Work: Today, at work I tried to help an old man by opening the door... - FML

By Ivan - 02/03/2011 10:10

Today, at work I tried to help an old man by opening the door for him. He flipped me off because I was wearing a Kansas State University shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 446

You deserved it 9 251

Mother of the year

Nobody wins

Classic narcissist

By Anonymous - 22/10/2013 04:44 - Chile - Santiago

Today, I opened up to my parents about my depression. Their response was to have a very heated discussion about whose fault it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 940

You deserved it 3 511

By Anonymous - 30/06/2015 12:56 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, I was at my best friend's wedding. As she threw the bouquet, I was punched in the face by another bridesmaid. Later, as I was explaining what had happened, I punched myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 315

You deserved it 7 739

By abigiggles - 26/08/2018 22:00

Today, a spider came down from its web in front of my face. This would have been fine and I could have killed it easily if I wasn't in my car. Driving on the highway. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 353

You deserved it 299

By sighoutloud - 16/10/2009 03:36 - United States

Today, my fiancé told my mom that she screwed me up. I now have to write an apologetic e-mail to her for something that I agree with, in order for her to stop calling me crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 921

You deserved it 3 815

By Anonymous - 17/10/2009 07:52 - United States

Today, I was out and was having a wonderful time. At exactly midnight, I get a call from my father. He's divorcing my mother. He's also going to Florida with his mistress for the weekend. If that wasn't the best news ever, he'd love if I found an apartment to live in ASAP. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 468

You deserved it 2 175

By notaman - 11/02/2016 18:12 - United States - Marion

Today, I found out my insurance company denied my claim because they had me marked down as "male" and yet also pregnant. I now have to prove to them that I'm actually a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 415

You deserved it 1 368

I don't understand!

By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 18:00 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 754

You deserved it 594

By RyanJarmanForPresident - 23/11/2012 09:07 - United States

Today, I caught my teenage daughter smoking, and tried calmly explaining to her that it's quite bad for her health. She replied with, "It doesn't harm you if you're under 20." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 205

You deserved it 5 024

Spoke too soon

By Lily Cakes - 19/10/2018 20:00 - United States - Clarksville

Spicy

Today, I was watching a TV show with my 7-year-old niece. A scene came on where the main character was being tortured, and the one torturing him said, "I'm gonna make you scream." Without hesitating, I said, "Oh, kinky." My niece turned to me and asked, "What does kinky mean?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 4 749

By iams - 30/08/2018 06:00

Today, I found out my mom is banging my ex-boyfriend's best friend. He’s 22 and my mom is 50. Oh, and not only does my ex know, but so does the whole town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 429

You deserved it 315

By SonofMnemosyne - 19/11/2018 07:30 - United States

Today, I have been on the toilet all day due to chocolate laxatives from trick-or-treating. Today, it is my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 485

You deserved it 289

Coming or going

By almost governmental - 05/09/2014 22:02 - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Today, I got a call about a job interview, saying I was hired. I was ecstatic, until they called me back and said they'd called the wrong applicant. They called again later, saying there'd been a mistake and I really was hired. When I went in to confirm it, they said they'd never heard of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 457

You deserved it 3 065

By catlady - 25/08/2015 03:16 - United States - Clifton Park

Today, I awoke at two in the morning to my cat putting his most recent kill on my chest. When I jumped up screaming, the dead mouse went flying and now my husband and I can't find it. Better yet now both my husband and my cat are giving me the silent treatment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 662

You deserved it 2 421

By kronin - 12/10/2010 10:59 - United States

Today, I woke up in a field 3 miles from where I'd passed out drunk. This wouldn't have been too bad if I didn't have to walk home through town without my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 952

You deserved it 39 925

By Anonymous - 18/11/2011 20:49 - United States

Today, I got a letter of complaint from my landlord. It said my loud, obnoxious trampling is disturbing my downstairs neighbor, and I have to stop. I'm small and hardly weigh anything, but it seems that if I want to keep my lease, I'll have to master the art of levitating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 182

You deserved it 3 213

Scammed

By Anonymous - 12/01/2021 17:01

Today my husband went to buy a car from some guy from Facebook. He ended up giving the guy $1000 upfront before receiving the title or bill of sale. So now, we have a car we can't use, we're completely broke now and the guy is ghosting us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 912

By Gumfanatic302 - 07/05/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 052

You deserved it 3 172

Oh, hai!

