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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Anonymous - 14/03/2015 11:04 - Netherlands - Dronten

Today, I worked up the courage to tell my girlfriend that I love her. She made a face like she'd just sucked on a lemon and said, "Um... yay, I guess...?" and awkwardly left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 365

You deserved it 3 042

Seniors!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, in the senior class I teach, I asked my students who had traveled outside of the country, excluding Canada and Mexico. One student raised his hand and proudly stated, "Arizona". He wants to be a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 364

You deserved it 3 476

By mn167109 - 09/12/2014 05:45 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I asked my dad why we didn't have any baby pictures. His response was, "They got lost in the flood of '93." I was born in '95. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 362

You deserved it 2 683

Jealousy

By JLD - 11/10/2010 04:34 - United States

Today, I came home from a four-day trip. Apparently, my cat thought I was gone for good and is now very unhappy that I'm home. I know this because she's been positioning herself between me and my husband all night, and hisses every time I try to touch him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 362

You deserved it 5 162

By Sarah - 24/07/2011 00:01 - Canada

Today, I was directing traffic at work during one of the hottest days of the year. Not only do I have to stand in the heat and exhaust fumes for minimum wage, I also had to endure people asking me "Aren't you hot?" as they drove past me in their air conditioned cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 361

You deserved it 3 640

By Igor - 19/12/2012 05:16 - United States - Lansdale

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 361

You deserved it 4 102

By Anonymous - 15/12/2011 21:49 - Australia

Today, my cat vomited violently. I can smell it but I can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 361

You deserved it 3 436

By mee - 22/01/2013 18:49 - United States - Peabody

Today, I went and bought lunch for all the people I work with. The only meal the place forgot was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 361

You deserved it 3 319

Old school cool

By Chimychunga - 01/08/2010 06:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, while helping my dad look for his watch, I found his porn collection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 360

You deserved it 5 652

Stickler

By Anonymous - 02/09/2014 15:49 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I finally got to watch some porn after not being able to for a while. All I could notice in the video was how badly the participants were playing snooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 359

You deserved it 8 748

By heathersmorin - 08/04/2011 19:18 - United States

Today, while making my son lunch, he pooped, took off his diaper, stepped in it, and then climbed to the gate to call for me. When I arrived, he had a big smile on his face and exclaimed, "Look!" Shit footprints were everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 358

You deserved it 4 805

heathersmorin tells us more.

heathersmorin 0

Monday 11 April 2011 21:29

I only talking to one person here and it's this dumb bitch above you! If you don't like it, find yourself another FML. No one said you had to sit here in read this one. This is a community place. I have the right to post comments just as much as you do!

By anon - 23/03/2015 02:24 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was playing with my 3-year-old nephew when he suddenly got up and ran to his mom to tell her I was "touching in bad spots". I was tickling his armpits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 358

You deserved it 2 945

By anonymous - 21/05/2011 07:20 - United States

Today, I had to take care of my best friend while she was drunk. This meant changing her pee-soaked sheets, making her take a bath to get all the baby powder off, and making her put clothes on as she tried to run out the house naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 356

You deserved it 4 627

By Anonymous - 17/09/2012 16:05 - France

Today, my teacher told me that she couldn't find my hand-written essay on the Renaissance, and that I have to re-do it all by tomorrow. I later saw my essay on her desk, covered in a massive coffee stain that made virtually everything unreadable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 356

You deserved it 1 973

Party pooper

By thanksforthat - 10/01/2013 23:11 - United States - Tunkhannock

Today, I went to the hospital with stomach pains. I found out I have mono, as well as a ruptured ovarian cyst, which may need surgery. I called my best friend for support, only for her to drunkenly yell at me for not being at her party, and that this could have waited till a better time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 356

You deserved it 3 878

By azmom - 27/03/2012 17:51 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I dropped off my 19 year old daughter at her first job. It's at a strip club. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 356

You deserved it 26 228

By Sheldon76 - 24/02/2015 19:43

Today, it was the day my catheter was to be removed. The nurse removing it deflated the balloon, and then tried pulling it out. After me screaming in extreme pain, she found out she hadn't actually deflated the balloon all the way. She was trying to pull a small balloon through my dick hole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 354

You deserved it 2 177

Sheldon76 tells us more.

Sheldon76 16

Wednesday 25 February 2015 17:00

Well once she felt the resistance she stopped and deflated it fully. But unfortunately it had traveled some down the urethra before she realized. So I had to wait while she grabbed another syringe unfortunately.

