Miscellaneous: Today, I met my boyfriend's grandma for the first time. Trying...

By gmd05 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's grandma for the first time. Trying to make a good impression, I offered to wash the dishes. I accidentally broke the faucet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25702

You deserved it

3690

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Late term

Very fishy

Sharing is caring

By Ouch

Today, I learned that bees like to get out of the hot sun, too. And that they do this by crawling into people's bed sheets. I also learned that these bees don't like it when you go to lay down in your own bed. They don't like it at all. Now it hurts to put weight on my right butt cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1655

You deserved it

311

Favorite

By oliviakelly25 - United States

Today, three months after finally ending a long relationship with the love of my life because he was cheating on me, we are now seeing each other again. And cheating on our new significant others with each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8026

You deserved it

86691

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/7/2020 02:01

Empty gestures

Today, my boss held a staff meeting to talk about how the Covid-19 pandemic has made us stronger, that all of us are family. Later, my car broke down after work, she drove by, saw me stranded on the road and we made eye contact. I thought she was going to help me, but she drove right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1752

You deserved it

105

Favorite

By Starving Ultimatum - United States

Today, I was robbed while recovering from a robbery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32818

You deserved it

3113

Favorite

By Unemployed - United States

Today, a customer had an allergic reaction to the almonds in the sundae I made for her. We're supposed to put the almonds on unless the customer asks otherwise. She complained to my boss that I'd poisoned her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35870

You deserved it

3560

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Deatsville

Today, I have really painful pimples on my upper lip. I'm a professional trombonist, and every note causes excruciating pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42413

You deserved it

5178

Favorite

By 2young4birds&bees

Today, while changing my tampon in a public restroom, a toddler crawled under the door of my stall and asked what I was doing. I had to wait until I'd finished to open the door and let her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10660

You deserved it

707

Favorite

By anonymas - Norway

Today, I found out my dad bought an iPhone. I've spent the better part of the last six months teaching him how to check his email and online newspapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24518

You deserved it

3612

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a job interview with a man that I got drunk with at a bar on Saturday night. He spent an hour telling me things I did that I don't even remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41362

You deserved it

21528

Favorite

By anonymous - Japan

Today, after months of trying to potty train my son, he finally told me he used the potty. I went to the bathroom to check. There was nothing there. So I asked him "Where did you go to the potty?". He then grabbed my hand and took me to the cat's litter box. My son has successfully litter trained himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36144

You deserved it

4044

Favorite

By CreeptacularBait

Today, after over a month of running to lose weight, I can’t walk without crying from the shooting pain in my legs. My husband is upset that I won’t go to the grocery store, make his lunch, or go hiking with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3377

You deserved it

785

Favorite

By fuckmyhair - 16/4/2020 23:00

Stuck

Today, my brother thought it’d be a hilarious prank to put Super Glue in my hair extension glue. I didn’t notice until after the first couple rows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1406

You deserved it

203

Favorite

By I'm so wet, baby - United Kingdom

Today, while at work, I really had to pee. Since my break was soon, I decided to hold it as another customer came to my till, but I didn't see she had 3 trolleys full of food. It took ages to scan all of it, and when I left for my break, I had an empty bladder and a wet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35666

You deserved it

7575

Favorite

By Megan - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I was doing my laundry and I saw a dollar bill at the bottom of the washer. I excitedly dove in to retrieve the money, and promptly hit and broke my nose on the washer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10725

You deserved it

25900

Favorite

By J.O.S - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

The more things change…

Today, airport security took away my 32$ eyelash curler, because it could be used as a weapon. I miss the '90s. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36033

You deserved it

9491

Favorite

By Mommy - United States

Today, my daughter watched a potty training video on Sesame Street. In the middle of the video, she got up and ran to her potty to practice. She then announced, "All done!", and proudly closed the lid to her potty. She then immediately stood on top of it and peed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28416

You deserved it

3649

Favorite

By reb2632 - United States

Today, I picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care. As we're driving home, a butterfly lands on the windshield. Just as my daughter comments on how pretty the butterfly is, I turned a corner and accidentally hit the windshield wipers and smeared the pretty butterfly across the windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50974