By Anonymous - 25/05/2020 20:00

Today, sleeping in a little late, I was woken up by my phone. Still tired, I quickly checked the display to realize it's my girlfriend calling. I pick up the phone saying, "Hey baby girl!" She seemed pretty startled, so I double-checked and realized it was my new boss, who has the name as my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 488

Party animal

By Toto - 25/08/2021 14:01

Today, my brother was asking why I'm mad at him. Not a big deal, if we and our friends weren't now banned from a pub, all because he got shitfaced, started smoking weed and stripping off in public, even though marijuana wasn't allowed at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 751

You deserved it 73

By CarSick - 23/02/2011 03:55 - United States

Today, I threw up in the car. While driving. The good news though, I had a bag to catch it all. Bad news? The bag had a giant hole in the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 324

You deserved it 3 846

By jeremiah - 06/11/2011 08:21 - Australia

Today, I let my brother borrow my car, as he had a job interview. I told him the tank was nearly empty and gave him $20 to put some petrol in it. Ten minutes later, he calls me, saying the car won't start. He filled it up with diesel. It's a petrol car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 695

You deserved it 4 615

By MDoremis - 24/02/2015 04:58 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I bought How To Train Your Dragon and the cashier started complaining how her kids keep demanding dragon stuff and that mine will start after they see the movie. I don't have any kids, and I didn't have the courage to tell her I was buying it for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 020

You deserved it 5 326

By Fire_Princess16 - 17/10/2017 04:20

Today, my boyfriend managed to convince me that Australia was called a penal colony because all the prisoners were men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 778

You deserved it 3 039

By Anonymous - 25/10/2011 05:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 689

You deserved it 3 491

By Anonymous - 06/01/2010 01:10 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date that my best friend had set up for me. When I arrived, I introduced myself and we sat at the table. After we ordered our food, he asked the waiter for some crayons and a kid's menu, and colored for the half hour before our food came. He didn't talk to me at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 438

You deserved it 4 001

By please don't back that thing up - 09/08/2013 05:00 - United States

Today, I stopped at a red light, when I noticed the car in front of me was in reverse. I honked at the driver, hoping he'd realize and place the car in drive. He thought the light turned green and immediately backed into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 601

You deserved it 6 235

By anonymous - 02/09/2014 18:58 - United States - Wolcott

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 708

You deserved it 9 624

By Austin Franklin - 18/03/2012 11:41 - United States

Today, I decided to hit on a very attractive girl. I guess I was too drunk to remember it was my family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 869

You deserved it 47 252

By Toolate - 10/10/2012 08:26 - United States - Bristol

Today, I went to the surprise birthday party of an ex I still love, though I'm the one who ended things. I walked in in time to see her screaming "Yes" to her kneeling boyfriend, her parents crying and applauding, and her brothers patting him on the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 175

You deserved it 51 877

By Anonymous - 06/07/2011 18:45 - United States

Today, my roommate showed me that her pepper spray had expired, so I decided to test it on myself. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 271

You deserved it 79 565

By husks - 12/04/2011 04:08

Today, I broke up with my now ex-girlfriend for the 5th time. She still hasn't got the hint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 044

You deserved it 12 391

Keep out

By Anonymous - 11/04/2021 13:57

Spicy

Today, I had to create a new password for my computer. I had to do it to stop my father from watching porn on my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 155

You deserved it 90

By Emily - 03/03/2011 15:23

Today, a man was struggling up some slippery steps with a pram, when his sunglasses fell from his head. I hurried to pick them up for him, as he had no free hands, but instead accidentally stood on them, snapping them in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 314

