Today, I found out that I owe the government money and that the amount will increase if I miss the deadline two months ago. FML
Today, a fight broke out in a bar between several people, over some talk about one of their moms being somewhat inclined towards intercourse with her pets. I managed to slip out quietly with just a scratch from flying chair debris, despite having started the rumor. FML
Today, I realized two things: how much time I've spent waiting between lectures, and just how bad my love life is. I found out that I get incredibly jealous when somebody sits on my favourite bench in the centre of the campus. FML
Today, I got told by my classmates to slow down because I put too much pressure on them. I'm taking a class in accounting for the first time in my life, we are all over 25 and so far we are doing basic math. FML
Today, I was DJing for a church event where I was stationed in the middle and everyone was sitting behind me. I walked over to get something to drink and eat and came back to glaring looks and stares. My screensaver had turned on, containing pictures of my naked girlfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex in the same bed my dog pooped in because we were both too polite to ask the other person why they smelt like shit. FML
Today, I called the cops to let them know that a drunk man was driving dangerously down my road. About an hour later, I was going to the store and got pulled over for speeding by the cop I called. FML
Today, I went to the park with my friend and we decided to swing. While we were swinging, we decided to jump off backwards. All would have worked out fine if my pants hadn't gotten caught on the metal of the swing, leaving my bare butt exposed. The man who was in the park with his daughter left. FML
Today, my mom called me to the laundry room after she saw a dead animal in there. I took a look and agreed we should call animal control. After ten minutes of freaking out, they finally arrived to confirm that the dead animal was the hood to my winter jacket. FML
Today, I was walking home down a small street while listening to my iPod. I really got into the music, and started to dance really badly, only to realise there was a car following me, trying to get past. FML
Today, my anatomy teacher was putting together a skeleton model for class. He had misplaced the leg bone, so I thoughtfully asked, "What's the matter, lose a leg?" Unfortunately, there's nothing thoughtful about asking that question to a guy with an amputated leg. FML
Today, like most weekends, I got swindled into being the designated driver for our group. Too bad this weekend was my birthday. FML
sunflowers2k tells us more.
Lol! OP here, can't believe this got posted. I've always been the mother hen of my friends, and I really don't mind taking care of them. I'm not a big drinker anyways. But, all my friends had fun and my bf who hasn't been drunk in FOREVER had a great time, so that made it all worth it. Watching drunk people is pretty fun sometimes. :)
Today, I went out to a nice restaurant with my extended family. It was expensive, and when the bill came, I whispered to my brother, "We may need to make this one a Chew and Screw". When the waitress came back to the table, my five year-old son decided to ask aloud, "What's Chew and Screw?". FML
Today, I was in the city newspaper for something I worked my ass off on. There was a picture of me working on my creation in the article with a caption, something like, "Chloe B, part of the robotics team." My name isn't Chloe, and I talked to the article writers. I haven't heard back at all. FML
rainbowlack tells us more.
rainbowlack 17
OP here - still haven't heard back. I don't want to be a programmer; I want to be an author. But being featured in the paper was a start for me.
Today, my boyfriend and I were house sitting. We were a little on edge because we'd heard noises. We were starting to get intimate, and suddenly the house alarm started going off. We locked ourselves in the room, called the police, and they told us that we were the ones who'd set it off. FML
Today, at my work in a self-service chinese restaurant, a lady came up to me, pointed to the plate she loaded with honey king prawns, and yelled at me because she was allergic to seafood. She demanded a refund and another plate. Everything is clearly labeled. FML
Today, I found out that I'm being sued for posting on Facebook about a customer service experience with a local company. Even though we have witnesses, the owners of the store claim that we're lying about the whole thing and that we're "malicious". FML
Today, my boyfriend said he's in love with another woman and is leaving me. This wouldn't be as bad if I weren't seven months pregnant. FML
ByteMuch tells us more.
ByteMuch 9
OP here. First of all thank you all for your kind support it was nice to see so many positive comments :) He will be involved in our child's life and I agree with all of you who have commented that it's better that this happened now than later and possibly behind my back. We're working things out :)
Today, while trying to act sober in front of my parents when I got home, I threw up on my mom's shoe. FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML
Today, after a very harsh argument from my mother about her not seeing her grandchild enough, I decided to vent out my rage in a text to my friend. It wasn't until after I sent the message, that yes, I sent that message to my mom FML
Today, I got a note from my son's kindergarten teacher. During free time yesterday, he told her, "Mommy was stripping". I was indeed stripping. Paint that is. FML
Today, after being suspicious for some time, I learned that my husband really has been going to the library in his free time to study anatomy. Specifically female anatomy, with the librarian, in the back closet. FML
Today, I was making breakfast. My microwave door was already open, but I couldn't figure that out so I kept pressing the button. According to Einstein, I'm now insane. FML
Today, because it was our first Christmas as a couple, I was careful to get my girlfriend what I considered to be a very thoughtful gift. She opened it, took one look at it, made a face like I'd just kicked a puppy, and told me that in future it would be better if I just gave her money so she could buy her own presents. FML
Today, I decided to have a midnight snack. I figured I knew my own house well enough to leave the lights off so my mom wouldn't wake up. Chuckling at the brilliance of my plan, I walked straight into a doorframe and bust up my nose. FML
Today, I phoned one of the IT guys upstairs for help with my PC. He said it would only take a few minutes; and would just fix it through a direct connection from his computer to mine. Hours later, I was feeling horny, and quickly checked out an adult website. Mr IT Guy was still connected. FML
Today, I had environmental science class. My teacher doesn't believe humans are affecting climate change or that we should protect endangered species. He slants class discussions so now all my classmates agree with him. FML
Today, while my teacher was in the middle of a lecture, I accidentally made it so my laptop would display everything upside down. It took me the rest of class to get it right side up again. FML
Today, my friend and I got into such a heated debate the police had to be called. The debate was about Whitney Houston. FML
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