Transportation: Today, while in the drive-through for Taco Bell, I hit the car...

By backwardsinlife - United States

Today, while in the drive-through for Taco Bell, I hit the car behind me after forgetting my car was in reverse. It was in reverse because I was worried the old lady in front of me was going to forget she was in reverse. She didn't. FML

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Transportation

Hiding from the drama

Empathy lives

Minefield

By anonymous - United States

Today, while hiking in the mountains in North Carolina, I finally got to the deer I had been tracking for almost an hour. I was watching it from about 10 feet away, and enjoying every moment. Within a few seconds, my niece yelled from across the river to ask if I had found it. It ran away. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I went to the living room where my mother was so I could ask her about something. I found her lying pantsless on the couch trying to cut her pubic hair with a pair of scissors. FML

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By Blerp

Today, I got chewed out by my boss for not doing my job. Turns out what's described in my job description, contract, and job title isn't my job. My real job is outlined in the footnote of my contract. FML

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By nothreat33 - United States

Today, it was my 24th birthday. I got a card from my sister reading: "Here's to another year of complete disregard for age-appropriate developmental milestones." She was right. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother gave me an early Christmas present; a Bissell mop so I can "do a better job" when I "clean her floors". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I received a "get well soon" card in the mail, which I found just a little odd, since I was feeling completely fine. Not an hour later, I tripped and fell down a flight of stairs. FML

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By Cat lover

Today, after 25 years living with my dad, who is highly allergic to cats, I was finally able to adopt two kittens to live in my new place, just like I have always wanted. Guess who else is highly allergic to cats? Me, it seems. FML

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By couldntholdit - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy that I really like. When he gave me a hug goodbye, he slid his hand into the back pocket of my jeans. It was glorious until I farted on his hand. FML

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By welcome to the neighborhood - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I met my new neighbors. The first thing they did was build a fence. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2021 08:01

Chill out, Judy

Today, my mom found out about my brother smoking. She calmly discussed smoking with him. On the other hand, I got yelled at and made to do chores all day despite having a university exam, just because I knew about it but I didn't tell her, because I knew that I would get the short end of the stick. FML

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By trollbot13 - India - Hyderabad

Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my boss's words, "Abided by company policy to such an extent that customers were starting to hate me." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lincoln

Today, I began taking a French language class. After completing and submitting some homework, I got a response. A response that was completely in French. I can't understand shit. FML

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By Ohnowhy

Awkward...

Today, I moved in with my friend and her husband so we can be roommates during school. Today is also the day they decided to get a divorce. It's going to be a long year. FML

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By cocomitchie - 7/7/2021 00:01

FAKE NEWS!

Today, I have a serious bladder problem, which causes me to frequently urinate. If I'm unable to, I get really bad cramps. To ensure I always can go, I got a note from my doctor stating I can go during class. My professor threw it away and claimed it was fake. Hello, cramps. FML

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By sadgirlhours - United States - Gulfport

Today, I tried plugging in my Gatorade bottle with a charging cable instead of my phone. I couldn't tell if the reason was because I was high, or I'm just really that fucking stupid. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I threw up when I woke up, feeling quite ill, I told my mum. She instantly thought I was pregnant. I'm still a virgin and she doesn't believe me. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2021 21:30

Le Epic Bacon

Today, after years of struggling with acne, I found out that it's caused by all the bacon I eat. FML

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By wut - United States

Today, a guy said to me, "I'd really love to see that smile back at my place." Trying to be cute, I asked him if he was single. He replied with, "No, but I am a dentist. I could definitely fix that crossbite." FML

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By kj1 - United States - Draper

Today, my boyfriend yelled at me from the other room for washing the dishes "too loudly". FML

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By Idiot - United States - Anchorage

Today, while working at the bar, I had a beautiful woman squeeze my bicep and tell me I was in amazing shape. Instead of flirting like any normal human being, I awkwardly said, "Thanks…" and then walked away in shame. FML

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By Bigpoppa0507 - Canada

Today, while playing with bubble wrap, I dislocated my thumb. FML

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By Great - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was on the train going to work when my travel tea cup began spilling inside my purse, which was on my lap. It went all over my skirt, pooled at the bottom of my feet, and, yes, everyone notice that it happened to be piss-colored yellow. FML

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By Mike - United Kingdom

Today, my 5 year old daughter figured out how to use the microwave, microwaving my brand new 3G iphone. It was completely wrecked. So was the microwave. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2021 04:59

Bad timing

Today, at a bar, I bumped into the hot blonde teacher I had the hots for all through high school, and she actually tried to seduce me. I was only in the bar drowning my sorrows because I recently had my cancerous prostate removed and I can’t get erections any more. Life isn’t fair. FML

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By CheeseMonsters - United Kingdom

Today, I went to get my friend a drink while she sat in the lounge watching TV with my dog. When I came back, I found her licking my dogs ears. She said he dared her to do it. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2021 22:01

No kidding

Today, I congratulated my best mate and his wife on their third pregnancy in three years. It then dawned on me that they've had sex more times in three years of marriage than I have had in six years of mine. FML