You deserved it 16 885

By Simms - 14/03/2012 02:32 - United States

Today, I got back to work at my hospital after some sick leave. The first jackass to waste my time was a guy with leg lacerations. This, he claimed, was because he tried to break a samurai sword over his leg as part of a bet. It's day one and already I want to kill myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 469

You deserved it 6 442

By Anonymous - 11/08/2018 22:00

Today, I found out that being the "bull" of a cuckold relationship is not as good as it looks to be. She is pregnant and now the couple, despite earning triple figures, is suing me for child support. I'm in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 892

You deserved it 3 900

Nailed it

By anon - 21/12/2013 14:13 - United States - Lehigh Acres

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I guess she got bored because she started looking at her nails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 019

You deserved it 12 854

By gross - 15/07/2016 03:06 - United States - Cuyahoga Falls

Today, after giving a potential employee a drug test and instructing her to leave her urine sample in the bathroom, she not only brought it into the office, she spilled it on the front desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 602

You deserved it 1 385

By big steve - 11/02/2012 18:35 - United States

Today, I had to call AAA for the fifth time in two months. When the driver got out, I instantly recognized him. It was the same guy who helped me out all the previous occasions. When he saw me, he snorted and doubled over laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 763

You deserved it 6 219

By News to Me - 21/10/2018 15:30

Today, I went to switch my phone number to a new carrier. During the credit check, I was told that I couldn't because I already had an active account. This came as a surprise, as I've never had an account with that carrier. Time to file a fraud claim. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 198

You deserved it 155

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 01:39 - United States - Demopolis

Today, my dad made the local news. The business he owns is so run down and overgrown that it's officially a public health hazard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 763

You deserved it 4 793

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Top comments

NJXD 0

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:06

just carry on my wayward son

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:04

Clearly he hates you and KSU.

Comments

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:04

Clearly he hates you and KSU.

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 20:12

ydi for going to any school in Kansas... MIZ!

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 22:52

ZOU. Mizzou all the way bitches!

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Thursday 3 March 2011 4:06

Thats what u get for liking KSU when KU is the sh*t

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Thursday 3 March 2011 6:28

KU!!!!

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Saturday 5 March 2011 9:59

KSU Rocks!!

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Tuesday 12 June 2012 22:27

Ksu and ku blow. Period

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Friday 10 August 2012 6:26

U of Minnesota is where it's at.

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 3:41

KSU!!

OwenMcAwesome 0

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:04

Lol fyl

NJXD 0

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:06

just carry on my wayward son

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:29

Well played, sir. Well played.

NJXD 0

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:33

I try my best ;)

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 21:15

when that old man dies cremate him so he can become dust in the wind.

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 21:31

And may he fly in a one big sky.

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Thursday 3 March 2011 2:55

so that he may take the stairway to heaven

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Thursday 3 March 2011 4:25

HAHAHAHAHAHA IT'S STUPID HOW LONG I LAUGHED AT THIS. That is complete wit right there! Good for you!

NJXD 0

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Thursday 3 March 2011 16:31

:)

NJXD 0

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Thursday 3 March 2011 16:32

:)

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:06

KSU 4 life!

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Thursday 3 March 2011 9:19

EMAW!

seahorses4eva 4

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:08

Did you shut the door on him mid-walk-through? I would have. Old ungrateful bastard.

ZendayaForever 0

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Thursday 3 March 2011 4:00

What? Old people can't have an opinion?

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:08

should have kicked him in the cubes. feelsbadman

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Thursday 3 March 2011 3:41

Hahaha kicked him in the cubes, I like it!!

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:09

So after he flipped you the bird you personally asked if it was because of the shirt you were wearing? Now I'm no genius but I would have drawn the assumption that he wanted to show that his manly, albeit shaky arms can still open doors.

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:55

But then the old man would've said something prior to the OP helping.

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:21

If there was a 'like' button I would press it. And I'm not talking about the comment ;)

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:24

or maybe it was the bright pink chaps?

C_A_M_E_R_O_N 0

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 16:26

rock chalk gayhawk boo Ku

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 19:49

Dad...? Is that you!?

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 27

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 22

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 182

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 256