Animals: Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous...

By Anonymous - 28/11/2016 06:34

Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 415

You deserved it 1 582

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Miffy - 04/09/2018 23:00 - United States - San Augustine

Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 677

You deserved it 883

By Noname - 13/03/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 307

You deserved it 5 341

By Mygawdwhy - 21/01/2018 01:30

Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 187

You deserved it 2 060

By Sarah - 25/08/2009 16:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 652

You deserved it 10 420

Good vibes

By Anonymous - 04/09/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I was in a quiet library when I noticed a buzzing sound. I ignored it, but it kept going. I looked around, but nobody else seemed to notice. After 5 minutes of searching, I realized the buzzing was coming from my backpack. My electric toothbrush had turned itself on and was rattling around. Everyone watched me pull out a vibrating bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 366

By what-the-what - 29/10/2017 13:00 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 784

You deserved it 300

By Nikse - 29/07/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, I was at the store with my mother in the facial care section. I found this device that scrubs your face with those anti-bacterial pads. The aisle was crowded and noisy, so I shouted to my mother, "Can I have this vibrator thing?" It went silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 357

You deserved it 52 040

By ashleyramsay - 23/10/2009 19:13 - Canada

Today, I heard whimpering while I was in my bedroom. Thinking it was my parents doing something nasty, I let them do it and turned on my music. My parents came home from work and I realised they were never home. I went into the room and saw my dead dog laying on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 705

You deserved it 11 817

By lindsey789 - 07/10/2010 04:21 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my room watching TV when I heard my mother obnoxiously yelling for the dog. Minutes later she stomped into my room, swatted me over the head, and yelled at me for not answering when she called. She actually got my name mixed up with the dog's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 795

You deserved it 3 035

Eye bleach

By Anonymous - 06/11/2023 12:00

Today, I handed my mother-in-law my phone to see the toy that I was going to get for my nephew. While she had the phone, it swiped away to my last search of… vibrators and sex toys. I have no idea if she saw it before she handed me my phone back, saying, "It went away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 436

Tripartita 44

Friday 2 December 2016 7:17

Idea for brilliant invention: a line of sex toys that look like household electronics. If they're ever found (or chewed up and presented), the viewer will just think it's a standard electric razor, toothbrush, or bulky old cellphone.

MetalxSoldier 26

Friday 2 December 2016 8:54

Talk about killing your vibe

Comments

liinkinparkfan97 34

Friday 2 December 2016 7:02

Oh wow, how embarrassing! Sorry that had to happen to you OP!

GreedyGreedo 10

Friday 2 December 2016 7:03

Well that was a bitch move

Gloominatti 6

Friday 2 December 2016 7:07

What a buzzkill

foxesntea 22

Friday 2 December 2016 7:12

I had this exact nightmare once, I'm sorry op!

Tripartita 44

Friday 2 December 2016 7:17

turnabouttrial 21

Friday 2 December 2016 10:30

I imagine the only problem with this is that you'd inevitably start to associate certain household objects with masturbation

Selene1090 26

Friday 2 December 2016 14:07

They actually do. They have sex toys that look like lipstick and a toothbrush and things like that. I'm not sure the quality in comparison to regular sex toys but I guess if you don't want such situations to happen then you might deal with it.

cocacola999 27

Friday 2 December 2016 18:13

Just imagine the pain if, in the heat of the moment, you confuse your ordinary iron with the vibrator-iron...

Tripartita 44

Saturday 3 December 2016 3:34

Then you go to apply ointment to the burn, twist the cap, and BZZZZZZZZZZ!

RichardPencil 30

Friday 2 December 2016 8:27

So, if the dog thinks your mom needs a chewed-up vibrator, what does that say about Dad's abilities and efforts in the boudoir?

RichardPencil 30

Friday 2 December 2016 16:07

Yeah, but he did that work about 20 years ago.

viipeterson98 14

Tuesday 6 December 2016 22:34

I don't think the dog knows what a vibrator is if it's biting it up. probably thought it was a toy

MetalxSoldier 26

Friday 2 December 2016 8:54

Talk about killing your vibe

samlovesham1234 9

Friday 2 December 2016 9:15

Soon as I read "buzzing noise" I immediately thought vibrator. I guess it's because I've read so many FMLs involving vibrators and other embarrassing situations similar to this.