Miscellaneous: Today, I got my score back for the monologue I performed. I got... - FML

By Jessica - 28/02/2012 19:38 - United States

Today, I got my score back for the monologue I performed. I got points taken off for "seeming nervous." My character was supposed to be nervous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 248

You deserved it 2 658

Our house, in the middle of our street

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Batman

By yeah... - 22/01/2009 22:47 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend who I am still in love with sends me a text message that says "I miss you, baby". It turns out my name comes right after his girlfriend's name on his contact list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 720

You deserved it 2 219

By nipman - 25/04/2011 19:12 - United States

Today, my grandpa who is staying with us mistook me for a Japanese soldier and started to hit me with a bat. This is the second night in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 121

You deserved it 3 842

By Anonymous - 15/05/2015 23:55 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 650

You deserved it 2 363

By psh_idontbite - 13/03/2015 03:55 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog around my neighborhood, when I saw this really cute boy. My dog then saw a squirrel and dragged me through mud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 655

You deserved it 3 528

By Anonymous - 16/11/2008 03:36 - France

Today, I drank a beer that I thought was mine, it wasn't and someone had put out their cigarette in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 448

You deserved it 11 856

By Annoyed Student - 09/04/2013 23:09 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, my English teacher used the word "interpretate" again. This isn't the only mistake she's made though; I've been so frustrated that I've started a list of them. It's over a page long. I'm meant to be learning things from this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 933

You deserved it 4 133

By Anonymous - 18/07/2019 02:00

Spicy

Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 213

You deserved it 1 985

By srsly_what - 28/04/2011 23:13 - United Kingdom

Today, a little girl wandered into the glass-cleaning area of the pub I work at. It's a dangerous place for a little kid, so I took her hand and asked where her mum was. The kid starts screaming and the mother appears in the doorway shouting "GET AWAY FROM MY BABY!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 538

You deserved it 3 497

By nayahbear24 - 27/08/2014 22:52 - United States - Trenton

Today, after coming home from a two week vacation, my dog was pink, there were beer bottles and used condoms on my bed, and everything was a mess. I asked my sister, who'd been watching over the place, what had happened. She just said "Oops." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 126

You deserved it 3 909

By Told_You_So - 09/07/2009 06:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 919

You deserved it 5 043

By Jonnygiant - 14/03/2009 01:45 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower after basketball practice. When I got out of the shower I thought no one was home so I thought it might be fun to walk around the house completely naked. I walk downstairs and my mom was eating dinner. Along with 20 other members of her bookclub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 218

You deserved it 69 925

By stupid - 27/05/2013 11:16 - Lithuania - Prienai

Today, I was taking a bus ride home, listening to some music. The music stopped and I assumed my iPod's battery had run out. Turns out someone managed to steal it, leaving my earphones in. I didn't feel a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 939

You deserved it 11 777

By simon - 23/07/2009 22:09 - Canada

Today, I moved into university residence, looking forward to finally being able to come out of the closet. I started chatting with the hot guy moving in next door to me. He said I was cool, and he was glad because he was afraid he'd be living next to a gay guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 109

You deserved it 11 180

By shutupandsmile18 - 18/04/2009 02:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was petting my cat when my new mood ring turned bright purple. I checked the piece of paper that came with the ring and saw that purple meant I was feeling "hot, sexy, and passionate." According to my ring, I'm hot for my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 964

You deserved it 16 780

Furry

By Anonymous - 04/06/2020 17:00

Spicy

Today, my boss fired me because someone hacked our website and replaced pictures of our products with furry porn (don’t Google it, it’s weird as fuck). We don’t have an IT department, but since I spend the most time on the computer controlling stock and purchases, he blamed me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 483

You deserved it 140

By Landlocked - 06/05/2019 02:00

Today, my dad thought it would be a good idea to show my 5-year-old son a documentary about Hurricane Katrina. My son is now terrified of hurricanes. We live in Utah. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 679

You deserved it 189

By Paicked - 25/01/2012 12:33 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me he loves me. Instead of saying it back, I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 314

You deserved it 17 632

By anon - 08/03/2009 08:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got my first tattoo. It was a surprise for my fiancé: our names together over a heart. I went home but before I could show him, he said we had to have a 'talk.' Now my ex's name is tattooed on my back. The kicker? Turns out I'm allergic to the ink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 811

You deserved it 76 637

By GroosedOut - 20/08/2009 12:32 - United States

Today, I saw my wife pick her nose and suck on her fingers. We're 38. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 528

You deserved it 5 390

By sillyfox4lyfe - 07/05/2011 07:08 - United States

Today, I realized that I frequently argue with myself and respond back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 093

