Love: Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in the food court at the mall.... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 92

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 49

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 27

29/03/2009 14:03

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in the food court at the mall. When she said "yes", the entire food court broke out in applause, and my girlfriend and I were escorted out of the mall for "starting a riot". I never knew clapping was a crime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113 929

You deserved it 24 189

Hiding from the drama

Another great day to be alive

Commando

25/12/2016 02:57

Today, I took my car into the mechanic to have two tires and battery put in, all new. I later got a call saying they tried to start my car on the dead battery, which sparked and started a fire. It's gonna take two weeks to get the parts and it's minus 30 outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 870

You deserved it 520

Gender bending

By Anonymous - 03/09/2021 16:59

Today, my doctor told me to take off my pants so she could do a checkup. When I took them off, she gasped. When I asked what was wrong, she said she was expecting something else. She thought I was a dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 160

A few good men?

By notthe1punchinglittlegirls - 01/07/2017 14:00

Today, I was visiting my in-laws and sharing a room with my husband's 17-year-old sister. Later that night she and her brother of 24 years started fist-fighting over an air mattress and I had to pull them off each other. The brother later berated me with, "You can't handle any pressure!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 006

You deserved it 351

14/12/2008 03:58

Spicy

Today, I surprise my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her twenty-fourth birthday. She gets up from the couch as I enter and I shout: "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glances over from the couch and greets me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 754

You deserved it 67 298

05/11/2010 09:19

Today, after moving house, changing my number, my email, and beginning legal action to get away from a girl who was stalking me, I decided to go to the movies to relax. As soon as I got in my seat, that same girl walked into the nearly empty theatre. She sat next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 666

You deserved it 3 151

Freak out

By Anonymous - 03/09/2020 19:07

Today, some jackass spider decided to lay eggs behind my wall. No matter how many I kill, I always wake up to multiple baby spiders on my ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 312

You deserved it 105

29/05/2012 03:36

Today, I found out where my surprise honeymoon is; it involves swimming with dolphins. I have a huge fear of dolphins, whales and sharks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 041

You deserved it 7 755

Where is my mind?

By Anonymous - 24/07/2021 00:01

Today, after 10 beers and a 1/3 of a bottle of Jack, I felt an undeniable urge to go rabbit hunting with lawn darts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 195

You deserved it 1 045

Sounds like a catch

By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 16:58

Today, the momma's boy I was getting to know cried when I said we should just be friends. He said I was being added to the list of people who treat him like shit and verbally abuse him. He has bad hygiene, musty, wears dirty clothes and I taught him how to properly clean a toilet. But I’m the bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 84

03/01/2009 03:26

Today, when I came home, my daughter's baby-sitter was busy smelling my thongs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 434

You deserved it 2 495

31/05/2009 05:45

Today, I rear-ended a car. While we were waiting for the police, we made small talk, at which time I learned he was an attorney. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 305

You deserved it 8 514

05/03/2016 05:22

Today, some guys came up to me at work so they could meet me in person after talking to me on Tinder. I don't have a Tinder account, though, and I have no idea who is doing this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 241

You deserved it 1 305

The Bathtub Incident

By Katie - 17/09/2019 12:01

Today, my little sister took a dump in our bath tub right before we were leaving for soccer practice. When my mom found it, she blamed it on me, then made me pick it up with my bare hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 814

You deserved it 114

25/06/2015 03:49

Today, I submitted a poem for my English class. I had fun writing it, so I wrote a second which was not nearly as good. My procrastinator of a friend never did his, so I gave him my extra poem. Mine was given a 75% while "his" received a 93%. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 120

You deserved it 9 114

13/04/2013 15:52

Today, at school, I saw the guy I like at his locker. I decided to run up from behind and surprise him. I ended up accidentally slamming his locker on his fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 254

You deserved it 44 299

19/11/2010 21:20

Today, stood in line for hours to see the new Harry Potter. Unfortunately, once inside the theater, I was stuck in the bathroom with the runs for the entire length of the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 866

You deserved it 6 995

05/05/2015 19:54

Today, marks the fourth day in a row that I've worn the same outfit to prove to my parents that they pay me no attention. They still haven't noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 864

You deserved it 3 611

04/10/2011 07:04

Spicy

Today, I showed my boyfriend a calendar, marked with the number of times we've had sex over the past month. Then followed by a calendar of the month before, which had almost triple the number of hits. I had to point out that our stats need to improve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 647

