Today, I was taking people's orders at the drive-thru. I was... - FML

By Ashton Sprunger - 30/12/2011 05:38 - United States

Today, I was taking people's orders at the drive-thru. I was confused as to why people were screaming their orders at me, until one of my managers handed me a paper that he'd found taped to the menu, saying "speak loudly speaker isn't working properly." Punkd. FML

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Family values

Age ain't nothing but a number

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By uselessdad - 7/9/2010 23:48 - Singapore

Today, I came home to my wife crying. She had mixed up our newborn twin girls and couldn't tell which was which. I looked at the girls. Neither could I. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2018 09:30 - United States - Henderson

Today, I decided to take a relaxing shower. My face mask made my face break out in hives. While exfoliating, my nipples became chafed. Then I slipped and cut myself while shaving. FML

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By Noname - 20/2/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, I was doing a strip tease for my husband. He asked me to stop. FML

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By raesos91 - 18/9/2012 11:56 - United States - Houston

Today, I decided to look for the horrid stench coming from my bathroom. It turns out my roommate has been throwing away her used tampons in the "trashcan by the sink." That "trashcan" is my old antique vase. FML

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By i2xl - 24/2/2012 15:28 - Canada

Today, my landlady roasted a joint of beef and the whole house smelled wonderful. OK, even if I am a masochistic vegetarian and former omnivore, that was way beyond cruel. FML

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By Ashley - 6/9/2012 12:46 - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. They jokingly asked me if I was only with him for his money. I didn't hear them properly so I just smiled and nodded. They now think I'm a gold digging bitch. FML

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By Toilettrash - 6/7/2012 10:51 - United States

Today, I was brutally dumped over webcam, by my boyfriend, who was taking a dump with the laptop on his lap. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2010 02:20 - United States

Today, I got married. Tonight, I received the best orgasm of my life. Not from my husband; from the jacuzzi tub in our honeymoon suite, where he was passed out drunk. FML

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By shmelly - 16/4/2010 04:03 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend was unbuttoning my pants to go down on me, he looked at me and said in his best robot voice, "caution, contents may be stinky." FML

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By Amberain - 16/8/2012 15:16 - United Kingdom - Widnes

Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2011 23:03 - United States

Today, I logged on to Facebook to find that my boyfriend's relationship status had changed to in a relationship with his ex. I asked him about it, and all he said was, "I guess I forgot to break up with you." FML

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By Melting in Texas - 9/8/2016 18:56

Today, I discovered that my freezer had died when I saw the contents oozing out the bottom. The now-full trash can won't be picked up for another 6 days, and the high temperatures are supposed to be in the 100s all week. FML

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By thelarkscaw - 15/6/2009 03:37 - United States

Today, I thought I saw a woodchuck far out in my yard. I wanted to take a cool picture of it so I slowly crept closer and closer to it. I spent half an hour sneaking up on a log. FML

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By whipplewhip - 30/6/2013 04:21 - United States

Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML

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By never ending story - 20/4/2018 13:00 - United States

Today, it doesn’t matter that I had major surgery on my hand 2 days ago and am supposed to be on bed rest with no hand movement for 3 weeks. According to my father and my husband, it doesn’t excuse me from wifely house duties and being the sole caretaker of our one-year-old. FML

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By dumb mother - 31/1/2012 02:34 - United States

Today, my mother yelled at me for standing too close to the microwave. Her reason? The radiation was going to seep through, kill my sperm and cause cancer. FML

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By DBR - 23/4/2009 10:45 - United States

Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML

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By lmaofuck - 26/5/2016 01:06 - United States - Westerville

Today, I had a guest at my house. I stood up to shake her hand and kiss her on both cheeks, which is common in my culture. When she was kissing my cheeks, I went the opposite way from her and I ended up kissing her on the lips instead. Her eyes went big and I ran away. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2010 07:47 - Venezuela

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by spray-painting it on my locker. FML

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By Diet_Water - 14/2/2016 05:01 - United States - Moreno Valley

