Today, I met my boyfriend's grandma for the first time. Trying...

By gmd05 - 31/7/2012 14:28 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's grandma for the first time. Trying to make a good impression, I offered to wash the dishes. I accidentally broke the faucet. FML

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25685

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Miscellaneous

Out of it

Gas giant

Mr Sensitivity

By Shawna - 2/1/2010 01:19 - United States

Today, I got all dressed up for a New Year's party. When my parents and siblings left the house to their parties, I got undressed. I wasn't going to a party. I only got dressed up so my family would think I had plans. FML

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By sorrydad - 13/12/2009 18:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had our parents over to our new apartment for the first time. We spent hours cleaning, cooking, and making sure everything was "parent-appropriate." Apparently we didn't notice the S and M catalog in the pile on our coffee table... but his mom sure did. FML

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9467

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By laptitesouris - 31/3/2013 23:35 - France - Pertuis

Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML

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38020

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By Nebraskawreck - 22/11/2018 13:30

Today, my husband left our untrained puppy out of its kennel when he left for work. I got home and all of the baby books my parents just bought for us that were on the coffee table in a backpack were completely destroyed, along with the bag and parts of our wall. FML

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2515

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By j.b. - 2/12/2009 05:57 - United States

Today, I found out that my husband thinks its okay to have an online girlfriend and have naked pictures sent to his email because he's not "physically touching, making love, or kissing". The sad part is that the online girlfriend gets more action than me. FML

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40421

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2013 05:24 - United States - Garden Grove

Today, I tried acid for the first time while camping with my best friend. A drunk driver smashed into my car, leaving it totaled. I had to explain the situation to a cop all while thinking my car was bleeding green ooze. FML

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27218

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By you can't win - 10/7/2017 21:00

A Lose-Lose Situation

Today, after months of being called paranoid, distrusting and over-possessive by my girlfriend for being suspicious of her, I learned that she really is cheating on me with her coworker. When confronted, she called me ignorant, gullible and naive for believing her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5309

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395

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By ohhmydamn - 31/7/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I found out if you slide down the stairs on a foam matress topper, it just folds under instead of sliding. Then you slide the rest of the way down on your knees and break your nose at the bottom. FML

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16646

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By Ashley - 3/5/2016 04:25 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I found out why my boyfriend of 5 years won't propose/marry me. He would rather wait for his estranged wife to meet someone, fall in love, decide to get married, and do the filing herself. He doesn't want to pay the couple of hundred dollars for the uncontested divorce filing. FML

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13679

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2240

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2020 02:00

Fresh air

Today, my parents actually kicked me into the back garden and made me sit outside for an hour so they could have sex without having to worry about me hearing them go at each other like a pair of 15-stone rabbits hopped up on Viagra. FML

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1402

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By shay786 - 5/5/2020 17:00

My eyes!

Today, I heard grunting and then realized it was my tenant with his boyfriend. When I went down to do my laundry, I caught them in the act. FML

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1565

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By prince232 - 4/5/2016 04:34 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after having a second interview with a club I want to work for, the interviewer ignored my work references. Instead, he told me he was going to call the only manager I never got along with, for reference in a job I left 5 years ago, because he knows her personally. FML

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15877

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By FellingShitty - 5/10/2009 02:19 - United States

Today, I realized I'm missing my diamond earrings. After ripping apart the vacuum bag and exhausting all other options I'm pretty sure my new cat ate them. I'm going to go sift through several days worth of cat shit now. FML

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By asdfasdf - 3/3/2009 15:38 - United States

Today, I was sitting beside this cute guy on a bench. Suddenly, he goes, "I know we don't know each other very well, but would you like to have dinner on Saturday?" I turn to him with a goofy smile, and exclaim "I'D LOVE TO!" He gives me a weird look, turns his head and points to his Bluetooth. FML

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78744

You deserved it

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By BaWanda - 30/6/2014 23:39 - United States - San Diego

Today, I smacked my kid on top of the head for spinning the display rack while I was looking at greeting cards. It wasn't until he dramatically screamed and dropped to the floor wailing that I realized he wasn't my daughter. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2009 03:02 - Canada

Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML

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By notonthepavement - 15/2/2016 11:04 - United States - Desoto

Today, as I went to kiss my date goodbye and drive home, he mistakenly rammed his thumb across my eye hard enough to push my contact back into my eye socket. FML

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By Brett - 3/4/2017 22:00

Today, Club Penguin finally shut down. I then got a call from one of my employees, who said that he needed to take a day off from work to, "emotionally deal with the issue." FML

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By Noname - 28/1/2009 12:13 - United States

Today, I woke up at 5:15, snow blowed and salted the driveway for over an hour, left early and drove an hour on shitty roads just to get to work on time only to be laid off. FML

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38753

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By csc4lyfe09 - 3/3/2010 00:00 - United States

Today, while at my tutoring job, a middle school kid couldn't find a word in the online dictionary. I told him he could check a regular paperback dictionary. His response was, "That's what you did in your day. That's not what we do in our day." I'm only 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29749

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By msleea - 6/5/2015 04:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I told my husband I felt unfulfilled and unhappy in my life. He suggested I do more chores. FML

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30379

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By nadette - 25/5/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She told me that her father didn't approve of me and forced her out of the relationship. Her father died 2 years ago. FML

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72548

You deserved it

3953

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By Uh oh.... - 5/5/2019 16:00

Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML

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1010

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By poop - 18/5/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, at work, I decided to try and impress this girl walking behind me by holding the door open for her. As she was walking through, I inadvertently pulled the door too hard. It slammed against the wall and ricochet back, hitting her right in the face. FML

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42524

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By boned - 27/1/2010 05:25 - United States

Today, I checked my university financial account to discover I owed them over $1000. The reason? They had apparently given me too much money when I applied for a loan and now want it back. Oh, and I spent my loan money on books and a laptop for school. FML

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29314

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2017 22:00 - United States - Kennebunk

Memory man

Today, my girlfriend and I were doing the dirty, when she told me to say her full name, including her middle name. I'd forgot her middle name. It was completely awkward after. I'm a dumbass. FML

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7638

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By Username - 12/11/2011 21:42 - United States

Today, my daughter in law sent me another romantic text that was meant for her husband. Not only can't she spell for shit, the clichés she uses are horrifyingly embarrassing. The fact this keeps happening makes me want to slam her head in the oven. FML

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32608

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By Undercooked - 24/9/2013 19:08 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML

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52734

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By Singlewife - 23/3/2019 22:00

Today my husband got drunk and wrecked the house. And when I say wrecked the house, I mean ripping everything off book shelves, Tearing the ceiling fan out of the wall, Opening the fridge and shoveling everything out. Glass everywhere. etc. and this isn’t the first time. I clean up every time. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2011 01:34 - United States

Today, I hit a deer with a rental car... which I had to rent because I hit a deer with my car last week. FML

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30023

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By Anonymous - 31/7/2016 14:19

Today, I got punched in the face after I beat my stepbrother at Mario Kart. I didn't really get hurt, but he managed to break a finger. My stepmom blamed the whole thing on me, accusing me of being violent and a bad influence on her son. FML

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15841

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2018 01:30

"shortcomings"

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML

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7733

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By Professional_Ars - 18/10/2018 12:00

Today, my coworker brought chocolate muffins to work for everyone. This would have been really nice if they hadn't tasted like rotten blueberry muffins spray-painted brown. I reflexively gagged after taking a bite and coughed up a brown mush in front of her. FML

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2395

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By fuckoffgran - 1/8/2013 14:46 - Ireland

Today, my grandma told everyone at our party to stay away from me, saying, "Ya might catch obesity from her and become fatass porkers too." I complained to my dad, at which point my gran faked being inebriated. My dad rolled his eyes and said, "She's DRUNK, honey. Chill out." FML

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2011 17:46 - United States

Today, I treated my boyfriend to an expensive dinner using the last of my paycheck. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom a few minutes in. I came back to find my plate empty. His excuse was, "I didn't want the food to get cold." FML