You deserved it 19 054

14/10/2015 13:21

Today, I went to my cousin's house. I left my bag on the couch as my aunt instructed, only for my cousin to take it and throw it into the swimming pool. My laptop, textbooks and notes were soaked. My exam is in a week, and my aunt won't punish her perfect little angel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 240

You deserved it 1 791

27/05/2009 22:44

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 655

You deserved it 8 124

25/08/2012 00:20

Today, a thirty-something guy swaggered into my workplace. He was wearing shutter shades and torn jeans, and claimed to be our new boss. I called security to throw him out, at which point he produced his ID and let me know I'd be attending an employee review session next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 818

You deserved it 8 124

Chub rub

By Anonymous - 19/03/2021 13:59

Today, I was pooping in a public toilet and a kid had walked in on me. I then heard him tell his dad, "It's okay, I didn't see anything, he was fat so his chubby legs hid it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 170

FML: Uncensored

By Cliché... or Touché? - 03/08/2017 02:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 709

You deserved it 61 757

25/08/2010 16:32

Today, I was working as a camp counselor helping a five year old girl. I heard her mumble, "My grandpa is getting married on Saturday." I enthusiastically replied and told her how exciting that was! Only after did I realize that she said 'buried'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 196

You deserved it 9 044

To each their own

By Anonymous - 08/10/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, taking a piss still gives me more pleasure than masturbation or sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 257

Nosebleed

By bloody good time - 23/11/2019 05:00

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and he slid his hand up near my face too fast and ended up clocking me in the nose. It is the first time that I have ever had nosebleed while orgasming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 043

You deserved it 223

21/05/2010 00:54

Today, my boyfriend gave me a pair of ankle weights for my birthday. How utterly romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 556

You deserved it 5 223

27/08/2018 14:30

Today, I found out that the medication that's been free to me and has given me no noticeable side effects will be $1500 a month for my new insurance. This is a medication used to prevent my MS relapses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 637

You deserved it 122

10/06/2012 18:11

Today, I confronted my husband over the fact that despite me working two jobs to support us for the last three years, we're nowhere near our goal of buying a house. He actually had the brass balls to defend pissing my money down the drain on his ceramic cat collection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 584

You deserved it 5 934

15/12/2014 03:50

Today, I found out that the "IRS scam" that I ignored last week was actually not a scam, and now I have a warrant out for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 634

You deserved it 7 021

24/02/2015 15:10

Today, my fiancé and his family accused me of being with him only because he's rich, refusing to go ahead with the wedding. I accepted his marriage proposal 4 years ago, when he was penniless and unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 065

You deserved it 2 943

06/04/2009 19:51

Spicy

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 123

You deserved it 182 284

13/12/2009 16:53

Today, I went to see a play. I'm pregnant, so I always need to pee. At intermission, I ran to use the bathroom, but there was a really long line. I asked the woman in front of me if I could pass her. She responded, "You don't look pregnant!", and lectured me about lying while I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 876

You deserved it 3 105

13/05/2016 07:33

Today, I spent eight hours cutting, curing, and aligning on the racks, six months worth of beef to be dried for some tasty jerky, only to find out my dehydrator is broken beyond repair, and would cost as much to fix as the soon-to-spoil meat that I bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 396

You deserved it 1 887

28/04/2013 03:16

Today, I had to explain to a friend that the show writers for Glee did not write "Bohemian Rhapsody" and that Freddie Mercury did not steal the song from them. We're both 17 years old, and she reacted by kicking a chair at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 146

You deserved it 3 428

17/07/2013 14:20

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at his parents' house. I was overjoyed. His mom hugged me with tears in her eyes. His father, who never really spoke before, hugged me a few hours later when we were alone, his hands traveling to my ass and whispering, "I can change your mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 462

You deserved it 4 384

12/02/2009 00:06

Today, I told the guy I have feelings for that I'm interested in, and asked him how he feels about it. He responded via text, saying, "I feel fairly neutral about that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 731

You deserved it 4 178

08/07/2011 19:43

Today, I'd just finished cleaning the bathrooms at work when I saw a young boy go in. Of course, I thought nothing of it until I had to use the bathroom myself ten minutes later. The kid had taken a shit and missed the toilet completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 311

