Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my... - FML

By Christopher - 13/12/2010 09:16 - Canada

Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML

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Messed up

Trip Advisor says no

Like riding a bike

By Worthless Waste of Skin Who Hates Himself - 30/4/2016 12:59 - Georgia - Tbilisi

Today, I finally got the courage to talk to this coworker I like and ask her out for a coffee next door. She was dismissive, cold and rude, and filed a complaint with HR. FML

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By wearashirt - 4/12/2009 07:55 - United States

Today, I had to take a test that's required to pass the class. The test administor told us that those of us who were wearing hoodies would have to take them off. I would have taken mine off, but I was only wearing a bra underneath. There's no other days I can reschedule the test. FML

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By DidntCheckTheCalendar - 3/12/2009 22:29 - Kuwait

Today, I hired a professional makeup artist to apply my makeup for a wedding. After paying her $500 for the excellent job she does, and getting dressed, I grabbed the invitation to check out the address, and it said the wedding was on December 2. Today is December 3. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2009 03:08 - United States

Today, I was approached by a policeman who asked me if I was the owner of the green Camry. Turns out my parents decided to teach me a lesson for lying where I had been by reporting the car stolen. They also wouldn't answer my one phone call. FML

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By fattypatty - 20/2/2017 13:00 - United States

Today, it seems I do, in fact, have an addiction to food. My employer has put on a weight loss challenge with a 1000$ prize, and on day 5 of 100 I'm already lying to the calorie counting app I installed on my phone. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2020 23:04

I need some me time

Today, my fiancée decided to go on a 3-hour trip because she needed a break from the baby and me. I forgot to mention who she went with: her ex. FML

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By ERnightmare - 2/8/2018 21:00 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I was lucky to have an extremely attractive doctor operating on me. This would have been great had he not been removing a foreign object from my vagina after an ill-fated masturbation session. FML

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By bubblewrap - 20/10/2015 10:13 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I noticed a guy checking out my ass in the mirror behind the bar where I work. He was cute, so I thought I'd put on a little show. I bent over to reach for something near the floor, which caused me to let rip a series of uncontrollable farts, like popping bubble wrap. He quickly left. FML

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By anonymous - 24/10/2010 16:14 - United States

Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2016 02:09 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was eating breakfast when my little brother goes, "Mommy, what do you do for a living?" and my mom says "I'm a headmaster", and my dad goes, "Oh yeah she is." FML

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By wtfbabe - 22/6/2018 05:00

Today, my husband's dick went in the wrong hole. And by the wrong hole, I mean another man’s anus. FML

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By scarlet5000 - 26/9/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, there was a traffic accident on the highway which I normally take. I couldn't resist laughing at the driver since he was stupid enough to rear-end someone on the highway. What I didn't realize is that I forgot to pay attention to the road and rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

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By csor027 - 29/9/2010 06:33 - United States

Today, I was having a good talk with a coworker and I was excited that I've made my first friend at work. After sharing some stories and some laughs he asked if I had a boyfriend. I said I do. He asked if I was always faithful, I said I was. He then walked away. FML

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By Pokemon problems - 23/10/2012 22:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I babysat a 10-year-old and we played Pokémon. It was my first time playing, so he showed me. I ended up winning and the kid started crying and told his parents he hated me. They decided not to pay me for the night, and now I'm out of a job. FML

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By still on hol - 27/12/2014 10:12 - United Kingdom - Harlow

Today, I've spent far too long on hold to Apple customer support. Unfortunately the only thing to come from it is I now have "Call me maybe" stuck in my head. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2019 14:01

Light day

Today, on my 16th birthday, my lightly worn jeans split while I was at school. I attempted to fix them with staples, but I have a metal allergy. So I took my driving exam with a rash on my butt and staples digging in, in a car that had no AC. FML

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By rejectedmidair - 13/11/2009 07:14 - United States

Today, I went through with my elaborate plans to propose to my girlfriend with creativity. I took her skydiving and proposed in midair. She rejected. Why? She wanted a more "traditional" proposal. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2009 05:38 - United States

Today, I invited over 30 people to come to the park with me since the day was nice and cool. I sat there for three hours by myself. FML

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By hylianprincess - 25/9/2014 11:19 - United States

Today, my mother is so overdramatic that her response to finding out I lost a friend's book was that I should fake my own death rather than fess up. FML

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By sh33zy - 3/2/2009 20:27 - United States

Today, the only girl I'm friends with deleted my comment off of her profile because she was too embarrassed that people would see we were friends. FML

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By harro101 - 5/3/2010 05:24 - Australia

Today, the guy I liked for years asked me out. I instantly said yes. As I was walking away, I forgot I was at the top of the stairs and fell down 20 steps. He stood at the top and laughed. FML

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By what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god - 5/4/2013 18:51 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML

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By ohwell - 24/11/2014 13:44 - Sweden - Tullinge

Today, I met my best friend's girlfriend for the first time. After a few hours of talking and eating, she followed me to the bathroom and said, dead serious, ''If you ever touch him or get too close to him, I will cut you''. I've known him for twelve years, they have been dating for a month. FML

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By Mybrotherissatan - 10/3/2016 15:59 - United States - Arrington

Today, I found out why people in my new neighborhood keep giving me weird looks. For a laugh, my brother had gone around telling them I'm a parolee, and implying that I couldn't be trusted around their children. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2015 01:27 - United States

Today, my grandma rushed into my work and told my manager I had to leave due to a family emergency. Panicked, I ran to get my stuff and ran to the car. When I asked what had happened, she replied, "I needed someone to go see 50 Shades of Grey with me." FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2020 10:05 - United States - Baton Rouge

Medically accurate

Today, I sprained my ankle badly at a volleyball game. I asked my coach for some athletic tape so I could get back in the game. She handed me duct tape and said that athletic tape and duct tape are basically the same. Getting duct tape off your sprained ankle hurts like hell. FML

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By Shavaughn Riley - 31/10/2020 23:03 - New Zealand - Kawerau

Being a parent 101

Today, my girlfriend and I started to be intimate after a run of dry spells. I was looking forward to this, until one of our kids came barging into our room and ruined the moment for the rest of the night. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 14:49 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked how I could go to the bathroom and leave my tampon in at the same time. He didn't realize there are two separate holes. He's 28. FML

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By neryc - 4/7/2014 19:41 - United States - Hummelstown

Today, my little sister started freaking out, because she was playing with some white-out eraser and got some on her finger. She started crying inconsolably because she thought her entire finger was going to disappear. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, I had a job interview with a person named Chris. The entire time I couldn't figure out if Chris was a man or woman. The interview went as good as it could have went. At the end I said, "Thank you very much sir." Wrong gender. FML

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By ppema - 31/7/2015 18:28 - United States

Today, I went to a frozen yogurt stand with my dad. One of the flavors was called "Juicy Cherry." I had to stand there and watch in horror as he told the woman running the stand all about how he'd like to taste her juicy cherry. FML

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By clo_bo - 30/8/2019 20:00

Today, I saw a message on my boyfriend's phone from one of his friends, saying I was a downgrade from his ex. FML

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By Cathy - 17/1/2012 00:33 - United States

Today, I found out why I find damp spots on my favorite jacket. I appears that my dog often becomes very intimate with it. FML

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By Misunderstood Waitress - 6/11/2012 22:37 - United States

Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2009 02:44 - Canada

Today, as I was ringing in a customer I noticed that the Febreeze spray can was wet. Noticing this I sniffed my hands because they had gotten wet and said to the customer, "Oh the can is leaking want to go get another one?" He then said, "No it's OK, I just sweat a lot." I sniffed some customer's sweat. FML

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By Nickki - 14/10/2012 14:57 - United States

Today, I walked into the kitchen at 5 am, to have my 7 and 9 year olds throw a bucket of water on me. To their surprise and horror, I didn't melt. FML

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By konens_dick - 22/3/2009 10:38 - United States

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

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By JustShutUp - 27/7/2016 18:40

Today, my neighbour was singing in the shower so loud that I could understand every word. He was singing "Purple Rain", which wouldn't have been so bad if he only knew a bit more of the lyrics. He has been singing those same two words for half an hour now. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2012 22:49 - United States

Today, I couldn't contain my laughter when a patient told me she'd named her unborn daughter Twinkie. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend when we started messing around. Things were getting really hot when he gets a call from his best friend whose grandfather had just died. As they were talking and I heard her crying, he unzips his pants and mouths, "She won't know." FML

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Top comments

By BallsFace | 0

#1837992 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:08

I bet you felt like shit.

By perdix | 29

#1838155 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:35

I don't know why the floor numbers were relevant, but it would be funny if you got stuck between #1 and #2.

COMMENTS

By crumbycool881 | 0

#1837981 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:07

that's cool

Reply

c8750 | 2

#1838030 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:14

Is that all you could come up with to be the first commenter? Lame

Sorry if this posts twice 

Reply

thegoodlife101 | 0

#1838037 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:15

yum i love the smelll of shit MMMMmmm good

Reply

tamiami247 | 0

#1838164 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:35

Today, the elevators got stuck in between floors 4 and 5 at my doctor's office and I was there because I had intense nausea. I was stuck in the elevator for 35 minutes; the next thing I knew, the girl/boy next to me started crapping their pants. FML

Reply

iSitt | 0

#1838245 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:50

I would have first apologized and explained my condition, asked if anyone had a plastic bag, then dropped my pants and saved my clothing. End result for the others in the elevator is the same.
TDI for hanging around a medical clinic.

Reply

yucayucatan | 0

#1838466 - Monday 13 December 2010 17:55

agree with ^^
and op, that SUCKS! I feel for you
made me laugh though

Reply

maryjaneslover7 | 0

#1839884 - Monday 13 December 2010 21:37

85 says the person to ugly to put a pic up haters gonna hate lmfao fml made me laugh so hard! mud butt ftw

Reply

maryjaneslover7 | 0

#1839897 - Monday 13 December 2010 21:38

yea besides it was more of a waste of time

Reply

thtsuxs | 0

#1840274 - Monday 13 December 2010 23:39

how is that a fyl...its a fuck the people who were in the elevators lives....ftpwwitel

Reply

Canuck13 | 12

#1840588 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 2:55

I have never laughed so hard....unfortunately the other ppl in the library weren't as enthused

Reply

musedrummer | 0

#1840683 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 3:32

i think me and you probably have the exact same sense of humour. I laughed so hard at your comment but not nearly as hard at the actual FML!

Reply

YDI_S | 0

#1841108 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 6:07

YDI for not taking the stairs, Mr/Mrs Fatty Pants!

Reply

stella23 | 0

#1841173 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 6:35

who the hell would take the stairs in a situation like that? an elevator would be much quicker when going up more than 2 floors, granted it doesn't get stuck, and how likely is that anyways? you are a jerk.

Reply

bmac_bizarro | 2

#1841305 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 7:32

Cool? No, I'm pretty sure it was warm!

Reply

austin1414 | 3

#1841671 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 9:17

u guys are disregarding the fact that "diarrhea" was just used as a past tense verb

Reply

funktown | 2

#1846467 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 7:39

Wat an epic story to tell ur friends..

man if only that would happen to me

Reply

maths_fml | 2

#1851922 - Thursday 16 December 2010 6:02

if he took the stairs he would have done more than twice..probably a little at each stair..lol that would get worse!!

Reply

Boyk14 | 0

#1864593 - Sunday 19 December 2010 7:46

I love the use of "diarhea'd"

Reply

kmow32 | 0

#1868326 - Monday 20 December 2010 7:07

215 same haha

Reply

mduffy08 | 8

#3102639 - Saturday 13 August 2011 23:49

Today, I was standing in the elevator for another prescription of anti-virals for my flu. Instead the elevator got stuck, oh and I was violently showered in shit from another patient. FML.

By mannykinz | 9

#1837986 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:07

ew.

Reply

Zosiaaa | 0

#1839575 - Monday 13 December 2010 19:30

Looked in the mirror?

Reply

ladybugobgyn | 0

#1839667 - Monday 13 December 2010 20:07

RUDE!! MEAN!!

Reply

JeffGoesRawrr | 0

#1840029 - Monday 13 December 2010 22:28

oh my god..

Reply

timskiii | 0

#1840552 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 2:28

Haha good one? If that's her real picture then she's actually really pretty lol xD

Reply

PurpleSleep | 0

#1840646 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 3:17

lol @ the personification of faeces "violent diarrhoea"
I mean he wasn't always violent it's just his wife left him yesterday.......

Reply

ZeeBest86 | 6

#1840809 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 4:15

lmao @ 130

Reply

Mons_fml | 27

#1841604 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 9:04

rude bitch lick my big twins (balls) he was in a shitty situvation, that could have been you! srsly!

Reply

jrad1982 | 0

#1854690 - Thursday 16 December 2010 20:57

ha ha 130 that's awesome. 122 desperation is a stinky cologne..

By BallsFace | 0

#1837992 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:08

I bet you felt like shit.

