Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my... - FML

By Christopher - 13/12/2010 09:16 - Canada

Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML

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Proactive

Time don't heal nothing

Yappy neighborhood

By yayibs - 4/12/2015 03:21 - United States - Williamstown

Today, while working at my desk alone and with my headphones in, I suddenly let loose a loud stream of gas. As I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, I saw, in the reflection of my laptop, that my roommate had been sitting silently on the couch right behind me. FML

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By stunned - 15/3/2010 15:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of almost a year and a half broke up with me when he decided he wasn't in love with me anymore. We gave our stuff back, he was joking and happy the whole time until I told him I was taking back my cat. At that point he burst into tears. FML

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By Jason the flasher - 15/9/2018 22:00

Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2015 10:59 - United Kingdom

Today, tears and 3 hours on the toilet have made me reevaluate my desire for new culinary experiences. FML

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By nomegusta - 5/1/2013 15:59 - United States

Today, I unknowingly used my shampoo thinking it was leave-in-conditioner. While walking to work, it started to rain. I started to produce suds. FML

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By Unemployed - 28/8/2016 17:16 - Australia - Hinchinbrook

Today, I discovered that my supervisor, who I thought liked me, actually thinks I am incompetent and lack emotional intelligence. I'm a student nurse and I've just listed her as my reference for our single, statewide job application. There's no way to change it. FML

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By some things never change - 28/11/2012 23:04 - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, after almost four years of having avoided her due to her hatred of my husband, my mother invited us both to a family dinner. My husband wanted to give her another chance, so we went. Less than an hour after arriving, I caught her hocking a loogie and spitting it into our food. FML

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By somethingblue - 16/9/2013 21:11 - United States - Lowell

Today, it's my wedding day. Almost a year ago I was in a terrible car accident that nearly left me paralyzed, but I worked my ass off to be able to walk down the aisle. After a lot of blood, sweat, and tears I made it to the big day... and woke up with food poisoning. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2014 22:26 - United States - Hialeah

Today, my team suffered a humiliating loss against our biggest rivals. My family was pretty supportive, though, but only because they'd taken bets against me from the start. FML

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By AngerManagement - 29/9/2011 08:04 - United Kingdom

Today, after being in the UK for 2 months, I learned that when saying, "I'm about to blow off and kill someone", to the British "blow off" means "fart." This was pointed out to me in an open-space office after a particularly loud rant. FML

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By okay17 - 29/12/2015 05:00 - United States

Today, I met my new roommate. I hadn't even gotten her name yet, because the first thing she said to me instead was that she wanted to hang her confederate flag on the wall. I'm black. FML

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By Crystal - 8/3/2010 21:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I showed my fiancé the darling Tinkerbell hoodie I'd bought myself during the weekend. Instead of liking it as I'd hoped, he told me my childish wardrobe was embarrassing, and he wasn't going to be seen in public with me until I wore something different. FML

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By Drewzter - 11/1/2010 03:33 - United States

Today, I found out that pinching the tip of the condom before you roll it down to the base is NOT a suggestion. FML

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By hairdresser - 18/10/2009 15:27 - Thailand

Today, my mum started yelling at me for leaving scissors on my desk, which my five year old sister found and chopped all her hair off. She had a lump of hair as proof. After three minutes of her yelling, me crying and apologizing, she laughed and said she was joking. She just cut my sister's hair. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2017 22:00

Something smells fishy.

Today, the maid left a bottle of Febreze in my hotel room. Think she is trying to tell me something? FML

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, trying to be romantic, I started giving my boyfriend a neck massage. He gave me a weirded-out look, removed my hand, called me creep, and wouldn't let me touch him for the rest of the day. FML

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By CorpDrone - 3/11/2009 21:51 - United States

Today, I came in to work and found the conference room white boards completely clean. My assistant wiped all the white boards where I spent 10 hours writing schedule for the next three months. I was going to meet with all supervisors to finalize that schedule today. FML

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By Toodamnold - 13/2/2018 09:00 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, I was once again escorted out of a supermarket by a police officer. I must be the only 83-year-old who still has his marbles, but people always assume I am senile and wandering from a care center. FML

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By jessefonsexy. - 7/12/2010 11:08 - United States

Today, I was trying to go to sleep when I heard my sister come home from the bar. I fell asleep and woke up an hour later to see my sister squatting in my dresser drawer. I asked her what she was doing and she said "I'm peeing." FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2016 17:17

Today, I woke up and found a turd casually sitting in the bathroom sink. Just 9 more months left on this lease. FML

