Health: Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my... - FML

By Christopher - Canada

Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML

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Dementia or hate? You decide

Trip Advisor says no

Workaholic

By apparently inexperienced - United States - Brockton

Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and told me I need to watch more porn. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2021 20:01

No fun

Today, I was finishing a cigarette outside of the mall when we heard someone fart. Turns out it was a little girl. They looked around, so jokingly I said, "We didn't hear anything." Her family giggled and so did we, until everyone realized the little girl was now sobbing. I'm a POS. FML

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By Username - Japan

Today, I quit my job and sent a mass mail on Facebook that I was moving to a different state with my long time boyfriend. He called me later that night to tell me we aren't moving after all. Now we are both jobless with loads of bills to pay by the end of the month. FML

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By Undefined - France

Today, I was at a restaurant with my boyfriend. I look him straight in the eye and ask him: "What's the first thing you think about when you look at me?". His answer: "Can I finish my steak?" FML

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By ImNotFat - New Zealand

Today, a photo of my friends and me was posted in our college group. I didn't notice my legs looked enormous until my friend pointed it out. Her comment got 50 likes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML

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By Crappy - Canada - Rodney

Today, I got trapped in my building's elevator for over an hour, with my dog who I had been rushing outside with because he had explosive diarrhea. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Boston

Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML

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By Professional_Ars

Today, the coworker I have a crush on left halfway through the busiest shift of the week, and now I have to work it alone. I eventually found out that she left to go on a date with her new boyfriend. FML

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By ItHurtsLIkeHell - Malaysia

Today, I learnt that if you accidentally sit on a hamster, instead of dying, it bites your testicles. FML

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By poupi - France

Today, I was reading the end of my book. I turn the page and see, written at the top: "Lauren kills Paul in the end... You shouldn't have pissed me off." It was from my sister, we had a fight yesterday. FML

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By marlow - Canada

Today, the guy sitting beside me on the bus fell asleep and just drooled on me. FML

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By contracted - United States - Concord

Today, I received a letter telling me I'm not qualified for a job I've been unofficially doing for the last three years. It's the fourth letter I've gotten since applying. I guess it wouldn't be too bad if I didn't have to train the new person who got the job instead of me. FML

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By stressedmom36 - United States - Tampa

Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML

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By bummed - United States

Today, I found out a 6-month pregnant woman is claiming my boyfriend to be the father. Even though this would have been previous to our relationship, he already has two kids from getting girls pregnant in high school. I guess he didn't learn his lesson the first two times. FML

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By hurts.to.pee - United States

Today, I explained to my dad that I think I have a vaginal infection. I asked if he could take me to the doctor. He responded by saying, "Just shove some ice up there. It'll go away." FML

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By anon - United States - San Francisco

Today, the only conversation I had with my mother where she didn't explode into a hissy fit was about peanut butter vs. almond butter. And even then she was starting to get mad at me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - East Orange

Today, I asked a customer for a number we could call her at to let her know when we'd finished fixing her PC. I'm so desperately lonely that when she wrote it down for me, I got a raging boner. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Oakville

Neighbours from hell

Today, my new neighbours moved in. I've neither seen nor spoken to them yet; all I know is that they enjoy hammering at the walls for hours on end and repeatedly setting off the fire alarm. All this in the small hours of the morning. I got two hours of sleep. FML

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By batman123 - Canada

Today, a girl I really liked mentioned she's home alone and that she was really really lonely. She offered for me to come over and watch a few movies with her, and as I got prepared to leave she sent me a text saying " can you pick up my friend Spencer? " FML

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By Anonymous

Freaky.

