Today, I was taking people's orders at the drive-thru. I was... - FML

By Ashton Sprunger - 30/12/2011 05:38 - United States

Today, I was taking people's orders at the drive-thru. I was confused as to why people were screaming their orders at me, until one of my managers handed me a paper that he'd found taped to the menu, saying "speak loudly speaker isn't working properly." Punkd. FML

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True hero

Please like me

The cheek of some people

By Anonymous - 30/9/2009 05:34 - Canada

Today, I searched for free parking near my work for 30 minutes, trying to avoid paying $12 at a pay lot. I scored a spot, but 1 mile away from the office. I trekked through rain, cold, and got to work late. It was a long hard day, crawled back to my car, and had a $30 ticket on my windshield. FML

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By sweet - 26/3/2009 18:08 - United States

Today, I was taking the metro into DC for my internship. Two guys came in and started talking to each other in Arabic. One boy turned to the other said "Do you think shes cute?" The other responded "Her face is hideous but she has nice tits." I am fluent in Arabic. They were looking at me. FML

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By Humaned - 13/3/2016 20:54 - Cura?ao - Willemstad

Today, my school is making us take care of eggs for a teen pregnancy awareness project. Ever since we got the eggs, I've had nightmares, and people question why I don't want kids. FML

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By ijustwannaplaymymusic - 27/5/2016 04:40 - United States - Jackson

Today, I was practicing the piano. My brother told me that if I loved him, I would stop. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2015 01:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I caught my ex trying to slash my car tires with a knife. She actually had the balls to claim she was testing my tire pressure, before power-walking off into the distance like nothing had happened. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2015 13:21 - United States - Smithville

Today, I went to my cousin's house. I left my bag on the couch as my aunt instructed, only for my cousin to take it and throw it into the swimming pool. My laptop, textbooks and notes were soaked. My exam is in a week, and my aunt won't punish her perfect little angel. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2009 03:38 - United States

Today, my parents and I were looking through old photos. My dad comments, "Wow you were chubby back then. But that's ok, it was baby fat." Then he turns to me and asks, "What's your excuse now?" FML

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2014 17:45 - United States - Lititz

Today, I found out that my son has been trying to save enough of his earwax to make a candle. FML

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By sleepy - 3/1/2011 02:58 - Norway

Today, after a two week holiday, I'm returning to work exhausted. I had nightmares about work every single night. FML

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By broke and hungry - 30/5/2015 18:53 - United States - West New York

Today, I had to skip lunch to work on a big project, so I stopped by a vending machine. The number I wanted was 126, but I accidentally typed 124, using my last dollar. 124 was the only empty row. FML

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By monty - 9/3/2009 02:53 - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML

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By Johnnogood - 9/10/2012 13:57 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my boss fired me because of the way I laugh. Apparently it reminds him too much of his ex-wife's laugh. I'm a guy. FML

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By Jason199615 - 17/4/2012 18:11 - United States - Marshfield

Today, I was looking through my Internet browsing history. Apparently my wife had searched "How to have an affair without getting caught". FML

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By MrZach - 21/11/2009 23:21 - United States

Today, I had a tooth pulled. An hour or so later, I removed the gauze from my mouth, because I thought the bleeding had stopped. I got on my laptop. A few minutes later I looked down, to see that I had drooled blood all over the keyboard, and didn't know because my mouth was numb. FML

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By whattdafuuukkkk - 5/6/2012 11:56 - United States

Today, a little girl walked up to me at Target and asked me what my name was. I smiled and told her my name was Kristen. She looked at the skirt I was wearing and said, "Kristen, can you wear pants tomorrow?" FML

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By rain - 1/6/2009 02:05 - United States

Today, I called the number a guy had given me at a bar last night. I got the Soulja Boy Hotline. Now every few hours I get messages on my phone like 'Good morning! Jump on up and get yo swag on, this is Soulja Boy!' and I can't seem to get it to stop. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2013 00:43 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, I found out that my upstairs neighbor has a cat. I was blessed with this knowledge when she threw several piles of used kitty litter and cat poop over her balcony and onto my patio. FML

