Miscellaneous: Today, I was having a hard time waking up. When I sat down for... - FML

By Fillifilo - France

Today, I was having a hard time waking up. When I sat down for breakfast, my chair rocked backwards. I reflexively grabbed out at something to hold on to. Unfortunately, I grabbed the cereal box that was on the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25696

You deserved it

3775

Tweet

Share

Understandable

BO Central

And today, on Dr Phil…

By Anonymous

Today, my boss declared total bankruptcy of the company and I lost my job. The good news is my coworkers and I all received McDonald's 10%-off coupons. They expired in 2003. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48341

You deserved it

2895

Tweet

Share

By ilu.xo - Canada

Today, I found out the guy I've been seeing for 3 months lives at home with his parents. He's 30. They live in a '50+ only' housing complex and he sneaks in the side door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32808

You deserved it

4052

Tweet

Share

By anon9876542 - Australia

Today, I drank 1.5 litres of water. I didn't go to the bathroom for 9 hours. During my one hour trek home on public transport, I was busting to pee but I managed to hold it. Walking 200m from my bus stop to my house was agony, but I still held it. When I got to my front door I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23032

You deserved it

45287

Tweet

Share

By familypet - United States - Vista

Today, I overheard my parents talking about our family pet. Or at least I thought they were, until my mother exclaimed, "Honestly, I don't know why we keep her." Our dog is male. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22519

You deserved it

1779

Tweet

Share

By bananna - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found out our newborn snores worse than his father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50062

You deserved it

6084

Tweet

Share

By romea244 - United States

Today, I was working on my new house and I was taking out a large cactus. While picking up the pieces to throw away, I noticed a spider on my forearm. Without thinking, I swiped at the spider with a piece of the cactus. I missed the spider, not my forearm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14623

You deserved it

26982

Tweet

Share

By Huge A Hole - United States

Today, a girl I've had a huge crush on for a long time told another friend of ours to get a life. I, in my infinite genius responded that her mom needed to get a life. She ran out of the room bawling. I got slapped in the face and informed that her mom had died not long ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12643

You deserved it

39236

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Netherlands - Bergeyk

Help this person out, please?

Today, I have no close friends, only "people I know and occasionally talk to." I have no idea how I got here, and how to re-socialize back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1545

You deserved it

182

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/4/2021 08:00

Emotional support

Today, I was complaining to my nana about why I can’t get a date. She proceeded to point out my appearance, lack of brains, abrasive personality, poor clothing choices, tacky tattoos, and so on. Thanks nana. FML

I agree, your life sucks

370

You deserved it

949

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/3/2021 00:00 - Romania - Campina

Unfulfilled

Today, my alarm rang just as I was about to have a wet dream with my husband. This is the closest I got to having sex in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

839

You deserved it

115

Tweet

Share

By

Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my roommate to chip in for electricity costs. She called me a bitch, proceeded to tell me she can't afford it despite working full time and I part time, and blocked me on all communications. Uhm, what ? FML

I agree, your life sucks

3147

You deserved it

321

Tweet

Share

By therosalina - United States - Duluth

Today, my dad moved my car onto the street so he wouldn't accidentally back into it while moving our boat. My neighbor backed into it instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2800

You deserved it

148

Tweet

Share

By Dartfrogger - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I announced to my friends that my grandmother is dying. My best friend pulled out his phone and casually announced, "Technically, everyone is dying." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30884

You deserved it

2963

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I won $200 a contest at a bar. The manager took me to a vault where money collected from the strippers go into a pool. He told me that at least half of the bills were slid through a strippers butt crack so I was to "choose wisely". FML

I agree, your life sucks

47526

You deserved it

8996

Tweet

Share

By Stacy - United States

Today, while using the restroom at work, I dropped my keys into the toilet. I left to find something to get them out and figured nobody would use a toilet with keys in it. I came back to a bowl of dung and "Shit happens" written on the wall in lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36889

You deserved it

8412

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Fixed

Today, my husband, who repairs appliances for a living, repaired our dryer. One lot of wet clothes later, it caught fire and ruined the laundry room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1587

You deserved it

112

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML

I agree, your life sucks

64063

You deserved it

12116

Tweet

Share

By toothpastecat - Canada

Today, I was brushing my teeth. As a bent down to spit my mouthful of toothpaste into the sink, my cat decided it would be a good time to stick his head right where I was spitting. I spit a huge glob of toothpaste on his head. He then shook it off all over me and the walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29543

