Love: Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML - FML

By Illinoisgirl - 14/02/2012 14:29 - Hungary

Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 152

You deserved it 3 035

Sorry…

Great family you've got there

Not the golden child

Technically Correct: The Best Kind of Correct

By Sufia - 28/10/2017 19:51

Today, my teacher called me "stupid and ignorant" for referring to myself as Asian. I'm from Pakistan. Pakistan is in Asia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 459

You deserved it 303

Not on a plane

By Surewhatever - 16/10/2019 14:01

Today, when I warned my guests to check the toilet for snakes, I meant it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 392

You deserved it 116

Getting frisky

By KindStranger - 04/01/2020 20:00 - United Kingdom - Shrewsbury

Today, I was walking home when I thought I saw a man beating up a woman in a phone box, I opened the door and pulled the man of the woman, turns out they where just "getting frisky" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 944

You deserved it 514

By Anonymous - 10/11/2014 21:50 - United States - Mount Laurel

Today, I realized why I never hear my voice echoing when I sing to my boyfriend on Skype; he just mutes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 678

You deserved it 11 987

By vanessa_d15 - 10/11/2009 09:09 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in his bed watching football when it went to commercial. He started kissing my neck and trying to get me turned on. Then I remembered we'd be going to visit his mom soon, where we'd be playing Wii. That thought turned me on more than my boyfriend did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 466

You deserved it 23 588

By horp - 29/09/2015 22:00 - United States - Torrington

Today, I was having lunch and I started throwing crumbs at my friend at the other table. Then I accidentally hit the kid next to him. He got really mad and came over and hit me in the shoulder with a brick. A brick. He just had a brick in his bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 624

You deserved it 9 093

By Dummy - 21/11/2017 05:00

Today, I found out that the little red dots all over my body aren't some horrible disease like I originally thought. They're bedbug bites. I've managed to not notice a huge infestation for 5 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 427

You deserved it 1 090

Dark

By bloomrosalind8976 - 02/05/2021 16:59

Today, I admitted to my SO that I wanted to kill myself. They told me it was abusive to tell them that, and claimed I was just using it as a tool to control them. What they don't know is I attempted it by overdosing the other day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 185

By dumbmotherinlaw - 06/07/2016 17:29 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was crossing back over the Mexico-US border. My mother-in-law got out of the car to go to the bathroom, since traffic was horrible. Two hours of worrying sick later, turns out she crossed the border without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 198

You deserved it 791

By Rosie - 16/10/2018 12:00

Today, I discovered that you can vomit hard enough to break a rib and tear a ligament. Why was I barfing so violently? The stray cat I'm feeding has given me worms. I found one during "down there cleanup" time. I got laughed at by EMS, nurses, doctors, and my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 532

You deserved it 517

By MCRxforever - 17/06/2010 22:56 - United States

Today, I was taking my dog on a walk when two younger looking boys rode their bikes up towards me. One said, "What about her?" The other boy said, "Nah, she's ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 793

You deserved it 3 626

By Harry - 13/05/2014 22:37 - United States - Milledgeville

Today, I went to a restaurant with my friend, where my credit card got denied in front of everyone. The staff teased me and made me sit in the restaurant while my friend begged for money outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 778

You deserved it 8 274

By anonymus - 18/08/2009 16:33 - United States

Today, I asked a woman where her beautiful accent was from. The woman stared at me for a while. Then her daughter told me that the reason her mother talked like that was because she had a stroke a few months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 794

You deserved it 10 262

By blueberry_hill - 11/12/2010 16:16 - United States

Today, my thirteen month old son woke me up at 6AM on my day off, by punching me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 743

You deserved it 6 112

By Lady Vulva - 19/09/2015 02:56

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 750

You deserved it 3 034

By slypher25aussie - 09/11/2012 07:26 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a furniture store. We split up for a bit, and after a while I went to find him. A salesman noticed I seemed to be looking around for him and said, "Oh, your son is upstairs." We're the same age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 554

You deserved it 2 363

By Anonymous - 01/05/2011 16:11 - United States

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to take a pair of scissors to all my bras. My mom can't take me shopping for another three days and I have no one to borrow a bra from. I have school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 159

You deserved it 4 360

By Hotdamnthisismyjam - 16/06/2009 00:32 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I went to the bar with some friends. When we walked in, we picked a table at random in the same area as a bunch of older men. The oldest, fattest ugliest man at the table looks me over then stares at my chest. He then starts to motorboat the air in the direction of my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 045

You deserved it 6 586

Private Catholic school?

