 388

You deserved it 605

By Anonymous - 24/02/2013 01:42 - United States - Royersford

Today, my very conservative mom met my girlfriend, who recently shaved her head in support of her best friend, who has cancer. My girlfriend looks beautiful and feminine even with her still very short hair. My mom, however, keeps insisting that I'm dating "a confused transgender". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 209

You deserved it 2 658

By hopeless1 - 26/04/2009 05:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, I met a really hot guy at a bar. We talked for a while and really seemed to hit it off. We ended up going to my apartment. He stopped and said, "Clean up this mess and maybe we could do something another time." I am a complete neat freak - my apartment had been robbed and trashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 687

You deserved it 5 813

By junkie - 18/12/2012 18:28 - Belgium - Antwerp

Today, I hid my weed stash in a bag from an expensive jewellery store. My sister walked into my room, went "Ooh, what's this?" and grabbed the bag. I grabbed it back and ad-libbed that it was her Christmas gift. Now I actually have to buy her expensive jewellery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 107

You deserved it 64 250

By Anonymous - 23/07/2014 23:16 - United States - Salem

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 262

You deserved it 5 318

Let me stay!

By Anonymous - 17/11/2021 23:00

Today, I quit my job, mainly because I didn't work enough hours and thus, earn enough money. In the past, they said there isn't any other paid work they could provide. They've now added different tasks, more money, and more hours to the position. I'm helping to find a replacement for a job I would otherwise apply to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 124

Information

By Anonymous - 31/05/2021 17:01 - United States - Nevada City

Today, my husband, who told me last week he was unhappy, wasn't in love with me anymore and is "talking" to someone else, asked me if I could give him the information for the people we've previously rented from, so he can move out. I gave him what I still had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 107

By Chia - 10/05/2013 22:58 - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I cancelled our date tonight. I cancelled because I had a seizure and was taken to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 920

You deserved it 3 658

Quit while you're ahead

By Anonymous - 13/07/2021 05:01 - United States - Delhi

Today, I'm an executive at a startup game studio, making only $18,000 a year after 3 years of helping build the company. I was promised a raise once we secured our Seed B funding. So, after our investors backed us for $4.5 million recently, I followed up with the CEO about this. He responded by sending me a troll face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 103

By pigglepigglepiggle - 24/11/2009 02:30 - United States

Today, I agreed to buy my girlfriend a piggle for Christmas. The pig is miniature. The noise it makes is not. Oh, and I just found out it's not living with her, but with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 496

You deserved it 29 514

By Anonymous - 01/01/2013 10:30 - United States - Wichita

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Some guy grabbed her ass, and I tried to fight him. I ended up with a concussion and a messed up jaw. Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 845

You deserved it 15 112

By xomelodygervais - 08/11/2013 14:00 - Canada - Timmins

Spicy

Today, my husband's version of roleplaying was pretending that he actually wanted to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 851

You deserved it 6 148

By but why - 21/08/2018 23:30

Today, when it started raining, I remembered that I'd left my kitchen windows open. I hurried to close them, but slipped in a huge puddle and slid into the wall, making a huge hole in it with my knee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 481

You deserved it 353

By CaptainByron - 28/04/2017 00:00

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in close to 2 months. The first thing he did was ask if I wanted to buy some weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 321

You deserved it 305

It's only a bit of liquid fun, come on!

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 20:00

Today, I asked the guy I'm dating if he could not drink on our next date, because he ends up drunk-driving every time. His response was, "This isn't working out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 697

You deserved it 294

It never rains, it pours

By jaeilssanguh - 26/11/2009 18:49 - United States

Today, I was walking in rain. I had my hands in my pants pockets, so that the front of the jacket was pointing down. Halfway to Taco Bell, my crotch felt exceptionally wet. I looked down to see a wet spot. The rain on my jacket was channeled to my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 974

You deserved it 6 130

By xMiSS_CuTiEx - 27/12/2009 22:25 - United States

Today, I remembered my mom got her carpet cleaned and to be careful while she was at work. To be nice, I vacuumed the whole house. Feeling proud of myself, I got a drink and went upstairs. I tripped and spilled red Kool-Aid all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 043

You deserved it 14 322

By brokeandsingle - 29/01/2012 09:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally made the last payment on the beautiful engagement ring I bought and proposed with - two years ago. To my ex-girlfriend, who said no and promptly started sleeping with one of my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 356

You deserved it 3 162

By Anonymous - 20/03/2014 20:23 - United States - Du Quoin

Today, I found out why my dad always treated me badly as a kid compared to my siblings. It's because I was conceived while my mom was cheating on him. On top of that, he made it clear that he still doesn't consider me a "real" part of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 828

You deserved it 3 442

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 11:29 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I woke up to an email confirming my membership to a dating site. Turns out my mother is as annoyed by my loveless life as I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 094

You deserved it 2 549

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Saturday 27 February 2010 1:33

Them damn trees, always in the way!