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32846

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By Noname - 27/2/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, during a game of manhunt, my brother and his friends thought it would be funny to tie me to a telelphone pole with my very own multicolored jumprope from when I was younger. They left me there. My mom drove by, stared and then laughed, She kept driving. FML

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62548

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2018 20:30

Today, I, a man in his 40s, had to be taken to the hospital because I was laughing so hard at an old Disney movie that my diaphragm went into spasms. I stopped breathing and passed out for a few minutes and my son had to call an ambulance. FML

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3833

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2017 16:00 - United States - Rochester

Today, as I listened to the guy I've been seeing pour his heart out to me, all I could think about was how much I needed to poop. FML

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6642

You deserved it

1489

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2015 15:10 - India - Tuticorin

Today, my fiancé and his family accused me of being with him only because he's rich, refusing to go ahead with the wedding. I accepted his marriage proposal 4 years ago, when he was penniless and unemployed. FML

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46006

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By queenofthegypsys - 1/3/2020 23:00

Why Change a Perfectly Good System?

Today, while creeping on my boyfriend's ex-wife’s Facebook, I found out that he used to call her the same nicknames he now calls me. FML

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Top comments

By SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#4755852 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 19:02

Water you thinking?
Just faucet, that was an epic fail on your part.

By Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#4755878 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 19:05

OP is going to look like a broken faucet?

COMMENTS

By hugozac88 | 22

#4755802 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 18:56

Oh wow, it could have been worse :)

By rahulcool7 | 14

#4755804 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 18:57

Hahaha that sucks at least you know what you might look like in the future...

rahulcool7 | 14

#4755867 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 19:04

Haha wow I just realized I clicked on the wrong comment xD

Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#4755878 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 19:05

OP is going to look like a broken faucet?

annie_nk | 22

#4756071 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 19:39

I assume you meant the "hot mom" FML just below this one?

TwitchingNebula | 17

#4756857 - Wednesday 1 August 2012 0:06

When you phrase it "trying to make a good impression," it sounds as if it's something you normally wouldn't do. You deserve it for being fake.

By UsernameHere234 | 13

#4755807 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 18:57

Its alright OP, I'm sure she knows you were trying to help and not purposefully breaking her stuff.

toenibbler | 14

#4756151 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 19:55

If she's anything like my grandma she won't.

onlychildFTW | 33

#4756345 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 21:10

How do you even break a faucet? Ive never seen someone break one before, other then movies.

Meettitan | 14

#4756406 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 21:35

"Oh this is a nice faucet you have!!! How do you wor- *PSSSSHHHHHHH* No! It's alri- *PSSSHHHHHHHH*" *jumps out window*

TaysDarkLust | 11

#4756422 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 21:52

Ssssssshit *explodes like a creeper*

Prolux_fml | 23

#4757138 - Wednesday 1 August 2012 1:00

#33- Yes, there are some gifted people out there... After the fact I would have taken OP aside and said "Now this is why we can't have nice things."

BunchieRules | 31

#4758866 - Wednesday 1 August 2012 12:47

35 - That's when the room floods and the water leaks through the floor, creating a large hole in the bathroom.

By SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#4755852 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 19:02

Water you thinking?
Just faucet, that was an epic fail on your part.

GothicAngel95 | 16

#4756877 - Wednesday 1 August 2012 0:11

Lol how punny of you

By Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#4755856 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 19:03

I would probably break down in laughter. Unless she got angry. Then I'd cry. xP

By borkchop1992 | 15

#4755860 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 19:04

Dont you just hate it when you try to use the sink and your awesome strength breaks the sink.

By rizzybear | 4

#4755862 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 19:04

I understand you were trying to help and be nice, but how did you manage to break it? Did you falcon punch it to turn it on it something?

raraisbang | 12

#4755905 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 19:08

OP obviously Hulk smashed it. Duh.

YoshiMike13 | 4

#4755920 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 19:10

#14 - LMAO!

By YoshiMike13 | 4

#4755886 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 19:06

PERFECT example of how bad things happen to good people :( sorry OP, you were just trying to be nice and give a good impression. FYL you didnt deserve it.