Today, an angry customer threw her sticky toffee pudding at the...

By stickyservice - 26/4/2014 01:21 - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, an angry customer threw her sticky toffee pudding at the wall and pointed out that because it didn't stick, it was not really a "sticky" toffee pudding, and that she'd been mislead. FML

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Work

Dangling modifier

Or he's just becoming an old goober

Ghosted

By Anonymous - 1/10/2009 09:42 - United States

Today, my friends and I noticed that people, no matter what stereotype, pretty much all have the same type of friends: the mean one, the funny one, etc... and started naming off the people in our group who fit into those personallities. We got to the token fat one, everyone looked at me and stopped talking. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2019 16:00

First Dates

Today, I went on two dates from a dating app. The first one said halfway through that we couldn't date because it would break his contract. The second one catfished me. This is why I have multiple dates in one day. They never end well. FML

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By Terrance - 14/8/2019 23:01 - United Kingdom - Basingstoke

Today, I tried to point out to a chap in a van waiting at the lights that his tyre was flat, and that the rim had been spitting sparks all the way down the road. I was told in no uncertain terms, “Mind your own bleedin' business!” FML

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By Arghh - 13/4/2011 13:34 - United States

Today, I had an allergic reaction to cranberry juice. The only reason I was drinking cranberry juice was to help with a bladder infection. Now I'm covered in what looks like a rash and peeing constantly. FML

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By jackpot - 9/5/2011 01:53 - Venezuela

Today, I was in a parking lot looking for a spot, and after driving around for a long while I finally found one. A homeless man was taking a shit on it. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/8/2009 04:44 - United States

Today, I finally told my mom I am a lesbian. She started laughing and said 'Good one honey'. I told her I wasn't joking, and she took my face in her hands and said 'You ARE joking!' Then she left. FML

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By Jess - 27/10/2015 20:16

Today, I called a doctor's office for a referral. I was in public, so when she asked me what type of issue I had, I mumbled that I had a vaginal issue. After painstakingly having to repeat this several times, she said she was asking what kind of insurance I have. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2019 12:00

Kids, eh?

Today, I was with my four year-old daughter when we met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman I know. My daughter looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?" FML

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By Hannah - 13/6/2013 16:19 - Australia - Caulfield North

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, accusing me of lying to him about "being a hermaphrodite". His almost total lack of knowledge about female anatomy led him to believe that my clitoris is actually an extremely tiny penis. FML

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By drymouth - 17/6/2016 23:51 - United States - Berkeley

Today, my boss brought us some small cakes from a recent trip to China. I opened mine and noticed a little foil packet wrapped with the cake, so I thought it was a powdered topping. I had a couple of bites before my coworker told me it was actually a desiccant to keep the cakes fresh. FML

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By Bobby The Baker - 3/4/2019 16:00

Today, a cockroach flew towards me, and out of panic I dropped my car keys in the sewer. Not only did I lose my keys, but the cake I made for a client is stuck inside the car. It's for a wedding, and they're arriving in the reception area in a few minutes. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2019 12:00

Today, after almost a year of dating and getting dumped out of the blue, I found out my ex-girlfriend wants to get a restraining order against me. I guess dropping a box of her things on her porch after she wouldn't answer her phone is considered stalking. FML

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By Username - 20/7/2010 04:57 - France

Today, I had the rehearsal for two of my friends' wedding. My ex-husband is also in the wedding, and I just found out we have to walk down the aisle together 'for height reasons'. FML

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By CrapDay - 18/1/2017 22:00

Today, I woke up early in the morning when it was still dark to go off to work. I saw what looked like a piece of slime that my children would play with and went to pick it up. Nope. Turns out it was puppy shit. Wet, slimy puppy waste. FML

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By Username - 12/1/2010 04:03 - France

Today, I was nervous as hell for my driving test. The instructor told me to drive a straight line in reverse. I forgot to put the car in reverse from drive and drove straight into a parked vehicle. Which happened to be owned by the instructor. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2015 20:16 - United States

Today, I tried baking my own bread to save food money. Unfortunately I screwed it up, prompting my wife to look at me pityingly and say "Wow, can't get even bread to rise." before walking out. I have erectile dysfunction, and she constantly insults me like this. FML

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By Wheresthebeefz - 1/2/2011 02:46 - United States

Today, I tried to save a dying bird I found on the sidewalk. I got a parking ticket for $114 in front of the animal hospital. I later found out the bird died. FML

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By Noname - 22/1/2009 23:27 - Canada

Today, I danced with a girl until the bar closed. We went back to my place. She had a penis. FML

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By iloveretail - 8/8/2016 19:14 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, a woman threatened to stab my eyes out because I wouldn't let her into the shop I closed and locked up half an hour ago. FML

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By hopeless romantic - 14/8/2014 15:06 - United States - Dayton