Today, according to my mother, who is only 19 years older than me and raised me by herself, I was conceived in a satanic ritual to honour the Horned God and have at least 4 potential fathers. She was too stoned to remember the actual number or their names. FML

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By Victor - United States

Today, I fell asleep in my last period class. When I woke up my teacher said "you missed your bus". I grabbed all my stuff and ran out the room. My class mates were standing outside the class laughing. We still had an hour left in class. FML

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By umm...no - United States - Keller

Today, I answered a call from a customer. She expected me to exchange her item without her actually having to go to one of our 800+ stores. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the girl I thought I was dating introduced me to her boyfriend. We've gone on dates and have slept in the same bed, but it turns out she thought I was her gay best friend and was planning to introduce me to her boyfriend's brother. FML

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By sadday - United States

Today, I was planning on going on a date with a girl I've really liked. She told me today was the only we could hang out before her trip. I got an expensive hair cut, planned on cooking her dinner, and pulled a few strings and got on the list for a big concert. Turns out she'd rather go shopping FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Columbus

Today, my dad sat me down and angrily accused me of doing drugs, all because he's noticed I've recently become a lot more energetic and emotional than usual. The truth is, I'd been smoking weed daily for 3 years and just decided to never smoke it again 2 weeks ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2020 17:00

Yikes

Today, while arguing with my husband, I asked him what makes him so angry. He threw a spoon at the kitchen floor and yelled, “ I AM NOT ANGRY!!!!” FML

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By Jogger - 19/8/2020 14:01

Stealth bomber

Today, I was standing in line at a coffee shop when the guy stood behind me let out a huge fart, then walked away. The rest of the line turned around, thinking that it was me. An old lady started to lecture me about being rude, while the guy who did it laughed behind his mask in the corner of the shop. FML

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By Mash-brakketz

Goodbye, 7 years of sobriety...

Today a gasoline canister leaked in our work garage and filled my office with fumes. It got me high and nauseous even though I went out for air constantly. I had a meltdown and was sent home. I'm still high. FML

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By needagoodlaugh - United States - West Linn

Today, after complaining about the clocks still being an hour ahead from daylights savings, my work finally changed the time on all the clocks in the building. Now all the clocks are two hours ahead. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/5/2020 02:00

It's a marathon, not a sprint

Today, I found out that the last girl from my graduating high school class is engaged to her boyfriend. I'm now the only guy from high school who's still single and I'm not even 30 yet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Oakland

Today, I finally found the jewelry my two-year-old son had lost when it got lodged in my foot. FML

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By knuckleheadknock

Today, my rather large boss told me how the company needs to save money, how we are going downhill fast, even suggesting that we might go bankrupt very soon. He then went on to ask me to go get him some very expensive scotch using the company credit card to, "help him cope with the stress." FML

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By ceilingssuck - New Zealand

Today, I noticed that my ceiling was sagging slightly. I got up on to a chair to look at it more closely, and I touched it. Turns out that my ceiling was full of water. It went everywhere, ruining my new iPod, phone, and all the things my daughter bought for university. FML

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By Shoryugeki III

Today, on my way to work, I came across a road accident. I approached the victims and administered first aid, but when the paramedics arrived, they told the cops to take the "cosplayer" away. I'm the E.R. doctor of the nearby hospital. I later had to work with these S.O.B.s. FML

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By Elizabeh - Canada

Today, I fell down a set of stairs while going into my basement. With a horrible pain in my left leg, I called out to my boyfriend to help me. Apparently a commercial about grass was more important. FML

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By OhNo - United States - Castlewood

Today, despite the fact of being together two years, and having a daughter, my fiancée still refuses to tell her parents about us. We're getting married in six months. FML

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By Sara - United States - Manassas

Today, while working, a woman complained that she didn't ask for sauce on her sandwich. After examining the sandwich, I realized it was just melted cheese. When I told her, she threw the sandwich at me. FML

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By Arthur B.

Adapt, improvise, overcome

Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML

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By Notabum - United States

Today, I received official notification that my license was being suspended for multiple DUIs. Apparently, my brother is a drunk and has been using my ID. FML

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Top comments

By BallsFace | 0

#1837992 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:08

I bet you felt like shit.

By perdix | 29

#1838155 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:35

I don't know why the floor numbers were relevant, but it would be funny if you got stuck between #1 and #2.

COMMENTS

By crumbycool881 | 0

#1837981 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:07

that's cool

Reply

c8750 | 2

#1838030 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:14

Is that all you could come up with to be the first commenter? Lame

Sorry if this posts twice 

Reply

thegoodlife101 | 0

#1838037 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:15

yum i love the smelll of shit MMMMmmm good

Reply

tamiami247 | 0

#1838164 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:35

Today, the elevators got stuck in between floors 4 and 5 at my doctor's office and I was there because I had intense nausea. I was stuck in the elevator for 35 minutes; the next thing I knew, the girl/boy next to me started crapping their pants. FML

Reply

iSitt | 0

#1838245 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:50

I would have first apologized and explained my condition, asked if anyone had a plastic bag, then dropped my pants and saved my clothing. End result for the others in the elevator is the same.
TDI for hanging around a medical clinic.

