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The all-time greatest FMLs

By AML - 31/10/2013 14:30 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my 19-year-old, long-distance boyfriend told me he wouldn't be able to text me all day because it's too hard to type while in his Spider-Man suit. It's non-negotiable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 289

You deserved it 15 337

By Face fucking palm - 23/07/2014 03:36 - United States - Albany

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 287

You deserved it 13 442

By depressed - 03/09/2013 21:43 - United States - Yorktown Heights

Today, my new creative writing teacher informed the class that we should consult him before writing anything "dark or disturbing." I only took the class because my therapist recommended that I join the class so I could freely express my darker thoughts without her help or a fear of being judged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 282

You deserved it 3 095

Mystery

By mugged - 01/06/2010 23:41 - United States

Today, I got mugged by someone wearing a bear suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 280

You deserved it 4 717

Cool off

By chumleevil - 08/07/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 280

You deserved it 3 507

By Anonymous - 05/03/2013 18:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that he may have an STD. When I asked who he was with before me, and where it might have come from, he listed off almost every single one of my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 279

You deserved it 5 454

Kinky

By sad_dad - 24/10/2009 17:35 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower. Instead, I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 279

You deserved it 10 366

By Anonymous - 09/03/2011 16:07 - Canada

Today, I went on a dinner date with the guy I like. He ate all his food then started eating off my plate, going on to eat over half of my food. When the bill came, he made me pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 277

You deserved it 7 464

Cheeky

By woopdeedo_1 - 07/03/2010 19:56 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 276

You deserved it 3 616

By I'maboutobarf - 31/01/2013 10:28 - Australia

Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 276

You deserved it 2 786

Twatted

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Mclean

Today, a girl I follow on Twitter tweeted, "Why can't I have a cute math tutor?" I'm her math tutor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 276

You deserved it 4 263

By Zuzubat - 05/09/2013 23:29 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, a soon-to-be-ex co-worker flew into a rage when she saw she wasn't on the schedule for next week. The boss told her it's because she quit. She reminded the boss she wants to keep working part-time. My new job is inventing tasks for her to do to keep her calm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 276

You deserved it 2 577

By Anonymous - 29/08/2014 02:48 - United States - Encinitas

Today, my butt decided to delete the 650 photos I had on my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 275

You deserved it 8 143

By Anonymous - 13/05/2009 18:49 - United States

Today, I let my 5 year-old niece walk my 3 month-old husky puppy while I watched. I didn't realize how strong my puppy actually is until she took off running while dragging my niece with her. My niece now has two busted up knees and chin and her mother is now calling my puppy "demon puppy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 268

You deserved it 26 814

demonpuppy tells us more.

demonpuppy 0

Thursday 14 May 2009 2:32

Hey you guys, the OP here! I just wanted to clear some things up. My puppy is very sweet. She has never pulled anyone else while on the leash. She's actually one of the most timid dogs I've ever owned and yes, I have owned dogs before and I know the breed. But because she is a puppy anomaly and doesn't pull, I thought it would be ok for my niece to walk her as I walked next to them. Also, this took place in my fenced off back yard. I do however have a stone terrace, which is where my niece got pulled over on. I know that my niece getting hurt is probably my fault and I've now learned that my puppy goes crazy when there are squirrels in sight. I've apologized to my sister-in-law. My niece is fine, she was back up and playing within minutes, but her mother wont let her near my puppy and I got a talking to. So, hope that clears some things up for you guys.

