Work: Today, I was taking people's orders at the drive-thru. I was... - FML

By Ashton Sprunger - United States

Today, I was taking people's orders at the drive-thru. I was confused as to why people were screaming their orders at me, until one of my managers handed me a paper that he'd found taped to the menu, saying "speak loudly speaker isn't working properly." Punkd. FML

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BO Central

Rock, hard place

Nice guy DESTROYED by FACTS and LOGIC

By TheBetterRedhead

Today, on my way home from grocery shopping, two young adults around my age came up and asked me for a lighter. Thinking they just needed it to light a cigarette, I handed them my only lighter. They immediately ran away. I got robbed for a 1.99$ lighter. FML

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By confusedandnowsingle - Finland - Espoo

Today, my boyfriend's proposal speech somehow ended with him breaking up with me. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/7/2020 14:01

Great time to try for a kid

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years complained about having to jack off for IVF. We haven't had sex in 9 months, I have to take hormone injections, and I'm jealous of his own hand. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I couldn't get into my car. In an attempt to get in, I broke a window. As I climbed in, the actual owner of the car walked up. Mine was across the street. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, at the mall my brother and I went to look at a vendor's items when my mom said not to touch anything. Thinking my brother was standing next to me, I saw him touching stuff so I smacked him in the arm and told him to stop. I turn to see that the old lady to my side was giving me a mean look. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, after I requested a sick day, a very close co-worker texted her boyfriend that I'm a bitch for pretending to have the same rare illness that she recently suffered. She said it was unlikely, disrespectful and unfair that I didn't even look sick. I know this because she texted me instead. FML

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By shh - United States - Scottsdale

Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML

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By 16isntsweet - United States

Today, I had my sweet sixteen party. All my best friends came to the microphone to make a little speech. When my boyfriend came to do his, he broke up with me. FML

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By Khagen - 27/1/2021 05:01

Supportive

Today, after two rounds of antibiotics, I got a yeast infection. My husband started calling me "Yeasty." FML

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By jetlagged - Sweden

Today, for an eight hour flight to Copenhagen, Denmark, I paid extra to get a seat offering more leg room. Unfortunately, the man behind me was so tall, his knees were pressing against my back the entire flight. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered everyone at work refers to me as 'The Man-Lady'. I work in a supermarket's beauty department. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, I went to a garden party my friend had invited me to. I soon discovered they had seriously downplayed the formality of the event, as I noticed trays of fancy hors d'oeuvres and glasses of champagne lined up on the table. I showed up with Kool Aid and Ritz crackers. FML

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By TimeForANewJob

Today, at work, my colleague started to look for a new job. For me. FML

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By Lady Madeira von Cuntshunt - United States - Denver

Today, I received my employee ID, which I have to wear at all times at my new job. The only problem is that in my photo, I look like a donkey having a seizure. Customers keep snickering at it, and my boss thinks I posed like that deliberately. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after months of hardcore flirting with this incredibly attractive guy, he invited me to hang out. At which point he introduced me to his boyfriend. FML

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By ugh - United States - Easthampton

Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML

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By popasquat

Today my roommate was taking forever in the shower. I had to pee like crazy. I danced around waiting and waiting. I couldn’t hold it anymore so I snuck out to the backyard to pop a squat. The relief hit me at the same time the realization that our landlord has security camera in the back yard...FML

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By Jason - United States

Today, I spent forty minutes trying to break into my own house after being locked out. After finally getting in through a small unlocked window, I discovered my keys in my pants pocket. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving home from work when I saw the woman in the car in front of me throw something out the window. Only when it landed on my windshield did I realize what it was. A bloody tampon. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, I nearly got shitcanned for falling asleep on the job. The only reason I was so dead tired was because my idiot roommates decided to get high last night and loudly argue for hours about stupid crap like "Is it gay to screw a clone of yourself?" I got less than 2 hours of sleep because of them. FML

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By Gemma - 7/2/2021 01:01 - United Kingdom

Kids are hard work

Today, I realised my boyfriend is only nice to my son to make me happy. Turns out he hates children and will only do the minimum interaction with my 4-year-old son he can get away with, until he can fabricate an excuse to leave the room. FML

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By dinkley7 - 20/3/2021 21:30

USA! FUCK YEAH!

Today, at work, I had to tell someone to put out a cigarette. He yelled at me saying it’s a free country. I work at a gas station. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Midland

Today, I was excited for my first date in a while, with a "tall handsome business man." Turns out he "doesn't feel emotions anymore", likes getting peed on, and "doesn't do condoms." Thanks, internet dating. FML

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By thanksbro - United States

Today, I grabbed a handful of crackers from the kitchen, only to find it crawling with bugs. Apparently, my brother had made the same discovery earlier, but put the box of crackers back in the cupboard anyway. FML

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By 97 - United States

Today, I was so broke and hungry that I went to Olive Garden and faked being stood up, just so I could eat their breadsticks. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/11/2020 17:02

Boozehound

Today, after being accepted into the college of my dreams, I found out that my mom has spent all my college savings on alcohol over the years, and she says that it's my fault for not "helping her get help." FML

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By Byron fiddles - Hungary

Today, I was on an Easyjet flight, next to two attractive girls, listening to a track which starts with a woman pleasuring herself. I don't like this track so I go to skip it but accidentally unplug my headphones, activating my phone speakers and revealing the said woman at the peak of her orgasm. FML

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By shit streak - 21/4/2020 20:00

KoBabe

Today, my husband was changing our son’s overflowing diaper. Instead of getting up and walking the putrid mess to the bin, he decided to shoot it basketball-style. He missed and it hit the wall, sliding down leaving a huge sloppy streak. He expected me to clean it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, my sister asked me, while making a cup of green tea with honey, "I wonder why they call it honey," to which I reply, "Probably some Greek or Latin word meaning 'to sweeten'." She stops, turns and with a serious face asks, "Where exactly is Latin?" FML