Reply

yucayucatan | 0

#1838466 - Monday 13 December 2010 17:55

agree with ^^
and op, that SUCKS! I feel for you
made me laugh though

Reply

maryjaneslover7 | 0

#1839884 - Monday 13 December 2010 21:37

85 says the person to ugly to put a pic up haters gonna hate lmfao fml made me laugh so hard! mud butt ftw

Reply

maryjaneslover7 | 0

#1839897 - Monday 13 December 2010 21:38

yea besides it was more of a waste of time

Reply

thtsuxs | 0

#1840274 - Monday 13 December 2010 23:39

how is that a fyl...its a fuck the people who were in the elevators lives....ftpwwitel

Reply

Canuck13 | 12

#1840588 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 2:55

I have never laughed so hard....unfortunately the other ppl in the library weren't as enthused

Reply

musedrummer | 0

#1840683 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 3:32

i think me and you probably have the exact same sense of humour. I laughed so hard at your comment but not nearly as hard at the actual FML!

Reply

YDI_S | 0

#1841108 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 6:07

YDI for not taking the stairs, Mr/Mrs Fatty Pants!

Reply

stella23 | 0

#1841173 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 6:35

who the hell would take the stairs in a situation like that? an elevator would be much quicker when going up more than 2 floors, granted it doesn't get stuck, and how likely is that anyways? you are a jerk.

Reply

bmac_bizarro | 2

#1841305 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 7:32

Cool? No, I'm pretty sure it was warm!

Reply

austin1414 | 3

#1841671 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 9:17

u guys are disregarding the fact that "diarrhea" was just used as a past tense verb

Reply

funktown | 2

#1846467 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 7:39

Wat an epic story to tell ur friends..

man if only that would happen to me

Reply

maths_fml | 2

#1851922 - Thursday 16 December 2010 6:02

if he took the stairs he would have done more than twice..probably a little at each stair..lol that would get worse!!

Reply

Boyk14 | 0

#1864593 - Sunday 19 December 2010 7:46

I love the use of "diarhea'd"

Reply

kmow32 | 0

#1868326 - Monday 20 December 2010 7:07

215 same haha

Reply

mduffy08 | 8

#3102639 - Saturday 13 August 2011 23:49

Today, I was standing in the elevator for another prescription of anti-virals for my flu. Instead the elevator got stuck, oh and I was violently showered in shit from another patient. FML.

By mannykinz | 9

#1837986 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:07

ew.

Reply

Zosiaaa | 0

#1839575 - Monday 13 December 2010 19:30

Looked in the mirror?

Reply

ladybugobgyn | 0

#1839667 - Monday 13 December 2010 20:07

RUDE!! MEAN!!

Reply

JeffGoesRawrr | 0

#1840029 - Monday 13 December 2010 22:28

oh my god..

Reply

timskiii | 0

#1840552 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 2:28

Haha good one? If that's her real picture then she's actually really pretty lol xD

Reply

PurpleSleep | 0

#1840646 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 3:17

lol @ the personification of faeces "violent diarrhoea"
I mean he wasn't always violent it's just his wife left him yesterday.......

Reply

ZeeBest86 | 6

#1840809 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 4:15

lmao @ 130

Reply

Mons_fml | 27

#1841604 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 9:04

rude bitch lick my big twins (balls) he was in a shitty situvation, that could have been you! srsly!

Reply

jrad1982 | 0

#1854690 - Thursday 16 December 2010 20:57

ha ha 130 that's awesome. 122 desperation is a stinky cologne..

By BallsFace | 0

#1837992 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:08

I bet you felt like shit.

Reply

VeeVengeance | 0

#1838098 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:27

sounds more like he was in a shitty situation

Reply

PattMyCat | 0

#1838158 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:35

You might say he was up shit creek.