You deserved it 13 687

Telenovela FML

By Anonymous - 22/05/2021 04:02

Today, my sister announced she’s pregnant with my husband’s baby. The worst part? It was a plot for revenge against me. She lied about being on birth control to baby trap him. The crime? Me beating her at our high school beauty pageant. Ten years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 017

You deserved it 103

Gene Simmons approves this FML

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was messing around with my boyfriend, trying to get him to tell me he loved me more than KISS, his favorite band. He couldn't do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 416

You deserved it 12 164

Convoluted storyline

By Krash The Koopa - 02/12/2020 11:58 - United States - Litchfield Park

Today, I discovered that the actress who played a girl I have a crush on faked her résumé. Not only that, but she wasn’t even interested in acting, she just wanted a job. And boom, she also voted for Trump. And I STILL have a crush on her character. FML

I agree, your life sucks 260

You deserved it 1 062

Stay classy, bro

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 02:02

Today, my brother got sick with a stomach bug. He didn’t even quit his game to throw up in the toilet and instead threw up straight on the carpet. It sat there for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 492

You deserved it 132

By LonelyOtter - 11/12/2018 14:00

Today, one of my female friends decided she wants a relationship with my ex. I told her I was fine with it because we've been apart for years and have been friends ever since. She then made him chose between being friends with me and having her as a girlfriend. I just lost two of my few friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 333

You deserved it 240

By Mulee - 07/03/2009 12:03 - Belgium

Spicy

Today, I had to run to catch my train, so I didn't get the chance to buy a ticket. When the conductor was in sight, I saw he was a young man and I opened my top a little, in hopes of not having to pay a fine. When I told him I didn't buy a ticket he said: "Close your top, I'm gay". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 313

You deserved it 167 709

By Username - 12/01/2010 04:03 - France

Today, I was nervous as hell for my driving test. The instructor told me to drive a straight line in reverse. I forgot to put the car in reverse from drive and drove straight into a parked vehicle. Which happened to be owned by the instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 001

You deserved it 28 783

By Hue - 07/07/2015 20:43 - United States

Today, I spent more time driving to my vacation spot than actually vacationing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 364

You deserved it 4 163

Ungrateful

By Anonymous - 04/03/2021 11:01 - Germany

Today, my teenage daughter insisted it was my job to take down the tray full of empty dishes, because I was the one who had carried it upstairs. Sound logic, so far. Why had I carried the tray upstairs? To serve her breakfast in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 721

Smoking kills

By Anonymous - 23/06/2021 12:59 - United States - Steele

Today, my grandmother - who has been a heavy smoker for almost forty years, and does not believe in the dangers of smoking - was diagnosed with COPD. Also, I'm now at a greater risk of developing COPD because of her (and my parents, who also smoke). FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 69

By ambled - 24/12/2011 20:04 - United States

Today, I had to share a car with my dad and stepmother. My stepmother managed to get hammered at lunch and spent the hour-long car trip drunkenly mistaking the heating controls for the radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 520

You deserved it 2 319

Weird flex, but OK

By gotmon3y - 07/04/2009 16:12 - United States

Today, I was at the beach walking on the boardwalk without a shirt on. Two cute girls are walking my way and I decide to try and impress them by flexing my abs. While I flexed them, I accidentally let a fart out that everyone heard. Everybody, including the girls, laughed hysterically at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 913

You deserved it 81 740

By Kelso - 06/02/2010 18:22 - United States

Today, my mother told me that the carbon-monoxide alarm went off last night, but since she didn't smell any gas, she decided to just remove the batteries and go back to bed. I had to explain to her that you can't smell carbon monoxide, and that we could have died in our sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 400

You deserved it 2 513

By Jumja - 15/01/2010 11:37 - Netherlands

Today, I found out my boyfriends' mother has invented a new kind of cake and named it after me: not because it's delicious, but because of the amount of fat in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 139

You deserved it 5 692

Monday, Monday, so good to me…

By tooefficient - 19/08/2019 22:00

Today, I was scolded by my boss, all because I can finish most tasks in a quarter of the time it takes him, and he doesn't want to be shown up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 596

You deserved it 100

By ziggers10 - 07/04/2013 03:19 - United States

Today, I was proposed to, under the condition that I "get thin" first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 973

You deserved it 9 876

By Baby Bethy - 25/12/2016 04:00 - United States

Today, I went to bed at noon after having driven 11 hours from Washington to Maine. I missed my flight due to a delayed plane, and was told there were no open flights the next 2 days. I'd been driving my $200 rental car for 1.5 hrs when the airport told me, over the phone, that there was in fact a flight available. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 676

You deserved it 563

By Noname - 15/10/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, my younger sister's dog broke its leg. The vets are closed today so instead of going on a date with a girl I have been trying to get for at least 2 years, I need to carry an 80 lb. dog that hates me, up and down the stairs. I already got bit twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 476

You deserved it 3 464

By ElamentalAngel - 06/05/2009 17:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my 3 year old nephew was sitting on my knee at the computer. He was annoying me as he kept on pressing all the buttons. To scare him off I did a creepy voice in his ear that makes him cry. He turned round and broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 299

You deserved it 83 764

Thanks, I hate it!

