Health: Today, it was the day my catheter was to be removed. The nurse... - FML

By Sheldon76 - 24/02/2015 19:43

Today, it was the day my catheter was to be removed. The nurse removing it deflated the balloon, and then tried pulling it out. After me screaming in extreme pain, she found out she hadn't actually deflated the balloon all the way. She was trying to pull a small balloon through my dick hole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 238

You deserved it 2 168

Sheldon76 tells us more.

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 17:00

Well once she felt the resistance she stopped and deflated it fully. But unfortunately it had traveled some down the urethra before she realized. So I had to wait while she grabbed another syringe unfortunately.

Our house, in the middle of our street

First Dates

So no one told you life was gonna be this way

By Anonymous - 11/01/2011 03:27 - United States

Today, I sent a friend request on facebook to the only person I became friends with this semester at college. He denied me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 108

You deserved it 4 342

By Noname - 02/03/2009 21:35 - United States

Today, I noticed some of my things in my slob of a roommate's piles of clothes. I found six pairs of my underwear that had gone missing. Turns out she hasn't done laundry recently so my underwear drawer was her own personal Victoria's Secret. I hadn't even worn a pair yet. All six were stained. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 150

You deserved it 4 366

Check yourself

By Anonymous - 28/10/2014 23:54 - United States

Today, my mom talked to me and my brother about how great it was that our cousin was getting away from drugs and becoming sober, as he would have so many more opportunities opened up for him now. She explained all this while sitting on our patio, smoking a blunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 457

You deserved it 3 847

The Dictator

By anonymous - 18/01/2012 05:06 - United States

Today, I discovered that my new landlords must meet and approve guests of mine before they come over, and guests are not allowed when they aren't home or past 11pm. I'm 25 years old and just moved out of my parents' home to get away from my controlling mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 065

You deserved it 4 097

By Anonymous - 22/10/2010 15:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three months told me that he had cheated on me two months ago with my best friend. I decided to give him a second chance. About twenty minutes later, he then broke up with me for not wanting to watch football. Apparently I don't care about his feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 731

You deserved it 12 965

By 1357katie - 19/09/2009 04:22 - Canada

Today, I told my mom about the couple times that I'd skipped classes during high school. She got really mad and grounded me for a month. That would usually be normal except for the fact that I'm 27 and live in my own apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 597

You deserved it 6 251

By Elevated fear - 24/12/2017 19:00

Today, I finally sought help for my crippling fear of elevators. When I arrived at my new therapist's office, I found the door to the stairs locked. To get to my appointment on the third floor of the building, I have to take the elevator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 192

You deserved it 542

By Soakedandbroke - 26/01/2016 17:05 - United States - Houston

Today, I was walking to class. While waiting at the crosswalk, a guy cat-called me from his car. I guess he was pissed that I didn't respond, because he purposely drove through a puddle and completely soaked me and the expensive textbook I was holding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 882

You deserved it 1 748

By anonymous - 03/02/2011 05:17

Spicy

Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!" in Michael Jackson's voice while having an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 145

You deserved it 6 423

By Bobby M - 16/05/2011 16:33 - Ireland

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 435

You deserved it 10 660

AAARGH

By lanu - 13/03/2012 16:13 - United States

Today, I woke up sweating and gasping for air after having a terrible nightmare. The nightmare involved my deceased mother-in-law bitching me out for being a bad influence on her daughter and threatening to cut my nuts off. Even in death, she won't leave me be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 109

You deserved it 2 574

By Anon - 23/06/2014 23:13 - United States - Denton

Today, after nearly a year of being stalked, harassed and even terrorized, the police finally found out who my stalker was. It was my 19-year-old son, who thought it would be a fun prank to pull. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 826

You deserved it 5 940

By abrazama - 02/10/2009 14:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I went down to my accommodation office in fiery wrath, demanding that something be done about my three-days-cold shower. Looking dubious, they sent someone back with me. As soon as we got there he looked at me with deep pity and pulled the cord in the corner that activated the hot water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 768

You deserved it 37 177

By MaydayManic - 10/08/2011 13:11 - United States

Today, I finally went to my boyfriend's house to meet his family. When they were giving me a tour of the house, I noticed a Nazi flag on my boyfriend's bedroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 982

You deserved it 5 032

Best teeth in the game

By floss can't skewer people - 22/09/2021 02:00

Today, my stepfather refused to drive me to the hospital after having a toothpick that was left on the floor lodge itself and break off in the bottom of my foot. He's the only person in the house that uses toothpicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 068

You deserved it 66

By Therunawaymoh - 11/10/2018 12:00

Today, my maid of honor and best friend of 10 years won't answer my texts and blocked me on social media. This is because last night she and my fiancé got into a huge drunken fight about who loved me more and she stormed off. I get married in 5 hours and I have no idea where she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 468

You deserved it 315

By jillie minaj - 09/07/2012 21:06 - United States

Today, I'm accused of vandalizing a cop car during a night of partying, and in so doing, violating my parole. While talking with my lawyer, who I spent all my savings on, I said he could hire better than his hideous secretary. Turns out she's his wife. I think I'm now more screwed than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 085