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Saturday 27 February 2010 1:50

Uh, what? It clearly says 'hen'.

Comments

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Saturday 27 February 2010 1:33

Them damn trees, always in the way!

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Saturday 27 February 2010 1:46

Just like clothing and legs....

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Saturday 27 February 2010 2:15

obviously your bf can't drive and get head at the same time

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Saturday 27 February 2010 4:28

Hows about you introduce your dad to the person who will be driving his truck next time.

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Saturday 27 February 2010 9:03

I would have to say f ur boyfriends life

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Saturday 27 February 2010 11:00

it's only bad if your dad's a hard case, and call you a wuss for not being in a war or whatever hard men do?

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Saturday 27 February 2010 1:33

ur bf is dumb

JMWHS 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 1:42

You should follow your own advice.

samantha_durano 6

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Saturday 27 February 2010 1:43

*when.

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Saturday 27 February 2010 1:50

Uh, what? It clearly says 'hen'.

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Saturday 27 February 2010 2:00

Well then it's both you lazy typoing bitch! Hah, just joking, you're not a bitch in my opinion. You just vent a lot. Did something happen to you when you were younger you don't like to talk about?

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Saturday 27 February 2010 2:02

n0 ther is'int! If uur lazy uur lazy butt thers n0 reasen to u need to bee making those tipe off misstake Sinckers... Taste the reinbow!

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Saturday 27 February 2010 2:25

hint? you mean tip.

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Saturday 27 February 2010 2:41

Snick, are you okay? You seem to have been in a bad mood all night.....

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Saturday 27 February 2010 2:48

Snickerdoodles, your new profile picture looks great.

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Saturday 27 February 2010 3:06

Oh. Yeah. I'm sorry dear. I get really weepy on my period (nothing quite like sobbing because you've run out of cereal!) and generally moody when I'm tired. I've never had the misfortune of having those together, but I can imagine it would suck. Feel better, and good luck on the projects, I guess.

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Saturday 27 February 2010 3:21

Or e) the road was icy. We are in the middle of winter.

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Saturday 27 February 2010 3:28

I would also agree about the final assessment part; because for me, they count for about 50-60% of my final grade.

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Saturday 27 February 2010 3:34

What the..? It says "when" now..

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Saturday 27 February 2010 3:37

Nazi much?

PurpleSquirrel 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 3:44

lack of time in which to do them = get the hell off of this website and focus on school

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Saturday 27 February 2010 4:26

I see your point, PurpleSquirrel, but she may have had a short break and this is where she wanted to spend her time. Or maybe she just wanted to do something without it being objected. She has a heart, even if you may not.

Littlebuddy12 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 5:37

LOL agreed!

0mfgz 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 6:24

Speaking of typos...

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Saturday 27 February 2010 6:25

oh snick now wants to act like a typo is ok and other people get a rude coment by her if they accidentaly type something wrong! tisk tisk! accept that you're wrong and move on!

samantha_durano 6

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Saturday 27 February 2010 6:27

#40 said it all.

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Tuesday 22 October 2013 0:51

man accidents happen!

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Saturday 27 February 2010 1:37

Thank god for Rednecks! Amirite?

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Saturday 27 February 2010 1:40

re you from Jasper, FL.?

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Saturday 27 February 2010 1:40

Trees have a thing with jumping in front of vehicles. Just tell your dad it wasn't your bf's fault because you were giving him roadhead. Problem solved.

JMWHS 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 1:45

roadhead is dangerous kids. always remember that

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Saturday 27 February 2010 1:49

@snickerdoodles: you shouldn't judge people bcos all you're doing judging yourself. so hunny take your own advice

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Saturday 27 February 2010 1:52

some people don't like typing the whole word so stop being hella butthurt about it chill the fck out. jst sayn.

samantha_durano 6

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Saturday 27 February 2010 1:54

hahah, butthurt.

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Saturday 27 February 2010 2:17

don't feel bad, my dad met my boyfriend when he walked in on me pleasuring him orally <.< so yeah. it gets worse >.>

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Saturday 27 February 2010 17:36

I love how you make it sound so eloquent. I think most of us know what a blow job is, sweetie. You can go ahead and say it.

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Saturday 27 February 2010 3:11

Sometimes when I get that drunk, I drive with one eye because it helps keep the trees from jumping into the road

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Sunday 28 February 2010 17:46

Win

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 31

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 23

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 197