You deserved it

12690

Favorite

By Mee - United States

Nice timing

Today, my family and I argued whether getting a period or boner in the middle of class was worse. At the dinner table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32428

You deserved it

13351

Favorite

By sleeper - France

Today, I was on the train when I fell asleep. Everything would have been fine but I was suddenly jerked awake by the very loud sound of my own fart, followed by the stares of many strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26205

You deserved it

6038

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend donated most of my book collection because she got me a Kindle for Christmas. Some were signed, including my Harry Potters. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62907

You deserved it

4450

Favorite

By Anonymous - Japan

Today, I'm on vacation in Japan with my brother. When he said he could speak Japanese, I guess what he really meant that he's a dumbass weeaboo who only knows the words "kawaii", "baka", "sugoi" and a few others. He ended up offending two locals so much that they beat the shit out of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27858

You deserved it

3333

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I won $200 a contest at a bar. The manager took me to a vault where money collected from the strippers go into a pool. He told me that at least half of the bills were slid through a strippers butt crack so I was to "choose wisely". FML

I agree, your life sucks

47519

You deserved it

8994

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I used a blanket outside for a picnic. Later, while throwing it in the washer, I noticed a lizard jump out to land inbetween the bowl and the side. Then I noticed a wasp had joined it. I'm scared to open my washer now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4970

You deserved it

581

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I sparkled because of this glitter bar my mother got me from Lush. I didn't realize until after I got out of the shower that it wasn't just ordinary soap. I tried to wipe off the glitter. It wouldn't come off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1523

You deserved it

250

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he said "I love you, baby." I told him to go deeper, but instead of doing so, he decided to completely kill the mood by stopping and saying it again in a Barry White type voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27459

You deserved it

10294

Favorite

By haku4u - United States - Port Charlotte

Today, I got served paperwork stating that my ex-fiancée is suing me again for child support. About 7 years ago, I proved via DNA testing within the court system that I was not the father the first time. I see a talk show in my future. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45052

You deserved it

2902

Favorite

By Cheech - United States

Today, I left on a 2 month trip. I was in a hurry to pack so I wouldn't miss my plane. There were 2 piles of clothes on my bed. One pile was clothes that didn't fit to take to a thrift store, one was to take with me. Guess which one I brought? FML

I agree, your life sucks

18558

You deserved it

58126

Favorite

By beekeke45 - United States

Today, I had to dig up my twin boys birth certificates for baseball registration. Turns out I had been calling both of them by the other twin's name for eight and a half years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20676

You deserved it

67471

Favorite

By jesuschrist - 22/3/2020 00:30

They'll go at night

Today, my daughter asked me why NASA hasn't gone to the sun yet. She's seventeen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1581

You deserved it

414

Favorite

By kitkat1740 - United States - Concord

Today, I called my boss to ask if my paycheck had been deposited yet. He said no, that my grandmother came in to work and picked it up. Confused, I called her. She is holding it ransom until I start calling home every day. I do, but she gets so drunk, she doesn't remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28108

You deserved it

1898

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I saw a creepy guy grab a woman's ass on the bus, so I caught his arm and put him in an arm lock, only for the woman to hit me in the head with her handbag. Turns out they were a married couple on their way home to have sex, and who couldn't resist a quick grope during the journey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4022

You deserved it

4540

Favorite

By Iamdisappointed - Sweden - Ludvika

Today, the doctor told my husband that he is infertile due to slow sperm. As if this is not upsetting enough, my husband blames it on me. According to him, his sperm doesn't get 'aroused' because I'm not sexy enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68644

You deserved it

5942

Favorite

By fuck people - Canada - Toronto

Today, I attended the funeral of a close friend. Most of the other guests were openly grinning and joking around, and the guy in front of me kept muttering "that's what she said" during the eulogy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50940

You deserved it

3159

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was sitting waiting for my train for a long while. When it finally came, I had pins and needles in my foot. When I got up, I fell and unsuccessfully stumbled towards the train. The doors closed and it left without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31689

