Health: Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained...

By Igor - 19/12/2012 05:16 - United States - Lansdale

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 265

You deserved it 4 084

Health

Stop talking!

Hiding from the drama

Got a screw loose

By anonymous - 16/02/2015 12:57 - Australia - Rockdale

Today, I received a bunch of flowers from my 'lover'. This would be fine except that I don't have a lover, and my boyfriend now thinks I'm cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 525

You deserved it 2 961

By geeklove - 16/01/2012 03:30 - United States

Today, I got a Facebook message from the school genius/nerd, who I have never talked to. He politely informed me that after much thought and deliberation, he has narrowed it down to who his ideal mate is. Me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 680

You deserved it 7 469

By 20singleandproudish - 23/10/2014 05:18 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, my younger brother helpfully pointed out that I'm the only one in my family of five who is single. He's twelve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 716

You deserved it 3 706

By mcginnismr - 13/05/2016 22:57

Today, I went to the doctor's office, where my mother happens to work. When my doctor tried to prank her by saying I have chlamydia, my mother laughed and said she didn't believe it, adding, "Have you even seen the way she interacts with boys?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 174

You deserved it 1 350

By charlieday - 21/09/2009 16:34 - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked if she should get birthcontrol, of course I said yes and offered to pay the 55 dollar fee. She got her physical and pills and then dumped me the next day. I basically paid 55 dollars so that she can sleep with other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 047

You deserved it 4 240

How not to raise them

By Anonymous - 03/10/2021 14:00

Today, my son claimed credit for a money-saving scheme at work that belonged to a colleague. He claimed this to someone in very upper management, but when they tried to ask follow-up questions, he obviously had no idea how to answer, admitted his lie and was sacked on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 368

By analbel - 05/11/2018 12:00

Today, I had to get a urine analysis done for my doctor. I take medicine that makes me a little shaky sometimes. Guess who spilled their pee all over themselves while trying to put the lid on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 785

You deserved it 202

By Anonymous - 15/11/2014 15:23 - Australia

Today, while driving to my daughter's wedding, the person behind us kept laying on her horn and yelling every time I stopped for a red light. That person was my wife. Sadly I'm too whipped to stand up to her and spent the whole drive pretending not to hear my passengers snickering at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 342

You deserved it 8 457

By rutho - 27/03/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, I decided to cheat on my math test by writing a couple of equations on my hand. Totally satisfied, I handed my test in feeling like I had aced it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily waved goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 878

You deserved it 208 549

Sex, Different idea

By BloodyButUnbowed - 24/11/2019 03:00

Today, I was deceived into a contract to "edit" porn. It was sick, disgusting material which stirred up all my sexual-abuse-survivor issues and made me retch. When I went to my husband to tell him what happened, his only comment was "Is it hot?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 569

You deserved it 547

By Blake Lawrence - 26/11/2012 18:59 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be cute to leave a love letter in my car while I was at work. She left my lights on. I got a dead battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 748

You deserved it 2 597

By Unfortunately Me - 09/01/2014 00:54 - United States - San Jose

Today, I was asked to go to a ball by the guy I like. The theme is masquerade. He made me a Robin mask; he's wearing a Batman mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 056

You deserved it 12 042

By Anonymous - 02/08/2013 05:03 - United States - Woodland Hills

Today, after learning that my wife has been cheating on me, I decided to distract myself by playing The Sims. Not long after I began, my Sim's wife basically started cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 539

You deserved it 6 219

By boobswerehere - 07/07/2016 07:15 - United States - Reno

Today, I went to visit my best friend at her house. I saw her five-year-old brother playing in the front yard, and as I walked up to the door he shouted, "Boobs are here! Boobs are here!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 559

You deserved it 1 446

Customers…

By Giselle - 14/05/2021 14:01

Today, two girls walked into the clothing store I work in. One of them pulled a shirt from the bottom of a huge stack, knocking it down. One of them asks, "Aren’t your gonna put the stack back together?" The other says, "No, that bitch gets paid to clean that shit up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 80

By Anonymous - 16/03/2017 22:00

Today, my boyfriend and I had a lovely dinner date. Our waitress was really sweet, so we talked about leaving her a big tip. When we got home, we discovered we both thought the other person had left it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 217

You deserved it 1 647

By Anonymous - 01/10/2010 11:48 - United States

Today, as I was leaving the office, I heard my very cute coworker behind me say "Hey gorgeous, where are you off to?" I turned around with a smile and said "About to hit up happy hour." He was on the phone with his wife. I'm calling in sick tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 398

You deserved it 12 158

By gutted - 21/04/2011 08:33 - New Zealand

Today, one of my really close friends changed from being 'free' to 'quite busy' in the space of one conversation because I suggested that we hang out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 421

You deserved it 3 527

By brittrod - 05/12/2011 01:13 - United States

Today, when my mother-in-law told me I was losing weight, my husband started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 951

