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The all-time greatest FMLs

By steve - 23/12/2011 03:02 - United States

Today, I ran full speed into a brick wall because I saw a tiger. On the other side of a zoo cage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 439

You deserved it 35 875

Bubbles

By soapgirl - 13/08/2009 16:07 - Philippines

Today, my mom was gifted with a toiletry basket. I grabbed the lotion and used it without asking. When I went out, it began raining hard. I got wet and noticed my skin got very sticky. Turns out the lotion was actually body wash. People were wondering why soap bubbles were coming from my skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 436

You deserved it 65 076

By Anonymous - 08/01/2011 15:15 - Australia

Today, while on my break at work, my workmates convinced me to perform my "Indian accent" piece. Everyone laughed while I was doing it. Everyone, that is, but my Indian boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 435

You deserved it 40 863

By wolfwhowanders - 11/12/2016 18:18 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, my $1300 mattress that I bought for my new home was delivered. To my old house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 434

You deserved it 1 654

By Sam - 01/02/2010 05:45 - United States

Today, my friend was showing me pictures of her and her family. I told her to stop at one of the pictures. I started laughing my back off and said that she looked grotesque. She asked me if I was serious, I swore that I was. It was actually a picture of her sister, who died 1 year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 434

You deserved it 52 351

By Anonymous - 28/11/2016 06:34

Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 432

You deserved it 1 591

PTSD

By I have Flashbacks Now - 10/11/2016 21:15 - United States - Woonsocket

Today, while going to the mall, I witnessed the horror of someone sneezing and shitting themselves at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 431

You deserved it 915

By backwardsinlife - 05/10/2009 18:53 - United States

Today, while in the drive-through for Taco Bell, I hit the car behind me after forgetting my car was in reverse. It was in reverse because I was worried the old lady in front of me was going to forget she was in reverse. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 426

You deserved it 45 616

Helpful

By knuckleheadknock - 10/11/2016 02:11

Today, my rather large boss told me how the company needs to save money, how we are going downhill fast, even suggesting that we might go bankrupt very soon. He then went on to ask me to go get him some very expensive scotch using the company credit card to, "help him cope with the stress." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 426

You deserved it 705

Shitty customers

By Rosie J. - 10/11/2016 02:45 - United States - Leawood

Today, I saw an older gentleman running through my store. I wasn't sure why he was running towards the front door until I looked at the floor and saw a poop trail behind him. The trail went from the front of the store all the way to the back of the store. Guess who had to get the mop and bucket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 424

You deserved it 588

By BroadwayBaby1997 - 17/09/2016 15:26 - United States - Mission

Today, I've had more crushes on fictional characters than actual people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 423

You deserved it 2 602

Salad days

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I saw a customer open a bottle of salad dressing, taste it, then put it back on the shelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 419

You deserved it 834

Trousers? Suit you sir!

By brebis - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, when I threw my cigarette out of the car window, the wind blew it back in again. My pants got completely burnt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 416

You deserved it 72 827

By Professor FacePalm - 28/11/2016 23:22 - United Kingdom

Today, the police gave me a ticket for obstructing a loading bay as the vehicle "was not parked within the loading bay markings". I couldn't get the vehicle fully into the loading bay because there was a police vehicle in the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 415

You deserved it 716

Trial and error

By superpissed - 07/12/2016 13:07 - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, I went for a trial shift somewhere perfect for me to work. I knew loads about the place and how they worked. The trial shift went really well. Not even two hours after my shift, they rang to tell me I'd lost out to someone who swore at a customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 414

You deserved it 601

By Moody - 28/10/2009 19:14 - United States

Today, I opened my personal laptop at a company meeting. I forgot that the battery died while watching a porno last night. It was ten seconds of slurping, spitting and gagging. It was my first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 413

You deserved it 38 402

Things that go bump in the… parking lot

By Lousydriver - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was about to drive out of a parking lot. The space in front of me was empty, so I figured I could drive forward. I hadn't noticed that there was a median in front, and my car got stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 412

You deserved it 31 970

By anonymous - 22/04/2011 05:20

Today, I watched a YouTube video at work because I was bored. I forgot I was on a conference call and my computer's desktop was shared with 15 other people. No one said anything till it ended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 410

