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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Damn - 05/06/2012 19:36 - Canada - Saint Catharines

Spicy

Today, I was trying to take my shirt off. It was an awkward fit, so I had to basically wrestle it for five minutes. The kicker was that I was giving my boyfriend a striptease. He laughed so hard and for so long that we never had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 628

You deserved it 7 950

By makiju - 13/11/2012 21:23 - France - M?zi?res-sur-seine

Today, I was severely chewed out by my boss because, according to him, I look down on him too often. I'm 6ft5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 627

You deserved it 1 986

Monster Munch

By Stupid_Chick - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I found out that my family hides food from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 624

You deserved it 19 559

By Mack - 31/08/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I rented a drill to a straight-up valley girl, with the speech affect, Von Dutch patrol cap and all. I tried to disabuse of her of the idea that aluminum is a form of steel. Apparently, that constitutes being a smartass, so she threw her change at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 624

You deserved it 8 412

Cheeky

By smiler - 17/03/2010 16:59 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I had my wisdom teeth removed. The sympathetic words from my boyfriend asked if this meant I could open my mouth a bit wider for him now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 623

You deserved it 5 686

By wtf - 30/01/2015 09:00 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 622

You deserved it 2 658

Riveting

By Kebabjoon - 29/04/2011 11:36 - Spain

Today, I had my first job interview for eight months. My interviewer noticeably yawned during my reply to the first question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 621

You deserved it 4 880

By Shleebs - 19/03/2012 19:20 - United States - Hamilton

Today, I asked my mom if she could buy me some anti-nausea medicine. She said, "You just have a stomach ache. It's not like you're throwing up." As she said it, I threw up everything but my childhood memories. She still wouldn't get any medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 618

You deserved it 2 330

Shleebs tells us more.

Shleebs 12

Tuesday 20 March 2012 1:03

I actually threw up in her room and in her bathroom. She had to clean it up. I think justice was served.

Stimulating

By Wow - 13/03/2012 04:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that I am so sexually deprived that I get aroused when plugging my headphones into my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 617

You deserved it 8 910

By Tabby - 06/08/2011 20:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to tell my teenage son that no, his knowledge of the English language was not passed down to him genetically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 616

You deserved it 3 866

Unsure

By Anonymous - 29/11/2015 06:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend emotionally proposed over dinner, and I said yes. Soon after he left, he tweeted, "I just fucked up...." and a few minutes later called me and claimed the proposal was a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 616

You deserved it 1 903

By superhero1043 - 14/05/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I realized that my baby stops crying loudly whenever I turn on the vacuum cleaner. I'm either stuck with a fussy baby all day, or the roaring sound of a vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 616

You deserved it 5 233

By notgreg - 10/11/2009 15:59 - United States

Today, I found out my neighbor ordered parking tickets for everyone on the block. My car was 4 inches into his driveway, but not obstructing his exit in any way. That didn't stop him from calling in, on a Sunday, at 8 AM, an 88 dollar ticket. He also left a note "Your parking sucks, love, Greg." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 615

You deserved it 10 487

By kohler9790 - 22/02/2012 01:29 - United States

Today, I had to tell my wife that the new "vegan" diet she has put us on is not working with my body. It's not the horrible gas, hot shits, or constant hunger that made me realize this. It was the dream I had about fried chicken that did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 615

You deserved it 3 388

By Anonymous - 22/01/2012 17:57 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of a Suburban crashing through my fence and striking the tree in my front yard. After filling out the police report, the driver repeatedly asked me to give him a lift to work. He seemed confused by my speechlessness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 614

You deserved it 2 392

By anon - 07/02/2010 00:28 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I heard that there's a rumour going around that I was caught masturbating while crying at a party after the girl I liked got with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 612

You deserved it 3 587

By BadassRumbleroar - 20/01/2012 03:46 - Canada

Today, I found out that when you are sitting on a full bench at a bus stop, some crazy person will come sit on you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 610

You deserved it 3 029

By sunflower226 - 05/08/2011 21:41 - United States

Today, I had to pay a $150 late fee because my landlord didn't receive the rent check. My boyfriend had addressed the envelope to himself and put the landlord's as the return address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 609

You deserved it 4 049

Give it to me, Sheldon!