By ccblock - 17/09/2010 01:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's dad offered me $100 to break up with his daughter. I eagerly replied "no", but my girlfriend grabbed the money and said, "deal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 268

You deserved it 3 714

By Anonymous - 14/02/2010 14:21 - United States

Today, I realized that the "pimples" on my back weren't pimples at all. Because I was unable to see how bad they were for the last week, I never caught on to the fact the they were, in fact, ticks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 265

You deserved it 6 779

By Dr. Jack - 04/02/2009 13:54 - United States

Today, my airline lost my luggage when I flew back from France. They also lost my luggage when I flew to France. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 264

You deserved it 2 220

By holiday from hell - 25/12/2013 01:12 - United States - Ridgewood

Today, I went to my dad's house for Christmas. Soon enough, my grandma had commented on how much weight I've gained, my aunt asked me why I'm still single, and my dad joined in by reminding me that I still haven't been accepted into college. Only three more days to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 263

You deserved it 3 703

By Anonymous - 18/12/2013 01:55 - China - Shanghai

Today, I sang a romantic song I wrote for my girlfriend. She laughed at my soprano. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 261

You deserved it 8 397

By Anonymous - 28/12/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I got a call from a girl I fell madly in love with 8 years ago. She disappeared from my life with no trace. Turns out she just finalized her divorce, has 2 wild kids, packed on 75 lbs, has $25,000 in debt and is taking meds to keep from going crazy. Now she wants me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 260

You deserved it 3 609

By fuckered519 - 06/12/2014 19:53 - United States - Du Quoin

Spicy

Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said it could be anything that I could afford. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: "Anal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 260

You deserved it 12 620

By Illinoisgirl - 14/02/2012 14:29 - Hungary

Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 259

You deserved it 3 054

**** McGee

By BoobiePain - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Saint John

Today, I got stitches in my breast. I never knew how much they jiggled until every bump on the road made my breast feel like it was on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 258

You deserved it 3 090

By wtfdad - 16/11/2014 05:29 - United States - Little Silver

Spicy

Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 255

You deserved it 4 260

Equality

By Anonymous - 04/12/2011 07:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was disgusted because I dropped a Skittle on the floor and ate it. He thought peeing on me in the shower was just fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 253

You deserved it 6 368

Catch

By Anonymous - 30/05/2011 08:28 - Australia

Today, I was walking through town when a rough looking woman asked me for a cigarette. I don't smoke but I offered her some apples, and she took two. As I continued on past her, she pegged both of them at me, hitting the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 251

You deserved it 11 899

Classic blunder

By Anonymous - 20/07/2009 07:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had an important Powerpoint presentation for ALL the big execs at work. It seems that during my lunch break, my boyfriend IMed me on my Mac, saying, "Feeling so horny right now, come home for a quicky like last week?" I didn't see it until the presentation. So did the executives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 248

You deserved it 10 557

By facebookdeception - 31/10/2014 04:25 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I found out that the girl on Facebook that helped me out of my sadness after my break-up and who I'd hopelessly fallen in love with was just a prank by my ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 245

You deserved it 4 512

By prdept. - 09/03/2011 17:12 - France

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy. It was going great until his 6-year-old brother walked in and screamed so loudly it brought both of his parents running. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 243

You deserved it 20 520

By Kev - 19/02/2009 23:42 - Canada

Today, I walked home from work when a woman asked me to come inside for a free meal. It was at a homeless shelter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 242

You deserved it 5 201

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The Top

The Top

Today, I had a promo code for a free Redbox movie. Since I knew exactly which movie I wanted, I parked in a handicapped space because it was super close and I was cold. I didn't think anyone would notice, but apparently the cop that parked beside my car did. My free movie cost me $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 010

You deserved it 78 823

Today, my ex-boyfriend dumped sand into the crankcase of my truck and then filled it to the top with water after I dumped him for being immature and not respecting my things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 570

You deserved it 3 510

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 465

You deserved it 365

Today, I'd set aside a weekend to play D&D. Some old acquaintances wanted to join, saying they'd pay for food. When I picked them up to drive them to the game, they claimed they were screwed on their paychecks, couldn't afford food or gas. However, they could afford Mountain Dew and candy bars for themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 138

Today, my boss called me in to tell me I had got a raise. I bought a $1500 Chanel bag. Two hours later he called me in to tell me he was kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 916

You deserved it 45 026

Today, I overheard two classmates wondering who Joan of Arc was. They agreed among themselves that she had to be the wife of Noah. We're in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 741

You deserved it 1 112