By akosirm - 25/09/2012 02:28 - Philippines

Today, I was going to a big concert at my university. I paid around a hundred twenty bucks for my ticket. Outside the venue, people were handing out the tickets. For free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 354

You deserved it 13 466

By PoachedFish - 29/12/2009 10:57 - Lebanon

Today, was very chilly. My little sister felt sorry for my two goldfish swimming in the cold water. She decided to put them in hot water. They died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 353

You deserved it 3 059

By Jessica - 28/02/2012 19:38 - United States

Today, I got my score back for the monologue I performed. I got points taken off for "seeming nervous." My character was supposed to be nervous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 353

You deserved it 2 670

By sashimieater - 31/05/2011 01:59 - United States

Today, it was the last day of school. My students shared what they thought of me. Expecting to hear wonderful things, all of their complaints can be summed up in a few words: I'm a liar, a killer of dreams, I need to grow up, and I was a big disappointment to them. I'm a first-year teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 351

You deserved it 14 685

By Nasty - 30/08/2011 16:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, after using the bar of soap in the shower to wash my face, I looked down and noticed it was covered in my husband's pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 351

You deserved it 11 589

By wtf did i do?? - 11/01/2013 22:22 - Canada - Thornhill

Today, trying to be sweet, I told my girlfriend that I'm so happy we met one another. She muttered, "Well, that makes one of us." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 350

You deserved it 3 259

By SystemofaBlink41 - 29/09/2014 04:31 - Puerto Rico - Caguas

Today, my mom got genuinely angry at me because I refused to let her pop a zit that I had "promised" she could pop a few days back. She said with utmost look of disappointment that I'm "not a man of my word". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 350

You deserved it 5 763

SystemofaBlink41 tells us more.

SystemofaBlink41 27

Sunday 1 March 2015 0:28

No, but I'm not giving her any ideas...

By Anonymous - 15/01/2015 15:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, like every other day at work, I had to listen to people talk about being addicted to sex. I have to treat people for addiction to something I've never even had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 350

You deserved it 5 356

By dealingdave - 19/12/2011 12:24 - United States

Today, I dropped my 7-year-old son off at school. He decided to have fun and step out of my car screaming "Stranger danger" while running away and pointing at me. I then had to get out of my car to shut the door he'd left wide open. This caused 20 other kids to scream "Stranger danger" as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 349

You deserved it 3 053

dealingdave tells us more.

dealingdave 3

Tuesday 20 December 2011 0:36

I did not ground the boy. I simply told him his entire life belongs to me now until he's 18!

It wasn't me

By Banana - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Puerto Rico

Today, I was riding the train and someone farted. Everyone looked at me. People always blame farts on the fat guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 346

You deserved it 6 999

College life

By rimenrezon - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Tampa

Today, someone tried to break into my dorm room while I was in class. Ramming the metal door with their shoulder just dented it, so they pissed on my welcome mat and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 345

You deserved it 2 538

By fatty - 29/04/2015 01:36 - United States - West Chester

Today, I was sitting in McDonald's. A lady came up to me and started complaining about the bad service, and asked for the manager. I told her that I didn't work there. "But you must, someone that fat has to work here!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 344

You deserved it 5 252

By asthmattack - 25/01/2013 06:30 - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, I was suffering from an asthma attack, so I grabbed my inhaler and took a puff. This was probably very disturbing for the earwig which had somehow made my puffer its home, as I discovered when it shot into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 344

You deserved it 2 819

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Today, my family and I finished moving to Texas. As if that isn't bad enough, I'll have to introduce myself all over again to everyone I meet and explain that yes, my parents really did name me Lilypad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 592

You deserved it 4 353

Today, I lost the best girl that I’ve ever met, she blocked me on every social media and I don't know why, she wrote to me every day, and suddenly I got blocked. Her birthday is in one month, I had the best present and I can't even change or return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 558

You deserved it 237

Today, my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my name when asked to repeat, "I take thee, Emily, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked, so he explained while laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 623

You deserved it 9 022

Today, I pulled a muscle by doing absolutely nothing and now I can’t bend over without excruciating pain. I’m 15 and exercise regularly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 140

Today, I introduced myself, Pete, to my new coworkers at a shipyard. An hour into my shift, everyone started calling me "re-Pete" because I have a bit of a stutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 869

You deserved it 332

Today, I had to leave work early as I almost passed out. My girlfriend's first question after I told her what happened was, "Did you hear Leonardo DiCaprio won an Oscar?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 529

You deserved it 2 202