You deserved it 44 408

By CloroxDoggo - 24/11/2016 00:23 - United States

Today, I was meeting up with a friend in a town. He said he was at the restaurant we were going to meet at; I was too. Turns out I was in the wrong town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 408

You deserved it 2 045

By Anonymous - 29/03/2011 06:50 - United States

Today, I decided to mock a few stuck-up runners by effortlessly jumping over the track hurdles. The last one was the easiest. The easiest to crush my balls on, and twist my ankle up in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 406

You deserved it 52 329

It's all balls to me

By anonymous - 01/12/2016 16:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my family was watching a football game and kept mentioning their team's quarterback's name and, as I'm not a football fan by any means, asked them who this was. My grandma then turned to me and said, "This is why you don't have a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 396

You deserved it 1 310

By nowbrokevaper - 19/11/2016 18:47 - United States - Pomona

Today, I found out that my boss, who had promised me a raise, is not promoting me. He says I don't have the right 'vibe' and I'm not 'relaxed' enough for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 390

You deserved it 810

By Anonymous - 03/11/2010 18:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum and I decided to go on a hike. Beforehand we left my car at the end of the trail and took my mums car to the beginning. After 4 hours we arrived at my car. I had left my keys in mums car. It was a long walk back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 390

You deserved it 29 334

By mouseart - 03/11/2016 14:51

Today, I work as an assistant to a sculptor. We finished all our projects early so his wife decided to have me clean their kitchen. I wasn't paying attention and picked up a dead mouse. I screamed and threw it away as hard as I could. It hit their five-year-old son in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 390

You deserved it 1 362

By EaglEye - 02/11/2016 08:29

Today, I found out that even though I suffer from insomnia most days, I can sleep within 5 minutes of studying Solid Mechanics, especially when I have an end term the next day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 388

You deserved it 877

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I was pulling into a parking garage space and using the next car over to judge where the wall was in front of me, but ended up whumping my front bumper as I pulled forward. Wondering what had happened, I got out to see that the car I was aligning myself against had hit the wall too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 387

You deserved it 26 968

Nice try

By Timeless - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I decided to brush up on my flirting skills and ask a guy I thought was kind of cute what time it was. He pointed to the very visible watch on my wrist and said, "You should know already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 387

You deserved it 56 607

Don't care

By grreeatttt - 31/01/2009 01:57 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I called him about two minutes after, and he'd already fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 386

You deserved it 35 215

By deli Shoppe - 27/06/2012 04:39 - United States - Vallejo

Today, I went to the bookstore and saw a stunning girl reading. I walked over and picked up a book, thinking our two books were the same category, hence a good conversation starter. She looked at me, and I pointed at my book and smiled. After that, she left. It was a sex position book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 385

You deserved it 38 689

By hayah - 21/02/2010 06:08 - France

Today, I decided to not go to a strip club for the second Saturday in a row, because I didn't want to appear desperate in front of the strippers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 378

You deserved it 23 450

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The Top

Today, my landlord called me to complain about me and my fiancée having sex too loudly every Friday night. Every Friday night I work the night shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 867

You deserved it 369

Today, my boyfriend is so scared of COVID that he takes precautions beyond what health professionals recommend to satisfy his OCD. He told me he wouldn't be getting the vaccine because he "won't be controlled by the government." Not to worry, he will just continue to be the unbearable control freak he transformed into since this all began. FML

I agree, your life sucks 988

You deserved it 210

Today, a guy who annoys me walked over. To avoid speaking to him, I pretended to be on the phone and he walked away. A few moments later, my phone rang. I looked around to see if he'd seen me. He had. He was the one calling me from down the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 642

You deserved it 40 107

Today, while working a night shift completely alone at a truck stop, a trucker asked me to get in the shower with him for a "funner night shift", and threw his towels and clothes at me when I told him no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 195

You deserved it 65

Today, as my mom was getting ready for a date, I told her that I think it's too early for her to date, since she divorced my dad only a week ago. She then said, "Don't worry, I'm only in it for sex." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 161

You deserved it 4 524

Today, I washed the comforter one of my nine-month-old kittens peed on last night. Just as soon as my boyfriend put it on the bed, she peed on it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 140