You deserved it 3 367

By Noname - 10/03/2009 15:46 - United States

Today, the kids I teach informed me that I had spelled my name incorrectly on the board. I looked at it and assured them that I had spelled it correctly. I'm 22 and a graduate student, they're six and mentally challenged. Guess who was right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 210

You deserved it 69 441

Unwanted guest

By MMM - 21/01/2014 23:26 - United States - Saco

Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 407

You deserved it 11 426

By Mom - 25/07/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, my son decided to come out of the closet by wearing a shirt that said "Mom, I'm gay" to the family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 805

You deserved it 26 166

By Embarassed - 24/08/2011 02:44 - United Kingdom

Today, at a party I bumped into a friend of my ex. We caught the same bus home. He started telling me about my ex's "totally insane" ex-girlfriend. He refused to believe me when I told him he was talking about me. I had to sit there for half an hour as my personality was ripped to shreds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 085

You deserved it 5 829

By Septy - 21/01/2016 18:17 - Spain - M?laga

Today, my sick semi-delusional boyfriend, whom I've been taking care of for days, accused me of trying to poison him so that I could play World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 741

You deserved it 1 887

By why me - 29/06/2016 04:41 - United States - Milford

Today, I bought a brand new Wii U. My cat must have thought the wires looked tasty because he chewed through each of them, which will now cost me another $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 319

You deserved it 1 899

By Anonymous - 22/09/2012 06:24 - United States

Today, my boss told me his cancer test results came back positive. I congratulated him and asked how he planned to celebrate. It turns out a positive cancer test result is a bad thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 741

You deserved it 62 449

By Autocorrected - 26/11/2012 20:13 - Philippines - Makati

Today, I had some soup that my dad made. I took one sip and found he had put tons of hot sauce in it. I rushed to drink from a soda can sitting on the counter, only to find that my mom had used it as an ash tray the night before. I can still taste the hot sauce, and the ash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 404

You deserved it 3 349

By Anonymous - 05/12/2018 13:30

Today, I woke up to the fire department at my house. Why? My brother called 911 thinking there was a fire after turning the heat on for the first time all winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 375

You deserved it 132

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 065

You deserved it 39 940

By Maggie - 18/03/2013 19:38 - United States

Today, my husband woke up, rolled over, and said, "Good morning, beautiful." He hasn't called me that in months, but as I was about to reply, I realized he was talking to his pet turtle, not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 546

You deserved it 3 489

By rummaging - 18/05/2016 13:46 - United States - Bloomington

Today, my boyfriend found the box of photos I've been saving for my daughter. He was convinced I was pining over her father and emptied the box into the dumpster behind our apartment. I'm still not done digging through the garbage to find the photos from the day my daughter was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 068

You deserved it 1 249

By Angela17 - 24/10/2018 05:00

Today, it's 3:42am and my son is crying because I won't let him play with his dirty diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 891

You deserved it 305

By rileynautumn - 13/06/2011 19:04 - United States

Today, after a full shift at work, I got home to my boyfriend playing CoD, a full sink, crap all over the table, a full cat box, dirty bathroom, no laundry done and the kids at my parents' house. He yelled at me because the place was a mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 130

You deserved it 9 660

By waste of effort - 15/05/2012 20:56 - United Kingdom

Today, my fiancée called our engagement off, because apparently she's actually a complete idiot who will believe anything that a slimy con artist tells her. In this case, a "psychic" who mumbled some shit about me having "a dark aura." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 104

You deserved it 3 730

Reverse Uno card

By BlackCheetah101 - 04/11/2009 06:51 - Australia

Today, I had a blind date that my friend set me up for. My date was the ugliest, most disgusting person you will ever meet, but I thought that I would give him a chance. He saw me, eyed me up and down, then said to my friend, "You're kidding, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 366

You deserved it 9 874

By Anonymous - 15/10/2012 10:28 - United States - Richmond

Today, I learned from my daughter's teacher that she has been wearing the same shirt for the past few weeks, ever since we had a fight about how I don't pay attention to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 462

You deserved it 63 123

By Anonymous - 19/02/2010 05:31 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my roommate that I never get asked out. Then, at work, a mentally challenged man left me his phone number on his pay ticket. Well, I guess I can't complain about never getting asked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 413

You deserved it 7 317

By Nicky_ham - 06/01/2016 04:56 - Canada - Regina

Today, a 65-ish year-old man told me that he's married and not supposed to look at other women, but that I tempt him. All while sitting next to his wife, who then told me I was going to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 559

You deserved it 1 625

By Flavorite - 10/02/2009 19:35 - United States

Today, my boss asked me to pick up an extra shift. I said I couldn't because I have a date. He told me I didn't need to lie and to just say no next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 506

You deserved it 2 828

By Teddy - 26/11/2012 20:54 - United States - Gardner

Today, I ran into my sister, who nobody in the family has seen in six years. She looked very happy working the pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 841

You deserved it 4 003

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments