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By Depirama - 28/02/2014 21:26 - France - Bron

Today, I confessed my love for the girl I like, on the forum she moderates. She responded by banning me. FML

agreeclassic 39 610

vote type 1 16 507

By kenzamee - 04/03/2014 14:39 - United States - Sherwood

Today, I left a message for a potential employer. It wasn't until after I'd hung up that I realized I'd given them their own phone number to call me back at. Not getting that job. FML

agreeclassic 39 609

vote type 1 9 713

kenzamee app_comment_confession_title

kenzamee 13

Thursday 6 March 2014 6:42

I called them back! It was just a funny and embarrassing mistake. Interview next week!

By MyLife - 06/02/2013 08:04

Today, my husband decided to start seeing other people. I found out when I called and interrupted his date. FML

agreeclassic 39 609

vote type 1 2 638

By Anonymous - 25/05/2013 04:50 - United States - Clifton

Today, I locked my keys in my car. Good thing I went to Lowe's to make spares, which are also now locked in the car. FML

agreeclassic 39 608

vote type 1 18 329

By AwkwardHaole808 - 22/05/2013 22:52 - United States - Hilo

Today, a friend was put on suicide watch when her parents wouldn't pay $500 for a premium senior picture package. FML

agreeclassic 39 607

vote type 1 4 424

AwkwardHaole808 app_comment_confession_title

AwkwardHaole808 16

Thursday 23 May 2013 10:34

My friend isn't suffering from depression. She told me she did this stunt because she couldn't get the package that she wanted and that this would "show her parents". Also, yes this doesn't affect me nearly as much as it does her or her loved ones. However, I am her friend and don't want to lose a good friend over something so small.

By dullstuff - 21/07/2011 12:34 - Belgium

Today, my bike got stolen because I left my keys in the lock. On my way home, I saw my bike in front of a store, unlocked. I jumped on it, only to get punched in the face by the guy that had taken it, and got it stolen from me again. FML

agreeclassic 39 605

vote type 1 13 915

Damn

By emm - 18/03/2011 16:11 - United States

Today, someone rear-ended me while I was on my way home. I was extremely upset and I called my boyfriend for comfort and to help inspect the damage. After taking a good look at the car, he said, "Damn, if only you fucked this hard." FML

agreeclassic 39 602

vote type 1 9 662

By XxMe123xx - 19/08/2010 00:51 - France

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He set it as my ringtone without telling me. I had my phone volume on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML

agreeclassic 39 601

vote type 1 10 966

By Bella0304 - 06/09/2014 18:02 - Canada - Boucherville

Today, I found out I'm allergic to our new cat. My mom said she'd rather get rid of me than the cat. FML

agreeclassic 39 599

vote type 1 4 182

Bella0304 app_comment_confession_title

Bella0304 4

Sunday 7 September 2014 5:14

Hi, OP here..for those of you wondering I'm 16 years old and my mom doesn't want to get rid of Buffy (my cat) and honestly neither do I! My mom keeps saying shed rather get rid of me instead of the cat..lol I know she's probably joking and she loves me...but never get in between a woman and her cat!

By fuck fof and die dad - 20/11/2014 19:48 - Germany - Kiel

Today, I've tried to have a quiet jack off four times, only for my dad to knock on my bedroom door within seconds and say "STOP IT." every single time. Now I'm too paranoid to even function. FML

agreeclassic 39 594

vote type 1 9 462

By idiot - 30/10/2010 20:42 - France

Today, my son stuck coins in our DVD player. It would be cute if he wasn't 25. FML

agreeclassic 39 593

vote type 1 5 862

It's probably for the best

By Serire - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Monroe

Today, my boyfriend couldn't go on a date with me because his mom said no. He's 23. FML

agreeclassic 39 592

vote type 1 5 319

Jeremy

By alicia75 - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Elkhart

Today, my teacher told us at least 7 different stories about his cat, Jeremy, and how much he eats. And he wonders why we never get anything done in his class. FML

agreeclassic 39 592

vote type 1 3 636

By LarissaT18 - 02/02/2014 16:13 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, the highlight of my day was when I figured out that my little brother's toy dump truck could actually dump stuff out. I'm 18. FML

agreeclassic 39 591

vote type 1 7 751

By ghost? - 16/12/2012 08:31 - Australia - Perth

Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't spend the day with me as he had his grandmother's funeral. Lonely, I went shopping and I bumped into his mum having lunch with his 'dead' grandma. FML

agreeclassic 39 588

vote type 1 2 946

By Aether - 03/06/2014 22:51 - United States - Lake Jackson

Today, I got to explain to someone that "enjoying the warm, rich aromas of fecal matter" is not a good subject to use as an ice breaker for making friends. FML