By Anonymous - 14/03/2021 23:01

Today, I had to write an argumentative essay about the morality of homosexuality. The prompt actually uses the phrase "the dangers of homosexuality." I'm bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 203

Criminal minds at their best

By loz4151336 - 03/03/2020 12:06

Today, my friends wanted to try to dine and dash at a McDonald's. I had to explain why that wouldn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 188

#priceless

By Clorpy - 30/03/2018 07:00

Today, I was at the Kings Avalanche game in Denver. Anže Kopitar scored a hat trick and people threw hats in. Someone ripped my own hat off my head and tossed it on the ice. It was a gift from my dead grandparents with my name stitched onto it. I’ve had it for 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 915

You deserved it 375

I'm looking through you

By lesler - 20/07/2021 06:01 - Canada

Today, my bartender noticed my new haircut before my live-in boyfriend did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 173

By Darth Vomitus - 10/08/2012 18:54 - United States - Mequon

Today, I went to an amusement park with a group of friends, one of whom was a girl I really like. When we got on the roller coaster, I was ecstatic that she wanted to sit next to me. Not even half-way through, I ended up puking all over the both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 451

You deserved it 5 823

By Atletic - 30/11/2012 07:30 - United States - Syracuse

Today, I have three cracked ribs. I have also, for the first time in my life, developed a case of the hiccups that simply will NOT go away. It's been hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 010

You deserved it 1 762

The wrong kind of banging

By BRELLA - 03/02/2009 19:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I'd wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 988

You deserved it 3 924

By mook05 - 21/10/2010 02:04 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of 6 months is not actually on vacation with her cousin but is moving in with her fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 299

You deserved it 3 166

By Teste - 15/07/2015 10:25 - Spain

Spicy

Today, I passed by a cute girl who was staring intensely at me. When I glanced in her direction, she smiled. Taking this as a positive sign, I approached her. Before I could say anything, she handed me a flyer explaining the benefits of STD testing. Apparently, I look like I need it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 594

You deserved it 3 627

By Anonymous - 07/06/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I found out my mom paid my best friend $20 to be my friend when we were 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143 230

You deserved it 8 147

By ForeverAlone - 09/05/2015 15:53 - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, I emotionally confessed to the guy I like. His English isn't that good, so he asked me to repeat it several times. He ended up telling me no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 860

You deserved it 3 060

Toxic parents

By Anonymous - 30/07/2020 20:01

Today, my mom caught me vaping weed oil and tried to ground me. I’m 33 years old, with my own wife and kids, weed is legal in this state with a medical card, and I use it to treat the seizures I’ve had since mom belted me around the head as a kid, giving me brain damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 977

You deserved it 217

By Nafypoo - 21/11/2018 22:00

Today, I was playing competitively for my clan in a tournament. Money is involved, and I was doing quite well until my girlfriend up and turned the PS4 off because I wasn't "paying enough attention" to her, despite being on a holiday with her for the previous 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 390

You deserved it 900

By buhknee - 25/11/2009 00:08 - United States

Today, I realized that our generation will be remembered as the kids who liked sparkly vampires. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 464

You deserved it 13 472

By CantPoop - 13/07/2018 08:00 - United States - Springdale

Today, I was telling my wife how being told to drink water all day when you're not even thirsty is "such a scam". Suddenly, I felt an excruciating pain in my abdomen. The ER had to give me IV fluids because I was so constipated from dehydration. The bill was over $2000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 424

You deserved it 6 976

By JFC - 17/07/2016 19:56

Today, I was staying over at a friend's house for the weekend while the rest of my family goes to Cuba. Her neighbor started hitting on me. As it turns out, "he" was actually born as a "she", and now I'm apparently a transphobic bitch for not being interested. Two more days to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 032

You deserved it 998

By Anonymous - 18/11/2018 22:00

Spicy

Today, I needed some contact lens solution, so I left my room to look in my sister's room to see if she had any. I walked in to see my mom sucking my dad off on her bed. They didn't see me so I walked away, but the image is engraved in my mind forever now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 048

You deserved it 479

By ihatemyjob - 12/09/2010 07:23 - Canada

Today, at work, an elderly lady came up to the cash register with a flyer in her hand, and asked if we had a certain item. I told her we did not have any left, and we would be getting more next week and if she wanted, I could give her a rain check. She hit me in the face with her purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 098

You deserved it 2 770

By Anonyme - 29/01/2016 22:38 - China - Shanghai

Today, I'm doing an architecture course in China. My boss asked me to create a lamp shaped like a shrimp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 307

You deserved it 2 375

By lindsey789 - 07/10/2010 04:21 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my room watching TV when I heard my mother obnoxiously yelling for the dog. Minutes later she stomped into my room, swatted me over the head, and yelled at me for not answering when she called. She actually got my name mixed up with the dog's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 707

You deserved it 3 022

By Meghan Elise - 06/07/2019 02:41

Today, my boyfriend and I dyed our hair. His hair came out good. My hair, on the other hand, came out splotchy, and instead of dark blue, it came out green. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 250

You deserved it 556

By Champs - 25/01/2009 17:52 - Australia

Today, I downloaded the 'Dark was the Night' compilation made for charity. I have no soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 144

You deserved it 26 357

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Top comments

rubberduckie94 13

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 18:42

Did you say yes? If so who is going to walk you down the aisle?

