Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother told me I've gained so much weight recently, she thinks I should get gastric bypass surgery. FML
Today, I found out my mom has been telling my entire family I need surgery on my "Labia" instead of my "Labrum". I went from needing shoulder surgery to needing vagina surgery with one group text. Thanks, mom. FML
Today, I went to my parents' house. I recently lost about 30 lbs. My mom hugged me and said, "Aww, you're not my chubby baby girl anymore." She then said she wished I were still fat because she missed it. She's the reason I lost the weight; she used to tease and taunt me. Thanks Mom. FML
Today, I told my mom I lost 30 pounds because of an eating disorder. She told me to keep up the good work. FML
Today, I had the pleasure of listening to my mom tell me about how her and my dad's weight loss has helped them get more into it when they're being intimate. Suddenly I wish my parents were fat again. FML
Today, I complimented my mom with "Hey, I think you lost some weight." She replied with "Yeah, I think you found it." FML
Today, when my mother-in-law told me I was losing weight, my husband started laughing. FML
Today, I told my mom I want to get liposuction. She said "Whats the point? Its not like you can get lipo on your face!". FML
Today, my mom came home from surgery. Upon arriving home, she flashed a paper in my face and said, "Want to see pictures of my colon?" My eyes are still burning. FML
Today, my friend was complaining to me that she's gained 20 pounds and it's all gone to her butt and boobs. Meanwhile, I've also gained 20 pounds, and it's gone straight to my stomach. She looks better than she did before. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
Don't leave us hanging, OP, what happened? Was it curtains for her cooter, or does the pendulum still swing?
saIty 17
Tell her to pull it back with some rubberbands and clothespins.
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Comments (100)
Pleonasm 36
Don't leave us hanging, OP, what happened? Was it curtains for her cooter, or does the pendulum still swing?
MrEd_fml 10
Sounds like there is already enough hanging...
extreemguy19 7
Eww.
Inheritance 10
She used it as a tongue like in the movie 'Click'.
AzNbABe69 0
1 OMG you just gave me the worst mental image! Disgusting but funny too! Lol
Autocorrected 11
Well, I can just imagine how your Dad would be struggling trying to have a good time with her.
aleagator 10
41- I feel like the dad would write his own fml about this topic too.
chocolateisyum 12
It's nice to know that your mum cares about you so much that she shares that kind of information with you...
deBlobX 12
Actually I don't think it is very nice at all...
PlayWithElmo 7
Neither does 2, I'm pretty sure...
GothicAngel17 24
It was sarcasm, obviously guys. *thumbs up*
mclauren29 22
This is why surgeries such as this always require more skin tightening surgeries. It's never ending. Plus, no one really wants to hear about them. Sorry about that, OP. I'm grossed out too.
lilhellian 27
The losing 100 lb part is good to tell... hanging cooters not so much.
7zyzz7 3
She deserves it for shoving enough crap down her throat to get that fat, then taking the easy way out with surgery. Complete disregard for her own body.
Jeffo193 13
I'm sure i could make an educated guess, but what part of the female anatomy is a "cooter" supposed to be?
iarefatal 9
An educated guess? Why make one of those!? I'm just going to assume cooter means her left ear lobe.
donkeykongo 7
By "cooter" she was actually referring to her scooter. Losing all that weight made her notice how much the suspension on her electrical scooter hangs from excess weight and now wants to get it fixed. (Just trying to change the image I originally had ):
Crlnprz 11
i wish you luck when you get into the real world
SaturnV 25
You could always just use Google and not have to "guess" anymore. That's the beauty of living in the Information Age - ignorance is now a choice.
Jeffo193 13
45 i do live in the real world, where i realise that others may also check the comments to try and find it out, and also that not everyone is familiar with American slang.
Lifes_Great_LG 1
I agree I don't know what a cooter is either
ash1rose 11
I suppose I'll be nice even though you COULD just google it. It's slang for ******.
greenfishbait 19
I think it's more southern slang too. I personally hate that word with the passion of a thousand burning suns.
saIty 17
Tell her to pull it back with some rubberbands and clothespins.
mclauren29 22
Or duct tape. That fixes everything.
xXxIracebethxXx 14
I personally suggest electrical tape.
pickles1994 18
6 nah that's only for ducks didn't ya know.
mclauren29 22
Or pretty much everything, 15
ViQValentine 3
#15- duck vaginas??
YakuzaxGeneralz 9
23: Louie C.K.?
lilhellian 27
13, 19 Go read the other fml's to get the reference.
WeAreRisen 6
Dinkleberg....
xXxIracebethxXx 14
*facepalm* I understood the reference.
deadlydeadd 2
Hahahah!!
MURIKKA 11
Excuse me, I have to go vomit now.
yoursucklives 36
no one wants that kind of image inside his head, sorry op!
pmadNess 16
Ain't nobody got time for that... Bet you still have that original image, though!
junar 9
Even though I don't have idea on what cooter is, I want to see how it looks like. Can someone show their cooter to me please?
xXxIracebethxXx 14
Now you just seem extremely creepy and perverted...
fml121785 14
I think the stach makes it even creepier.
gc327072 31
Bad troll?
Quest_ 13
Why doesn't she just tie it together in a trendy bow? It will look pretty with her vajazzle.
xXxIracebethxXx 14
Too comfortable... Blargh. (/.)