Today, I realized my dog looks at me with way more love in his eyes than my own boyfriend does. FML

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By fail - 14/4/2011 22:27 - Canada

Today, to impress my friends, I attempted to do a back flip. The only one impressed was the doctor who set my broken leg. FML

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By Julia - 26/2/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I found out all the money my dad has been saving in the bank for me since birth has all been spent, by my mother who I haven't seen or talked to in about two years. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2015 20:58 - United States - Evanston

Today, at work, I was about to close a big sale, when a coworker rushed over and said there was a call for me in the office. He heavily implied my mom had died, and I rushed out. After I figured out there was no call and that my mom was fine, he'd already stolen my sale and the commission. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, I sent a picture to my girlfriend of my erect penis with a quote saying "It's waiting for you." She responded with a picture of her left hand showing her left ring finger with a quote saying "It's waiting for you too." FML

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By confused - 28/9/2011 04:55 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML

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By Nikki - 8/6/2019 22:00

Today, I walked into my bathroom to my boyfriend bragging about how much better his butt looked than mine, all while wearing my jeans. FML

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By FUCKFACECUNT - 2/8/2015 13:32 - United Arab Emirates - Abu Dhabi

Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/3/2016 16:21 - United States - Dayton

Today, I'm seven months pregnant and going to college. I had to use the bathroom, but all of the bathrooms at my building were closed, so I had to walk to the next building, a block away. I didn't make it. FML

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By Julia - 2/8/2010 09:50 - New Zealand

Today, I applied for a job and sent my CV, then realised I sent the example CV I got off the internet. Now they think Bob Brown who lives at 123 Sunshine Street is applying for a job. FML

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By Craigslist is Evil. - 24/9/2013 18:12 - United States - Dickson

Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML

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By Anonymous - 8/7/2012 21:03 - United States - Marinette

Today, my mom and I somehow got into a serious argument over the ethics of capturing and training Pokémon. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/7/2014 02:06 - United States - Deatsville

Today, I have really painful pimples on my upper lip. I'm a professional trombonist, and every note causes excruciating pain. FML

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By IloveMaroon5 - 7/6/2011 06:48 - United States

Today, I found out that if your boss deletes you off Facebook, it's probably not a good sign. FML

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By itwasathtebottomofmycoffeemug - 14/5/2014 20:58 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I found out my son has a new hobby after seeing a picture on the internet: putting realistic-looking stickers of spiders at the bottom of my coffee mugs. My wife was scared half to death this morning after downing a cup of coffee and then glancing the cup's bottom. FML

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By Alexis - 15/11/2017 23:00 - United States

Classy.

Today, I spent 12 hours in an airport rather than go back to the apartment of the man I traveled to see for the weekend. Instead of wine, dine, sixty-nine, he took me to a tailgating event and introduced me to two girls he had a threesome with. FML

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By lea5459 - 20/11/2012 06:47 - United States - Medford

Today, my parents kindly told me what they are getting me for my 18th birthday. An eviction notice. FML

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By CHStennis_4 - 3/9/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML

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By emily074 - 23/8/2015 03:13 - United States - Salem

Today, the nine year old girl I was babysitting got the hiccups, so I told her to drink some water upside down to cure them. She ended up vomiting on the floor. FML

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By WellOops - 18/7/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend crashed his car while I was giving him road head. FML

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By Myballshurt - 3/8/2013 04:31 - United States - Harrisburg

Today, I learned a few things. One: friends are assholes. Two: under no circumstance do you close your eyes when they ask you to. Three: getting kicked in the balls hurts a lot. FML

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Top comments

By lightanddark | 17

#5926440 - Saturday 26 April 2014 13:10

"So I walked into a store and bought a sticky toffee pudding, I threw it on the wall to see if it would stick. It didn't, so I THREW IT ON THE GROUND!."

By jazzmin1997 | 16

#5926439 - Saturday 26 April 2014 13:10

She has a point.

COMMENTS

By jazzmin1997 | 16

#5926439 - Saturday 26 April 2014 13:10

She has a point.

cumberbunny | 17

#5926460 - Saturday 26 April 2014 13:18

No, she's just stupid. This is why I have serious doubts about humanity...

thatgirlc | 10

#5926492 - Saturday 26 April 2014 13:35

as someone who also sells food . everyone is being mislead then because you could sell something everyone says its good but 1 person who bought it and was mislead into thinking it was good

rdenkewicz | 11

#5926973 - Saturday 26 April 2014 21:08

Yeah because the store employees should totally throw the sticky toffee at the wall for product testing before they serve it to customers! It will be wall toffee but hey at least it's sticky!

By lightanddark | 17

#5926440 - Saturday 26 April 2014 13:10

"So I walked into a store and bought a sticky toffee pudding, I threw it on the wall to see if it would stick. It didn't, so I THREW IT ON THE GROUND!."