You deserved it 61 048

By Mightaswelltutordogs - 21/12/2014 01:16 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I had to find simple words to explain to the idiot I was tutoring that "1/4" is not of a greater value than "1/3" just because the denominator is bigger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 480

You deserved it 5 542

By sleeplessinID - 15/08/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, I haven't had any real sleep in 4 days because I am an insomniac. My father is also an insomniac but he takes Ambien to get his rest. Me? I'm stuck staring at the ceiling for hours because he won't let me take any kind of medication, because he doesn't want me "getting addicted." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 532

You deserved it 3 603

Nutter on the bus

By Kevin - 18/03/2021 21:30

Today, some guy at the bus stop screamed at me because the bus was coming and I wasn’t wearing my mask. I was standing 25 feet from the stop finishing a smoke and there was no one around me. When I sat down on the bus, with my mask on, he stared me down the whole ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 155

By beautyschool22 - 11/06/2012 23:39 - United States

Today, I talked to my father for the first time in several years. I proudly told him that I have been attending Beauty School. He looked me up and down and said, "Doesn't look like you've learned much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 499

You deserved it 3 244

By Shiva - 18/03/2014 08:46 - France - Niort

Today, I decided to clean my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 385

You deserved it 9 408

By titsmcgee - 11/02/2015 21:51 - United States - Oak Brook

Today, the CEO of my company leaned over and said, "Hey, I've been meaning to thank you…" I thought he was going to thank me for all of my hard work, but he continued, "…for wearing that shirt today. I can totally see your boobs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 115

You deserved it 7 034

By Nikki - 13/05/2015 00:33 - United States - Satellite Beach

Today, I went to bring my 92-year-old neighbor some cake we had just made. When I walked in, she was wearing pants. That's it. I stared blinking in shock for a few seconds before running away, yelling, "So sorry. I brought you cake. Real tired. Gonna sleep now. Bye." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 952

You deserved it 3 555

The step before rat-licker

By Annabelle - 17/03/2021 17:01

Today, I got caught sniffing a rat, and now my boss is forcing me to be tested for the black death and is "terrified" that I made everyone sick, and says I may be fired from my job as a pediatric anesthesiologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 1 074

By Optimist - 04/08/2009 08:26 - Canada

Today, I found out I have an option on my phone to postpone the sending of my text messages. I thought it would be cute to send my boyfriend texts saying, " I love you and sweet dreams" every night at midnight for a month. He broke up with me and I can't figure out how to stop the texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 777

You deserved it 25 897

By Anonymous - 13/09/2017 08:00 - Canada - Grand Bay

Today, I thought it would be funny to mow a dick into my grandmother's lawn, but the mower leaked gasoline and now there's a giant dead grass outline. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 4 518

By hairy - 30/09/2013 21:59 - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, I discovered that I have caught head lice from my son. Unfortunately, they are living in my chest hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 331

You deserved it 3 813

Very frustrating

By Anonymous - 18/01/2020 05:00

Today my Assistant Manager decided to pull a prank on me by walking up behind me and screaming my name. I screamed in terror and then swung around and punched him full force dead center in the chest right in front of my supervisor, manager, and several other employees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 325

You deserved it 238

By Lilly - 02/10/2013 12:43 - United States - Conway

Today, I was on a dinner date with a guy I really like. I guess I was on my phone too much because halfway through the date he sent me a text saying how much my half of the bill would be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 661

You deserved it 124 049

Drink it instead!

By SpitBreathe - 25/10/2020 14:00 - Iran Islamic Republic of

Today, I found out why the amount of mouthwash hasn't been decreasing much recently when I walked in on my dad using it and then spitting some of it back in the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 64

Thicker than blood

By fat fat fat fat fat - 23/03/2021 05:01

Today, despite the fact that I’ve been battling cancer for the past year and was hospitalized for Covid, all my family can talk about is how much weight I’ve gained. Yeah, not like being out of work, quarantined and on a ton of meds has anything to do with it. Thanks guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 267

You deserved it 74

By Anonymous - 12/12/2010 02:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got married. Tonight, I received the best orgasm of my life. Not from my husband; from the jacuzzi tub in our honeymoon suite, where he was passed out drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 354

You deserved it 5 025

Too late

By BlueSteele220 - 29/07/2020 17:01

Today, someone stole a package off my doorstep. Too bad, it was the video doorbell to prevent my packages from being stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 622

You deserved it 100

By Anonymous - 19/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was in the middle of a wank when my home's back door, which is always locked, suddenly opened and someone walked in. I’m not sure who was more surprised: me or the new maintenance guy who saw me wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 267

You deserved it 620

My regret

By regret - 30/12/2019 01:00 - Australia - Warrnambool

Today, my little sister put me in charge of keeping her fighting fish alive. It would've been an easy task if it weren't for my crazy ex-boyfriend drunkenly forcing his way into my house, vomiting into the fishbowl and killing the fish. Only ten more hours until my family gets home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 928