Today, I wore my boyfriend's favorite shirt to surprise him and show him how sexy I look. He made me take it off and pay the bill for dry cleaner. FML

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By IronFoot - 14/8/2011 02:41 - Canada

Today, while on the roof of my friend's house, I took a shortcut down by jumping onto the roof of his nearby shed. Not only did I go right through it and hurt my arm, I've also received several calls from my friend's dad, demanding I pay for the damage. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 07:15 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's to get a checkup. When the nurse stuck the Otoscope into my ear to look, she was disgusted. When she pulled it out, she told me that I had an ear infection, and that she'd popped a pimple in there by mistake. FML

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By nicegirl08 - 20/1/2009 22:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came to visit me for my birthday. Over dinner he handed me a blank card that had the words "I love you" hastily written on it. When the waiter came to take our order he informed him that we'd be paying separately. Happy Birthday. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2020 09:30

I don't like to move it, move it

Today, I realized just how sedentary both my work and home lives are after I went to the doctor with a rash on my butt and he diagnosed it as bedsores from near constant sitting. FML

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By walmart: first time, last time - 12/5/2013 16:37 - United States

Today, while I was out shopping, a fairly hideous-looking woman stormed up to me and accused me of ogling her, saying, "As if I'd ever date you!" Less than a minute later, she'd somehow managed to bully me into falsely admitting to it and apologizing. FML

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By misty_love - 10/3/2010 08:09 - United States

Today, I realized that I can still do the splits. Why? Because I fell down an entire flight of stairs, everyone in the hall saw me land and applauded. Someone even shouted "and she sticks the landing." FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2013 22:53 - United States

Today, I had to sell over $400 worth of china at a flea market. I barely got paid enough to refill my gas tank. FML

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By leapple - 14/3/2010 01:17 - United States

Today, I spent 2 hours doing my hair, doing my make-up, and picking out an outfit to meet some men. On chatroulette. FML

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By ihateseagulls - 7/4/2011 23:28 - United States

Today, while at the beach, my little sister thought it would be cute to feed a small seagull some of her food. Minutes later a flock of seagulls swarmed and attacked me and my sandwich. FML

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By Sacho - 24/10/2019 20:00

Hiking is so much fun!

Today, 4 miles into a mountain hike with my crush, I suddenly felt a stomach pain, followed by the urge for explosive diarrhea. I had to stand still with my butt clenched to prevent shitting myself. There were no nearby bathrooms, and I didn't have any toilet paper. It was messy. She'll never see me the same. FML

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By peeepeee. - 3/6/2009 20:06 - United States

Today, while taking a drug test for a volunteer job, I found out that I have a "shy bladder". It took me ages to pee into a cup. I was congratulated and clapped for by complete strangers when I finally left for taking a piss. FML

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By flyakite - 22/8/2014 03:53 - United States

Today, my boss decided our 4 year relationship was unethical, so she broke up with me, then terminated my employment. FML

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By Undefined - 1/1/2009 12:09 - France

Today, I was at a restaurant with my boyfriend. I look him straight in the eye and ask him: "What's the first thing you think about when you look at me?". His answer: "Can I finish my steak?" FML

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By WhatALoserAmI - 27/6/2016 16:08 - India - Bhopal

Today, an old friend of mine refused to go to a movie with me. Turns out he was sitting in front of me with my girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2013 06:59 - United States

Today, my family flew out to surprise my grandma for her 70th birthday. When we arrived, she and my grandpa were both sitting on the couch, high, smoking a joint. FML

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By pamcakes - 9/7/2016 17:14

Today, my dog pooped on the floor, and the Roomba my sweet boyfriend bought me as a housewarming gift, ran over it. FML

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By MIB thingy please... - 5/2/2015 01:21 - United States - Oregon City

Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML

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By Sarah - 10/3/2009 17:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting in Science class and to my surprise I felt my pants suddenly becoming warm and wet. I looked behind me to see that 4 boys from my class had inserted a small funnel into my exposed buttcrack and where pouring the melted butter from the experiment into that area. FML