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By Eeeek - Bulgaria

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex in a rarely used room at school. We got carried away and found ourselves locked in. We slept there overnight. We woke up when the cleaning lady found us the next morning and were greeted by worried parents and school staff. FML

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By yessir - United States

Today, my boyfriend rear ended a cop car because he was texting me. I was sitting next to him. FML

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By K123 - United States

Today, I got a text from my ex-boyfriend telling me he still likes me and might love me too. Later I asked him if he really meant it and his response was "I don't know. I was high." FML

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By Awkward - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I sat awkwardly and pretended like I didn't notice my cousin discreetly trying to masturbate while talking to me. This isn't the first time anything like this has happened. FML

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By J - United Kingdom

Today, I went looking for a childhood doll - I remembered that my mum kept her in her bedside cabinet. I could see the doll at the back, but there was stuff in the way, so I reached in and took some of it out, only to find I was holding one of my mum's toys... a big black rubber cock. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, in the bathroom during the ACTs, my hair got stuck in the electric hand dryer. I had to rip my hair out. For future reference, hair + hand dryer = dreadlocks. FML

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By newlyneurotic - United States - Spokane

Today, I finally got the hearing aids that I've needed for years. My dog quickly learned that if he quietly sneaks up behind me and barks, it'll scare the hell out of me. It's now his favorite game. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, after months of dieting, I finally reached my goal weight. Excitedly I told my boyfriend, who gave me a beautiful dress as an early Christmas present. It was a size too small. FML

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By baddaughter - Canada

Today, I called my mother who is vacationing in Florida with my dad and sister. Before they left I told them I would be very responsible and that they could trust me. The first thing she asked me is if all the animals were still alive. I said yes. I lied. Her favourite cat drowned in the pool. FML

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By AHole - United States - Grand Forks

Today, the car in front of me in the drop-off area at my son's school parked, and the driver got out. I basically leaned on my horn and gave her every dirty look in the book. She said nothing but stared at me as she opened the back of her van to unload her child's wheelchair. I'm an asshole. FML

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Top comments

By nahgemoohc | 17

#3807445 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:03

That's a pretty damn good prank

By imustbeinsane | 2

#3807447 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:03

Thats great, I might use this

COMMENTS

By sisteresss | 12

#3807441 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:03

I don't understand how this is an FML

By notsorandomguy | 18

#3807443 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:03

And your life is fucked over this? Seriously?

By nahgemoohc | 17

#3807445 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:03

That's a pretty damn good prank

Reply

SecretMe00 | 5

#3807618 - Friday 30 December 2011 13:00

Ya it seems like the speakers are usually too loud or too quiet. I don't get how it was a prank though? Wasn't the speaker messed up on its own? And that's why the people were yelling... I'm confused.

Reply

nahgemoohc | 17

#3807642 - Friday 30 December 2011 13:09

Maybe because of the word 'Punkd' at the end? I dunno.

Reply

mirag | 0

#3807782 - Friday 30 December 2011 14:29

At least they didn't cone

Reply

XkatrinaX420 | 7

#3807907 - Friday 30 December 2011 15:09

@#20-the speaker was never broken, some smartass just put the note on there to make it look like it was. I may or may not have to try this sometime... lol

Reply

nixter5 | 18

#3808093 - Friday 30 December 2011 16:13

This reminds me of Dane Cook's BK lounge skit. "EXTRA PICKLY PICKLES!!" haha.

Reply

ScaughtieHolden | 11

#3808103 - Friday 30 December 2011 16:15

What's up with all these missing e's? Tumblr, Flickr, Punkd, et cetera.

Reply

iFizzgig | 11

#3808151 - Friday 30 December 2011 16:29

I so did this for April fools day ^_^

Reply

periwinkle95 | 10

#3808538 - Friday 30 December 2011 18:30

At least it wasn't ketchup getting thrown in your face lol

Reply

dav3800 | 7

#3808545 - Friday 30 December 2011 18:36

Doing that at a McDonalds franchise. On my bucket list.

By imustbeinsane | 2

#3807447 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:03

Thats great, I might use this

By crazyarsedfly | 14

#3807463 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:08

Hehe awh well, no harm no foul... just plenty of laughs :P

By yumgranolabar | 5

#3807466 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:09

That doesn't seem like a very big deal at all....

By palahniukpaul | 6

#3807468 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:09

At least you could hear them well.

By FYLDeep | 25

#3807472 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:11

Fast food jobs suck. I am a bit surprised why you didn't just ask the customers why they were speaking so loudly though.

Reply

benderbot19 | 0

#3807775 - Friday 30 December 2011 14:26

Because common sense is rare.

Reply

ImmenseCabbage | 0

#3808471 - Friday 30 December 2011 18:04

Because that would be sort of rude...

By fancyclown | 9

#3807479 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:13

Check the video surveilance for Ashton Kutcher sneaking around in his trucker clothes and retro hat

By _streets_ | 19

#3807481 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:13

I work at Starbucks and I swear it must be impossible for people to talk to the speaker in a regular volumed voice, they're either screaming "HI CAN I GET A LATTE!". Or whispering "..hello can I just get a coffee.."

Reply

FYLDeep | 25

#3807522 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:25

It must be boring working Starbucks drive thru. You probably don't get all the cars filled with drunk people to make it interesting.

Reply

#3807534 - Friday 30 December 2011 12:30

I feel sorry for anyone who has to take my dad's order. I always tell him to make a desicision before he gets to the speaker, but he feels inclined to stare at the menu while saying "hmmm.." for a couple hours.