Reply

VeeVengeance | 0

#1838098 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:27

sounds more like he was in a shitty situation

Reply

PattMyCat | 0

#1838158 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:35

You might say he was up shit creek.

Reply

Bano360 | 25

#1838472 - Monday 13 December 2010 17:55

shit one

Reply

sourgirl101 | 28

#1838492 - Monday 13 December 2010 18:03

These puns were so shitty! I can't believe I read this crap!(:

Reply

brennan677 | 0

#1838640 - Monday 13 December 2010 18:43

the shits hit the fan.

Reply

thathayygurl | 4

#1838665 - Monday 13 December 2010 18:47

shit happened.

Reply

SirHobnobs | 0

#1839504 - Monday 13 December 2010 19:14

I'm gonna take a wild guess here an say these puns have something to do with... oh wait no I'm wrong, carry on.

Reply

zkchild | 0

#1839870 - Monday 13 December 2010 21:31

Shit happens

Reply

youngclench | 0

#1839915 - Monday 13 December 2010 21:44

op is a shit stain

Reply

wowthatshorrible_fml | 0

#1840769 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 3:56

oh shit here we go again

Reply

MrNewOrleans | 0

#1840891 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 4:53

that shit must have been embarrassing

Reply

CarynAmber | 12

#1841003 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 5:31

I've been hearing the word "shit" so much that it doesn't even sound like a word anymore.

Reply

Shutuptroll | 0

#1841140 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 6:23

C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER

Reply

morgan320 | 0

#1841196 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 6:43

shit up

Reply

sindysassy | 0

#1845675 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 2:50

Lol

Reply

sindysassy | 0

#1845678 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 2:50

Lol

Reply

sindysassy | 0

#1845777 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 3:16

Lol

Reply

stephan18 | 23

#3158134 - Monday 22 August 2011 9:59

I laughed so hard at these puns and the combo breaker xD omgg

By illmatic2 | 16

#1837996 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:08

Talk about awkward elevator rides....

Reply

goddessallison | 0

#1838053 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:19

ya seriously i feel bad for the othr people in the elevator too

Reply

xxSoFlyxx | 5

#1838072 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:21

yeah seriously, I feel bad for the people having to read your comments.

Reply

Lucidium | 0

#1839994 - Monday 13 December 2010 22:17

19 - Your picture looked like you were spitting out juice from your mouth. Then I realized it was a straw :D

Reply

EZPZ | 0

#1841056 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 5:50

Talk about awkward elevator music.

Reply

xxSoFlyxx | 5

#1844580 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 20:16

oh haha thanx? and it's a Shirley temple! :D

By ZiggySmalls | 0

#1838003 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:10

what a shitty experience.

Reply

DahkLohd | 4

#1838188 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:39

Seriously, those jokes got old over a year ago.

Reply

Fortuitous | 0

#1840063 - Monday 13 December 2010 22:50

Your face got blown up over two years ago. Elder Wand, motherfucker.

Reply

DahkLohd | 4

#1840721 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 3:42

@112: Bitch, you never heard about the secret 7th horcrux. I'm back, hiding in a cave in Afghanistan for the time being. ;)

By xxSoFlyxx | 5

#1838017 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:13

oooo that sucks...:( atleast you didn't know any of them...

Reply

iseywisey | 0

#1839489 - Monday 13 December 2010 19:11

maybe they did

Reply

sammywhits | 0

#1846631 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 8:51

I feel bad for the people mostly they have to smell ur shitty pants for 35 min and watch u shit every where grossest but the again I feel
bad sorry fuck ur life....

By RedPillSucks | 31

#1838020 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:13

F your life and that of the other people in the elevator with you.

By valalvax | 13

#1838022 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:14

why didn't anyone pry the doors open? I mean, I know they say not to, but seriously the chances of the elevator being stuck exactly between floors is unlikely

By PSQ91 | 6

#1838024 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:14

Would've been fckin embarassed :o

By traze | 7

#1838050 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:19

That's a shitty situation.

Reply

brennan677 | 0

#1838658 - Monday 13 December 2010 18:46

your too late for the puns

Reply

Fortuitous | 0

#1840066 - Monday 13 December 2010 22:53

And you're just in time for today's grammar lesson.

Reply

davide234 | 0

#1840751 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 3:50

hahahaaaa

Reply

tooFLY | 0

#1840918 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 5:03

75 *you're

ps, you're never too late for puns