Today, a woman came up to me at work and screamed at me for "taking forever" to come and wait at her table. I work at Wendy's. FML
Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his dick and shocked him. FML
Today, my mother decided to share with me that my father is impotent, and they hadn't had sex in a year and a half. Thanks, Mom. I can never unhear that. FML
Today, my sister set it so all the Yahoo articles I read are published on my Facebook wall. This would have been fine had I not decided to read, "Does the gynecologist care if you shave?" FML
Today, at work, I screamed, used one of my employees as a human shield, dove for cover, and cried. Why? A bat flew into my store. Bats scare me shitless. FML
Today, I found out the real reason why my brother wasn't at his fiancé's Halloween party. He's been in jail for the past 3 months. When was anyone going to tell me? FML
Today, my boyfriend was laying down on top of me and he was looking at me with passion in his eyes. I thought he was finally going to tell me that he loved me. Instead, he said, "You have a booger." FML
Today, I was taking a shower. My mom thinks it's ok to just walk in on someone when they are in there so she decides to take a crap. The worst part is she thought it would be less awkward to talk to me. FML
Today, I sat in on a university-level physics lecture, listening to my hyped-up co-students approximating the hypothetical situation of the Sun consisting of gerbils. The conversation then continued towards how much better energy/mass ratio the gerbil-sun would have compared to the actual star. FML
GallowsHumor tells us more.
Hi, I'm the OP. I realized I was reading my own FML and thus created this account. To elaborate the story, these estimations are called Fermi problems and they're designed to teach dimensional analysis and approximation. They're typical in physics and engineering education and mine is a mix of both. The gerbil-sun is actually an approximation presented by Dr. Larry Weinstein - a physics professor and co-author of 'Guesstimation: Solving the World's Problem's on the Back of a Cocktail Napkin'. I believe the title should speak for itself... *sigh*... and that is exactly how it felt to be on the lecture. It is not that I think that learning to approximate is something to be scoffed at, per se. Indeed, it is skill that all experimental scientists and other people alike do need and find useful - often in basic, everyday life. However this was the third lecture in the series and they all have gone more or less within the realm of vagueness, "hip" examples and little to grasp for the inevitable physics homework that doesn't solve itself. On a related note, my lecture-mates also eagerly discussed the approximate number of piano tuners in Finland (in the original problem the place is Chicago) and at which height Felix Baumgartner might have broken the sound barrier during his sky-dive from the altitude of 39 kilometers (estimate). As this endless drone went on and on, I sat there, bored out of my mind, desperately wondering if and when the tune of the lecture(s) would change and how the heck would I utilize this in the homework, most of which requires some actual and exact calculation, not just some half-baked estimates. Thus the FML. P.S. There's actually a short article in thepointnews.com about Weinstein and his gerbil-sun, and I must say it was way more interesting (not to mention less time-consuming) a read than listening my class drone on and on about it and the other Fermi problems for 90 minutes straight.
Today, I went to the gym to try to get into shape. While I was running on the treadmill, my beer belly pushed against the emergency stop button, twice. FML
Today, I woke up and had a flick through my camera photos. To my disgust my mother had taken pictures of herself, drunk out of her mind, naked with goggles on in our hot tub. FML
Today, at work I tried to help an old man by opening the door for him. He flipped me off because I was wearing a Kansas State University shirt. FML
Today, I was helping out during the school play's interval. My head of year jokingly asked me to follow him around with these mini cocktail sausages for the rest of the school year. I thought it would be witty to reply, "Does that make me your official sausage holder?" FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me to take my belt off as the buckle was hurting her leg. I didn't have a belt on. FML
Today, I found my childhood diary stashed in a box in the attic. I flipped to the last page and noticed a little note written by my now deceased father. It read, "Well son, this diary proves that you're a whiny asshole - Dad." Thanks Dad, from beyond the grave. FML
Today, I got home late after a long day at work and all I wanted to do was take a shower and go to bed. As soon as the water in the shower was hot, I got in. One minute, I was standing and the next I was fast asleep at the bottom of the tub. I woke up with my face swollen and my shoulder bruised. FML
Today, I was on the phone with an elderly customer at work. I had to spend 10 minutes listening to him describe how the underwear he bought was too tight and caused his bladder to leak. FML
Today, my doctor put me on some extra strength antibiotics for an infection. On the label it says "WARNING: may cause Diarrhea"... 'may cause' is a funny term... this is the second time I've sharted in my pants today. FML
Today, I took a dump without checking for toilet paper. I then called my step dad, who said "use the stuff in the garbage." FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my sister, but they already knew each other from my sister's work. She's an exotic dancer. FML
Today, my mother-in-law said I wasn't the type she expected her son to marry, as he's always dated cheerleaders and model types. I must have looked offended, so she added, "I mean they weren't smart like you." So, I might be smart but I'm the ugliest girl my husband has ever been with. FML
Today, while working security at a welfare office, I had to listen as a claimant gushed about her upcoming Caribbean cruise. I work two jobs and haven't had a vacation since 2006. FML
Today, my puppy went missing. I found him, unconscious but thankfully alive, in a taped-up box with no holes. My little brother eventually confessed to doing it because he wanted to sell my puppy on eBay. FML
Today, I proudly presented my research project in class that I've worked for day and night for 3 weeks straight. My teacher fell asleep. FML
Today, I fell down the stairs while reading the 'mind your step' sign. FML
Today, I had to tell a girl I liked she couldn't sleep over because I live with my parents. I'm 24. FML
Today, I taught my younger cousins a more effective way to brush their teeth. Tonight when I was getting them ready for bed, I asked them why they weren't brushing their teeth like I taught them to. The littlest one replied, "Daddy said if we do then we'll have ugly teeth like yours." FML
Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant with my boyfriend and his family. After the meal, we all decided to open our fortune cookies and read them out loud. On mine, it said "You will change your mind many times before settling down." I didn't realize what it meant until after I'd read it to them. FML
Today, I took my kids to the circus. We were having fun, right up until the point they saw an old man dressed as a clown, at which point they screamed, grabbed onto my shorts, and managed to accidentally pull them down. FML
Today, I had yet another debilitating migraine that kept me awake. In the middle of the night, I heard an owl hooting. Thinking it was cool, I moved closer to the open window to hear better. After a few minutes, I realized it was actually my new neighbor having loud sex. My aunt moved in next door. FML
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