Today, I've had more crushes on fictional characters than actual... - FML

By BroadwayBaby1997 - United States - Mission

Today, I've had more crushes on fictional characters than actual people. FML

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Out of it

Lockdown is driving us down

No smoking

By irony, huh?

Alexa, play "Ironic" by Alanis Morrissette

Today, I got mugged. For an actual mug. FML

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By harshdoobie - Canada

Today, while looking in the mirror at my full-blown grease-spewing acne-riddled face, my father came up behind me and said, "Don't worry son, I had acne like that when I was your age". I replied, "No you didn't", and his immediate response while laughing was, "No, I didn't." FML

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By breakinphones - United States

Today, I threw my brand new iPhone 4 in the air whilst laying on my bed. It came down, went through my fingers, landed on my balls, then broke on the concrete floor. FML

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By Bryce - 10/5/2020 02:00

Very fishy

Today, my dad and I went fishing. We both got a bite, but when we went to reel it in, both our hooks were in the catfish's mouth. He pushed me in the mud and took my hook out its mouth so he could say he caught it. FML

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By bushburn - 1/6/2020 02:00

Pubes of steel

Today, I had to finally give my boyfriend an ultimatum. Either he at least trims his giant mass of unruly pubes or no more sex. I feel I have no choice since his huge bush has left friction burns on my face and down below. He doesn’t see the problem. FML

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By ellabellabooboo - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I mentioned to my mum that one of my friends is pregnant. She decided I was lying, that I'm the one who's actually pregnant, and that I'm going to get checked out by a doctor. FML

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By officekid

Today, a woman from my office called, asking who was in. Only one other woman was in the office. I couldn't remember her name, so I had to awkwardly guess random names while both women listened, obviously aware of what was going on. FML

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By scoobses - United States

Today, my pain-in-the-ass co-worker is finally leaving. Unfortunately, I was chosen to do the bulk of her job. She has given me no training and on her last day, just smirked at me on her way out and say, "Enjoy doing my job too, fucker". I don't get paid enough for this. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I discovered that when one of my toddlers throws up, the other sympathy-pukes too, and that this continues until they're both empty. I guess my car is going to stink of vomit for a while. FML

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By MrFerret

Today, it's my birthday, and my present is that my mom is coming over to see me so that she can borrow three hundred dollars. FML

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By Username

Today, a customer at the store I work at asked me what kind of cake I would suggest for her husband's 50th birthday. I laughed and showed her the Grim Reaper cake. She burst into tears and explained that he has cancer. FML

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By mississpissi - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, the waste disposal truck managed to tip over a portapotty on our work site, causing the contents to overflow and run down the bank towards my portakabin office, where someone had left the door open. All my money, ID and my car keys are now shut off to me by a river of shit. FML

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By goodtiming - Canada

Today, I finally got a job interview, and I thought it went amazing. They were supposed to call me today or tomorrow with the news. Today is also the day that my phone company decided to cut my phone off. FML

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By loner - Australia

Today, I read my university's newsletter. Apparently we're starting up a "buddy" system for international students. I'm signing up, because this will help me complete my goal of making my first friend at university. FML

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By nosonofmine - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, my son and I attended the funeral of a family friend. It went as well as any funeral could, up until the point that my apparently drunk son tried to grope the widow. I came an inch away from causing my son to need his own funeral. FML

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By MikeA

Today, I used Siri to text my VP asking for a good time to talk. Siri helpfully changed the text to ask for a "good time to talk my dick" and sent it before I could change it. FML

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By Eliza - United States - San Antonio

Today, I noticed a strange lady following me around in the mall. After a while I began to get creeped out, so I confronted her. Apparently she has to make sure everything she buys is better than what I buy. After a long silence she said, "What? You never noticed me before?" FML

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By ringrash - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I finally went to the doctor's office to have a small patch of acne on my stomach looked at. Since it was in an almost perfect circle and abnormally sensitive, I was worried it could be ringworm or some other sort of skin infection. It turned out to be an infection alright. Herpes. FML

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By Divorcemenow - United States

Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML

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By owmyhead - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that when a pierced, tattooed, and otherwise extremely stereotypical biker chick jokingly threatens to find you and beat you up if you don't call her back after a one-night stand, she's not actually joking. FML

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By Broke as a joke

Today, I received the bill for my trip to the ER months ago. Almost $1000 for a quick 2.5 hour stay, only to find out that I had bad gas from drinking far too much of the seltzer I had bought on sale. FML

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By n/a - United States

Today, I was working at a children's play centre, and my stomach was twisting and turning. Thinking no one was around, I let out a small fart, only to turn and see a little girl running to her mom yelling, "Mommy-mommy that lady just farted and it sounded like daddy!" FML

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By Connie - United States

Today, I almost missed the bus. I grabbed my backpack and ran out the door. It wasn't until after we got to school that I realized I was still in my slippers. FML

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By NoBasement4U - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, my dad went to a hardware store to replace the broken shower head in my bathroom. He got the cheapest shower head he could find, and so when I took a shower, the shower head burst out and hit me square in the face. FML