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By BrokeAF - 12/8/2018 08:30 - United States - Great Barrington

Today, my ex showed up to pick up our kids in her brand new car. Last month child support doubled my amount because of a paperwork error. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2014 17:54 - Canada - Tatamagouche

Today, I was singing in the shower, not realising the window was open. When I got out, the neighbours were at the front door, loudly arguing with my mother. They were complaining about my awful singing. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2012 00:37 - Norway - T?nsberg

Today, I sent a cute, jokey text to my girlfriend saying, "Just in case the world ends, I love you." Not only did she dump me because I was an "idiot for believing in the doomsday", which I don't, she also wrote a Facebook status about it. Now everyone thinks I'm mentally unstable. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2015 00:03 - United Kingdom - Clevedon

Today, I realised that my closeted gay friend has dated more women this year than I have in my 28 years of life. FML

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By assoutofuandme - 14/2/2013 07:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML

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By Derp McShitstain - 16/9/2012 19:48 - United Kingdom - Saint Helens

Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend, when he suggested that I might want to buy a new loofah. When I asked why, he admitted he's been using it to scrub his ass crack for weeks. I use that loofah to wash my face. FML

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By Unfortunately Me - 9/1/2014 00:54 - United States - San Jose

Today, I was asked to go to a ball by the guy I like. The theme is masquerade. He made me a Robin mask; he's wearing a Batman mask. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2019 22:05

Today, I told my boyfriend that eventually I want to get my ears pinned back because I think that they stick out too much. I pulled my hair back to show him, and he said, "Yeah, they're different sizes too, and the left one sticks out more than the right one." FML

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By clumsy - 26/11/2015 05:35 - United States - Warrenton

Today, I realized why "Stay off the grass" signs were all over campus. I cut through the grass on my way to my next class and tripped over a sprinkler head, breaking it off and soaking myself in muddy water. I had to sit through a 4-hour lecture with wet, muddy clothes. FML

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By alex - 24/2/2012 21:35 - United States

Today, I tried to make a rocket, using Diet Coke and Mentos. It worked pretty well, as both the kitchen window and my chipped tooth can testify. FML

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By A. - 15/4/2009 07:48 - Canada

Today, after two weeks of living on plain pasta, I finally got my paycheck and was excited that I'd get real food, and ride the subway instead of exhausting my malnourished body with the two-hour walk to work. My surname was misspelt on the check; the bank is holding it for ten days. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/3/2013 20:38 - Germany - Bad Windsheim

Today, I went to the supermarket to get some Easter gifts for my kids. At the register, I was verbally abused to the point of tears by the cashier, for having way too many items for the 12 items or less lane. I had 13. FML

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By gottalovefriends - 23/4/2012 04:04 - United States - Atkinson

Today, it was my wedding day. With my best friend as the priest, she asked, "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" After saying I do, she then turned to him and asked, "Do you want to bang my friend?" Everyone laughed, except my already disapproving father. FML

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By Stumanji - 29/12/2010 11:42 - United States

Today, I found out my reward for topping three of the four employee performance charts was a paycut. FML

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By ElevatorThug - 25/8/2009 09:17 - Singapore

Today, as I got into an elevator, I spotted a little old lady hobbling desperately to get on. I frantically tapped on the 'door open' button but the doors closed. I got dirty looks from the people in the lift, only then did I realise I had frantically tapped the 'door close' button instead. FML

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By Not a day over 35 - 18/6/2013 13:06 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I turned 29. To celebrate, my office got me a cake that read "Happy 38th!!" The "theme" of the "party" was 'Not a day over 35!' I waited all day for someone to tell me it was all a prank, but nobody did. I spent my lunch hour crying in my car. Happy birthday to me. FML

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By leonieNL - 12/8/2010 14:50 - Netherlands

Today, I got back from a 3 and a half week trip to South Africa to do volunteer work with children in townships. My parents forgot to pick me up, and I had to sit there by myself and wait for them, while 80 people of the same organization got loving hugs from their proud parents. FML

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By Fonzie34 - 1/3/2010 02:42 - United States

Today, I was lobstering. While I was getting bands, my co-worker decided it would be funny to make a lobster pinch my ear. it was a 4 pound lobster, and my ear was swollen for 5 hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 00:25 - United States

Today, as I put my 4 year old daughter in the car seat, she dropped her crayon. She then paused and matter-of-factly said, "Mommy, I don't say 'f***' anymore when I drop things." FML

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By NormalName - 19/8/2017 13:00

Today, a new coworker asked me how to pronounce my name and made a dismissive remark that "All Asian names are so hard to pronounce and they all sound the same". My name is Christopher. FML

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Top comments

By BallsFace | 0

#1837992 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:08

I bet you felt like shit.