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By Randolph - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, a clown came over for my son's 8th birthday party. There was a moment of silence then laughter as everyone realized the clown and I were wearing the same plaid shirt. FML

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By letmefallasleep

Checks and balances

Today, I found out my husband has racked up $3000 on our credit cards, and ruined my credit score. When confronted, all he had to say was, "Well you didn't tell me when you bought that ten-dollar t-shirt, so I guess we're even." FML

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By wowjuststop - United States

Today, I got offered a ride to go home for the weekend. I go to college six hours away from home and haven't seen my family for almost two months. When I called my mom with the good news, she told me not to come. FML

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By thisismyawkwardface - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I was struggling through small-talk at a party where I knew nobody. Tattoos came up and I started talking about trendy, girly tattoos like feathers, anchors and infinity signs with stupid words in them. Turns out the girl I was talking to had all three. FML

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By WishesWasDeaf - United States

Today, I was stuck sitting at a cafeteria table next to the girl who broke my heart and her boyfriend. I got to overhear the conversation, which included "I want to go to the car" followed by "Me too, but I don't have a condom." FML

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By crossfitter

Today, I decided to get in shape for swimsuit season, so I went to the gym. I tried to lift a barbell up and over my head, which was fine, until I dropped it. Exercise earned me a concussion and a neck brace. FML

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By vistingherfamily - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's family. Her mother wants us to stay in separate bedrooms, and I was happy to oblige since I'm staying at their house. But because there isn't an extra room, we have to stay together. Upon entering the house, her mom searched our bags for condoms and birth-control pills. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Ouch

Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML

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By Inod - United States

Today, I finally got a Wii Fit to try and lose some weight. I came home and set it all up, only to be told that I weigh too much to actually use it. FML

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By Coccinelle - France

Today, while at work at a small Microsoft partner company, I had to write an email explaining why Internet Explorer is superior to Google Chrome. FML

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By JustMyLuck - Canada

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to sleep over at his house. Then he found out that it was that time of the month for me, so he told me that he had to work this weekend and said "see you sometime next week." He doesn't have a job. FML

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By Seabiscuit - United States

Today, I was snuggling in bed with my girlfriend. She was depressed, so I complimented her strong legs, saying they were "like a horse." I spent the next hour and a half trying to stop her crying. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my spineless shitwhip of a boss made me go fire a notoriously abusive employee. I had to act like firing him was my decision, even though I'm the secretary. Now I get to live in constant fear that the guy was serious when he threatened to find out where I live and kill me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was disciplined by my boss for "not smiling enough." I'm a dishwasher. FML

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Top comments

By Joe2794 | 0

#605430 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:12

You're an idiot.

By frenchyboy | 0

#605655 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 1:27

what she meant is why would the person in front be in reverse.. there is no fucking reason to be in reverse in a drive THROUGH...
faaaaake

COMMENTS

By Joe2794 | 0

#605430 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:12

You're an idiot.

babygraprefruit | 0

#605436 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:15

Agreed

Reyo | 2

#605568 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 0:20

...that is such a stupid paranoia...I'm sorry.
You might as well be afraid of living.

doodles88 | 0

#605853 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 3:23

i didn't see this as paranoia...this came off as "stereotyping" to me because she was an old lady lol

GreenHacker | 0

#616488 - Monday 12 October 2009 3:57

So let me get this straight. She is driving forward through a drive-through. You thought that maybe while waiting for her food she would change the gear of her car from drive to reverse? YDI for being an idiot.

vb68_fml | 28

#5816226 - Saturday 4 January 2014 9:08

He probably saw she had the reverse gear light on, he's not necessarily an idiot

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#605435 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:15

If you were driving stick, this wouldn't have happened. YDI.
:]

By anti_hokeystick | 0

#605440 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:17

Great. Did it cause a chain reaction with the person behind them too? Anyway YDI

By bananapajama | 0

#605445 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:18

a lot of car crashes happened "today"

By MissNat_fml | 0

#605451 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:21

maybe the submitted cause they remembered it from another time?

op, sucks!

By lolita_atilol | 0

#605456 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:22

why were you in reverse in the first place?

gesseniasxangel | 0

#605459 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:23

The OP explained that...dumbass.

frenchyboy | 0

#605655 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 1:27

what she meant is why would the person in front be in reverse.. there is no fucking reason to be in reverse in a drive THROUGH...
faaaaake

Danielle Darling | 2

#7436601 - Monday 10 April 2017 19:53

He said it was because the old lady was in reverse and thought that she would forget that she was in reserve, but he was the one who forgot was in reverse

By plexico | 3

#605457 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:23

You BUTTed the car BEHIND you because you ASSumed the old lady was a BUM driver. That's a FUNDAMENTal mistake.

Prison is not going well for me.
-Plaxico

toink | 0

#605461 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:24

taink

By gesseniasxangel | 0

#605463 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:25

Haha plexico you're the coolest troll ever XD

By Th217 | 2

#605469 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:26

agreed. idiot

By pyroness | 0

#605470 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:27

expensive tacos ftl?