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By arace15336 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is only staying with me for the present I promised him for his birthday. FML

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By DietKelp - United States

Today, at work, I was fired from my job for being too "forward" to my boss. All I did was get him coffee and a biscuit from McDonald's to celebrate his 15-year anniversary working there. FML

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By greatdriver...4 - United States

Today, I tried to back out of a spot in a parking garage. I did a 12 point turn, hit the car behind me and still didn't manage to get out of the spot. Everyone was staring at me, and the attendant had to come over and move my car for me. I have to park there every day. FML

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By Username

Today, I saw a firework show. In my kitchen. When my stove blew up. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Surrey

Today, someone thought it would be funny to steal the precious stuffed bear I've had since childhood and leave a ransom note in its place. FML

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By Ceej - United States - Grand Haven

Today, my husband and I were told by our elderly neighbors that they can hear us having sex a lot. To top it off, the elderly man said while patting his wife's arm with a smile, "Carol used to make noises like that too, back in the day." FML

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By newswithabitofbite - Australia - Richmond

Today, while walking to work, I found out what it feels like to be hit in the face by a rolled up newspaper thrown from the window of a moving car by a paper boy doing his rounds. It hit hard enough to give me a black eye. FML

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By Oblivious - Kuwait

Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML

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By zinka - United States

Today, I took the bus to Boston. My bike is in Boston. My bike lock is in Boston. The key is in New York. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Montreal

Today, my son, who seems to think that he is a "gangsta" despite being a white boy from the suburbs, cried because I accidentally burned his grilled cheese. He's 28. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I searched myself on Facebook. I have a fan page made by some girl in Wisconsin. She has pictures of me on it. Can you say stalker? FML

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By Wutdafuqq - Canada - Kanata

Today, a woman yelled at me for holding a door open for her. FML

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By skitzobiatch69 - Australia

Today, after being cut out of the car, on the way to hospital in the ambulance, we were involved in another accident. FML

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By dammit - United States

Today, my nap was cut short by three bricks flying through my window. FML

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By Small_Fry_Hero - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my sister, my roommate, and my girlfriend. Half way through the movie, my girlfriend left the room and texted me that she was breaking up with me. She then came back in the room, sat on my bed, and enjoyed the rest of the movie with us. FML

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Top comments

By StormfrontX33_fml | 24

#6700386 - Saturday 8 October 2016 9:06

Fictional characters are designed to appeal in many ways to their targeted audience. Humans are diverse and fluid creatures, not always in a good way, so you're situation is fairly understandable.

By WinterChild | 20

#6700385 - Saturday 8 October 2016 9:04

Less chance of a broken heart I suppose.

COMMENTS

By hazzaisdabea | 8

#6700383 - Saturday 8 October 2016 9:02

Same

By SwoopingEagle | 20

#6700384 - Saturday 8 October 2016 9:03

I'm sure thousands of people have.

By WinterChild | 20

#6700385 - Saturday 8 October 2016 9:04

Less chance of a broken heart I suppose.

Reply

ChildishPerson | 13

#6700403 - Saturday 8 October 2016 10:03

True. Unless said character ends up with someone in the series...

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#6700409 - Saturday 8 October 2016 10:34

Or if they're Game of Thrones characters.

Reply

TheLostCauseFML | 40

#6700436 - Saturday 8 October 2016 12:39

I couldn't agree more.

Reply

Catdragon | 40

#6700437 - Saturday 8 October 2016 12:40

You can always rewrite the story in your head to fit your needs so that they don't end up with anyone else

Reply

Nyattack | 14

#6700662 - Sunday 9 October 2016 0:11

The fact that said crushes don't actually exist could be pretty heartbreaking in itself !

By StormfrontX33_fml | 24

#6700386 - Saturday 8 October 2016 9:06

Fictional characters are designed to appeal in many ways to their targeted audience. Humans are diverse and fluid creatures, not always in a good way, so you're situation is fairly understandable.

Reply

itzhazen | 3

#6701066 - Monday 10 October 2016 5:21

last time I saw you comment, people dislike what you had to say...lol

By hellnosucka | 27

#6700388 - Saturday 8 October 2016 9:14

I relate to this on a spiritual, mental and physical level.

Reply

jakeSpn | 3

#6700546 - Saturday 8 October 2016 18:55

I relate to this on a supernatural lever

By xpsychocatladyx | 15

#6700389 - Saturday 8 October 2016 9:19

I can relate

By peridoooooot | 6

#6700390 - Saturday 8 October 2016 9:23

Same. My icon is my wife.

Reply

HylianBadger | 21

#6700703 - Sunday 9 October 2016 5:10

Maybe you should let her out. Lol

By DashPlays | 18

#6700395 - Saturday 8 October 2016 9:40

That just means real people aren't up to par with them.

By Dave_Davington | 33

#6700399 - Saturday 8 October 2016 9:49

I suppose some writers somewhere can feel pride in a job well done.

By ppap | 3

#6700400 - Saturday 8 October 2016 9:51

that moment when tumblr takes over fml ?