By oh lord - 27/05/2012 16:06 - Canada - Oshawa

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I've been working on a novel for the past six months, and what would have been mid-way through, I accidentally said the main character's name instead of my boyfriend's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 608

You deserved it 16 988

By werewolfoflondon - 03/11/2010 02:16 - Canada

Today, I got fired over MSN. I wasn't even online at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 607

You deserved it 2 894

By ohgodwhy - 20/04/2012 20:24 - United States

Today, I spent hours baking an apple pie to impress my future mother-in-law. I was especially proud of the fact I'd made the crust and filling myself. When I served it to her, she picked off the crust and, between mouthfuls, bitched that it was nothing like canned pie filling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 607

You deserved it 2 101

By yayaimannoying - 09/03/2010 01:39 - United States

Today, I posted a pic of my prom dress on facebook. The dress looked amazing on me and it just felt so right. So I spent every single dollar I had and some borrowed to buy the dress. When I logged on later that night, the first comment asked "Is this a joke?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 605

You deserved it 5 128

By River - 18/07/2015 04:08 - Oranjestad

Today, my boyfriend's idiotic friend shoved me into a stream so I could be "reunited" with my family, since my name is River. The first thing I saw as I climbed out, soaking wet, was my boyfriend high-fiving his friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 605

You deserved it 2 799

By wtf - 07/01/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, my ex girlfriend that I still love sent me a text, quote "I still love you, but i'm not IN love with you" Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 604

You deserved it 3 640

Well received

By egghead - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was introducing my American cousin to the peaceful English village I live in. Just as I was reassuring her that the people were very friendly and welcoming, a car drove past and pelted us with eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 603

You deserved it 3 313

Goblin mode

By WELLFUCKYOUTOO - 14/08/2012 15:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my cheating, psycho asscricket of an ex texted me and asked me back out. I said no, and didn't think any more of it, at least until an hour later, when I looked out my window, only to see him smearing a bag of dog crap all over my porch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 601

You deserved it 2 336

By Anonymous - 12/06/2015 05:35 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 601

You deserved it 2 143

By unicorn_skies - 18/01/2014 08:33 - United States - Yorba Linda

Today, I bought a new, expensive dress for a date. I left the tag on and hidden in hopes of returning it later. Someone saw it and ripped it off for me to "save me from embarrassment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 601

You deserved it 57 800

By flibbertigibbet - 07/05/2015 20:56 - United States - Ukiah

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my dad about my worries for my mental health. He then told me about the tracking device the aliens had implanted in his hand when they abducted him. There's nothing like family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 600

You deserved it 2 518

flibbertigibbet tells us more.

flibbertigibbet 3

Friday 8 May 2015 16:36

OP here. Just to clarify a few things, my dad started telling me about the aliens BEFORE I could even start telling him my own concerns, so the coincidence was quite funny, if sad. I decided that perhaps it wasn't actually the best time to bring up mental health. And for those who are worried, I am already getting professional help and on medication. It simply doesn't magically fix everything the way I wish it would!

By Username - 28/02/2012 00:37 - United States

Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a homeless man sucker punches me in the gut, grabs my football, and runs away laughing like a maniac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 599

You deserved it 3 051

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Today, I ran to hug my best friend at the airport after not seeing her for two years. I sprinted, arms wide, yelling her name. Turns out it wasn’t her. It was a stranger with the same haircut who looked absolutely horrified as I body-slammed them in baggage claim. My actual friend was behind me, trying to film the embarrassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 404

Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating on him and talking to other guys in a Facebook group that’s literally called, "A group where we all pretend to be ants in a colony." When I showed him what it really was, he dumped me for participating in something he said was so stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 567

You deserved it 590

Today, after my stepdaughter warned me that she’d get rid of me, she's finally successfully driven such a large wedge between me and my wife that we haven’t spoken in a month, and today she asked me for a divorce. Well played, stepdaughter, well played. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 814

You deserved it 343

Today, I trying to scrape the ice off my car, but wasn't having much luck. Frustrated, I kicked a clump off from the bumper. The clump didn't budge, but the entire front quarter panel fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 372

You deserved it 11 167

Today, my mom finally learned how to text. Now it's her way of communicating, even when we're in the same room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 293

You deserved it 3 959

Today, while I was working my shift at the store, my girlfriend appeared and asked to talk to me. Once we were alone, she burst into tears and started sobbing. Turns out someone's dad died in her favorite TV show and she wanted some comfort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 411

You deserved it 3 455