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 18:42

That's...something.

Comments

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 18:42

That's...something.

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 18:48

Wincest?

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 19:09

Bacon?? ^^^ *dribbles*

LiveLaughFML 10

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 19:27

I wish the best of lucky to you and your inbred cannibalistic children :')

skullcandifiedDJ 5

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 20:41

A drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts... Get as far away as you can

Send a private message

Tuesday 14 February 2012 21:36

Theres a saying.."a girl will marry a guy like her father"...brings a whole new meaning..ew

Send a private message

Tuesday 14 February 2012 23:36

1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila Floor!! :D

gamercanadian 11

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 0:54

This just made my day.

GovernorGeneral 8

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 5:36

Omg. This morning i was just thinking about how if a dad falls in love wth his daughter....fuuuuuuuuck. Fuuuuck. Youre fuuuuuuuuucked if he rememebers.

Send a private message

Wednesday 15 February 2012 7:15

Drunk actions are sober thoughts

Send a private message

Monday 2 July 2012 10:01

that's AWKWARD

stevenJB 25

Tuesday 14 February 2012 18:42

You might wanna ask Your dad about that when he's sober! XD

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 18:51

being drunk is the best time to propose.

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 22:02

Op, shoulda said yes.

rubberduckie94 13

Send a private message

Tuesday 14 February 2012 18:42

Did you say yes? If so who is going to walk you down the aisle?

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 21:48

Better question what kind of priest will marry them?

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 21:49

He'll have to moonwalk.

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 22:53

68 = win

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 23:54

Her real fiancé/husband can walk her down the aisle.

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 1:59

I wonder if anyone would even go to the wedding... O.e

trp2wondrland 9

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 2:25

LOL this comment cracked me up! Maybe her mom can walk her down?

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 20:31

Maybe this should be OP's response. Dad might sober up while he ponders the answer.

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 8:11

The mom would be pissed her ex husband is marrying her daughter

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 18:42

So, did you say yes?

Send a private message

Tuesday 14 February 2012 18:45

Incest is best

hellbilly205 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 14 February 2012 20:08

Give your cousin a test

flockz 19

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 20:15

it's great like a good ol' fashioned sausage fest.

burtonbullet 10

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 20:43

And she doesn't need to leave the nest.

xBrandonIsOnFire 6

Send a private message

Tuesday 14 February 2012 21:59

Because she's already on the quest

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 22:59

...to find potatoes.

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 2:32

WOW way to stop the rhyme thing that they were doing. Shame on you

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 6:23

LMFAOOOOOOOO, Funniest comment of the day #84

princess151617 4

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 22:49

This made my day ! Lol

perdix 29

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 18:44

Before you say no, check with your mom. She might want you to be a good wingman and take him off her hands while she finds a guy who can hold his liquor.

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 20:54

Perdix is back!!!(:

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 22:19

Perdix was gone?

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 22:33

Perdix was always here... in our hearts.

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 0:15

Why is perdix so popular?

perdix 29

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 3:47

Because I'm persistent. What I lack in humor and wit, I make up for with sheer volume!

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 18:45

I will be honest I have never heard of that. That's funny and wrong at the same time.

pandabear7306 0

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Thursday 16 February 2012 6:59

I was thinking the same thing

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 18:46

Don't brake his heart! :p

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 18:50

Break....

flockz 19

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 20:25

don't steer him in the wrong direction.

SuperBritty23 7

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 20:28

oh shit^^^

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 18:46

Drunk idiot

ninjuh_wingman 29

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 18:49

Its like a fairy tale come true.

Magic8witches 5

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Wednesday 7 January 2015 4:47

Yeah the princess whose father tried to marry her and she had to leave the country

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 18:49

I hear wedding bells. No seriously I do.

Yak99 0

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 19:51

You should get that checked

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 20:59

#46, your image never fails to amuse me.

Dracoboxer357 35

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 4:57

46- .......Your pic kinda looks like Hugh Jackman, having an orgasm. Strange.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 44

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 25

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 83

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 32