Work: Today, at work I tried to help an old man by opening the door... - FML

By Ivan

Today, at work I tried to help an old man by opening the door for him. He flipped me off because I was wearing a Kansas State University shirt. FML

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There's no helping some people

Cognitive dissonance

Glass half empty

By RejectRaven

Today, my two year old got out of her crib while I was sleeping and destroyed $700 worth of my makeup from Sephora. FML

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By tlm84 - United States - Fitchburg

Today, while out shopping, I could hear what sounded like two grown men talking about me, and they were being pretty gross. I turned around to scold them and it turned out being a dad and his 13-year-old son. He said he was, "teaching a son to be a man, and that my ass was grounds for discussion." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my tits. He ignored it and instead sent a picture of his dog "looking blazed". FML

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By Rejected - Australia

Today, my six year old son came up to me with his arms spread and said, "I feel like a hug." I got really excited and hopeful because he is very anti-social and hates physical contact. As soon as I stood up to hug him he said "Feeling's gone" and walked away. FML

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By angrystudent - United States - Franklin

Today, I spent all day doing a project for myself and then for a friend who's sick. Turned out it was a prank everyone in the class was pulling on me. I missed a baseball game because of it. FML

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By LadyLou - Australia

Today, at work, a customer told me that my teeth would make a very pretty necklace. FML

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By BobRyder - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I brought home my 3D glasses after a movie. I had a laugh about it until I realized that I put my $100 sunglasses in the recycle box outside of the theatre instead. FML

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By Sybil90 - United States

Today, a bee flew in my car so I swerved off the road and hit a mailbox. It was a metal keg filled with cement buried in the ground. Taking my father's advice I fled the scene. Later my mailman knocked on my door holding part of my bumper. He said "Excuse me, I think you hit my mailbox this morning." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Bridgewater

Today, I started my job selling perfume in a department store. I decided to be creative and sprayed a little perfume towards the first person who walked by. She had an allergic reaction, and an ambulance had to be called. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2020 20:02

"Based on your purchase history…"

Today, in the break room at work, I was looking through my email on my phone about my Amazon orders. There was a suggested product that looked like a dildo. I turned around to see my boss behind me glancing at my phone. FML

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By This_girll - United States - Ridgewood

Classy guy.

Today, my boyfriend of a year went to a wedding. He didn't invite me, he took his ex instead. I saw it all on Instagram. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I threw a party at my girlfriend's house before her parents came home from vacation. After the party, I found all of her mom's favorite wine glasses broken. I spent $500 on new glasses, and wrote a huge apology for the party and the damage. She got home and told me that they were already broken. FML

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By randa

Today, I told my boss I was too sick to come to work. He asked if I had a late night so I told him I stayed in. Apparently I ran into him at a bar last night and was too drunk to remember it. FML

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By rani - Norway - Oslo

Today, I came home in a really good mood, and I greeted my husband with a grin and a "Hi, babe!" He just muttered, "Why can't you just DIE?" and continued playing his video game. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2020 17:01

Just a prank, dad

Today, my son got drunk and managed to colour in my bald patch with permanent marker while I was asleep. It’s super noticeable and I look like a complete prat. Plus in a few hours, I’m supposed to be on my first date since my divorce 12 years ago. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a friend and I were walking around a festival when out of nowhere a giant bug hit me in the face. I went into instant ninja mode, screaming and flailing. When I stopped, I realized it was just a leaf and everyone was staring at me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

So that's what the smell was!

Today, I found my son's dead goldfish. Apparently, when it died he didn't flush it. Instead he placed it in one of my socks, placed that sock in a jar, and set the jar in the back of my closet. The fish has been dead for over a month. FML

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By

Rocky VIX

Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML

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By purple - France

Today, I went to a camp my friend invited me to, thinking we'd just be roasting marshmallows all day and hanging out outside. Nope. It was a soul searching, "get closer to Jesus" camp. The first five hours were spent repeatedly praying and singing. I'm not a Christian. FML

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By tbw - United States

Today, I decided to get my ass in shape and went to the gym. I got motion-sickness on the elliptical. FML

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By localbarista - United States

Today, a customer threw his cup of coffee at me screaming that it wasn't hot enough. Well, maybe it wasn't hot enough for him, but it was sure hot enough to burn me. FML

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By jailey

Today, my friend decided that we should go clubbing together to "catch up". Her version of catching up is me standing beside her making out with some random dude in the parking lot. FML

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By hkbaer - United States

Nice try

Today, my dad tried to charge me $3000 for a car that my dead grandma, his mother, left to me in her will. I have to live with this asshole. FML

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By scratchy

Today, my "friend" put itching powder in my cast while I was sleeping. FML

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By anonymous - Australia - Rockdale

Today, I received a bunch of flowers from my 'lover'. This would be fine except that I don't have a lover, and my boyfriend now thinks I'm cheating. FML

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By fckdsamaritan - Tunisia

Today, I helped a man with a neck brace get on the bus. I fell asleep, only to wake up later on to him gratuitously stroking my breasts with his elbow. FML

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By fmexgirlfriend - New Zealand

Today, I got dumped by my girlfriend of 4 years because I didn't know the exact amount of days that we'd been together. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom after he had been in there awhile. I found him with his pants down, looking at a pimple on his butt in the mirror. He asked me for "help". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned it's not a good idea to answer your phone with "F*** off!" just because you're having a bad day. It could just be your pastor on the other end. FML

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By Username - France

Today, my email got hacked and sent all my contacts something for Viagra. My husband thinks I really sent it to him on purpose and now won't even talk to me. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I noticed a young child wandering out onto a busy street. I managed to grab his arm just as he stepped off the sidewalk and yank him away from almost certain death. My reward was his mother, who was on her cell phone the whole time, screaming at me for touching her child. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2020 02:02 - United States