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By 3.14 - 8/2/2012 11:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought my mother an apple pie. She made a face at it and said that she'd decided to go on a diet. After I'd left the house, she put it in the oven, forgot about it, and burnt it to a crisp. She then called me up to inform me that I'd wasted my money, and to get her "another damn pie." FML

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By kids next door - 18/11/2013 10:14 - United States - Mount Holly

Today, some kids used firecrackers to blow up my mailbox. This is the third time this week. FML

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By theawfulpresent - 30/1/2013 00:28 - United States - Germantown

Today, my boyfriend tried to hypnotize me into breaking up with him. FML

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By Colin - 24/12/2008 05:56 - France

Today, I phoned up my bank's customer service department. I waited eleven minutes on hold with the lovely music, and when a woman finally picked up, I ran out of phone credit. FML

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By KillingMeSlowly - 11/10/2015 03:37

Today, I realized that my two year old likes to help with the groceries. And by help I mean hide a bag of chicken. It's been two weeks since I went grocery shopping and I still can't find it, but it smells like something died in my house. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2016 21:55 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, the cockroach infestation at my house has gotten so bad that I can now tell the difference between male and female cockroaches. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2009 08:18 - Australia

Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML

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By daddy'sgirl - 21/6/2012 04:11 - United States - Memphis

Today, I was lecturing my high school students on the importance of a good education. I pointed out the janitor in the hall and told them if they didn't stay in school, they'd end up like him. Then one of my students raised her hand and reminded me that the janitor I pointed to was her dad. FML

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By Parade - 28/2/2011 06:00 - United States

Today, I was on the bus, it hit a bump on the road and made me hit a elderly man. The bus driver thought I did it on purpose and made me get off. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2016 14:26 - Italy - Bologna

Today, my dog apparently vomited straight down a heating vent while I was out. The stench was so bad that when I got home and the smell hit me, I threw up too. Looks like I'll be spending a few days with my mother as the house airs out. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2020 14:01

Put the booze down

Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML

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By AgentRarity - 18/6/2014 16:48

Today, I was reading butthurt comments about how girl gamers can easily get dates and find love by simply existing. I'm a "girl gamer" who hasn't even found a date, let alone love. I've been looking since I was sixteen. I'm now 27. FML

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By feeldumb - 11/6/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, I got into an argument with a 7 year old. He said that Obama was the 44th President, I said he was the 42nd. Guess who was right. FML

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By gravycoveredblackberry - 19/11/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, I had my new Blackberry Curve sitting on my lunch tray. Unthinkingly, i tossed it into the garbage can. 10 minutes later i realized I had thrown it away and spent the next hour searching through six garbage cans of half-eaten food. FML

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By hyper12332 - 29/4/2009 14:35 - Australia

Today, I was playing one on one soccer with a girl like. I accidentally kicked the ball right into her face. The ball rolled back towards me and as I was running to see if she was ok, I kicked the ball... right into her face again. FML

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By needtoscratch - 5/9/2012 14:06 - United States - Duluth

Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML

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By banana_tree - 21/4/2014 21:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I joked to a client that every time I see his name, I start singing the song 'Dr Jones' by Aqua. He looked blankly at me, so I broke into song, 'Dr Jones, Dr Jones, calling Dr Jones... ' He still looked blankly, but now also utterly horrified, as were the rest of the waiting room. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2009 09:04 - Australia

Today, as a respected artist I was running a workshop with a bunch of rowdy college kids. I was in the middle of demonstrating a painting technique when I accidentally washed my paintbrush in my coffee instead of my paint water. They waited until I then drank from it to burst out in hysterics. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2009 11:13 - Switzerland

Today, I was having sex with a girl. Things were getting pretty hot, so I decided to smack her butt. I missed. I smacked my balls instead. Real hard. FML

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By Autocorrected - 4/3/2012 05:02 - Philippines

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through a text message. In retaliation, I started typing a long list of everything I hate about her. Just as I pressed the send button, she text me again saying "Just joking. You know I'd never leave you. Love you babe :)" FML

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By whoneedsdumbcars - 14/8/2009 08:29 - United States