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By oddbrien - 13/12/2016 03:34 - United States - Baltimore

Today, while at the club, I started dancing with a girl who I had noticed throughout the night. When she turned around she firmly stated, "I'd much rather dance by myself". FML

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By lexithepirate - 27/7/2012 09:24 - United States

Today, I had a doctor's appointment. I left with referrals to both a dermatologist and a mental health professional. FML

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Top comments

By nahgemoohc | 17

#3807445 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:03

That's a pretty damn good prank

By imustbeinsane | 2

#3807447 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:03

Thats great, I might use this

Comments

By sisteresss | 12

#3807441 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:03

I don't understand how this is an FML

By notsorandomguy | 18

#3807443 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:03

And your life is fucked over this? Seriously?

By nahgemoohc | 17

#3807445 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:03

That's a pretty damn good prank

Reply

SecretMe00 | 5

#3807618 - Friday 30 December 2011 13:00

Ya it seems like the speakers are usually too loud or too quiet. I don't get how it was a prank though? Wasn't the speaker messed up on its own? And that's why the people were yelling... I'm confused.

Reply

nahgemoohc | 17

#3807642 - Friday 30 December 2011 13:09

Maybe because of the word 'Punkd' at the end? I dunno.

Reply

mirag | 0

#3807782 - Friday 30 December 2011 14:29

At least they didn't cone

Reply

XkatrinaX420 | 7

#3807907 - Friday 30 December 2011 15:09

@#20-the speaker was never broken, some smartass just put the note on there to make it look like it was. I may or may not have to try this sometime... lol

Reply

nixter5 | 18

#3808093 - Friday 30 December 2011 16:13

This reminds me of Dane Cook's BK lounge skit. "EXTRA PICKLY PICKLES!!" haha.

Reply

ScaughtieHolden | 11

#3808103 - Friday 30 December 2011 16:15

What's up with all these missing e's? Tumblr, Flickr, Punkd, et cetera.

Reply

iFizzgig | 11

#3808151 - Friday 30 December 2011 16:29

I so did this for April fools day ^_^

Reply

periwinkle95 | 10

#3808538 - Friday 30 December 2011 18:30

At least it wasn't ketchup getting thrown in your face lol

Reply

dav3800 | 7

#3808545 - Friday 30 December 2011 18:36

Doing that at a McDonalds franchise. On my bucket list.

By imustbeinsane | 2

#3807447 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:03

Thats great, I might use this

By crazyarsedfly | 14

#3807463 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:08

Hehe awh well, no harm no foul... just plenty of laughs :P

By yumgranolabar | 5

#3807466 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:09

That doesn't seem like a very big deal at all....

By palahniukpaul | 6

#3807468 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:09

At least you could hear them well.

By FYLDeep | 25

#3807472 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:11

Fast food jobs suck. I am a bit surprised why you didn't just ask the customers why they were speaking so loudly though.

Reply

benderbot19 | 0

#3807775 - Friday 30 December 2011 14:26

Because common sense is rare.

Reply

ImmenseCabbage | 0

#3808471 - Friday 30 December 2011 18:04

Because that would be sort of rude...

By fancyclown | 9

#3807479 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:13

Check the video surveilance for Ashton Kutcher sneaking around in his trucker clothes and retro hat

By _streets_ | 19

#3807481 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:13

I work at Starbucks and I swear it must be impossible for people to talk to the speaker in a regular volumed voice, they're either screaming "HI CAN I GET A LATTE!". Or whispering "..hello can I just get a coffee.."

Reply

FYLDeep | 25

#3807522 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:25

It must be boring working Starbucks drive thru. You probably don't get all the cars filled with drunk people to make it interesting.

Reply

fancyclown | 9

#3807534 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:30

I feel sorry for anyone who has to take my dad's order. I always tell him to make a desicision before he gets to the speaker, but he feels inclined to stare at the menu while saying "hmmm.." for a couple hours.