Seize the means of production

Today, my boss told me that he is really getting scared of Covid-19. He's too cheap for tests. His solution? He'll work from home for 2 weeks while I meet with all employees 1-1. If I don’t get sick, he'll feel OK coming back. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 14:02

Forever the bridesmaid

Today, after watching my roommate and her boyfriend be all lovey dovey for months, I now have to watch two of our other friends flirting as well. I'm painfully single and have been struggling to change that for years. FML

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By Cottagecheeseha - United States - Monterey Park

Today, I pulled out a book and my bookmark fell out. My crush picked it up and a weird look came across his face. I then realized I had used toilet paper. Now I'm the girl who reads while taking dumps. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Forestville

Today, the whole family came over to celebrate my 18th birthday. My grandfather bought me a giant mathematics book. Apparently, he didn't want my 16 year old sister to be "jealous", so he got her the new iPad. FML

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By samsonity - 15/9/2020 17:02

It never rains, it pours

Today, I woke up knowing I'd done all my homework, so I'd have the day free. My dad calls me into his room to tell me that I have 3 outstanding exam papers to hand in this week. It was summer homework, set by my school's online learning website that I didn’t know it existed. FML

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By not cool - Australia - Sunnybank

Today, while using a urinal in a very busy mall bathroom, another man unzipped his pants and attempted to use the same one as me. FML

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By Aaaaahhhhhhhh

Today, I came home to carpenter ants coming out from under my baseboards. I went out and bought bait traps and now there are flying ants coming out of the woodwork. If I try to sleep they crawl on me. FML

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By beachbum - United States

Today, I was at the beach with my buddy. Messing around, he swam up behind me and dunked me under the water. Naturally, moments later I swam behind him, grabbed both his ankles and stood up, flipping him completely, only to see him watching me from a few feet away. I flipped a 70 year old man. FML

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Top comments

By NJXD | 0

#2141520 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:06

just carry on my wayward son

By mintcar | 9

#2141506 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:04

Clearly he hates you and KSU.

COMMENTS

By mintcar | 9

#2141506 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:04

Clearly he hates you and KSU.

Reply

falluke17 | 0

#2142203 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 20:12

ydi for going to any school in Kansas... MIZ!

Reply

FMLandurstoo | 9

#2142523 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 22:52

ZOU. Mizzou all the way bitches!

Reply

Yeahmyass | 0

#2143592 - Thursday 3 March 2011 4:06

Thats what u get for liking KSU when KU is the sh*t

Reply

jmac317 | 0

#2144113 - Thursday 3 March 2011 6:28

KU!!!!

Reply

Swagga34 | 0

#2151709 - Saturday 5 March 2011 9:59

KSU Rocks!!

Reply

Forlorn420 | 9

#4559092 - Tuesday 12 June 2012 22:27

Ksu and ku blow. Period

Reply

koolkat27 | 13

#4795950 - Friday 10 August 2012 6:26

U of Minnesota is where it's at.

Reply

bordom45 | 4

#5257025 - Tuesday 18 December 2012 3:41

KSU!!

By OwenMcAwesome | 0

#2141511 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:04

Lol fyl

By NJXD | 0

#2141520 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:06

just carry on my wayward son

Reply

DocBastard | 38

#2141602 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:29

Well played, sir. Well played.

Reply

NJXD | 0

#2141616 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:33

I try my best ;)

Reply

max_wilder | 9

#2142329 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 21:15

when that old man dies cremate him so he can become dust in the wind.

Reply

Neylin | 7

#2142354 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 21:31

And may he fly in a one big sky.

Reply

spearhead | 5

#2143325 - Thursday 3 March 2011 2:55

so that he may take the stairway to heaven

Reply

RUSH777 | 0

#2143665 - Thursday 3 March 2011 4:25

HAHAHAHAHAHA IT'S STUPID HOW LONG I LAUGHED AT THIS.

That is complete wit right there!
Good for you!

Reply

NJXD | 0

#2145849 - Thursday 3 March 2011 16:31

:)

Reply

NJXD | 0

#2145856 - Thursday 3 March 2011 16:32

:)

By something224 | 6

#2141527 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:06

KSU 4 life!

Reply

bowieboy | 0

#2144748 - Thursday 3 March 2011 9:19

EMAW!

By seahorses4eva | 4

#2141541 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:08

Did you shut the door on him mid-walk-through? I would have. Old ungrateful bastard.

Reply

ZendayaForever | 0

#2143571 - Thursday 3 March 2011 4:00

What? Old people can't have an opinion?

By TurboLCR | 0

#2141543 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:08

should have kicked him in the cubes.

feelsbadman

Reply

munyarl | 0

#2143490 - Thursday 3 March 2011 3:41

Hahaha kicked him in the cubes, I like it!!

By ambowew | 7

#2141547 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:09

So after he flipped you the bird you personally asked if it was because of the shirt you were wearing?

Now I'm no genius but I would have drawn the assumption that he wanted to show that his manly, albeit shaky arms can still open doors.

Reply

Blazingcrono | 6

#2141689 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:55

But then the old man would've said something prior to the OP helping.

By ambowew | 7

#2141578 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:21

If there was a 'like' button I would press it.
And I'm not talking about the comment ;)

By ChrisLTC | 3

#2141580 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:24

or maybe it was the bright pink chaps?

By C_A_M_E_R_O_N | 0

#2141586 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:26

rock chalk gayhawk boo Ku

Reply

MushyLuvsU | 0

#2142139 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 19:49

Dad...? Is that you!?