Today, at a restaurant, I noticed a really hot girl leaving with her friend. A few minutes later they came back, laughing uncontrollably, and announced that some moron forgot to put on their parking brake and the car was rolling into the full parking lot. It was my car. They watched me chase it. FML

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By Monkey253100 - 3/6/2012 14:47 - France

Today, I decided to be healthy and go for a run. I broke my ankle. FML

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By androgynous - 30/3/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, I was going through airport security. As my bags were being scanned, I was told that I was selected for extra searching. Right as the security guard was about to frisk me, he froze up and asked me, "You're a male, right?" I am, and I used to think that it was obvious. FML

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Top comments

By nahgemoohc | 17

#3807445 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:03

That's a pretty damn good prank

By imustbeinsane | 2

#3807447 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:03

Thats great, I might use this

COMMENTS

By sisteresss | 12

#3807441 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:03

I don't understand how this is an FML

By notsorandomguy | 18

#3807443 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:03

And your life is fucked over this? Seriously?

By nahgemoohc | 17

#3807445 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:03

That's a pretty damn good prank

Reply

SecretMe00 | 5

#3807618 - Friday 30 December 2011 13:00

Ya it seems like the speakers are usually too loud or too quiet. I don't get how it was a prank though? Wasn't the speaker messed up on its own? And that's why the people were yelling... I'm confused.

Reply

nahgemoohc | 17

#3807642 - Friday 30 December 2011 13:09

Maybe because of the word 'Punkd' at the end? I dunno.

Reply

mirag | 0

#3807782 - Friday 30 December 2011 14:29

At least they didn't cone

Reply

XkatrinaX420 | 7

#3807907 - Friday 30 December 2011 15:09

@#20-the speaker was never broken, some smartass just put the note on there to make it look like it was. I may or may not have to try this sometime... lol

Reply

nixter5 | 18

#3808093 - Friday 30 December 2011 16:13

This reminds me of Dane Cook's BK lounge skit. "EXTRA PICKLY PICKLES!!" haha.

Reply

ScaughtieHolden | 11

#3808103 - Friday 30 December 2011 16:15

What's up with all these missing e's? Tumblr, Flickr, Punkd, et cetera.

Reply

iFizzgig | 11

#3808151 - Friday 30 December 2011 16:29

I so did this for April fools day ^_^

Reply

periwinkle95 | 10

#3808538 - Friday 30 December 2011 18:30

At least it wasn't ketchup getting thrown in your face lol

Reply

dav3800 | 7

#3808545 - Friday 30 December 2011 18:36

Doing that at a McDonalds franchise. On my bucket list.

By imustbeinsane | 2

#3807447 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:03

Thats great, I might use this

By crazyarsedfly | 14

#3807463 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:08

Hehe awh well, no harm no foul... just plenty of laughs :P

By yumgranolabar | 5

#3807466 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:09

That doesn't seem like a very big deal at all....

By palahniukpaul | 6

#3807468 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:09

At least you could hear them well.

By FYLDeep | 25

#3807472 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:11

Fast food jobs suck. I am a bit surprised why you didn't just ask the customers why they were speaking so loudly though.

Reply

benderbot19 | 0

#3807775 - Friday 30 December 2011 14:26

Because common sense is rare.

Reply

ImmenseCabbage | 0

#3808471 - Friday 30 December 2011 18:04

Because that would be sort of rude...

By fancyclown | 9

#3807479 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:13

Check the video surveilance for Ashton Kutcher sneaking around in his trucker clothes and retro hat

By _streets_ | 19

#3807481 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:13

I work at Starbucks and I swear it must be impossible for people to talk to the speaker in a regular volumed voice, they're either screaming "HI CAN I GET A LATTE!". Or whispering "..hello can I just get a coffee.."

Reply

FYLDeep | 25

#3807522 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:25

It must be boring working Starbucks drive thru. You probably don't get all the cars filled with drunk people to make it interesting.

Reply

fancyclown | 9

#3807534 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:30

I feel sorry for anyone who has to take my dad's order. I always tell him to make a desicision before he gets to the speaker, but he feels inclined to stare at the menu while saying "hmmm.." for a couple hours.