You deserved it

4580

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I told my Dad I was an alcoholic and had decided to seek help. His reply, "Don't stop drinking, you are the life of the party, funny and beautiful when you drink." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35255

You deserved it

3499

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, as I kissed my husband after our wedding vows, my mother-in-law muttered "Slut." loudly from the front row. Everyone heard her, but kept smiling and pretended to be oblivious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32814

You deserved it

2240

Favorite

By thefailure - United States

Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

68985

You deserved it

16657

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Macungie

Today, a homeless man asked me for some money to eat. He ate the five dollars I gave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30867

You deserved it

4319

Favorite

By dan - 13/8/2020 17:01

Unloved

Today, I found out that all of the times my mom told me that she was busy out of town wasn’t due to work, it was that she was going on vacations with her boyfriend and his kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1483

You deserved it

Favorite

By wintersoldier - Austria

Today, while trying to comfort my little brother who just injured his leg, I tripped and sprained my ankle. At least he was amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24965

You deserved it

2352

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#4755852 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 19:02

Water you thinking?
Just faucet, that was an epic fail on your part.

By Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#4755878 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 19:05

OP is going to look like a broken faucet?

COMMENTS

By hugozac88 | 22

#4755802 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 18:56

Oh wow, it could have been worse :)

By rahulcool7 | 14

#4755804 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 18:57

Hahaha that sucks at least you know what you might look like in the future...

rahulcool7 | 14

#4755867 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 19:04

Haha wow I just realized I clicked on the wrong comment xD

Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#4755878 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 19:05

OP is going to look like a broken faucet?

annie_nk | 22

#4756071 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 19:39

I assume you meant the "hot mom" FML just below this one?

TwitchingNebula | 17

#4756857 - Wednesday 1 August 2012 0:06

When you phrase it "trying to make a good impression," it sounds as if it's something you normally wouldn't do. You deserve it for being fake.

By UsernameHere234 | 13

#4755807 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 18:57

Its alright OP, I'm sure she knows you were trying to help and not purposefully breaking her stuff.

toenibbler | 14

#4756151 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 19:55

If she's anything like my grandma she won't.

onlychildFTW | 33

#4756345 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 21:10

How do you even break a faucet? Ive never seen someone break one before, other then movies.

Meettitan | 14

#4756406 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 21:35

"Oh this is a nice faucet you have!!! How do you wor- *PSSSSHHHHHHH* No! It's alri- *PSSSHHHHHHHH*" *jumps out window*

TaysDarkLust | 11

#4756422 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 21:52

Ssssssshit *explodes like a creeper*

Prolux_fml | 23

#4757138 - Wednesday 1 August 2012 1:00

#33- Yes, there are some gifted people out there... After the fact I would have taken OP aside and said "Now this is why we can't have nice things."

BunchieRules | 31

#4758866 - Wednesday 1 August 2012 12:47

35 - That's when the room floods and the water leaks through the floor, creating a large hole in the bathroom.

By SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#4755852 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 19:02

Water you thinking?
Just faucet, that was an epic fail on your part.

GothicAngel95 | 16

#4756877 - Wednesday 1 August 2012 0:11

Lol how punny of you

By Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#4755856 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 19:03

I would probably break down in laughter. Unless she got angry. Then I'd cry. xP

By borkchop1992 | 15

#4755860 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 19:04

Dont you just hate it when you try to use the sink and your awesome strength breaks the sink.

By rizzybear | 4

#4755862 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 19:04

I understand you were trying to help and be nice, but how did you manage to break it? Did you falcon punch it to turn it on it something?

raraisbang | 12

#4755905 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 19:08

OP obviously Hulk smashed it. Duh.

YoshiMike13 | 4

#4755920 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 19:10

#14 - LMAO!

By YoshiMike13 | 4

#4755886 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 19:06

PERFECT example of how bad things happen to good people :( sorry OP, you were just trying to be nice and give a good impression. FYL you didnt deserve it.