By ugly - 14/11/2010 07:39 - United States

Today, I was in McDonald's with some friends. When I got up to the register to order, the guy there appeared startled by me, and said, "Whoa, you're really pretty." No one has ever said anything like that to me before. When I told my friends, they laughed and said, "Wow. He must have been drunk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 640

You deserved it 3 510

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 0:15

Seems like you should get bonus points for being so convincing!

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 0:15

They're probably just jealous of your talent ;)

Comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 0:15

Seems like you should get bonus points for being so convincing!

thiscrazything 1

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 0:36

Congratulations, as you did a great job! Too bad for you, that the scorer did not.

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 3:58

You were such a great actor, you fooled the judge! Thumbs up, OP! I'm envious :)

ThatOneCanadian 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 0:16

maybe you seemed too nervous about being nervous

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 2:00

So... Take it as a compliment?

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 2:29

Nervousception

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 0:15

They're probably just jealous of your talent ;)

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 0:34

that's crazy! they're just being negative nelly's :( by the sound of it (or the type of it..haha, see what I did there?!) it sounded like you performed well. even if you didn't, congratulations!! :) keep your head up.

BarDownDaily 12

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 0:39

12- You have nice hair. That's where it ends for you.

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 0:41

^ oh, alright..thank you? I think. hahaha :)

Meowingtons500 18

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 0:59

12- You use the same lingo as my gram.

Damn_Hippster 11

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 1:03

OP, all it means is that you're just a really good actor.

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 1:46

"Everybodys a critic"

Shadow_Phantom 26

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 1:59

12: Do you even read what you type before you submit it?

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 4:03

And the hunt for 12's seemingly nonexistent comment begins... Thanks guys.

DontModMeDammit 10

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 0:17

Oh the nerve some people have!

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 0:18

Well maybe they were looking for a different type of nervous. Or maybe they're stupid. Try mentioning it to them and see if you can get a better score.

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 0:29

I agree. Maybe your teacher or whoever gave you the score was like confused or something, so if i were you, i would just point out that you were supposed to be nervous. I hope you get the points back!

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 0:19

Drama teachers are annoying. -_- sorry

ImInYourFACEbook 8

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 3:17

Teacher: Here are your points! OP: What? Minus points for being nervous? I was supposed to be nervous! Teacher: How do you feel now? OP: Pretty upset! Teacher: Oh, minus 5 more points, you're supposed to be nervous! (Sorry OP, there's just no winning in this situation.)

nerdfighteria 7

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 3:52

48- Whoops, accidental thumb-down instead of up. Sorry!

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 4:03

They're drama teachers for a reason... They know when someone is actually nervous.

datgamerchick 14

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 8:05

55 - Whoops, intentional thumb-down instead of up. Sorry!

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 0:18

Hey, it just means you're good at conveying your character!

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 0:27

Maybe you seemed nervous in between the monologue and they couldn't tell the difference in your performance?

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 0:29

Probably acted like Kristen Stewart...

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 0:59

How can she be so nervous when she's always stoned?

madgrinchhatter 12

Send a private message

Thursday 1 March 2012 7:39

You can't "act" like Krusty Stewart because Krusty Stewart can't act.

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 0:33

Maybe it's because you don't know what a monologue is.

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 0:57

More like YOU don't know what it is, 11

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 2:32

Do you really think OP would give a monologue, not knowing what a monologue is?

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 7:14

You're both stupid. The person said that because OP is so stupid they can't even spell monologue properly.

Send a private message

Thursday 1 March 2012 2:56

@66: You're an idiot, there's more than one way to spell monologue/monolog.

Send a private message

Thursday 1 March 2012 3:20

No, there is ONLY ONE WAY to spell monologue correctly. You're an idiot.

madgrinchhatter 12

Send a private message

Thursday 1 March 2012 7:41

You can spell it any way you want but there is only one way to spell it correctly. I can spell hairbrush with an f if I want to but it doesn't make it correct

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 7

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 9

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 227

You deserved it 53

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 597

You deserved it 79