Reply

Bano360 | 25

#1838472 - Monday 13 December 2010 17:55

shit one

Reply

sourgirl101 | 28

#1838492 - Monday 13 December 2010 18:03

These puns were so shitty! I can't believe I read this crap!(:

Reply

brennan677 | 0

#1838640 - Monday 13 December 2010 18:43

the shits hit the fan.

Reply

thathayygurl | 4

#1838665 - Monday 13 December 2010 18:47

shit happened.

Reply

SirHobnobs | 0

#1839504 - Monday 13 December 2010 19:14

I'm gonna take a wild guess here an say these puns have something to do with... oh wait no I'm wrong, carry on.

Reply

zkchild | 0

#1839870 - Monday 13 December 2010 21:31

Shit happens

Reply

youngclench | 0

#1839915 - Monday 13 December 2010 21:44

op is a shit stain

Reply

wowthatshorrible_fml | 0

#1840769 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 3:56

oh shit here we go again

Reply

MrNewOrleans | 0

#1840891 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 4:53

that shit must have been embarrassing

Reply

CarynAmber | 12

#1841003 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 5:31

I've been hearing the word "shit" so much that it doesn't even sound like a word anymore.

Reply

Shutuptroll | 0

#1841140 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 6:23

C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER

Reply

morgan320 | 0

#1841196 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 6:43

shit up

Reply

sindysassy | 0

#1845675 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 2:50

Lol

Reply

sindysassy | 0

#1845678 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 2:50

Lol

Reply

sindysassy | 0

#1845777 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 3:16

Lol

Reply

stephan18 | 23

#3158134 - Monday 22 August 2011 9:59

I laughed so hard at these puns and the combo breaker xD omgg

By illmatic2 | 16

#1837996 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:08

Talk about awkward elevator rides....

Reply

goddessallison | 0

#1838053 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:19

ya seriously i feel bad for the othr people in the elevator too

Reply

xxSoFlyxx | 5

#1838072 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:21

yeah seriously, I feel bad for the people having to read your comments.

Reply

Lucidium | 0

#1839994 - Monday 13 December 2010 22:17

19 - Your picture looked like you were spitting out juice from your mouth. Then I realized it was a straw :D

Reply

EZPZ | 0

#1841056 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 5:50

Talk about awkward elevator music.

Reply

xxSoFlyxx | 5

#1844580 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 20:16

oh haha thanx? and it's a Shirley temple! :D

By ZiggySmalls | 0

#1838003 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:10

what a shitty experience.

Reply

DahkLohd | 4

#1838188 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:39

Seriously, those jokes got old over a year ago.

Reply

Fortuitous | 0

#1840063 - Monday 13 December 2010 22:50

Your face got blown up over two years ago. Elder Wand, motherfucker.

Reply

DahkLohd | 4

#1840721 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 3:42

@112: Bitch, you never heard about the secret 7th horcrux. I'm back, hiding in a cave in Afghanistan for the time being. ;)

By xxSoFlyxx | 5

#1838017 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:13

oooo that sucks...:( atleast you didn't know any of them...

Reply

iseywisey | 0

#1839489 - Monday 13 December 2010 19:11

maybe they did

Reply

sammywhits | 0

#1846631 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 8:51

I feel bad for the people mostly they have to smell ur shitty pants for 35 min and watch u shit every where grossest but the again I feel
bad sorry fuck ur life....

By RedPillSucks | 31

#1838020 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:13

F your life and that of the other people in the elevator with you.

By valalvax | 13

#1838022 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:14

why didn't anyone pry the doors open? I mean, I know they say not to, but seriously the chances of the elevator being stuck exactly between floors is unlikely

By PSQ91 | 6

#1838024 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:14

Would've been fckin embarassed :o

By traze | 7

#1838050 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:19

That's a shitty situation.

Reply

brennan677 | 0

#1838658 - Monday 13 December 2010 18:46

your too late for the puns

Reply

Fortuitous | 0

#1840066 - Monday 13 December 2010 22:53

And you're just in time for today's grammar lesson.

Reply

davide234 | 0

#1840751 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 3:50

hahahaaaa

Reply

tooFLY | 0

#1840918 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 5:03

75 *you're

ps, you're never too late for puns