You deserved it

8403

Tweet

Share

By samabomination - United States - Monroeville

Today, my step-dad's three year old granddaughter slept over. She insisted she didn't need a diaper to go to sleep and they put her in my bed with me, actually believing that she didn't need a diaper. Not only did she kick me all night, but I had the joy of waking up to her peeing on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50073

You deserved it

5672

Tweet

Share

By wtf - United Kingdom

Today, I shat out a staple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42532

You deserved it

17943

Tweet

Share

By Janice - Canada

Today, while jogging, I realized my face jiggles more than my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33386

You deserved it

7909

Tweet

Share

By Brokebitch2017

Today, I finally got my phone and internet services reinstated after a billing mishap. During the week that I was without service, I had 3 requests for interviews and a position offer. None of those opportunities are still available. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7274

You deserved it

803

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 20:01

She's lost control again

Today, I had an unexpected sneezing fit and drove my car through 2 trees and a fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1024

You deserved it

212

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got really bored at work. I decided to spin myself around and around in my chair until I got really dizzy. Apparently my boss decided to start watching me do this while I was in mid-spin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7291

You deserved it

30033

Tweet

Share

By doubledown - United States

Today, I went to the bar I go to every week. My favorite bartender told me I owed $50 for a tab because the waiter screwed up and undercharged me. The tab was from when my friends bought me drinks to cheer me up because my girlfriend moved away. I ended up paying for my own drinks plus theirs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52092

You deserved it

3429

Tweet

Share

By Cheech - United States

Today, I left on a 2 month trip. I was in a hurry to pack so I wouldn't miss my plane. There were 2 piles of clothes on my bed. One pile was clothes that didn't fit to take to a thrift store, one was to take with me. Guess which one I brought? FML

I agree, your life sucks

18566

You deserved it

58137

Tweet

Share

By Jo - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to the Apple store to try and figure out what's going on with my iPhone. After an hour of speaking to three different geniuses and waiting around, their solution was to "Google it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26809

You deserved it

3934

Tweet

Share

By Alyssa - United States

Today, my manager mentioned that she'd hired a "cute boy" to help me out at work with paperwork. The "cute boy" was my ex-fiancé and now I have to be with him in an office for 30 some hours a week while his current fiancée brings him lunch everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49693

You deserved it

3228

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I finally found out whether or not my boyfriend is cheating on me. Turns out he isn't. He is cheating on his wife, with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52031

You deserved it

6414

Tweet

Share

By notyouraverage

Today, I was doing a PowerPoint presentation in front of my whole class, when I accidentally clicked on the folder that has zillions of pictures of my crush. He's one of my classmates. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2430

You deserved it

6781

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I realized that my new boyfriend only showers about once every ten days, and to get him to shower more often I have to bribe him with oral sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29772

You deserved it

22113

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Denmark - N?rresundby

Today, I sharted during my wedding vows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41591

You deserved it

5101

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my boss put me on suspension for violating company policy by having non-work related mail in my inbox. They were spam emails. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32943

You deserved it

2257

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my car got keyed because I was parked in a handicapped parking spot. I'm handicapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35190

You deserved it

2534

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30710

You deserved it

7797

Tweet

Share

By Tib - United States

Today, I had to take a urine test. I drank a lot of water so that I wouldn't force it. When I got there, I had to pee really bad. The cup was too small and when I relieved my bladder, it was a jet that rebounded off of the cup and overflowed going all over my hands, clothes, toilet, and floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15324

You deserved it

26367

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, I caught my half-sister stealing money from her mother's purse. Rather than risk getting in trouble, she told her uber-conservative mother that I've been seeing a girl. So now, I'm grounded for being gay, and she gets off the hook for stealing because she outed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2050

You deserved it

186

Tweet

Share

By s13495 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, I had my first interview in over a year. I panicked and passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42966

You deserved it

6359

Tweet

Share

By huulo

Today, I was getting ready for the school swimming carnival and was running very late. I reached for my deodorant and sprayed it on. It was only when I was at the pool that I realized I had accidentally grabbed the spray tan and covered my underarms in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11432

You deserved it

27969

Tweet

Share

By ScarredDaughter - United States - Chula Vista

Today, my family and I were laying on my parents' bed watching a movie. My dad wrapped his arm around me and began rubbing my shoulder. That would have been fine, if it actually had been my shoulder and not my boob. Needless to say, we were both mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23078

You deserved it

1967

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

No comments yet.

COMMENTS

No comments yet.