agreeclassic 39 588

vote type 1 4 775

By inthedark - 09/02/2010 17:53 - Canada

Today, I found out why my five-year-old has been throwing tantrums while shopping. It turns out my ex-husband has been paying her three dollars for every public tantrum she throws. FML

agreeclassic 39 587

vote type 1 3 692

By Anonymous - 14/04/2012 11:10 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, my parents invited my Muslim boyfriend over for dinner for the first time. My mother made sure that everything including the salad had pork in it. FML

agreeclassic 39 587

vote type 1 7 478

By Angelica - 26/05/2011 03:19 - Canada

Today, I finally got the wedding dress I've been waiting months to see. It turns out that my mom ordered the dress 2 sizes smaller than my size, this way it will be "an incentive to lose weight". FML

agreeclassic 39 586

vote type 1 6 174

By Anonymous - 17/09/2014 21:57 - United States - Dewitt

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

agreeclassic 39 586

vote type 1 4 706

By apparentlytoougly - 27/03/2013 07:29 - United States - Garden Grove

Today, a customer came up to me and asked if I knew where the make-up aisle was. I pointed him in the right direction but he just gasped and said, "Oh so you DO know where it is!" and walked away, roaring with laughter. FML

agreeclassic 39 586

vote type 1 3 866

By blk8764 - 15/03/2011 22:35 - United States

Today, I was at the grocery store when an elderly woman walked up to me and said, "Why can't every guy be as handsome as you?" I would have been flattered by the comment, if I was a guy. FML

agreeclassic 39 586

vote type 1 4 787

By Anonymous - 26/11/2010 13:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my stalker is my mom's new boyfriend. FML

agreeclassic 39 585

vote type 1 3 087

By Chuffberry - 16/02/2013 08:47 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I moved in with my new dorm mate. I'm prone to very frequent panic attacks that can only be alleviated by cold air. My roommate is severely anemic, and has violent shivering fits when the temperature is below 80. No matter what, one of us is always shaking uncontrollably. FML

agreeclassic 39 583

vote type 1 4 186

Chuffberry app_comment_confession_title

Chuffberry 8

Saturday 16 February 2013 19:08

OP here. on the preference sheet for the dorm rooms, i put that i have anxiety attacks, and my roommate put that they have anemia, but they don't sort you on your illnesses, they sort you on personality. Other than the temperature thing, we get along great.

By LetItRip - 12/07/2012 20:35 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I nailed every single move in my routine at a gymnastics competition. I then finished off with a perfect split, letting out a fart loud enough to wake up a kid in China. FML

agreeclassic 39 582

vote type 1 3 379

By Chubby - 02/11/2009 20:39 - Belgium

Today, I was babysitting a really annoying kid who wouldn't listen to me, and threw his food through the kitchen, so I punished him. When his mother came home he ran to her and said, "Mommy, mommy, it's not true what you told me, fat people are NOT nice!" FML

agreeclassic 39 582

vote type 1 5 544

By Abendigo77 - 14/01/2013 04:49 - United States - Healdsburg

Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML

agreeclassic 39 581

vote type 1 6 846

By emmaavk88 - 17/03/2014 12:15 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I had an elaborate fantasy of what I would do if I became a cat and how I would make my way to my crush's house to be their cat. FML

agreeclassic 39 579

vote type 1 9 753

emmaavk88 app_comment_confession_title

emmaavk88 18

Monday 17 March 2014 18:59

If that was true, double F my life! Luckily he isn't, I made sure of that -OP

By Anonymous - 21/10/2015 04:46 - United States - Middleboro

Today, at our wedding, instead of saying "I do", my fiancé paused before saying, "I can't do this", stepped down from the altar and proposed to my maid of honor. When she obviously refused, he ran from the venue bawling. He's not returning my calls. FML

agreeclassic 39 577

vote type 1 2 538

By Itstrickyyxx - 25/07/2012 18:08 - United States - Erie

Today, my boyfriend got a new job. He'll be over the road for three weeks at a time, and home on the remaining week. Basically, I'll see him once a month. Guess which time of month it'll fall on. FML

agreeclassic 39 575

vote type 1 3 170

Itstrickyyxx app_comment_confession_title

Itstrickyyxx 6

Tuesday 19 February 2013 21:36

OP here again. Wow i haven't been on this site in forever. I can't even see him every month now, I see him every few months, and of course, ALWAYS ON MY PERIOD. That's life I suppose. And no I can't do birth control to EVERYONE who said it, all kinds effected me badly! :)