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Haha I'm OP. Well our door is solid so i couldn't see him. He was supposed to be there soon, so naturally I thought it was him. The mailman looked flustered for a moment (he was an awesome old guy) and then he smiled saying "Wow someone is excited about getting the mail!"

Twisted

By sleepwalker - 22/11/2009 01:33 - United States

Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 818

You deserved it 4 734

By gmd05 - 31/07/2012 14:28 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's grandma for the first time. Trying to make a good impression, I offered to wash the dishes. I accidentally broke the faucet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 818

You deserved it 3 718

By Anonymous - 22/07/2015 01:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my brother told me to, "Stop bitching and get over it" after I complained of pain from my stomach after invasive surgery. This from the guy who spends multiple hours a day playing Halo and whining about the stupid ways he got killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 817

You deserved it 2 085

First class

By Anonymous - 08/04/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, I brought my own thermos of coffee on the train with me, the kind that flips open to uncover the mouth part. I took a few swigs and notices a cute boy nervously smiling at me. Suddenly, I felt something drip down my nose. The flip part was leaving drops of coffee all over my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 816

You deserved it 6 302

By Cygnus - 03/08/2015 14:14 - United States - Ruthven

Today, I responded to an argument with my girlfriend by only using comebacks she'd used in previous arguments. I'm single now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 816

You deserved it 11 362

Suck up

By Anonymous - 22/08/2015 06:58 - United States - Cadillac

Today, I showed up to my new job early, hoping to impress my new boss. When he arrived, he walked by me and muttered, "Fucking tryhard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 815

You deserved it 3 435

Dirty mind

By Anonymous - 25/06/2012 15:53 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, I told my friend over the phone that I had to go drop the kids off at the pool. She told me that she didn't need to know about my bathroom habits and hung up on me. I really had to take my children to the local swimming pool for swim lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 814

You deserved it 2 968

By marriagesux - 29/12/2009 07:12 - United States

Today, marks the second week straight without sex. Being a newlywed isn't as great as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 814

You deserved it 4 690

By lyfisdyno - 12/09/2013 00:16 - United Kingdom - Malvern

Today, I had sex with a guy wearing a KFC uniform. Hat included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 813

You deserved it 74 124

Relax

By lyssthemiss - 22/09/2015 10:51 - United States - Joliet

Today, I was taking a bath after a long day at work. I closed my eyes and listened to music. My cat thought this was the perfect time to come out of his hiding spot and jump in the bath. Once he realized it was filled with water, he freaked out and dug his claws into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 812

You deserved it 2 332

TMI FML

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was eating breakfast at an IHOP. As I was eating, the old man sitting directly behind me started discussing every aspect of his spastic colon, in vivid detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 812

You deserved it 3 098

By Natasha - 29/10/2015 08:58 - United States - Seattle

Today, I got so desperate for cash that I decided to start selling my used panties online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 811

You deserved it 7 291

By bleachingmykidsbrains - 01/07/2015 23:38 - Canada - Montréal

Today, my mother-in-law started chasing my kids around her house to make them smell her freshly-washed underwear. They were thongs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 807

You deserved it 1 734

By OhWhoCares - 17/08/2015 21:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was walking to my car with 600 dollars worth of books because I start college next week, when I was robbed by some guy that sounded like Cartman. He punched me because I could not stop laughing whenever he would try to threaten me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 805

You deserved it 2 792

OhWhoCares tells us more.

OhWhoCares 42

Tuesday 18 August 2015 17:18

I got an FML published!!! Lol wow and I submitted it when I was still pretty upset I didn't think it'd get published :P Okay anyway I ended up calling the police and they were able to find him, along with my books and apparently a ton of other stuff since he'd been robbing people all day and drugs. Hopefully this isn't an omen or anything about my upcoming semester...

By MisterBrown - 15/02/2010 07:08 - United States

Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 803

You deserved it 3 363