Wanker and Intimacy: Weirdo - FML

Weirdo

By concernedsis - 04/02/2016 14:53 - United States - Atlanta

Spicy

Today, I heard some gossip at school about a weird kid who supposedly jerks off at every house he visits. They were talking about my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 757

You deserved it 1 849

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 23:01 - United States - Parkersburg

Spicy

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 709

You deserved it 3 067

By ellarose - 10/04/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, I walked over to join a group of friends and heard them talking about how hot some guy was but how ugly his sister was. I asked who they were talking about and there was an awkward silence, they hadn't realized I was there. Apparently, they were talking about my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 942

You deserved it 3 266

Privacy

By Anonymous - 20/07/2019 22:00 - Australia - Brighton

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 906

You deserved it 257

By Spawn_of_Satan - 27/03/2009 15:18 - Hong Kong

Today, whilst my parents and I were out, my older brother thought it would be funny to play porn on my computer. At full volume. With my window wide open. Now my next-door neighbors tell their kids I'm a spawn of Satan, and the weird guy from across the street winks at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 134

You deserved it 7 427

By Anonymous - 26/11/2013 13:07 - United States

Today, I went to pick up my little brother from his friend's house. When I got there, he ran off screaming that he didn't know me. His friend's parents believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 976

You deserved it 3 248

Baseless assumptions

By afafakfhsg - 19/02/2011 00:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 387

You deserved it 12 106

By mr.palendrome - 06/03/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 438

You deserved it 28 105

By why - 28/07/2014 01:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I listened to my best friend describe having sex with her boyfriend in explicit detail. This would have been fine, but her boyfriend is my little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 727

You deserved it 5 529

That's that, then

By Anonymous - 12/09/2020 08:02

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 601

You deserved it 211

By Anonymous - 05/12/2015 03:55 - United States - Portland

Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 369

You deserved it 1 711

Next

Top comments

jen1097 25

Friday 5 February 2016 1:06

Let's hope it's just gossip...

Warmonger_Smurf 29

Friday 5 February 2016 1:40

Did he also do it in a drug test cup?

Comments

jen1097 25

Friday 5 February 2016 1:06

Let's hope it's just gossip...

kred 21

Friday 5 February 2016 1:07

Giggity......

IAmzephyr 22

Friday 5 February 2016 3:04

with all these downvotes, looks like you're getting shrekt

Dale_shackleford 13

Friday 5 February 2016 4:34

At least your pun is ogre

Thoricsteam20 24

Friday 5 February 2016 1:09

They're all a couple of jerk offs

Garrett2818 21

Friday 5 February 2016 4:05

They're all two jerk offs?

chuka81 27

Friday 5 February 2016 1:12

I've heard of peeing to mark your territory. Not much different from jerking of really.

krazy789 28

Friday 5 February 2016 2:38

.... What??

supr_sexy 9

Friday 5 February 2016 21:05

OP's brother is trynna mark his territory.

isuckwithnames 22

Friday 5 February 2016 1:18

It Takes balls to do jerk off in every house you visit.

heartofhannah 28

Friday 5 February 2016 4:26

You tried

weird_adult 27

Friday 5 February 2016 1:19

Is your brother a hound dog by any Chance?

LyricaSilvan 29

Friday 5 February 2016 1:39

I think you mean "horn dog."

nickie_94 18

Friday 5 February 2016 1:20

You might want to warn your brother about those rumors

silky_mitts 11

Friday 5 February 2016 1:20

Probably happens a lot in Georgia

Kaoticwolf 17

Friday 5 February 2016 1:36

there's a kid named Ben that jacks off everywhere just hope it's not him

nerovetsrethca 20

Friday 5 February 2016 1:40

I hope it's just a rumor. But maybe tell or ask your brother about it. Rumors most of the time start with something little and gets bigger and faker everytime its passing someone.

Keywords

Work Christmas You're fired AITA Love Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Miscellaneous Mental health Health Relatable Romantic Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Intimacy Sex Lonely Holidays Bosses Capitalism Cars Covid

The Top

Today, we were running late because my hair got tangled in the curtains. My mother-in-law got so angry, she hacked at it, leaving me with a bald patch, then went and sat in the car as though we were still going anywhere with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 094

You deserved it 200

Today, I put lemon juice in my hair as a cheap and easy way to get highlights. I left it in my hair and I laid out in the backyard to get some sun. The sunshine wasn't the only thing that found me; it seems every bug in the neighborhood is now hiding in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 540

You deserved it 51 165

The Top

Today, it was my birthday. My grandma gave me a hug and a check after wishing me a happy birthday and walked away giggling. I was excited because it was the only gift I had gotten all day. Ten minutes later, I realized that it was actually just my tax refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 272

You deserved it 3 497

Today, I finally started feeling better after getting a tooth pulled last week. I also started something else: my period, while I was stuck in the dentist's chair during my follow-up appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 82

Today, my dog climbed onto the dining room table to eat the cat's food. Then whined until I showed him how to get down. He does this every night. My dog is a genius. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 961

You deserved it 5 102

Today, I logged on to MSN for the first time in a month. In under 10 minutes, I found out that my little sister had changed my screen name to Jake the Weiner, told my friend that he should "suck my d***" and sent an email to all my contacts declaring my love for my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 958

You deserved it 6 505

Today, I got tackled by a bouncer in a club and handed to police for spiking my date's drink. It was an ice cube. I'd asked the barman for some ice cubes, which I put in both my drink and hers, and someone assumed I was slipping her a roofie and reported me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 120

Today, I cut myself with a butter knife while trying to get a piece of brownie from a pan. I don't think I was meant to survive on Earth for very long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 579

You deserved it 358