By perdix | 29

#1838155 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:35

I don't know why the floor numbers were relevant, but it would be funny if you got stuck between #1 and #2.

Comments

By crumbycool881 | 0

#1837981 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:07

that's cool

Reply

c8750 | 2

#1838030 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:14

Is that all you could come up with to be the first commenter? Lame

Sorry if this posts twice 

Reply

thegoodlife101 | 0

#1838037 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:15

yum i love the smelll of shit MMMMmmm good

Reply

tamiami247 | 0

#1838164 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:35

Today, the elevators got stuck in between floors 4 and 5 at my doctor's office and I was there because I had intense nausea. I was stuck in the elevator for 35 minutes; the next thing I knew, the girl/boy next to me started crapping their pants. FML

Reply

iSitt | 0

#1838245 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:50

I would have first apologized and explained my condition, asked if anyone had a plastic bag, then dropped my pants and saved my clothing. End result for the others in the elevator is the same.
TDI for hanging around a medical clinic.

Reply

yucayucatan | 0

#1838466 - Monday 13 December 2010 17:55

agree with ^^
and op, that SUCKS! I feel for you
made me laugh though

Reply

maryjaneslover7 | 0

#1839884 - Monday 13 December 2010 21:37

85 says the person to ugly to put a pic up haters gonna hate lmfao fml made me laugh so hard! mud butt ftw

Reply

maryjaneslover7 | 0

#1839897 - Monday 13 December 2010 21:38

yea besides it was more of a waste of time

Reply

thtsuxs | 0

#1840274 - Monday 13 December 2010 23:39

how is that a fyl...its a fuck the people who were in the elevators lives....ftpwwitel

Reply

Canuck13 | 12

#1840588 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 2:55

I have never laughed so hard....unfortunately the other ppl in the library weren't as enthused

Reply

musedrummer | 0

#1840683 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 3:32

i think me and you probably have the exact same sense of humour. I laughed so hard at your comment but not nearly as hard at the actual FML!

Reply

YDI_S | 0

#1841108 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 6:07

YDI for not taking the stairs, Mr/Mrs Fatty Pants!

Reply

stella23 | 0

#1841173 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 6:35

who the hell would take the stairs in a situation like that? an elevator would be much quicker when going up more than 2 floors, granted it doesn't get stuck, and how likely is that anyways? you are a jerk.

Reply

bmac_bizarro | 2

#1841305 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 7:32

Cool? No, I'm pretty sure it was warm!

Reply

austin1414 | 3

#1841671 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 9:17

u guys are disregarding the fact that "diarrhea" was just used as a past tense verb

Reply

funktown | 2

#1846467 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 7:39

Wat an epic story to tell ur friends..

man if only that would happen to me

Reply

maths_fml | 2

#1851922 - Thursday 16 December 2010 6:02

if he took the stairs he would have done more than twice..probably a little at each stair..lol that would get worse!!

Reply

Boyk14 | 0

#1864593 - Sunday 19 December 2010 7:46

I love the use of "diarhea'd"

Reply

kmow32 | 0

#1868326 - Monday 20 December 2010 7:07

215 same haha

Reply

mduffy08 | 8

#3102639 - Saturday 13 August 2011 23:49

Today, I was standing in the elevator for another prescription of anti-virals for my flu. Instead the elevator got stuck, oh and I was violently showered in shit from another patient. FML.

By mannykinz | 9

#1837986 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:07

ew.

Reply

Zosiaaa | 0

#1839575 - Monday 13 December 2010 19:30

Looked in the mirror?

Reply

ladybugobgyn | 0

#1839667 - Monday 13 December 2010 20:07

RUDE!! MEAN!!

Reply

JeffGoesRawrr | 0

#1840029 - Monday 13 December 2010 22:28

oh my god..

Reply

timskiii | 0

#1840552 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 2:28

Haha good one? If that's her real picture then she's actually really pretty lol xD

Reply

PurpleSleep | 0

#1840646 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 3:17

lol @ the personification of faeces "violent diarrhoea"
I mean he wasn't always violent it's just his wife left him yesterday.......

Reply

ZeeBest86 | 6

#1840809 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 4:15

lmao @ 130

Reply

Mons_fml | 27

#1841604 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 9:04

rude bitch lick my big twins (balls) he was in a shitty situvation, that could have been you! srsly!

Reply

jrad1982 | 0

#1854690 - Thursday 16 December 2010 20:57

ha ha 130 that's awesome. 122 desperation is a stinky cologne..