You deserved it 472

By emm - 18/03/2011 16:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, someone rear-ended me while I was on my way home. I was extremely upset and I called my boyfriend for comfort and to help inspect the damage. After taking a good look at the car, he said, "Damn, if only you fucked this hard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 276

You deserved it 9 549

Staycation time

By Anonymous - 30/01/2017 13:05 - United Kingdom

Today, £250 of money belonging to work was stolen from my handbag. My boss says I have to pay it back because I'm the one that signed out the cash. There goes the holiday I was about to book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 262

You deserved it 1 005

By anon - 27/03/2015 20:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while getting ready for a job interview, I sneezed while brushing my teeth, splattering toothpaste everywhere and ruining my brand new dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 772

You deserved it 4 745

Safe working conditions

By Anonymous - 22/05/2021 06:01

Today, at work, yet another inappropriately stacked pallet fell on me. I thought for sure that I just hit a nerve. Nope, I fractured my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 54

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Top comments

Jared900DUmpling 30

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:07

*every single guy on FML shudders and clutches his dick* I'm honestly glad I cannot relate to this.

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:08

I don't have a penis but I can imagine the pain. I'm so sorry! :c

Comments

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:06

i can feel it, thx

James_is_Mexican 25

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:07

This makes me cringe...

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 10:39

Did she at least sing Soft Kitty for you Sheldon? That bitch!

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:07

Not exactly the happy ending you were hoping for, sorry dude.

Jared900DUmpling 30

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:07

*every single guy on FML shudders and clutches his dick* I'm honestly glad I cannot relate to this.

AnOriginalName 19

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:21

No joke, I did precisely that upon reading the story. Still cringing/shuddering in pain at the thought.

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:25

sure did.

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:46

I don't have a penis but I'm cringing so hard!

PsychoticGerbil 13

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 13:27

HOW CAN ANYONE ASSUME HE DESERVES THIS? Nobody should have to feel that pain!

UnidentifiedFun 37

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 14:16

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

BlackPhoenixNite 14

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 16:00

I'm a girl and I'm cringing. The urethra is just as small in women as in men. It would cause pain for anybody.

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 16:39

I'm a female and even I put my hands over my crotch and cringed

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 16:49

Believe me, it hurt like crazy. It was just an insane relief when she finally did remove it!

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 20:47

As a girl who needed one for a almost routine medical test I had to get while have kidney/bladder problems, even as a girl its awful. After having the test twice I begged my mom enough for them to put me under for it. It is a bit worse for guys though. Awful for anyone/thing that can feel pain.

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 21:59

I feel like when someone gets hurt badly, it's like human nature to defend the same part.

PerfectDarkTails 8

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 23:38

I can relate, though a child when I've had that catheter pain, it's an unfortunate medical negligence thing the in my case, doctors apologised for.

Ava_Darkflame 26

Friday 10 July 2015 15:59

#39, definitely not... our vaginas stretch, at least, their "dick hole" (?) doesnt at all. Even getting kicked in the balls hurts more than giving birth, i believe. i remember learning that once.

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:07

Thats one way to make it look bigger

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:08

I cringed

sullivankeara 25

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:08

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:11

Have him doing that for hours, with his entire body in tense pain, then you can talk about it being like giving birth.

Tthug 34

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 13:59

I think she just meant the fact that the object going through the hole was bigger than the dang hole. Not that the pain was equivalent.

randompizzaguy 17

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 16:17

Why does everyone get so defensive about giving birth being compared to anything?

Ichiya 29

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 17:36

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

honeymoonroyale 20

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 18:32

Not always.

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 19:37

#61 The only case I can think of that isn't by some form of choice is rape and with that there's a slim chance of being pregnant and if you are there's alway abortion

randompizzaguy 17

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 21:33

65 isn't wrong.

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Friday 27 February 2015 18:46

Also, the vagina is *surprise* made to expand to facilitate giving birth, the urethral tubes are not

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:08

I am so sorry :/ ouch

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 23:42

Why, were you the nurse?

quesok 22

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:08

At least it wasn't sharp like a kidney stone

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:37

Kidney stones suck ass. I hate them with the passion.

jentrynicole 20

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 10:18

The balloon is way too wide for the ureter. At least kidney stones can be smaller. Although both suck.

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 15:56

I've had a 12mm kidney stone it got impacted and my kidney started going septic. I had a drain stint in for 3 weeks it ran from the tip of my dick all the way up into my right kidney and they went in thru existing holes. Wasn't fun when it got taken out at all

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:08

I don't have a penis but I can imagine the pain. I'm so sorry! :c

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 18:17

Trust me no you can't D:

asherm 15

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Thursday 26 February 2015 9:02

I can imagine the pain too. Not like a partially inflated balloon would feel good being yanked out of my urethra. Just makes my girl area cringe

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 9

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 16

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 2 059

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 190