You deserved it 2 639

13/08/2014 04:28

Today, at the beach, I noticed a plastic bag in the water. I wanted to do something good for a change, help protect the environment and get it out. It wasn't a bag; it was a jellyfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 445

You deserved it 9 743

12/06/2012 16:59

Today, a hobo shook me down for money on the street. He's my brother, who incidentally ran away from home over two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 768

You deserved it 2 791

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Sunday 29 March 2009 20:02

congrats but y a food court?

njwrestler171 0

Send a private message

Sunday 29 March 2009 20:02

ahh screw them CONGRADS

Comments

happygolucky9 0

Send a private message

Sunday 29 March 2009 20:01

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

truelyawesome 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 10 February 2010 9:55

those crazy clappers!!! there ruining the peace of the shopping mall! we should sterilieze them all to make sure none proceed after them! oh, and CONGRADS

namelessgiraffe 0

Send a private message

Sunday 7 March 2010 6:57

why would you propose in a food court?

Send a private message

Monday 29 March 2010 8:12

there's nothin better than proposing in front of a dairy queen and mcdonalds on a sticky floor beside a nasty table with fries scattered eveywhere on it. ahhhh how romantic :)

Send a private message

Saturday 3 April 2010 3:59

at a food court? seriously??????

Send a private message

Friday 23 April 2010 2:46

why the hell in a mall food court

Send a private message

Tuesday 22 June 2010 23:46

it could be a specal place for them could have been where they first met or first date or first kiss it could be a romantic or sentimental place for em'

karmaSUCKS321453 0

Send a private message

Monday 2 August 2010 21:26

it's funny because she said yes and he is still being a whiny bitch.

Send a private message

Friday 6 August 2010 0:32

YDI for proposing in a food court who the he'll does that

Send a private message

Sunday 21 August 2011 10:30

Perhaps the mall cop was an ex?

Send a private message

Thursday 23 February 2012 10:56

Get a tasty snack?

Send a private message

Monday 14 May 2012 4:49

I think that it's really romantic and spontanious to propose in a food court. I would never guess that I would be proposed to. Plus it might be a special place for them.

Send a private message

Monday 14 May 2012 4:49

I think that it's really romantic and spontanious to propose in a food court. I would never guess that I would be proposed to. Plus it might be a special place for them.

Send a private message

Sunday 29 March 2009 20:02

sounds like people were donig more than applauding

Trevv 0

Send a private message

Sunday 21 February 2010 4:41

No, this is just political correctness gone too far... AGAIN!!!

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 May 2013 1:23

Why so many YDIs?

njwrestler171 0

Send a private message

Sunday 29 March 2009 20:02

ahh screw them CONGRADS

mad_masquerade 0

Send a private message

Friday 3 July 2009 10:35

There is no D in 'Congratulations'.

TheMystery_fml 6

Send a private message

Friday 6 May 2011 6:30

And there isn't and English class present in here

Send a private message

Sunday 29 March 2009 20:02

that really sucks. did you try to explain?

Send a private message

Sunday 29 March 2009 20:02

congrats but y a food court?

Trevv 0

Send a private message

Sunday 21 February 2010 4:43

Maybe he brought her there so she wouldn't expect it...? More spontaneous maybe..?

Send a private message

Friday 11 June 2010 5:44

it could be a special place like they could have first met there or had there first kiss/ maybe date it could be a very emotional place for them so bringing her back could be considered romantic

Send a private message

Sunday 26 June 2011 11:33

she might be fat

Send a private message

Saturday 17 May 2014 21:00

What the fuck dude?

Send a private message

Sunday 29 March 2009 20:02

atleast ya didnt end up in jail after all that

keilz 0

Send a private message

Sunday 29 March 2009 20:03

what a weird place to propose...

Send a private message

Sunday 29 March 2009 20:03

how romantic.

bridgette5866 0

Send a private message

Saturday 13 February 2010 23:20

exactly what I was thinking. how is this an FML? she said yes.

iJack 0

Send a private message

Sunday 29 March 2009 20:03

Thats awesome that you did it in public! But that does suck for you, being escorted and all.

liveitlearnit 0

Send a private message

Sunday 29 March 2009 20:04

Was there some significance to the food court? If it was like the place where you had your first date or something, I'd get that. However, if not, it's kind of a crumby place for a proposal. Congratulations anyway, though!

Send a private message

Monday 28 November 2011 0:59

my name is David :) ly2