By BallsFace | 0

#1837992 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:08

I bet you felt like shit.

Reply

VeeVengeance | 0

#1838098 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:27

sounds more like he was in a shitty situation

Reply

PattMyCat | 0

#1838158 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:35

You might say he was up shit creek.

Reply

Bano360 | 25

#1838472 - Monday 13 December 2010 17:55

shit one

Reply

sourgirl101 | 28

#1838492 - Monday 13 December 2010 18:03

These puns were so shitty! I can't believe I read this crap!(:

Reply

brennan677 | 0

#1838640 - Monday 13 December 2010 18:43

the shits hit the fan.

Reply

thathayygurl | 4

#1838665 - Monday 13 December 2010 18:47

shit happened.

Reply

SirHobnobs | 0

#1839504 - Monday 13 December 2010 19:14

I'm gonna take a wild guess here an say these puns have something to do with... oh wait no I'm wrong, carry on.

Reply

zkchild | 0

#1839870 - Monday 13 December 2010 21:31

Shit happens

Reply

youngclench | 0

#1839915 - Monday 13 December 2010 21:44

op is a shit stain

Reply

wowthatshorrible_fml | 0

#1840769 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 3:56

oh shit here we go again

Reply

MrNewOrleans | 0

#1840891 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 4:53

that shit must have been embarrassing

Reply

CarynAmber | 12

#1841003 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 5:31

I've been hearing the word "shit" so much that it doesn't even sound like a word anymore.

Reply

Shutuptroll | 0

#1841140 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 6:23

C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER

Reply

morgan320 | 0

#1841196 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 6:43

shit up

Reply

sindysassy | 0

#1845675 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 2:50

Lol

Reply

sindysassy | 0

#1845678 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 2:50

Lol

Reply

sindysassy | 0

#1845777 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 3:16

Lol

Reply

stephan18 | 23

#3158134 - Monday 22 August 2011 9:59

I laughed so hard at these puns and the combo breaker xD omgg

By illmatic2 | 16

#1837996 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:08

Talk about awkward elevator rides....

Reply

goddessallison | 0

#1838053 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:19

ya seriously i feel bad for the othr people in the elevator too

Reply

xxSoFlyxx | 5

#1838072 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:21

yeah seriously, I feel bad for the people having to read your comments.

Reply

Lucidium | 0

#1839994 - Monday 13 December 2010 22:17

19 - Your picture looked like you were spitting out juice from your mouth. Then I realized it was a straw :D

Reply

EZPZ | 0

#1841056 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 5:50

Talk about awkward elevator music.

Reply

xxSoFlyxx | 5

#1844580 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 20:16

oh haha thanx? and it's a Shirley temple! :D

By ZiggySmalls | 0

#1838003 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:10

what a shitty experience.

Reply

DahkLohd | 4

#1838188 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:39

Seriously, those jokes got old over a year ago.

Reply

Fortuitous | 0

#1840063 - Monday 13 December 2010 22:50

Your face got blown up over two years ago. Elder Wand, motherfucker.

Reply

DahkLohd | 4

#1840721 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 3:42

@112: Bitch, you never heard about the secret 7th horcrux. I'm back, hiding in a cave in Afghanistan for the time being. ;)

By xxSoFlyxx | 5

#1838017 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:13

oooo that sucks...:( atleast you didn't know any of them...

Reply

iseywisey | 0

#1839489 - Monday 13 December 2010 19:11

maybe they did

Reply

sammywhits | 0

#1846631 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 8:51

I feel bad for the people mostly they have to smell ur shitty pants for 35 min and watch u shit every where grossest but the again I feel
bad sorry fuck ur life....

By RedPillSucks | 31

#1838020 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:13

F your life and that of the other people in the elevator with you.

By valalvax | 13

#1838022 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:14

why didn't anyone pry the doors open? I mean, I know they say not to, but seriously the chances of the elevator being stuck exactly between floors is unlikely

By PSQ91 | 6

#1838024 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:14

Would've been fckin embarassed :o

By traze | 7

#1838050 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:19

That's a shitty situation.

Reply

brennan677 | 0

#1838658 - Monday 13 December 2010 18:46

your too late for the puns

Reply

Fortuitous | 0

#1840066 - Monday 13 December 2010 22:53

And you're just in time for today's grammar lesson.

Reply

davide234 | 0

#1840751 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 3:50

hahahaaaa

Reply

tooFLY | 0

#1840918 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 5:03

75 *you're

ps, you're never too late for puns